reaching out after a first date?

[Girl Fade Away]

28 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

In the past, after a great date, I have sent follow up thank you text the following day and the man was so happy because he could not tell if I had liked him. I said: I laughed, flirted with you, touched your arm, smiled a lot! of course I enjoyed our date......and his reply was I didn't know if you were like this because you liked me or because you're just a nice person. 

So she sends a follow-up text the following day and he doesn't reply, no  big deal. If the man is totally into her a follow-up text is not going to turn him off. 

That is fine Gaeta.  I am not here to argue with anyone, only to give my perspective, same as you and everyone.  But I will say this and this is just my opinion which I base off my own experiences.  For the man in your scenario to not know that you were interested when you laughed, flirted, touched him, smiled, thanked him when saying goodbye, gosh I don't even know what to say about that, only that he sounds very insecure and I have not had good experiences with insecure men. 

With respect to emboldened, the way I see it, IF the man were totally into her, she would not be wondering about it, going back and forth in her mind whether or not to reach out first.   HE would be reaching out to her.  He may not be turned off, why would he, it is a huge ego boost to have a woman reach out first, whether he is interested or not.  He may even take her out again hoping to 'get lucky' knowing she is sure bet.    This is just my own personal perspective, the OP and everyone should do what they feel comfortable doing for themselves.

 

Edited November 8, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Gaeta]

5 minutes ago, Girl Fade Away said:

That is fine Gaeta.  I am not here to argue with anyone

I'm not arguing, l am enjoying exchanging on the subject. 

[Girl Fade Away]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

I'm not arguing, l am enjoying exchanging on the subject. 

Thank you, I am as well.  

[Gaeta]

Jenny73, you ended a 5 month relationship 8 days ago. Why not let the holidays go by and start dating in the new year. You must be very vulnerable right now, not the best time to handle rejection from OLD.

Edited November 9, 2021 by Gaeta

[Acacia98]

13 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

The two main reasons to message first are:

1. In case he’s really interested in you, but got the impression you’re not interested therefore this would give him the “in” he needs to ask you on a second date.

2. If he was kind of neutral about the first date, this might nudge him to ask you out again. Many a good long term relationship started with inauspicious beginnings. A neutral first date is meaningless in the context of a 25 year marriage…

 

Main reasons not to message are:

1. If he really lacks self-esteem or confidence , but uses this green light to muster up the strength to ask you out. Poor self-esteem / self-worth leads to unhealthy relationships.

2. He’s really not interested, but is more than happy to have casual sex etc. and thinks you might be an easy “mark”. 
 

So it depends on you, and what you’re okay with. 

 

This sums it up pretty nicely.

[Acacia98]

11 hours ago, Gaeta said:

In the past, after a great date, I have sent follow up thank you text the following day and the man was so happy because he could not tell if I had liked him. I said: I laughed, flirted with you, touched your arm, smiled a lot! of course I enjoyed our date......and his reply was I didn't know if you were like this because you liked me or because you're just a nice person.

Lol. This is funny in a wholesome kind of way. I think I like this guy, or at least his wanting to be careful.

[Gaeta]

3 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

Lol. This is funny in a wholesome kind of way. I think I like this guy, or at least his wanting to be careful.

The world is full of Leonard, Sheldon and Raj. Highly confident men don't run the streets that much. Every man online has gone through a fair amount of rejection. Why not keep that in mind. 

[jenny 73]

22 hours ago, glows said:

Did you thank him at the end or while you were on the date? I always thank someone I'm seeing in person. There is no need for texting if it was said in person unless you forgot or didn't do so. If he is interested he will ask you out again or you both would have already made suggestions during the end of the first date to see each other again. 

I thanked him and we hugged but didn't talk about next time at all

[Gaeta]

42 minutes ago, jenny 73 said:

I thanked him and we hugged but didn't talk about next time at all

Did he contact you since the date?

When was your date?

Edited November 9, 2021 by Gaeta

[Acacia98]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

The world is full of Leonard, Sheldon and Raj. Highly confident men don't run the streets that much. Every man online has gone through a fair amount of rejection. Why not keep that in mind. 

True. That's why I like this guy. He's someone I can relate to. I've been known to assume that a guy was being nice to me when he was actually showing interest.

[chillii]

 

Really , it's not gonna make or break anything if he's keen and it was something really special. Hopefully he was just about to send you something and exited about it all too and it all just goes on from there.

l suppose though that stuff only gets tricky if he wasn't that keen, bc it'll just end up like your chasing but after all that it'll just fizzle out anyway. Or he decides bc your there on a platter he'll go out with you again , sleep with you or whatever and then it fizzles.

Take your pick , but you should be able to read a real situation verses a so so, def don't bother with a so so.

[jenny 73]

6 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Did he contact you since the date?

When was your date?

actually, I ended up texting him a thank you and "i had fun" after this post and he said he had a great time and we should meet up, but haven't said anything. date was on Sunday

[jenny 73]

22 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Jenny73, you ended a 5 month relationship 8 days ago. Why not let the holidays go by and start dating in the new year. You must be very vulnerable right now, not the best time to handle rejection from OLD.

i appreciate this comment! I wish I was that patient

[Gaeta]

15 minutes ago, jenny 73 said:

actually, I ended up texting him a thank you and "i had fun" after this post and he said he had a great time and we should meet up, but haven't said anything. date was on Sunday

He said you should meet up and you have not said anything?

[jenny 73]

i responded positively but he never mentioned where and when? i am kind of thinking if my response was clear enough now and i think it was. maybe he is busy or maybe he just said that because I asked first?

[chillii]

That's clear enough believe me if he's keen he'll be back.

ps , a 5mth thing only 8 days ago , Jezuz. Patients is a virtue mum always said but eh , knock yourself out..

[Alpacalia]

In the past, they've asked for a second date at the conclusion of the first, or he'll contact me after I'm home from the date.

But take that with a grain of salt because I think it all depends on the individual, and all things considered, he may be following his own dating style as well.

[Gaeta]

11 hours ago, jenny 73 said:

i responded positively but he never mentioned where and when? i am kind of thinking if my response was clear enough now and i think it was. maybe he is busy or maybe he just said that because I asked first?

It doesn't matter. If he doesn't get back to you, you've lost nothing, he's a stranger. You know you are on a dating site just to not think of your breakup right? That will catch up with you eventually. 

[stillafool]

16 hours ago, jenny 73 said:

i appreciate this comment! I wish I was that patient

Why are you in a hurry?

[CUP OF TEA]

I have no patience or desire to deal with a lukewarm, insecure man. My current boyfriend never has gone a day without texting me since we met almost four months ago. After our first date he texted planning our next date, I never had to worry about if he liked me or not or if I should text him.

I'm really old-fashioned and if a man does not want to tap into his primal masculine energy I am not going to bother to worry about him or wonder if he likes me. If I didn't hear from a man the day after the date I would just text him "Thank you so much, I really enjoyed meeting you." and leave the ball in his court - that's the most I would do. If he didn't respond - NEXT.

[Alpacalia]

Men who show a tepid interest in you may not necessarily mean that they aren't "confident" men in general.

I'm really not sure where this concept comes from that if he isn't asking a woman out pronto he's some insecure meek man. 

Perhaps he is not sure of his degree of interest in YOU or is dating other people OP.

IF this turns out to be the case, don't view it as a personal affront; rather, you're just not a good match.

Edited November 12, 2021 by Alpaca

[basil67]

@Alpaca I think the concept comes from women who'd rather label a guy as insecure than admit he's not really into them.  It's all about deflection and protecting their egos.

Of course, there will be the odd insecure man (and I've got one mate who's got history of being unable to ask a woman out), but generally, I think it's about insufficient interest. 

[Alpacalia]

15 hours ago, basil67 said:

@Alpaca I think the concept comes from women who'd rather label a guy as insecure than admit he's not really into them.  It's all about deflection and protecting their egos.

Of course, there will be the odd insecure man (and I've got one mate who's got history of being unable to ask a woman out), but generally, I think it's about insufficient interest. 

I think you are in fact correct.

Well, hopefully the OP will find this helpful.

[Girl Fade Away]

18 hours ago, Alpaca said:

I'm really not sure where this concept comes from that if he isn't asking a woman out pronto he's some insecure meek man. 

I agree with you.   What I and some others were referring to were men who needed extra reassurance, green lights, that a woman is interested after having already indicated high interest and thanking him while on the date.  That would suggest he is insecure.   But a man not asking a woman out within her specific time frame?  I agree that does not mean he is insecure or meek, 100% agree with you.   As I mentioned, I have had men wait 1-2 WEEKS to ask me out again and we had long term relationships, my current boyfriend waited about one week to reach out after our first date and NO he is definitely not insecure or meek! 

Edited November 13, 2021 by Girl Fade Away

[Girl Fade Away]

On 11/8/2021 at 10:46 AM, Gaeta said:

I've been here since 2014 and I still don't master the 'quoting'. Sorry if it's all melted together. 

Lol, don't feel bad @Gaeta, I have not figured this out either and I have been posting of various forums for YEARS!  They are all pretty much the same with respect to quoting I do a lot of cutting and pasting.  

Edited November 13, 2021 by Girl Fade Away