Hot and Cold Guy had me feeling all confused

[TaurusInPink]

Backstory: I started getting "close" to this guy about a year ago. We worked for the same company in the same department. Long story short, he started hanging around me acting all flirty when it's just us and this one friend of ours. He'd comment on my Instagram stories, take every chance he get to talk to me in the office and be all sweet with me. My friend would keep telling me he's interested in my cause he would always look at me whenever he's passing by and sometimes I would this so too. But I would always hear people say how he is as a person, how he's a natural flirt, calling anybody beautiful and being such a gentlemen. Not that I mind this at all since it is the way he is and who am I to say anything about it. But of course because of it doubt has been planted deep in me that the way he acted with him is just how he is with everybody. and at some point I have come into terms with his and didn’t take his actions and words towards me to heart.

However, as the years progress by, people have been saying that he really did have feelings for me and that he's different when he's with me. But honestly, I don’t know what to believe because with this guy, one second he would be all sweet with me sending me sweet nothings messages, encouraging messages, paying attention to my mood and always noticing if something is off but then after that would proceed to ignore me for days on end. this has happen time and time again, how am I supposed to believe what people say?

But of course, even after explaining this to my friends it didn’t stop them from saying that he really liked me and it had left me trying sooo hard to keep my feelings in check to not be hopeful basically. After this has been going on for a while with him being hot one second then cold the next and me just basically accepting it as it is, one of his really close friend told a mutual friend of ours that this guy really did liked me, he even told her of the times where the both of us would just stay in the office til late (me doing work and him just being there keeping me company). 💆🏻‍♀️ then not long after that another friend told me the same thing that he told her that he liked me but because one of his close friend is interested in me he had to back down because of "bro code" like what the heck! If this was true, why put me through all time. Why still flirt with me and all. Why not respect the bro code. 

By this point I was seriously fed up. They just barge into my life but in the end they think they could make the decision for me, I was just too exhausted. Anyways, he quit the company back in June/July and I thought this will be the end of whatever we had going on (wasn’t really sure whether I should feel relieved or sad cause I was going to miss him) but even after he quit, he would still try to contact me and all, he even went to send me my favourite Starbucks drink to the office but told me not to post on my Instagram stories about it or just tag him and even went to say IYKYK. 😑 why do all this if you're just going to be scared of the consequences. so yeah this back and forth has been going on for a while, with him being all interested in my life one second then acting as if I don’t exist at all.

Fast-forward to the present day, he suddenly showed up at my doorstep to bring me a gift a couple of days ago. He told me he was coming over in 10 minutes to drop off something, I thought it was food but when he came down from his car he had a parcel with him. Confuse beyond believe I asked him why he got me a gift and his answer was "I want to thank you for being a wonderful friend" I mean, what the heck? Did he friend zoned me or what? After talking for about 10 minutes, he left and I went to unwrap his gift. He gave me a sling bag and when I texted him saying thank you all over again, like always he acted really distant and kept his reply short and ended it with a stay safe like he always does to signal the end of the conversation. 

Now here I am feeling all confuse. I don’t know what he wants from me. Does he really just see me as a friend or what is he even trying to achieve with all of this. I’m left feeling confuse and worthless and I hate it. I don’t know whether what I said make sense or not but I really need to get this off my chest and get an outside opinion. 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, TaurusInPink said:

he suddenly showed up at my doorstep to bring me a gift a couple of days ago.  I asked him why he got me a gift and his answer was "I want to thank you for being a wonderful friend"

How does he know where you live? Were you ever dating or was it all based on office hearsay that he was interested in that?

[TaurusInPink]

24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How does he know where you live? Were you ever dating or was it all based on office hearsay that he was interested in that?

When I asked him this, he said his cousins lived in the street next to mine so that’s how he knew and no we have never dated, it’s all from what happened in the office.

[stillafool]

Why don't you just ask him out?

[ShyViolet]

First of all, you have been letting other people meddle in your business WAYY too much.  It doesn't matter what "people say" about his supposed feelings for you.  What matters is how he makes YOU feel, and how HE acts towards you.  Stop worrying about what "people are saying." 

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.  This guy has been acting unsure about you, and not showing that he actually wants to date you.  He goes periods of time ignoring you and acting like you don't exist.  This is your cue to cut off contact and stop this ridiculous back-and-forth.  Show this guy that you have more self-worth than this and that you're not interested in his crumbs.  Don't settle for anything less than a guy who shows you that you are a priority to him.

[stillafool]

I've found that no matter how many times a guy looks or what other people say; if he isn't making a concerted effort to approach and ask for a date; it's just looking, gossiping with no real meaning to it.   Either you make a move to find out how he actually feels or decide he's not interested afterall.