ymps22 Posted November 4, 2021 Posted November 4, 2021 I know it’s generally not good to get into relationships at work, but we're in a big company and we do not work together. There are no workplace rules against dating colleagues (only manager-subordinate dating is explicitly against policy) I'm 32 and coworker is 31 and new to the company (2 months). I was first attracted to her when she started messaging me on our work messaging platform. It was about non-work related stuff after we briefly talked in the hallway (typical movie/media talk). She’s new so I figured she was just being friendly. This went on for a month or so. Lately, it feels like she doesn’t want to talk too much in person. Her feet and body seem to always indicate she wants to leave the conversation. Having said that, she still initiates conversations regularly on Teams (e.g. “Hey! I didn’t think you were coming into the office today”) Yesterday, I brought some snacks from a business trip for the office. Today, she left some chocolate on my desk with a note saying thanks for the snacks and for helping her with some work (general HR onboarding stuff). Last week, she invited me to go out to lunch, but with a group of 3 other coworkers. It wasn’t out of the blue. I asked her if she wanted anything from the cafe across the street since I was heading out to grab a drink. She said she was going out to lunch with the group and invited me to join. It seems that some of her behavior indicates at least some level of interest, but others not. Specifically, I feel like the past couple of weeks, she’s been wanting to leave the conversation when we talk in person. Other times, she’ll get closer and hit my arm/shoulder when we’re joking around. She interested/disinterested/not enough info?
Sun Seeker Posted November 4, 2021 Posted November 4, 2021 All this really does not matter. Focus on your interest rather than hers. If you are interested in her, then ask her out for drinks/dinner/whatever, making it clear it will be just you two. Then you will know for sure if she is interested instead of all this guessing. 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 4, 2021 Posted November 4, 2021 5 hours ago, ymps22 said: I feel like the past couple of weeks, she’s been wanting to leave the conversation when we talk in person. She's new, trying to fit in and be friendly. It's ok to have a crush but nothing indicates interest or " mixed signals". Be polite, professional but don't hit on new people, even if it's not technically against any policies.
smackie9 Posted November 5, 2021 Posted November 5, 2021 Doesn't matter if there are signals or not. If you are interested in someone you just ask them out. There's no guessing. If they say yes, they are interested. That's how it's done.
dramafreezone Posted November 5, 2021 Posted November 5, 2021 Not enough info. Group get-togethers are not a date so you can't assume interest off of that. Agree with others, you're just going to have to ask her out (and make it clear that this is one-on-one) to know for sure.
IntBrowser Posted November 7, 2021 Posted November 7, 2021 On 11/5/2021 at 10:26 AM, smackie9 said: Doesn't matter if there are signals or not. If you are interested in someone you just ask them out. There's no guessing. If they say yes, they are interested. That's how it's done. you say that like its so easy
Ami1uwant Posted November 7, 2021 Posted November 7, 2021 Not enough here. is she a chatty , normally friendly, easily meet and collect friends personality. I look fir differen behavior to me vs what others do.
smackie9 Posted November 7, 2021 Posted November 7, 2021 Not easy? You chat, you suggest going out sometime, like go for a coffee or lunch. Something light. It is that easy. She's not going to bite you, you are not going to die, the sun will still rise in the morning. Nothing changes. If you get a no, they don't think about it again. They go one with their life. 1
DividedTrail Posted November 7, 2021 Posted November 7, 2021 (edited) Barring a circumstance where getting involved with someone would introduce complications such as one of you are married or work rules, etc. pining away too long is a waste of time. Could be she is outgoing and trying to make friends at work as was mentioned. Could be she likes you as a coworker, I mean we all gravitate to people we like at work for social interaction. Could be she is going on and on to her friends about this great guy at work (you) and she is hoping you will ask her out. Some of us, including me in my dating days, would try to read the tea leaves, analyze every word and action looking for signs. The only way to know for sure is to ask her out. Just make it casual. Coffee after work, etc. and if she ends up just being a friendly coworker, that’s OK too. At least you will know. If she isn’t interested, you need to make an effort in the short term to make her feel that the pursuit is over and you are just friendly coworkers. Don’t be that guy that gets a ‘no’ and hangs around doing stuff for her hoping she will changer her mind. Edited November 7, 2021 by DividedTrail 1
dramafreezone Posted November 7, 2021 Posted November 7, 2021 (edited) 17 hours ago, IntBrowser said: you say that like its so easy It is easier if you don't make it a big deal. You're chit chatting and you just ask her out as a matter-of-fact type of question. The key is if she says no (which could be for a million different reasons), it has to be no big deal to you, like if you asked if she had a stick of gum. "No, ok..." then move on. You not making it awkward makes it easier for her to reconsider the offer later. The jerk that she may be dealing with currently will mess up, then she may remember how that guy at the office asked her out and was cool as a cucumber about it, and she may deliberately put herself in a position to be asked out again. Sometimes women may give you a chance even if you're not their "type" just because the timing is right. Edited November 7, 2021 by dramafreezone
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