Should I do anything different w/1st date with someone who won't move to my area for a few months

[max3732]

This is someone I matched with online and messaged for a bit before asking her out. That's when she said she won't be moving to my area for a while, but we continued texting for a bit and she said she may come to my area around this time. She messaged me saying she'll be here this week and wants to meet for lunch.

Should I do anything different than I'd do on a 1st date with someone who already lives here? Obviously I can't make plans for next week (or even next month). If I think the date went well and it feels right should I go for the kiss even though it will be a few months until I'd see her again?

When we were texting there were a bunch of times I felt like I'd rather talk to her in person about some of the topics so there will be plenty for us to talk about just fleshing out some of the details from the texts. She's also extremely attractive (assuming her photos are right) so I'd imagine she'd get a lot of messages just based on that. Besides that what I really like are her interests and what I've seen from her personality over text.

 

[central]

Treat this like any first date.  And yes, if you feel there's a connection worth pursuing, go for the kiss.  The upside here is that if she is visiting and wants to meet you, she is probably real and not - like so many women in online dating, at least on most free sites - a fake looking to get some money from you.

You'll have the chance to really talk and see if the virtual attraction translates into reality.  Good luck.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

If I think the date went well and it feels right should I go for the kiss even though it will be a few months until I'd see her again?

Try not to get too far ahead of yourself. Meet for lunch and see if there's any chemistry. How far away is she and why did she contact you from a distance?

[max3732]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Try not to get too far ahead of yourself. Meet for lunch and see if there's any chemistry. How far away is she and why did she contact you from a distance?

Right now she's living many states away, but in a few months she's moving about 20 minutes away from me. She contacted me because she put her location as where she's moving on her OLD profile and we started talking there.

[glows]

I wouldn't meet anyone from out of town unless they are fully established and with roots in their intended new area. Meet with her and see if there is chemistry. If there is keep things lighthearted and friendly but I don't recommend dating anyone until they have themselves sorted out.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, glows said:

Meet with her and see if there is chemistry. 

Exactly. Don't plan every move. What if she smells like limburger cheese?

Then it doesn't matter if she lives a few minutes or a few states away.

One step at a time. Make sure you're not the tour guide or relocation lubricant.

[dramafreezone]

4 hours ago, max3732 said:

This is someone I matched with online and messaged for a bit before asking her out. That's when she said she won't be moving to my area for a while, but we continued texting for a bit and she said she may come to my area around this time. She messaged me saying she'll be here this week and wants to meet for lunch.

Should I do anything different than I'd do on a 1st date with someone who already lives here? Obviously I can't make plans for next week (or even next month). If I think the date went well and it feels right should I go for the kiss even though it will be a few months until I'd see her again?

When we were texting there were a bunch of times I felt like I'd rather talk to her in person about some of the topics so there will be plenty for us to talk about just fleshing out some of the details from the texts. She's also extremely attractive (assuming her photos are right) so I'd imagine she'd get a lot of messages just based on that. Besides that what I really like are her interests and what I've seen from her personality over text.

 

Just go on the date and enjoy yourself.  Why are you already thinking about whether you'll kiss her or not?   You don't even know if you'll have chemistry.  Nothing else matters if there's no chemistry and things are awkward.  Just go have coffee or whatever you'll do and be in the moment, stop thinking 3 to 4 steps ahead. 

You don't know what the future holds, if she's crazy about you that entire timeline might get moved up.  Ideally she'd go out on one coffee date and be like "man I better get established here or someone else will snatch him up."

In any case the only objective is to go on the date, have a good time, and see if you even like her.

Edited November 2, 2021 by dramafreezone

[max3732]

3 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Just go on the date and enjoy yourself.  Why are you already thinking about whether you'll kiss her or not?   You don't even know if you'll have chemistry.  Nothing else matters if there's no chemistry and things are awkward.  Just go have coffee or whatever you'll do and be in the moment, stop thinking 3 to 4 steps ahead. 

You don't know what the future holds, if she's crazy about you that entire timeline might get moved up.  Ideally she'd go out on one coffee date and be like "man I better get established here or someone else will snatch him up."

In any case the only objective is to go on the date, have a good time, and see if you even like her.

We've had some good conversations/banter by text already and she's really pretty so I have been getting a bit ahead of myself. You're absolutely right I don't know what to expect in person. In my head I've already been imagining how our conversation and the date would go, which I tend to do sometimes.

I actually do have another date this weekend (very rare for me to have 2 dates in the same week) so maybe I will get snatched up before she moves here full time. Hopefully knowing she's not my only option will mean I'm more relaxed. 

[dramafreezone]

16 minutes ago, max3732 said:

I actually do have another date this weekend (very rare for me to have 2 dates in the same week) so maybe I will get snatched up before she moves here full time. Hopefully knowing she's not my only option will mean I'm more relaxed. 

You're doing better than me this week, that's great.

Yes, I think all guys know how you feel when you're going on a date with a very pretty woman.  You''ve already imagined what your kids will look like and you're thinking what school district is best for them.  I've been there, and it's great to have the knowledge that you're getting ahead of yourself so that you can rein things in.  Just go on the date and don't expect anything but the food and to continue your conversation.

Edited November 2, 2021 by dramafreezone

[max3732]

23 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

You're doing better than me this week, that's great.

Yes, I think all guys know how you feel when you're going on a date with a very pretty woman.  You''ve already imagined what your kids will look like and you're thinking what school district is best for them.  I've been there, and it's great to have the knowledge that you're getting ahead of yourself so that you can rein things in.  Just go on the date and don't expect anything but the food and to continue your conversation.

You're all definitely right to not have such high expectations.

I'd say she was polite, but had no energy and I didn't really feel much chemistry. From the texts she had all these amazing experiences and is extremely accomplished with lots of great stories to tell, but in person it felt like she was ordering from a drive through the whole time. Let's say I ask her about how it was climbing Mount Everest (just to make something up) and she'd say "It was nice. I like to keep myself active". That's it. No details, no going into other information or asking anything about me.

In fact the whole date she never asked me a single question. I wasn't exactly interviewing her and not giving her a chance to speak. I intentionally tried to not interrupt except when I wanted to flesh things out. I tried relating things she was saying to me and offering comments/questions. She said she hasn't had much sleep and was pretty tired.

I don't know what kind of message to send her now or if I even want to give her another date when she moves here. I dropped her off and when I went to give her a hug she was almost out of the car already. So she awkwardly went back just for that. So I don't know. She's beautiful (she looks like how I imagine my wife to look) and great on paper, but I didn't really enjoy being with her due to her low energy and lack of chemistry.

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, max3732 said:

I'd say she was polite, but had no energy and I didn't really feel much chemistry. d lack of chemistry.

Good you went in person. Exactly. Someone can seem great on paper/through texts but be a real drag in person. 

[max3732]

56 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Good you went in person. Exactly. Someone can seem great on paper/through texts but be a real drag in person. 

It's so disappointing, but I'm glad I didn't waste months texting her before finding out. 

She said she's so busy she forgets to keep in touch with her friends and forgets the day of the week since she's always working. It just seemed like her mind was somewhere else. Like she had no sense of humor or any kind of fun side to her either.

Edited November 3, 2021 by max3732

[chillii]

lt's just her personality or the lack of and then hers combined with yours there's also just no natural entwine.  You don't sound in the slightest into her anyway so there you have it , not much you can do. Besides, why on earth would you even want a woman that's so busy, believe me it's hopeless and empty with someone that busy .

You seem to be meeting plenty of women though so that's a good thing , hopefully one of them will fit sooner or later.

Edited November 3, 2021 by chillii