Wiseman2 Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 1 hour ago, jenny 73 said: so wait until the 6th month or talk to him now? You've been asking him the same thing every month and the answer is always the same: "see where it goes". Now he's added that he plans to travel the world. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted October 31, 2021 Posted October 31, 2021 OK, you say you've never really had a guy who's truly into you and fired up about it. Question: did those relationships ever change such that the guy suddenly became committed and serious and available, prioritizing you?
Author jenny 73 Posted October 31, 2021 Author Posted October 31, 2021 yeah I thought I am listening to his word of waiting and seeing but perhaps I tried to fool myself. Thank you
Author jenny 73 Posted October 31, 2021 Author Posted October 31, 2021 Thank you everyone for the support here, it means a lot, thought I finally found someone who cared but i am wrong again.
Author jenny 73 Posted October 31, 2021 Author Posted October 31, 2021 2 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: OK, you say you've never really had a guy who's truly into you and fired up about it. Question: did those relationships ever change such that the guy suddenly became committed and serious and available, prioritizing you? No, they were finished after a bit. Except for my first relationship in which he was loyal to me and we started caring for each other more as time flew by.
Alvi Posted November 1, 2021 Posted November 1, 2021 20 hours ago, jenny 73 said: He has mentioned one time that we live near each other for a year more and then it is possible I leave to find a job or he leaves to explore the world. It's very much possible he doesn't want to get too attached to you since there is a strong possibility that either you move or he goes away. Maybe he wants to spare himself a heartache later on. But on another hand, have you asked him what exactly what he looking is for? Has he actually told you that he wants to settle down and have a long term relationship at this point in his life? Since he wants to explore the world, it makes little sense for him to be locked down to anybody now. When he starts travelling, how does he expect to sustain a relationship? He probably doesn't and that's why he tells you that he just want to explore things instead of committing. But for yourself, what do you actually expect to happen to your relationship if you actually leave for a job? He is probably well aware that a good bye is going to happen sooner or later. To be brutally honest, even if he chooses to commit to you, this relationship has an expiration date.
Author jenny 73 Posted November 1, 2021 Author Posted November 1, 2021 1 hour ago, Alvi said: It's very much possible he doesn't want to get too attached to you since there is a strong possibility that either you move or he goes away. Maybe he wants to spare himself a heartache later on. But on another hand, have you asked him what exactly what he looking is for? Has he actually told you that he wants to settle down and have a long term relationship at this point in his life? Since he wants to explore the world, it makes little sense for him to be locked down to anybody now. When he starts travelling, how does he expect to sustain a relationship? He probably doesn't and that's why he tells you that he just want to explore things instead of committing. But for yourself, what do you actually expect to happen to your relationship if you actually leave for a job? He is probably well aware that a good bye is going to happen sooner or later. To be brutally honest, even if he chooses to commit to you, this relationship has an expiration date. We just talked and ended things. I was hoping for something to flourish before our one year ends and if that was the case I was willing to try and stay here so we could protect our relationship. He just came over and wanted to talk, said this past week he has been thinking why he is not able to go deeper level into really loving me and being my bf. He said it bothers him that he cannot put finger on what it is, but there is something. So we talked a bit and I also cleared my mind. We said goodbyes at the end and it really hurts and i am sad, i liked him and he is a really good guy
Author jenny 73 Posted November 1, 2021 Author Posted November 1, 2021 I will stop bothering you all further....just wish me luck and enlighten me if you have any words of empathy and wisdom.....thank you all, i wish you all the best! 1
FMW Posted November 1, 2021 Posted November 1, 2021 I'm sorry you're hurting. Continuing your relationship would have hurt worse. Look forward to meeting a guy that will be on the same page with you. 1
Alpacalia Posted November 1, 2021 Posted November 1, 2021 (edited) I'm sorry to hear that things did not work out. I admire you though for having the courage to realize it now rather than later and staying. Things like these are never easy. All the best to you. Edited November 1, 2021 by Alpaca 1
glows Posted November 1, 2021 Posted November 1, 2021 4 hours ago, jenny 73 said: I will stop bothering you all further....just wish me luck and enlighten me if you have any words of empathy and wisdom.....thank you all, i wish you all the best! Try not to internalize anything he said. Go separate ways peacefully. It's good he was honest with you and ended it in person. 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 1, 2021 Posted November 1, 2021 7 hours ago, jenny 73 said: We just talked and ended things. he is not able to go deeper level into really loving me and being my bf. Excellent. Now you're free to date men who are more interested and more enthusiastic. Good you cut your losses. Think of it as just a brief chapter and learning experience in what indifference and timewasters look like. 2
Gaeta Posted November 2, 2021 Posted November 2, 2021 I'm so sorry for your disappointment. Be glad he did not drag this any further. Let yourself feel sad and heartbroken, then get back on your saddle and look forward to meet someone to connect with. If you read my story about my daughter being in the same situation as you, she moved on, met her now boyfriend who's crazy about her. When things don't work it's cause something better is waiting for us. 3
Versacehottie Posted November 2, 2021 Posted November 2, 2021 I'd say he's dragging his feet. And that you are giving "his personality or him being introverted" too much weight in this situation. IMO, that wouldn't impact his reluctance to be in a relationship with you...and he is. It feels like you are conveniently, with hope relying on that being the reason and I think it's just blurring things. Would definitely think about ending as he's not putting in much effort either (it seems)... A little confusing because you say you are in an exclusive relationship and then at same time wanting a "relationship talk"...Hmmmm??? Maybe you are trying to overdefine or get assurance where none is necessary (in his mind, assuming you are in an exclusive relationship) and it's annoying to him or feels like pressure. In his mind it could be splitting hairs, like "dating exclusively IS a relationship and this chick is pushing for the next step". Or maybe we are not getting the full story, like if you "think" you are being exclusive because of things he's told you but you suspect that he's not committed to you or that this will go nowhere (idk, feel like some part of full story isn't clear). Needless to say, based on what you say alone as far as how you feel regardless of the facts is that you are unsatisfied and it feel unbalanced. if talking to him about it doesn't work and you feel like he's putting in half effort on even communication on the daily, why would you want to stay with him? Doesn't feel like you are going to get a lot out of this. Good luck 1
Author jenny 73 Posted November 2, 2021 Author Posted November 2, 2021 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: I'm so sorry for your disappointment. Be glad he did not drag this any further. Let yourself feel sad and heartbroken, then get back on your saddle and look forward to meet someone to connect with. If you read my story about my daughter being in the same situation as you, she moved on, met her now boyfriend who's crazy about her. When things don't work it's cause something better is waiting for us. I appreciate your kind note Gaeta, all the best to you and your daughter 1
Author jenny 73 Posted November 2, 2021 Author Posted November 2, 2021 54 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: I'd say he's dragging his feet. And that you are giving "his personality or him being introverted" too much weight in this situation. IMO, that wouldn't impact his reluctance to be in a relationship with you...and he is. It feels like you are conveniently, with hope relying on that being the reason and I think it's just blurring things. Would definitely think about ending as he's not putting in much effort either (it seems)... A little confusing because you say you are in an exclusive relationship and then at same time wanting a "relationship talk"...Hmmmm??? Maybe you are trying to overdefine or get assurance where none is necessary (in his mind, assuming you are in an exclusive relationship) and it's annoying to him or feels like pressure. In his mind it could be splitting hairs, like "dating exclusively IS a relationship and this chick is pushing for the next step". Or maybe we are not getting the full story, like if you "think" you are being exclusive because of things he's told you but you suspect that he's not committed to you or that this will go nowhere (idk, feel like some part of full story isn't clear). Needless to say, based on what you say alone as far as how you feel regardless of the facts is that you are unsatisfied and it feel unbalanced. if talking to him about it doesn't work and you feel like he's putting in half effort on even communication on the daily, why would you want to stay with him? Doesn't feel like you are going to get a lot out of this. Good luck Thank you for replying and yes I did put too much weight on his introvertedness I agree with you. If you check my previous replies, I mentioned that we ended things. I agree with you and as a general rule, I think if i dont feel truly happy and satisfied and look for a reason to keep moving, it is probably wrong. Hope i learn from my mistakes! 2
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