sliticy Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 So this girl i have been exclusivly dating for 2 months now have been getting more and more annoying lately. I really like her and i am not fully sure if she feels the same way, even though she has told me she likes me a lot. One of the problems is her not taking enough initiative and another is her texting habits which i will get back to. At first i was fine with her not taking initiative to set up dates cause i know men are expected to do it atleast the first couple dates. But it's been 2 months and nothing changed. Examples of stuff that is annoying me are: she never asks me to hangout or do something, she texts me first sometimes everyday but it's never about something serious, it's always about something completely useless and random like her tasting a new energy drink or something similiar (our main platform of communication is snapchat btw, so there is usually pictures being sent with captions), she also never takes initiative to kiss or have sex (but says she enjoys it a lot when we do it and from what i can tell she isn't lying). The only thing she does is offering her hand everytime we go out, which don't get me wrong i really like. But it's all the other things combined that just makes me so annoyed.. Also another very recent example of her texting is when she was travelling to her best guy friend in the netherlands and she told me she would send me a lot of pictures and videos from there. And guess what she ends up sending? a picture of a special redbull they got down there. And after that did not send me a single thing, didn't text me either (shes still not home until tomorrow) At this point i just don't know what to do. I really like her but there are just a lot of red flags. I really want to talk to her about this initiative thing but don't really know how that would go.. Idk maybe i am just needy.
Blind-Sided Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 its been 2 months.... just end it. you obviously are not compatible. (sorry) 5
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 53 minutes ago, sliticy said: But it's all the other things combined that just makes me so annoyed.. Agree just end it. If dating only 60 days generates a list of complaints this long, it's not working out. 2
Gaeta Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 Is she much younger than you? It sounds like you're not at the same maturity level. What you see is what you get, sounds like you'd like a more serious dater. Move to next. 3
Happy Lemming Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 2 hours ago, sliticy said: ...she texts me first sometimes everyday but it's never about something serious, it's always about something completely useless and random like her tasting a new energy drink or something similiar (our main platform of communication is snapchat btw, so there is usually pictures being sent with captions), So don't respond... If she sends some useless picture about an energy drink, just ignore it and continue with your day. Unless she sends something important or a question that requires an answer, ignore the useless "snap chat" communique. 2 hours ago, sliticy said: she also never takes initiative to kiss or have sex (but says she enjoys it a lot when we do it and from what i can tell she isn't lying). This never bothered me in my dating life... As long as she didn't say "no" to sex, what do you care?? At the end of the day, you are getting sex and you are enjoying it. 2 hours ago, sliticy said: Also another very recent example of her texting is when she was travelling to her best guy friend in the netherlands and she told me she would send me a lot of pictures and videos from there. And guess what she ends up sending? a picture of a special redbull they got down there. And after that did not send me a single thing, didn't text me either (shes still not home until tomorrow) So at first you were complaining she sends you useless pictures and now you are complaining that she didn't send any pictures during her trip to the Netherlands?? Which is it?? Are you expecting her to be Ansel Adams?? Or do you think that her "best guy friend" is more than a friend?? 2
smackie9 Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 This is why we date....to find out what they are like, how they treat us and if they fulfill our expectations. You are not getting what you want out of this relationship, so what you do is end it. It's silly, at only two months, have to have a discussion about your needs not being met. 2
Sun Seeker Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 Going abroad to meet her 'best guy friend'? And you were OK with that? Surely you as her boyfriend should be her best guy friend. That's the biggest red flag from all of this. She sounds immature. 5
Author sliticy Posted October 30, 2021 Author Posted October 30, 2021 32 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: So don't respond... If she sends some useless picture about an energy drink, just ignore it and continue with your day. Unless she sends something important or a question that requires an answer, ignore the useless "snap chat" communique. This never bothered me in my dating life... As long as she didn't say "no" to sex, what do you care?? At the end of the day, you are getting sex and you are enjoying it. So at first you were complaining she sends you useless pictures and now you are complaining that she didn't send any pictures during her trip to the Netherlands?? Which is it?? Are you expecting her to be Ansel Adams?? Or do you think that her "best guy friend" is more than a friend?? Yeah i will start to do that when she sends useless pictures, just not respond. The sex part is fair enough it's just that i feel like she isn't affectionate towards me unless i start something, like kissing her for example. Pictures and videos from the netherlands as in showing me the place where she is staying or the city. But i guess that is only what i imagined and she is more excited about sending snaps of energy drinks.. I have been thinking about that guy friend yes so maybe that is why i overthink the whole netherlands thing in general..
Happy Lemming Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 3 minutes ago, sliticy said: The sex part is fair enough it's just that i feel like she isn't affectionate towards me unless i start something, like kissing her for example. "You can't always get what you want But if you try sometimes, well, you just might find You get what you need" - Mick Jagger - Rolling Stones. 2
Gaeta Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 9 minutes ago, sliticy said: I have been thinking about that guy friend yes so maybe that is why i overthink the whole netherlands thing in general.. How old is she and you? No adult woman respecting her relationship will go on a trip with a best-male-friend. 3
Happy Lemming Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, sliticy said: I have been thinking about that guy friend yes so maybe that is why i overthink the whole netherlands thing in general.. I think this is the main "crux" of your discontent. I mean if she went on a trip with her brother or some other relative, I wouldn't think twice about it, but the whole "best guy friend" would be cause for concern (for me). Does she and this "best guy friend" travel a lot together?? Just seems odd, when my girlfriend and I travel/adventure it is just the two of us. She doesn't go on trips with other guys and I don't go on trips with other women. How was this Netherlands trip presented to you?? Was it planned before you guys met?? Edited October 30, 2021 by Happy Lemming spelling
Author sliticy Posted October 30, 2021 Author Posted October 30, 2021 11 minutes ago, Gaeta said: How old is she and you? No adult woman respecting her relationship will go on a trip with a best-male-friend. She is visiting him in the netherlands (3 day trip) She is 20 (2001) and i am 23 (1998)
Author sliticy Posted October 30, 2021 Author Posted October 30, 2021 17 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: I think this is the main "crux" of your discontent. I mean if she went on a trip with her brother or some other relative, I wouldn't think twice about it, but the whole "best guy friend" would be cause for concern (for me). Does she and this "best guy friend" travel a lot together?? Just seems odd, when my girlfriend and I travel/adventure it is just the two of us. She doesn't go on trips with other guys and I don't go on trips with other women. How was this Netherlands trip presented to you?? Was it planned before you guys met?? It was planned before we met. She does not hang out or travel with him as he is studying in the netherlands. From what i have heard from her best gf and her, he is a friend from a previous school she went to, and they don't talk that much. He is even acting a bit careless towards her, cause my gf showed me a chatlog with him where they were discussing if he was going to pick her up from the airport. And he had told her that he didn't want to wake up that early in the morning just to pick her up. So she had to figure out how to get to his place in a country where she doesn't know the language and has never been before. Just knowing that she is travelling to a guy like that and considering him a good friend put all kinds of thoughts in my head..
Happy Lemming Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 Just now, sliticy said: It was planned before we met. OK... Well, this doesn't sound as bad as I first thought. It was an opportunity for her to visit the Netherlands and enjoy that country. She made the plans before you guys met. 3 minutes ago, sliticy said: And he had told her that he didn't want to wake up that early in the morning just to pick her up. So she had to figure out how to get to his place in a country where she doesn't know the language and has never been before. He sounds kind of selfish, so maybe they aren't all that close and she is just using this "friend" as an opportunity to tour the Netherlands. Just chill out and see how life is when she returns. If she goes to his place again, then I'd call it quits, but for now... just roll with it. Don't bring the subject up again nor ask too much about her trip.
Versacehottie Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 Wonder if you have different ways of expressing your care and attention? Some people might not might silly little texts or messages on snapchat, whereas some would not find it fulfilling enough or progressing from that to things with more depth. Lol, maybe after you've been together for a while it's those silly little things that are actually symbolic of a deep bond, sense of humor and the ability to have fun through any sort of thing. As someone said, you might be different maturity levels and/or just not compatible. I think if you are finding fault this early and don't really see it fitting into your lifestyle, you two just aren't meant to be. Honestly, from the way you wrote it, not sure at all why you would consider hanging in there--sounds like it's not suitable or fulfilling for you. As far as the initiating, in the future I would probably give a little leeway or talk about it, if it was to come up with another person. Your pace, progress all that is bound to be different pace than whomever you are dating. Learning to speak up when it's worth making an attempt is crucial for any relationship. I feel like though if this girl sorted the initiating part out, you would still be unsatisfied though. Do you really want a bunch more energy drink selfies just because she sends them first or first thing in the am? I think not, and that you will find yourself even more annoyed. Wondering, to be fair, if you are actually a bit miffed by the trip she was on with her guy friend? And if that's in part what is fueling this and your feelings about her/needs for reassurance? feels like it partially to be honest. It's in the tone with which you talk about the trip. Not saying you are wrong to be upset about it. I mean you are only two months in--probably the trip was planned before you started dating or you just might not be into a girl who has best guy friends and is this close with them. Timing not great. One would think in a progressing relationship some of that would go away and be replaced by you two spending more time together, doing these sorts of things together but two months in, is probably early in her mind to do so. Anyway, hopefully this helps. I still think you guys should probably break up. I don't see a meeting of the minds on huge things. I think it will just pervade the whole relationship now. Good luck
dramafreezone Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, sliticy said: Also another very recent example of her texting is when she was travelling to her best guy friend in the netherlands and she told me she would send me a lot of pictures and videos from there. And guess what she ends up sending? a picture of a special redbull they got down there. And after that did not send me a single thing, didn't text me either (shes still not home until tomorrow) Wait, your GF has a guy friend that she goes to meet? Is this guy gay? Or extremely unattractive? Dude, this is a huge red flag. I'm not going to say what she's doing for sure, but coupled with her lukewarm interest in you, I would strongly consider that she has an intimate relationship with this person. In my experience when GFs are into you, you become their entire world. They can't get enough of you. You can barely get her to pay attention to you, and she's travelling halfway across the world to be in the presence of this other guy. I would surmise that you're something to do so that she doesn't get lonely in between meetups with the Netherlands guy. Edited October 30, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 1 hour ago, sliticy said: The sex part is fair enough This will fizzle as your annoyance grows. Cut your losses and ignore mindless snaps.
dramafreezone Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 56 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: He sounds kind of selfish, so maybe they aren't all that close and she is just using this "friend" as an opportunity to tour the Netherlands. Or maybe he's just a "bad boy" type and she finds it alluring that he doesn't bend over backwards to acquiesce to her. I think it's likely this. 1
Author sliticy Posted October 30, 2021 Author Posted October 30, 2021 56 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: OK... Well, this doesn't sound as bad as I first thought. It was an opportunity for her to visit the Netherlands and enjoy that country. She made the plans before you guys met. He sounds kind of selfish, so maybe they aren't all that close and she is just using this "friend" as an opportunity to tour the Netherlands. Just chill out and see how life is when she returns. If she goes to his place again, then I'd call it quits, but for now... just roll with it. Don't bring the subject up again nor ask too much about her trip. Yeah i think you are right. Pretty sure he really is just a friend, and not even that close with her. I would probably also take that opportunity to tour the netherlands! Hopefully things will get better when she returns. Cause like other people said, i do want to talk to her about the initiating part and try to make her initiate more. The hand holding she started taking intiative to do after i initiated it a couple times. So maybe she just needs time for the other stuff.
Author sliticy Posted October 30, 2021 Author Posted October 30, 2021 53 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: Wonder if you have different ways of expressing your care and attention? Some people might not might silly little texts or messages on snapchat, whereas some would not find it fulfilling enough or progressing from that to things with more depth. Lol, maybe after you've been together for a while it's those silly little things that are actually symbolic of a deep bond, sense of humor and the ability to have fun through any sort of thing. As someone said, you might be different maturity levels and/or just not compatible. I think if you are finding fault this early and don't really see it fitting into your lifestyle, you two just aren't meant to be. Honestly, from the way you wrote it, not sure at all why you would consider hanging in there--sounds like it's not suitable or fulfilling for you. As far as the initiating, in the future I would probably give a little leeway or talk about it, if it was to come up with another person. Your pace, progress all that is bound to be different pace than whomever you are dating. Learning to speak up when it's worth making an attempt is crucial for any relationship. I feel like though if this girl sorted the initiating part out, you would still be unsatisfied though. Do you really want a bunch more energy drink selfies just because she sends them first or first thing in the am? I think not, and that you will find yourself even more annoyed. Wondering, to be fair, if you are actually a bit miffed by the trip she was on with her guy friend? And if that's in part what is fueling this and your feelings about her/needs for reassurance? feels like it partially to be honest. It's in the tone with which you talk about the trip. Not saying you are wrong to be upset about it. I mean you are only two months in--probably the trip was planned before you started dating or you just might not be into a girl who has best guy friends and is this close with them. Timing not great. One would think in a progressing relationship some of that would go away and be replaced by you two spending more time together, doing these sorts of things together but two months in, is probably early in her mind to do so. Anyway, hopefully this helps. I still think you guys should probably break up. I don't see a meeting of the minds on huge things. I think it will just pervade the whole relationship now. Good luck Okay maybe i overreacted on the only sending energy drink pictures. She does not only send those. But a lot of the time it is similiar things. And if she sends something different then it will actually be something serious, like if we planned something (i mean I PLANNED something) I think the trip triggered this to some extent. And the fact that she did not send anything at all until today after i made this post. She sent me of different stuff she found in the stores, and that she was walking around alone cause her friend didn't want to go out of the apartment for some reason lol I will continue on dating her and see how it turns out. I will also just casually mention the initiating next time we see eachother. 1
glows Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 So it's lighthearted stuff at two months. Some people prefer that, nothing heavy or lovey dovey over the top when texting. Perhaps she has less confidence than other women you've dated or less experience in coming onto you or being intimate. I'm not sure why you are getting so annoyed with her at two months. If you trust her and like her be a bit more patient. If not, break this off and free yourself to find someone you like. 2
argoscard1999 Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 1 hour ago, dramafreezone said: Or maybe he's just a "bad boy" type and she finds it alluring that he doesn't bend over backwards to acquiesce to her. I think it's likely this. I agree. If he was selfish and horrible and she wasn't into him, she wouldn't travel to meet him. It's probably this. (Sorry OP)
ExpatInItaly Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 1 hour ago, sliticy said: Pretty sure he really is just a friend, and not even that close with her. 6 hours ago, sliticy said: she was travelling to her best guy friend These two sentences contradict each other. So... he is her best guy friend but she isn't close to him, he couldn't be bothered picking her up when she arrived - so why exactly is she even there? I think you are not getting the whole story. She's talking out both sides of her mouth there. Maybe she's got a thing for him and invited herself there, and he went along with it. It doesn't sound as though this offer came from him if he didn't even want to make arrangements when she arrived in the country. 4
dramafreezone Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, argoscard1999 said: I agree. If he was selfish and horrible and she wasn't into him, she wouldn't travel to meet him. It's probably this. (Sorry OP) I hate to suggest it, but I'm only commenting because I had a similar situation. I had a girlfriend long time ago that at one point was crazy about me. Wanted to spend every waking moment with me. Then as time went on I noted was more distant, and she began to hang out with some other "friend." We broke up, then she told me that she's driving her piece of crap car across the state to see this friend. Two months later they're dating. Could his girl just be some worldly type that's going to see a different country? Sure it could be, but there's a guy there that she knows. I don't think it's likely that she's just taking in the culture. Only difference I see is that the girl I was dating broke up with me first before starting up with this guy, or maybe she had already started up while we were still together. I hope I'm wrong, though OP. Edited October 30, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
argoscard1999 Posted October 30, 2021 Posted October 30, 2021 2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: I hate to suggest it, but I'm only commenting because I had a similar situation. I had a girlfriend long time ago that at one point was crazy about me. Wanted to spend every waking moment with me. Then as time went on I noted was more distant, and she began to hang out with some other "friend." We broke up, then she told me that she's driving her piece of crap car across the state to see this friend. Two months later they're dating. Could his girl just be some worldly type that's going to see a different country? Sure it could be, but there's a guy there that she knows. I don't think it's likely that she's just taking in the culture. Same. I've dated a few people who weren't over someone who treated them badly, inconsistent, etc. I just can't see what the draw in going to see someone selfish/mean would be, unless it's that whole bad boy thing. Also, if she was a worldly type, she'd probably go with the person she's dating, right? Seems a little odd, and doesn't make sense. Makes more sense for her to be attracted to that guy, really 2
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