Is he dating this girl that is travelling with him during his business trips?

[Wenyyyy]

10 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Or how about getting to the root cause of their insecurity so they are able to "have fun," relax and enjoy the journey?  And enjoy each other without all this obsessing and snooping around?

Insecurity often destroys relationships, we've read enough posts here to know that's true and I have also witnessed and experienced in the real world.

And Wenyyy, I hate to say but if you don't get to the cause of your anxiety and insecurity about this, you might destroy this blossoming relationship too and every RL you have going forward.

IMO, this is not about him and whatever he is or isn't doing, it's about YOU and your own anxieties and insecurities.

Own that, focus on taking steps to resolve.  Trust me, you will be happier and feel more at peace and your RLs will be happier and healthier as well.

 

 

 

True, I guess I should be optimistic and probably set an expectation that this might or might not work out, really hard to tell what’s gonna happen in these 3-4 months. 
Wish he would text me again in the next few weeks or months so that I could at least know where his head is!

[elaine567]

No-one wants to be taken for a gullible fool, not only is it humiliating, it actually hurts.
Wenyyy is anxious and insecure because the situation with this guy  is making her anxious and insecure, she would be crazy to go lalalala and  ignore it surely?

We had a poster on here who travelled all the time for work with a guy, he was her work colleague and her lover. They travelled all around the world.
His wife had no idea...

[poppyfields]

Just now, Wenyyyy said:

True, I guess I should be optimistic and probably set an expectation that this might or might not work out, really hard to tell what’s gonna happen in these 3-4 months. 
Wish he would text me again in the next few weeks or months so that I could at least know where his head is!

Since you have not discussed exclusivity, are you still talking to and meeting other guys?  Do you have other options?  

It sounds like you have something called "oneitus" which means having a strong attraction towards a single potential partner to the exclusion of other possible partners.

Your focus (over focus) on him and the outcome is what is preventing you from actually enjoying this blossoming potential relationship and allowing it to develop naturally. 

You are so focused on this other woman, when/if he contacts you again, what the outcome will be, that you are unable to relax and simply enjoy the process.

I cannot imagine this is very fulfilling or even fun, is it?   

I guess it's your call though, and I wish you luck.

FWIW, I hope he reaches out soon too.  

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Wenyyyy said:

I’ve been started to binge-eating to release both work stress and doubts of what’s going to happened in the next few months when he’d moved here

When you're resorting to a faulty coping mechanism like this for a guy you hardly know, I am going to assume you have a lot of underlying issues with anxiety. 

That's not to say your concern is totally unfounded, but this reaction to your fear is indicative of a lot more going on inside you that is not about this specific man. 

[Wenyyyy]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Since you have not discussed exclusivity, are you still talking to and meeting other guys?  Do you have other options?  

It sounds like you have something called "oneitus" which means having a strong attraction towards a single potential partner to the exclusion of other possible partners.

Your focus (over focus) on him and the outcome is what is preventing you from actually enjoying this blossoming potential relationship and allowing it to develop naturally. 

You are so focused on this other woman, when/if he contacts you again, what the outcome will be, that you are unable to relax and simply enjoy the process.

I cannot imagine this is very fulfilling or even fun, is it?   

I guess it's your call though, and I wish you luck.

FWIW, I hope he reaches out soon too.  

thank you poppyfields!

Yeah I think I have that! Haven’t met anyone like that since very long even though I have been dating around or meeting new people. I’m still keeping my options open and started to talk to other guy but I’m quite certain i would love to meet him again and develop our relationship into another step when he’s moved here. 
 

if he contacts me again I would be happily reply as normal eventhough now it’s obvious he’s having another girl. Im just anxious what if things turned to another way that I’m not anticipating. Guess I should prepare whichever outcomes that’s gonna be in the next few months!

 

[Wenyyyy]

15 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

No-one wants to be taken for a gullible fool, not only is it humiliating, it actually hurts.
Wenyyy is anxious and insecure because the situation with this guy  is making her anxious and insecure, she would be crazy to go lalalala and  ignore it surely?

We had a poster on here who travelled all the time for work with a guy, he was her work colleague and her lover. They travelled all around the world.
His wife had no idea...

Thanks for understanding me!

I’m quite certain he’s not a married man, that woman might be new (they might met few months ago during spring/summer), hard to tell.

[Wiseman2]

47 minutes ago, Wenyyyy said:

I see a future with him even if he’s gonna travel around for work as now I can work remotely so I could also tagged along.

Ok it's clear you had a great connection, however you're getting ahead of yourself. You're planning a future but you went on 6 dates, not even a relationship. 

You don't even feel comfortable asking who she is because your gut tells you this is a  distance situation and you may or may nor ever see him again.

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, Wenyyyy said:

if he contacts me again I would be happily reply as normal eventhough now it’s obvious he’s having another girl. Im just anxious what if things turned to another way that I’m not anticipating. Guess I should prepare whichever outcomes that’s gonna be in the next few months!

 

Wenyyy, I think the key is once you develop faith and trust in yourself and you KNOW you will be OKAY whichever way it goes, stronger, smarter even for having experienced it even if doesn't work out the way you hope, you will be in a better position to embrace all the inevitable changing nuances and anxieties that will occur especially early in.

It took me a while to get to that place, but this is why I am able to take more risks, why I don't "freak out" if a man hasn't reached out in a while, why I am able to relax and enjoy the process, the journey, wherever that journey takes me.

Because I KNOW no matter which way it goes, I will be OKAY.

Ironically, because of my open-minded and carefree attitude, things DO tend to work out and go the way I hope they will.

Not sure why, I am sure there is some law of the Universe or something explaining.

Anyway, like I said it did take me awhile to get to this place so be patient with yourself, okay?

It's all good, I promise you. 

 

Edited October 26, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wenyyyy]

16 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Wenyyy, I think the key is once you develop faith and trust in yourself and you KNOW you will be OKAY whichever way it goes, stronger, smarter even for having experienced it even if doesn't work out the way you hope, you will be in a better position to embrace all the inevitable changing nuances and anxieties that will occur especially early in.

It took me a while to get to that place, but this is why I am able to take more risks, why I don't "freak out" if a man hasn't reached out in a while, why I am able to relax and enjoy the process, the journey, wherever that journey takes me.

Because I KNOW no matter which way it goes, I will be OKAY.

Ironically, because of my open-minded and carefree attitude, things DO tend to work out and go the way I hope they will.

Not sure why, I am sure there is some law of the Universe or something explaining.

Anyway, like I said it did take me awhile to get to this place so be patient with yourself, okay?

It's all good, I promise you. 

 

Thanks, it probably takes time to get to that thinking!! I’m gonna try and cultivate that mindset like yours!! gonna be patience and sit back to see what comes along in the coming months!

Edited October 26, 2021 by Wenyyyy

[Wenyyyy]

20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok it's clear you had a great connection, however you're getting ahead of yourself. You're planning a future but you went on 6 dates, not even a relationship. 

You don't even feel comfortable asking who she is because your gut tells you this is a  distance situation and you may or may nor ever see him again.

Yeap, we’re not in a relationship but guess it’s normal to plan a future if you met someone potential/like.

Probably not a right time to ask who she is now but let’s see what happens in the coming months. There are indeed too much uncertainties at the moment with quite a number of months away till we meet again!

[Wenyyyy]

I should probably take my social media offs as I’ve just came across again that they’ve been posting the same picture on each of their profile… it’s hurt to see he’s not honest with me when asked if he’s seeing someone. I would have been open minded and accepting if hes telling the truth 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Wenyyyy said:

Yeap, we’re not in a relationship but guess it’s normal to plan a future if you met someone potential/like.

Wenyyy, replace the word "plan" with the word "hope."  It's normal to HOPE for a future with someone you like, but plan?

No, that is not normal, it's much MUCH too soon, it takes time spent together and a certain trust for that to happen.

But hope?  Again that is perfectly normal. 

Even I hope for things to work out a particular way.  I don't expect it nor do I plan for it. 

I let it all develop naturally and organically, but nevertheless I still have hope.

Edited October 26, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, Wenyyyy said:

I should probably take my social media offs as I’ve just came across again that they’ve been posting the same picture on each of their profile… it’s hurt to see he’s not honest with me when asked if he’s seeing someone. I would have been open minded and accepting if hes telling the truth 

Yeah I agree, he's not being honest with you and that is very troubling.  It's hard to develop trust when the other person is dishonest, at the very least!  

I would probably next this guy, he is dishonest and sounds a bit like a "player" (for lack of a better word.)

Your call.

I'm sorry.

Edit: Not sure if it was this thread or another, but this is what I meant when saying most traditional relationships are filled with dishonesty and deceit.

There was NO reason for him to withhold the truth from you, you are NOT exclusive,  and by lying about it he is fostering a potential relationship filled with distrust and dishonesty.

Again, I would next him (and have in the past) for that no matter how much I liked him.

Edited October 26, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wenyyyy]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Yeah I agree, he's not being honest with you and that is very troubling.  It's hard to develop trust when the other person is dishonest, at the very least!

I would probably next this guy, he sounds a bit like a "player" (for lack of a better word.)

Your call.

I'm sorry.

Yeah so my instinct was right, it’s quite clear now about which position they are in…

 

Edited October 26, 2021 by Wenyyyy

[Wenyyyy]

30 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Yeah I agree, he's not being honest with you and that is very troubling.  It's hard to develop trust when the other person is dishonest, at the very least!  

I would probably next this guy, he is dishonest and sounds a bit like a "player" (for lack of a better word.)

Your call.

I'm sorry.

Edit: Not sure if it was this thread or another, but this is what I meant when saying most traditional relationships are filled with dishonesty and deceit.

There was NO reason for him to withhold the truth from you, you are NOT exclusive,  and by lying about it he is fostering a potential relationship filled with distrust and dishonesty.

Again, I would next him (and have in the past) for that no matter how much I liked him.

I don’t get why he wanna foster a potential relationship with me when he’s already in a relationship… or might even engaged? 
i remember I saw a ring on the woman’s post while they are having dinner. Not sure if that’s his hand. 
so confusing… I guess I should just give up at this point then 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Wenyyyy said:

if he contacts me again I would be happily reply as normal eventhough now it’s obvious he’s having another girl.

What do you mean *if*? This guy does not contact you on regular basis?

[ASG]

2 hours ago, Wenyyyy said:

Nope, very less likely 

How could you possibly know that? 

Being a freelancer is many things. 

I'm a freelancer, but I also do contract work. I'm STILL a freelancer, even when I'm employed by a company for X amount of time. 

You know nothing about this person, apart from the fact that she's a woman and a "freelancer", which, quite frankly, means absolutely nothing at all.

[glows]

12 minutes ago, Wenyyyy said:

I don’t get why he wanna foster a potential relationship with me when he’s already in a relationship… or might even engaged? 
i remember I saw a ring on the woman’s post while they are having dinner. Not sure if that’s his hand. 
so confusing… I guess I should just give up at this point then 

Why not? People do all kinds of things that are less than honest. Or she's engaged to someone else and they're friends or having an affair. The point is you don't know him so slow down. 

[Gaeta]

12 minutes ago, Wenyyyy said:

I don’t get why he wanna foster a potential relationship with me when he’s already in a relationship… or might even engaged? 
 

Wenyyyy men lie, they do for all sorts of reasons. This man is still a stranger to you and being away the way he is, he can tell you anything! why? your guess is as good as mine. Do not beleive what he tells you, you  have NO reasons to trust him yet. 

[Wenyyyy]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

What do you mean *if*? This guy does not contact you on regular basis?

He was texting me everyday, when he was here and when I was on my holiday… but after my holiday ended, he stop texting me

[ASG]

1 minute ago, Wenyyyy said:

He was texting me everyday, when he was here and when I was on my holiday… but after my holiday ended, he stop texting me

And how long ago was that?

[Wenyyyy]

2 minutes ago, ASG said:

And how long ago was that?

It’s been a week now since we stopped texting

[Gaeta]

Just now, Wenyyyy said:

It’s been a week now since we stopped texting

I'm sorry, he's done. 

He got what he wanted and now he's chasing someone else. 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I understand 'having fun' but not all women are made to be able to 'just have fun'. When you know you are insecure then you don't date a man traveling for work. You are suppose to know yourself and your limits, OP respect your own limits. 

I also agree with this.  This goes for both men and women.

[Wenyyyy]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

I'm sorry, he's done. 

He got what he wanted and now he's chasing someone else. 

Well before we met they’d also gone another trip to Norway… but yeah It’s hard to keep up daily with someone far away I think:/