Wenyyyy Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 (edited) Hi, this is really bothering me and I’ve been overthinking a lot, some advice and opinions would be helpful. So I met this guy 3 weeks ago- he flew from Europe to asia for some business meeting and stayed for 14 days. He would be moving here in Feb 2022. We have been chatting a bit before that (for 1-2months on and off) and finally met up when he was here and went on 5-6 dates and really got along well with each other. Ever since that day, we chat like everyday, he was the one who always initiate the conversation. After he flew back to Switzerland, I went on a holiday trip and he kept chatting with me until my holiday ended. We really liked each other and he often confessed that to me as well and sent each other heart emojis and update each other with pics during our chats. Before he left, he texted me we will for sure meet again. I know it’s hard, you never know what’s gonna happen in these 4 months, he might fall in love with another girl or lost interest in me. He always flew to different cities or countries for business meetings. This week, he’s flying to Köln, Germany. I came across a woman’s profile he’s following on Instagram and that they are living in the same city in Switzerland, I was shocked that she’s now in Köln the same day as he is. Also found out she was also in Norway the same week/days when this guy was in Norway for business meeting as well a month ago before he came here. I was confused if they are dating? I’ve asked him during our dates if he’s dating anyone and he said no, his last date or gf was in May and hasn’t dated anyone since. Do you think he’s lying to me? Now asia is opening up, i don’t even know if she’s gonna move here with him. I really like him but I’m not sure if he was being dishonest to me. now that this is happening im feeling very insecure and really bothering me at work. (p/s: she’s definitely not his colleague as she’s a freelancer as said in bio) Edited October 26, 2021 by Wenyyyy
glows Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 Slow things down and wait until he has moved to Asia. I don't think he has any reason to lie to you. What you might have to be more comfortable with is that his work involves him traveling or frequently out of town. Wait until you know him a bit better before you start putting your heart on the line like that. Enjoy the friendship if you like. 1
Pumpernickel Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 Yes, looks like he's traveling with her at first glance. Doesn't look like a coincidence to me. If she's a freelancer, she can probably work from anywhere, so she's free to travel even when she's working on a project. I suspect she's the GF. If you do some more digging, I am sure you can find more evidence, if you choose to do so. 3
Sun Seeker Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 Have you slept with him? Unless he specifically asked you to be exclusive with him and be his girlfriend etc, then you should assume he is dating others, and sleeping with them too. He's single, why wouldn't he? 1
Author Wenyyyy Posted October 26, 2021 Author Posted October 26, 2021 1 minute ago, Pumpernickel said: Yes, looks like he's traveling with her at first glance. Doesn't look like a coincidence to me. If she's a freelancer, she can probably work from anywhere, so she's free to travel even when she's working on a project. I suspect she's the GF. If you do some more digging, I am sure you can find more evidence, if you choose to do so. Yeah I guess to this point, it’s quite obvious that this isn’t a coincidence. I don’t know if they are serious/fwb. I’m so confused if I shud wait for him till he’s moved here or move on since now I’ve found out he’s with someone
glows Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 I think you're taking this too seriously. Flirt and have fun with him but don't think of him as your boyfriend. Wait until he's in the same area and decide whether you can agree with his work/lifestyle or other choices. 3
Wiseman2 Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 26 minutes ago, Wenyyyy said: when he was here and went on 5-6 dates It seems like he enjoyed your time together. However he may be married/in a relationship. Date locally.
Author Wenyyyy Posted October 26, 2021 Author Posted October 26, 2021 3 minutes ago, glows said: I think you're taking this too seriously. Flirt and have fun with him but don't think of him as your boyfriend. Wait until he's in the same area and decide whether you can agree with his work/lifestyle or other choices. Yeah he told me he’s a relationship kind of person and had some long term LDR in the past, and told me he has always been loyal. It seems like he wanted to indicate he would want something from me when he moved here. I wouldn’t mind this kind of lifestyle but now I’ve found out what I shouldn’t (I guess), I don’t know if he’s lying to me or just bullshitting around
Author Wenyyyy Posted October 26, 2021 Author Posted October 26, 2021 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It seems like he enjoyed your time together. However he may be married/in a relationship. Date locally. Yes! He kept mentioning that he really enjoyed our time together and he really likes me. And wants to see me again. Do you think that he lied about he’s not dating someone or that his last relationship was in May but it’s actually not? I even met his colleagues
Author Wenyyyy Posted October 26, 2021 Author Posted October 26, 2021 15 minutes ago, Sun Seeker said: Have you slept with him? Unless he specifically asked you to be exclusive with him and be his girlfriend etc, then you should assume he is dating others, and sleeping with them too. He's single, why wouldn't he? Yes I did, on one night. Other dates didn’t involve in sleeping. But yeah I don’t even know if he’s actually single or he’s in relationship with this girl
Johnjohnson2017 Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 look her up on facebook. Try to figure out if she is dating anyone. Look for any pictures of them two together. Has he mentioned her to you. Did he mention who he travels with. Does he travel with a group or just her? If he doesn't tell you who he travels with, then in my opinion he is hiding something. I wouldn't trust him at this stage.
stillafool Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 Has he asked you to be his gf and to be exclusive? If not, yes he is dating other people and doesn't owe you an explanation for it. Of course he LIKES you that is why he spent time with you. Don't get ahead of yourself and what is happening. Also how did you find out all of this info about this woman's travels? 2
Author Wenyyyy Posted October 26, 2021 Author Posted October 26, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Johnjohnson2017 said: look her up on facebook. Try to figure out if she is dating anyone. Look for any pictures of them two together. Has he mentioned her to you. Did he mention who he travels with. Does he travel with a group or just her? If he doesn't tell you who he travels with, then in my opinion he is hiding something. I wouldn't trust him at this stage. Yeah I have, her Facebook is private and there’s not many post or pictures. While her Instagram is public but doesn’t reveal their pics together either. no he didn’t mention, thought he always travel with a couple of his colleagues like he did here. I also met his colleagues and was surprised he didn’t hide me from them as I know from other friends they wouldn’t disclose about their dates to work colleagues when it’s not serious. Edited October 26, 2021 by Wenyyyy
Author Wenyyyy Posted October 26, 2021 Author Posted October 26, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, stillafool said: Has he asked you to be his gf and to be exclusive? If not, yes he is dating other people and doesn't owe you an explanation for it. Of course he LIKES you that is why he spent time with you. Don't get ahead of yourself and what is happening. Also how did you find out all of this info about this woman's travels? No he didn’t, I wanted to ask him if he’s still gonna keep his option open when he move here but didn’t get the chance to have this face to face talk on our last night as i had a flight to catch. so I came across a lady’s profile who mentioned in his insta bio that she’s living in the same city as he is. And saw her travel post in Norway etc tbh I don’t mind if he’s dating others but why lie to me during our dates that he’s not seeing anyone since May? Edited October 26, 2021 by Wenyyyy
poppyfields Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, stillafool said: Has he asked you to be his gf and to be exclusive? If not, yes he is dating other people and doesn't owe you an explanation for it. Of course he LIKES you that is why he spent time with you. Don't get ahead of yourself and what is happening. Also how did you find out all of this info about this woman's travels? Agree with @stillafool(as per usual). If this were me, so early in, I would forget about this "other" woman he may or may not be involved with, and focus on the two of US. Focus on the two of you, other women he's dating should not matter to you assuming your attraction to each other and connection (up to this point) is strong. Have faith in THAT. Build on it. Continue keeping your own options open and remain independent, not needy, strong, secure, live your life. Continue observing. Enjoy the journey, NOT the destination. This is the problem I have with "traditional" relationships, they're so stifling! So must possessiveness and jealousy, obsessing, searching her FB, etc. come one Wenyyyy this isn't healthy. Try and relax and again focus on only the two of you and enjoy the process of moving closer naturally and organically. Edited October 26, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1
Author Wenyyyy Posted October 26, 2021 Author Posted October 26, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Agree with @stillafool(as per usual). If this were me, so early in, I would forget about this "other" woman he may or may not be involved with, and focus on the two of US. Focus on the two of you, other women he's dating should not matter to you assuming your attraction to each other and connection (up to this point) is strong. Have faith in THAT. Build on it. Continue keeping your own options open and remain independent, not needy, strong, secure, live your life. Continue observing. Enjoy the journey, NOT the destination. This is the problem I have with "traditional" relationships, they're so stifling! So must possessiveness and jealousy, obsessing, searching her FB, etc. come one Wenyyyy this isn't healthy. Try and relax and again focus on only the two of you and enjoy the process of moving closer naturally and organically. Thanks!! Really wish I didn’t came across her profile last night but after this it really gave me lots of anxiety and I’ve been started to binge-eating to release both work stress and doubts of what’s going to happened in the next few months when he’d moved here. I’ve also keeping my options open but still think a lot about him. Well, I guess I can’t do anything but only hope he’s gonna keep up the contact with me and hoping this lady is not gonna move here with him! Edited October 26, 2021 by Wenyyyy
Pumpernickel Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 30 minutes ago, Wenyyyy said: thought he always travel with a couple of his colleagues Could she be a coworker?
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 The traveling will not end when you're officially in a relationship, he'll be gone all over the world just like now. You will always wonder about other women, you'll feel deprived of his presence, you'll envy your friends who get real time with their man while you are alone most of the time hugging a phone at night. Why do you pick this for yourself? There are plenty of local men where you are with whom you can create chemistry and connection. 3
Author Wenyyyy Posted October 26, 2021 Author Posted October 26, 2021 11 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said: Could she be a coworker? Nope, very less likely
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 Well already you are anxious about him traveling everywhere...so much so you did some digging and now you are assuming more things. If you do become exclusive, when a pin drops you are going to go "What was that!" I wouldn't bother dating this guy...even if he moves closer, you are still going to have anxiety about what he might be doing and with whom. 2
stillafool Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 33 minutes ago, poppyfields said: So must possessiveness and jealousy, obsessing, searching her FB, etc. I agree Poppy and once the above creeps in the connection no longer feels organic but forced. Just have fun. 1
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 I understand 'having fun' but not all women are made to be able to 'just have fun'. When you know you are insecure then you don't date a man traveling for work. You are suppose to know yourself and your limits, OP respect your own limits. 7
Author Wenyyyy Posted October 26, 2021 Author Posted October 26, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Gaeta said: The traveling will not end when you're officially in a relationship, he'll be gone all over the world just like now. You will always wonder about other women, you'll feel deprived of his presence, you'll envy your friends who get real time with their man while you are alone most of the time hugging a phone at night. Why do you pick this for yourself? There are plenty of local men where you are with whom you can create chemistry and connection. Well, I see a future with him even if he’s gonna travel around for work as now I can work remotely so I could also tagged along. He also mentioned that he might be travelling to Thailand etc a lot for work and asked me to join, which I’m happily to! I really like his personality and felt that we are compatible, haven’t met anyone like that since a long time 9 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Well already you are anxious about him traveling everywhere...so much so you did some digging and now you are assuming more things. If you do become exclusive, when a pin drops you are going to go "What was that!" I wouldn't bother dating this guy...even if he moves closer, you are still going to have anxiety about what he might be doing and with whom. I think if we become official and there’s a commitment bwteeen us, I wouldn’t worry much and could really trust this man Edited October 26, 2021 by Wenyyyy
Author Wenyyyy Posted October 26, 2021 Author Posted October 26, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: I understand 'having fun' but not all women are made to be able to 'just have fun'. When you know you are insecure then you don't date a man traveling for work. You are suppose to know yourself and your limits, OP respect your own limits. Well, I’m only insecure after I came across this lady profile as I was shocked if he has been dishonest with me
poppyfields Posted October 26, 2021 Posted October 26, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I understand 'having fun' but not all women are made to be able to 'just have fun'. When you know you are insecure then you don't date a man traveling for work. You are suppose to know yourself and your limits, OP respect your own limits. Or how about getting to the root cause of their insecurity so they are able to "have fun," relax and enjoy the journey? And enjoy each other without all this obsessing and snooping around? Insecurity often destroys relationships, we've read enough posts here to know that's true and I have also witnessed and experienced in the real world. And Wenyyy, I hate to say but if you don't get to the cause of your anxiety and insecurity about this, you might destroy this blossoming relationship too and every RL you have going forward. IMO, this is not about him and whatever he is or isn't doing, it's about YOU and your own anxieties and insecurities. Own that, focus on taking steps to resolve. Trust me, you will be happier and feel more at peace and your RLs will be happier and healthier as well. Edited October 26, 2021 by poppyfields
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