ImARedLed Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 I’m a 17-year-old boy who doesn’t understand teenage relationships. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never kissed someone or had sex. Everyone is telling me that, at my age, I should not be looking for a serious relationship because I’m still too young for that. Even a girl told me that I was looking for something too serious after she rejected me. I simply don’t understand these teenage relationships. I can’t imagine myself being in a relationship if I don’t believe it will last forever. It may not, but I have to believe it. So, I don’t understand these people who are in a “relationship” together just for sex. There is no love at all. I cannot either think of kissing or having sex with a girl I don’t love. I could maybe force myself to do so and it will probably a good experience immediately, but I will not keep fond memories of it. How are people my age doing? Do they get into a relationship knowing that it is almost just for having sex and that it won't last? The paradox is that, when I reach the “age of having a serious relationship” and want one, I won’t have any experience if I’m not in one of these teenage relationships now. Conclusion: I have to get into a relationship and lie to myself and to the girl about the intentions. Even if she is not looking for a serious relationship, I have to lie to her in any case because I can’t just walk to her and say, “Hey, we are in a couple but really I don’t love you at all and I’m just using you to have sex and to get some experience in relationships before I find a girl that I truly love.” Of course, people my age don’t say that to each other, but they mean it. Otherwise, they will be looking for something serious. I’m afraid of lying to me and everyone as these people do. But I will have to. I will have to wear a mask and carry that weight on my shoulders for now. What can I do to feel better lying like that?
stillafool Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 Who said there's no love between these couples? We will all have our "first love" and that is usually in high school or college. Rarely does a first love run the course into marriage. Even college age is too young to think about marriage in my opinion. People need to sow their wild oats, start their careers and get some life experience before they are ready for a serious relationship which usually means marriage. 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 Do what's right for you. There's no predetermined level of seriousness or length of relationship. Don't be influenced by peer pressure or social media. Do what's right for you. If you need to really like a girl and what to be exclusive, you'll stand out as being more mature than boys who just blow a lot of smoke out their butts about how lucky they're getting. Be yourself. You'll be fine. 2
basil67 Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 (edited) Oh my goodness, YES to teenage love. I'm in my mid 50's now, but still remember the love I felt from way back then. And my daughter had two teenage loves when she was in HS, one of them lasting from when she was 16- 20yo. There are young women who want love. Edited October 24, 2021 by basil67 1
mortensorchid Posted October 25, 2021 Posted October 25, 2021 I was saying the same thing to others a while ago but for different reasons than you are. When you are a teenager (as in a high school kid) you are not a grown up yet. You think you are but you are really not. You have the mentality of a teenager until you are about 25 or so, as your brain is still changing, which makes things even more difficult. Things are still very much controlled by parents and other adults around you. As a high school kid / teenager you are very much not in control of things around you and you can't make certain decisions without their approval or control. In a rather bizarre twist in events, in my case, my high school sweetheart should have been The One. However, we both had to grow and change and make decisions beyond our high school mentality. I knew people who ended up marrying their high school sweethearts - maybe 2 or 3 of them are still married to them today. Lofe is complicated.
ShyViolet Posted October 25, 2021 Posted October 25, 2021 What is your definition of "serious" at age 17? Being in love, saying "I love you" to each other? I hope you understand that there's almost no way that a relationship at age 17 will last forever. Your brain is still developing and you will not be the same person at age 21, 25, 30, 40 that you are now. You should not even be thinking about "forever". Also, stop thinking that a relationship means nothing unless it lasts forever. You are still learning about the world and about yourself. Even if a relationship doesn't last forever, that doesn't mean it was a waste or a failure. Lots of things are worthwhile and are successful even if they are in our lives for a limited amount of time, even if they run their course and we close that chapter and move on. I have exes who I look back on fondly, who I don't regret being with, even though the relationship ended and I'm not with them anymore. I'm fine with the fact that it ended, but I'm still grateful that I had that experience. Stop thinking that you have to figure everything out now and plan your whole life out. But it's absolutely reasonable and respectable that you want to be in a relationship where there's love, where there's commitment. That's normal and I don't think you're too young for that. Lots of girls your age want to be in a relationship where there's love. I don't think that should be impossible to find.
smackie9 Posted October 25, 2021 Posted October 25, 2021 Your approach to getting a GF is way to intense. Of course you can fall in love and have a relationship. It could last a year, it could last a lifetime, who knows. It's better to just stop focusing on those things and just enjoy sex /hanging out with them. Not too many 17 year olds are thinking forever, babies and marriage. Good lord just relax and be a little bit of a horn dog.
ResentCourtship2099 Posted October 25, 2021 Posted October 25, 2021 Yeah it'll always hurt that I didn't have a teenage relationship and I know I sometimes envy and resent people who lost their virginity in their teenage years
Gaeta Posted October 25, 2021 Posted October 25, 2021 Like I tell my 17 yo daughter.....17 is to have FUN not for relationships! Your teen age years will never come back so enjoy them!! She has the rest of her life to figure out relationships. My eldest daughter was 22 when she got her first serious relationship, she's not an idiot for it, actually she is one of the most grounded person I Know.
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