Lifegoeson12 Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 I need some advice. I meet this guy in august. We went on a few dates and things where going really well. I had a trip coming up so I was away for 10 days but sadly I caught COVID on my return and had to isolate. So we didn’t see each other for about 4 weeks. we talked everyday and FaceTimed etc. He then had to travel for work. So we managed to see each other once before he left. He still is away and will be for another 3 weeks. so I’m getting to the point where I’m getting bored of the FaceTimes and calls. It’s just not doing it for me. He really does seem like a nice guy, very thoughtful kind and definitely someone I could see myself with. But there’s no attraction there. Don’t get me wrong I do think he’s handsome but because I haven’t really seen him, or the intimacy has grown like it does at the start I’m now in a blah phase and I feel bad. He still is trying, he calls and texts regularly and I am making an effort but part of me wants to be like maybe we should stop until your home and we can try again then. am I wrong that I’m in a blah phase or is that to be expected. We never had the proper chance to build that intimacy and I don’t mean just sex but other ways too. At the moment I feel like I have a pen pal. The time difference is also a nightmare I go to be when he’s getting up so we really only have a small window in the day to talk. has anyone any advice or been in this situation before?
Wiseman2 Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 1 hour ago, Lifegoeson12 said: We went on a few dates. I’m now in a blah phase. At the moment I feel like I have a pen pal. Agree. It's boring to attempt to sustain things through chatting. Suggest you put things on pause until he's back in person. In the meantime, don't forgo talking to and meeting others who you can see on a regular basis. 1
Gaeta Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 I wanted 7 months for my ex-husband to come back from middle-east after him and I had only 1 date. We wrote long letters every day. It was before the Internet. If you cannot wait 3 weeks for a man you had a few dates with then he did not make a strong enough impression on you to continue dating, period, work travel or not. 2
glows Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 Tell him what you told us along the lines of enjoying your chats but you would much prefer catching up in person. If he’s that interested he’ll understand or get your drift. Let him know you’re interested in seeing him again if you are. Keep it simple. Please don’t overthink this. In the meantime do other things. 2
ShyViolet Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 I absolutely agree that you should put things on pause until he is back in your area and you can spend time in person. Endless texting and FaceTime chats are the most boring thing in the world and are not a substitute for actual dating. Especially when it's a new person who you don't even have a long-term relationship with.... what's the point? Don't waste your time with this nonsense. 1 1
Versacehottie Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 It feels like you guys are forcing it. You both are doing what feels like obligations (probably to both of you) and there's not enough real dating as a foundation. I agree with the others to put it on hold until he's back. Hard thing being that with any relationship (at whatever stage) it's hard to go backwards without ruining things for one or both people. In the future, I would say don't talk, text, message and FT so much. In effect, you guys acted like bf/gf before you were and there's not those waiting periods that contribute to the excitement in between talking or the actual excitement of spending time together. 1
stillafool Posted October 24, 2021 Posted October 24, 2021 Just tell him that you'd be more comfortable waiting until he gets back to see him in person. That face timing, etc doesn't do it for you. 1
spiderowl Posted October 25, 2021 Posted October 25, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I need some advice. I meet this guy in august. We went on a few dates and things where going really well. I had a trip coming up so I was away for 10 days but sadly I caught COVID on my return and had to isolate. So we didn’t see each other for about 4 weeks. we talked everyday and FaceTimed etc. He then had to travel for work. So we managed to see each other once before he left. He still is away and will be for another 3 weeks. so I’m getting to the point where I’m getting bored of the FaceTimes and calls. It’s just not doing it for me. He really does seem like a nice guy, very thoughtful kind and definitely someone I could see myself with. But there’s no attraction there. Don’t get me wrong I do think he’s handsome but because I haven’t really seen him, or the intimacy has grown like it does at the start I’m now in a blah phase and I feel bad. He still is trying, he calls and texts regularly and I am making an effort but part of me wants to be like maybe we should stop until your home and we can try again then. am I wrong that I’m in a blah phase or is that to be expected. We never had the proper chance to build that intimacy and I don’t mean just sex but other ways too. At the moment I feel like I have a pen pal. The time difference is also a nightmare I go to be when he’s getting up so we really only have a small window in the day to talk. has anyone any advice or been in this situation before? I can sort of understanding why you might be getting fed up of the FaceTimes and calls. They are not the same as meeting in real life. What is a little strange is that you would lose interest when there appears to be the possibility of meeting when he gets back from travel. If you are losing interest now, then maybe you didn't have as much in common as you first thought? Another thing that comes to mind is that maybe you feel he is deliberately not meeting up? Is there an underlying feeling that he is avoiding meeting in real life? If so, that might explain your fading interest. If you are sure he wants to meet again in real life soon, then I would wait (a short while) for that and give it once more chance. See how you feel after that meeting. If you are not sure if he really wants to meet in real life, then you need to decide whether to carry on chatting or not. He could just be a friend (if he wants that too) and maybe cool off on the chatting so it is not so often (as would be more usual with a friend). I think it is natural to start to lose interest if you never see the person in real life. It would be natural to become disheartened. I suppose the question is, are you disheartened because you really want to see him or because you are bored with him? Edited October 25, 2021 by spiderowl
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