Military guy on OLD playing games/wasting my time. Red flags?

[Katkats7777]

I matched with this guy on OLD. I noticed this distance didnt show on his profile. When I first started messaging, I asked if he lived in my area, he said yes. However on his snapchat his location showed he was in a different state, i asked, and he said he’s in the military, and he comes back on holidays, some weekends. Then i wonder how the heck we matched if he said its been a couple months since he’s been in town? B/c my settings in OLD is set for local guys, unless he was back in town recently and then went away, but hes saying a couple of months? Also, he keeps saying he cant wait to meet up, well he doesnt even make any solid plans to drive back to town. This weekend he cant b/c hes got some funeral duty. He also said he would come back to town to see an ex. I’m like wth? What he would see an ex and make time yet he doesnt for me? Anyway, i called him out and he got defensive. Told him he was wasting time and i dont do stupid fantasy long distance never meeting up bs 

[vla1120]

Ahhh.....the old "I'm in the military" excuse - which is a very handy excuse for scammers, MM and others when things just don't make sense....

NEXT!

[Alpacalia]

55 minutes ago, Katkats7777 said:

Also, he keeps saying he cant wait to meet up, well he doesnt even make any solid plans to drive back to town. This weekend he cant b/c hes got some funeral duty. He also said he would come back to town to see an ex. I’m like wth? What he would see an ex and make time yet he doesnt for me? Anyway, i called him out and he got defensive. Told him he was wasting time and i dont do stupid fantasy long distance never meeting up bs 

Doesn't sound like he's keen on meeting.

Thank him for his time and bid him adieu.

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Katkats7777 said:

Anyway, i called him out and he got defensive. Told him he was wasting time and i dont do stupid fantasy long distance never meeting up bs 

I don't understand the need to be nasty KitKat. 

"Calling him out," telling him he's "wasting your time," you don't do "stupid fantasy long distance, " was all that necessary?

Chill.  And learn to lower expectations or better yet, don't have any when it comes to online and random men reaching out long distance and claiming they want to meet.  

I read a post not too long ago from a male poster about why this happens.  I will try to find. 

But it's pretty common, it's happened to me too a few times.  I never really expected to meet anyway though despite them claiming they did.  

Try to take with a grain of salt.  Have fun with the interaction as long as it lasts. 

If you don't like him or believe he's being insincere, just next him.  Graciously and politely.  Or simply ghost. 

Exercise some class, all this nastiness (and it's not just you KitKat, I've seen from others too), "calling out," people need to get a grip. It's not necessary, serves no good purpose. 

Try to stay positive, always.. Roll with whatever happens.. 

Your energy and the vibe you project to others, not to mention your own general attitude towards men and dating, will thank you. 

Right now you sound bitter and angry.  Not a good look, sorry..

 

 

 

Edited October 22, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Exercise some class, all this nastiness (and it's not just you KitKat, I've seen from others too), "calling out," people need to get a grip. It's not necessary, serves no good purpose. 

Absolutely agree on that one! No need to call anybody out on anything when it comes to on-line dating. Save your nerve cells. Save your time and energy. In majority of cases calling someone out on his or her crap will accomplish absolutely nothing. The other person is neither going to feel bad nor is going to nave an epiphany all of the sudden about his actions. Immediately put a person out of your mind as you see that fake or flake behavior (or both).  Stop answering, block, ghost, whatever. Focus on people who actually want to meet rather than on that just want to string you along. 

 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Alvi

[Katkats7777]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I don't understand the need to be nasty KitKat. 

"Calling him out," telling him he's "wasting your time," you don't do "stupid fantasy long distance, " was all that necessary?

Chill.  And learn to lower expectations or better yet, don't have any when it comes to online and random men reaching out long distance and claiming they want to meet.  

I read a post not too long ago from a male poster about why this happens.  I will try to find. 

But it's pretty common, it's happened to me too a few times.  I never really expected to meet anyway though despite them claiming they did.  

Try to take with a grain of salt.  Have fun with the interaction as long as it lasts. 

If you don't like him or believe he's being insincere, just next him.  Graciously and politely.  Or simply ghost. 

Exercise some class, all this nastiness (and it's not just you KitKat, I've seen from others too), "calling out," people need to get a grip. It's not necessary, serves no good purpose. 

Try to stay positive, always.. Roll with whatever happens.. 

Your energy and the vibe you project to others, not to mention your own general attitude towards men and dating, will thank you. 

Right now you sound bitter and angry.  Not a good look, sorry..

 

 

 

Naa, i have no obligation to “be polite” or even ghost to a complete stranger. I’m going to be downright nasty and say it to their face. Why ghost? There are tons of posts on here on why they dont understand why they were ghosted. Seriously i told him “men who are interested make the time.” He then go defensive making excuses about his work something about saturday funeral duty. Plus he told me he was off today, if he really wanted to see me he would have flown 5 hours back to town and squeeze in time. For example, awhile back this other guy told me he was busy because he was leaving town for a few days, i suggested a day then said he couldnt. He then “made the time” to see me and told me, “l’ll squeeze in some time to see you.” Catch my drift?

[Gaeta]

He was looking for his next hook up while in town. 

By the way, military don't do online dating, they don't need it. They have this HUGE social network that has them meet new people all the time. 

[vla1120]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He was looking for his next hook up while in town. 

By the way, military don't do online dating, they don't need it. They have this HUGE social network that has them meet new people all the time. 

Exactly! That was going to be my next point. Military members are never short of potential partners (but then, I was in 40 years ago, so I thought maybe times had changed.)

[Katkats7777]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He was looking for his next hook up while in town. 

By the way, military don't do online dating, they don't need it. They have this HUGE social network that has them meet new people all the time. 

He probably was in town last week or something if we matched,  instead he lied and told me “few months ago.” Sounded fishy to me. Bet he and his buddies can easily go to the nearest strip joint instead of romancing women online

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Katkats7777 said:

Naa, i have no obligation to “be polite” or even ghost to a complete stranger. I’m going to be downright nasty and say it to their face. Why ghost? There are tons of posts on here on why they dont understand why they were ghosted. Seriously i told him “men who are interested make the time.” He then go defensive making excuses about his work something about saturday funeral duty. Plus he told me he was off today, if he really wanted to see me he would have flown 5 hours back to town and squeeze in time. For example, awhile back this other guy told me he was busy because he was leaving town for a few days, i suggested a day then said he couldnt. He then “made the time” to see me and told me, “l’ll squeeze in some time to see you.” Catch my drift?

No I don't "catch your drift," you missed my entire point.

And Alvi's.

But suit yourself.

You want to get up some random guy's butt, feel free.  But HE won't care, trust me.  Complete and utter waste of time.

The only purpose it serves is you becoming angry and bitter (as evidenced here) and that negative energy will be projected to the men you meet, and YOU will be the one to pay the price. 

Yes men can be flakes, so can many women!  

Take with a grain of salt. 

Say nothing and let it go..

Edited October 22, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Katkats7777 said:

my settings in OLD is set for local guys, unless he was back in town recently and then went away, but hes saying a couple of months?

To avoid burnout, delete and block timewasters like this asap.

[Gaeta]

18 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

Exactly! That was going to be my next point. Military members are never short of potential partners (but then, I was in 40 years ago, so I thought maybe times had changed.)

I was married 15 years to a military man. 

When I come across those military pretend online, I get a kick at breaking down their façade. 

[Ami1uwant]

27 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He was looking for his next hook up while in town. 

By the way, military don't do online dating, they don't need it. They have this HUGE social network that has them meet new people all the time. 

I agree he’s looking fir a hook up.

 

I disagree in the idea military don’t need OLD.

 

military us still very male dominant in many units where you won’t meet women easily other than workplace just like in real life.

 

some assignments are very isolated where you don’t see many others at work location.

[Alvi]

15 minutes ago, Katkats7777 said:

He probably was in town last week or something if we matched,  instead he lied and told me “few months ago.” Sounded fishy to me. Bet he and his buddies can easily go to the nearest strip joint instead of romancing women online

To be fair, and not that I am defending him here, he doesn't owe you anything. He can do what he wishes. Yes, that means he can go to the nearest strip join and romance women online. Just like you don't owe him anything. If it sounds fishy to you, then you need to stop wasting your time on him and redirect your energy on another guy(s). 

For the future, it might be better for your own sanity to stop wondering why some people do what they do. Wondering about why they are not honest, why they lie, why they flake, why they don't want to meet you, why they give you the empty promises. The correct answer is Who Cares? I say it again, don't waste a second of your time on them. Calling them out on their inconsistent behavior is going to make your more bitter, upset and jaded. Simply cut him off and move on to the next one.

 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said:

I disagree in the idea military don’t need OLD.

 

military us still very male dominant in many units where you won’t meet women easily other than workplace just like in real life.

 

some assignments are very isolated where you don’t see many others at work location.

Agree.

But that's besides the point OP.

If your dating approach is to meet people as quickly as possible, adhere to it and don't stray from it.

It might help you quit overthinking.

Aim for a mindset of being open to something forming, but not in the sense that you require or desire it for its own sake.

 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Katkats7777 said:

Plus he told me he was off today, if he really wanted to see me he would have flown 5 hours back to town and squeeze in time. For example, awhile back this other guy told me he was busy because he was leaving town for a few days, i suggested a day then said he couldnt. He then “made the time” to see me and told me, “l’ll squeeze in some time to see you.” Catch my drift?

Yeah, we catch your drift but did you catch his - he's simply not interested, so move along to someone else.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

He was looking for his next hook up while in town. 

By the way, military don't do online dating, they don't need it. They have this HUGE social network that has them meet new people all the time. 

This is true.  They don't need to at all.  There are women who will give them sex just to say thank you for your service.  

[SumGuy]

2 hours ago, Katkats7777 said:

He probably was in town last week or something if we matched,  instead he lied and told me “few months ago.” Sounded fishy to me. Bet he and his buddies can easily go to the nearest strip joint instead of romancing women online

I'm confused (maybe with another poster) are you not just looking for sex via Tinder etc.?  Swear you have other threads where you ask how to get that.  So why would a fly by night player be a problem, isn't that exactly what you are after?  I don't think a guy you would pick up at a bar would be much different. 

No judgment but if you are fishing for just sex this is the nature of the fish, don't expect someone looking for a hookup to make time or invest much energy if they have options, simply because hookup dating is transitory so why invest and upend ones life for something that is by it's very nature not going to last and may end up being just a ONS?

[SumGuy]

21 minutes ago, stillafool said:

This is true.  They don't need to at all.  There are women who will give them sex just to say thank you for your service.  

Now that should be the recruiting slogan, forget this "army of one" or "the few, the proud" or money for college.