Friends with Benefite or More? VERY mixed signals.

[GEMMA523]

I met someone over a year ago on a dating app and we went on about 5 dates. He then didn’t get in touch and then he texted me on a night out and we have been texting each other on occasion like that for a while and staying over at each other’s irregularly. Perhaps every month. Normally not really texting in between except occasionally. I think I vaguely remember having a drunken conversation with him asking if he was a commitaphobe and him also saying his friend said girls always get attached when they are sleeping with someone. I had not. Recently though out of pure coincidence we both were in a place where we were able to take some time off and he suggested we go on holiday together and it would ‘be fun’. He also bought me a present out of the blue just before. He bought himself one and got me one too. We had an awesome holiday and we cuddled alot, occasionally hold hands but rarely kiss when not sleeping with each other. We have exchanged the odd text in the week since our holiday but I am a little confused as I think I really do like him but not sure he feels the same way. Any thoughts? I don’t want to tell him and get rejected and lose what we have as I really enjoy it but I keep thinking about him. I feel like the signals are all over the place.

[CUP OF TEA]

Are you looking for a boyfriend, something serious? Did he tell you what his dating goals are? I would think after a year you've had this discussion or no? If he's only asked you on five dates in a year I am thinking he is maybe just looking for a FWB situation. You should ask him before giving him any more of your time and energy. Good luck!

[GEMMA523]

6 minutes ago, CUP OF TEA said:

Are you looking for a boyfriend, something serious? Did he tell you what his dating goals are? I would think after a year you've had this discussion or no? If he's only asked you on five dates in a year I am thinking he is maybe just looking for a FWB situation. You should ask him before giving him any more of your time and energy. Good luck!

Thanks! I am looking for something serious. He hasn’t really said anything. We went on 5 dates a year ago and then ever since then have been sleeping with each other. Then recently the present and the holiday. 

[Maldives]

So are you now seeing each other more regularly? 

[Sun Seeker]

2 hours ago, GEMMA523 said:

I don’t want to tell him and get rejected and lose what we have as I really enjoy it but I keep thinking about him.

I've never understood this way of thinking. If you want something serious with him, and he does not want something serious with you, it's only a matter of time until you lose whatever it is you have, when he meets someone else he wants to be serious with. At that point you will be in the rear view mirror.

Instead of being in this unknown limbo, confused, it's always best to tell exactly how you feel. If he doesn't feel the same then you stop wasting your time with him.

And what you currently have, let's be honest here, is he is using you for companionship and sex. Which it seems you have agreed to. I've done that with women before, even gone on holiday with them, and I had no interest whatsoever in anything serious with them.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, GEMMA523 said:

Thanks! I am looking for something serious. He hasn’t really said anything. 

Is he married or in another relationship?

While this isn't cold like just hooking up, it's a vague situationship, not a committed or exclusive and certainly not a serious relationship.

There's no mixed signals. He is clear it's just "fun" and casual.

Unfortunately you're grasping at straws hoping to make this more than it is.

As long as you are wasting your time on him, you'll miss out on what you're looking for.

FWB is a limited scratch an itch situation, not a prelude to a serious relationship. This won't end well for you since you hope for more than he's willing to offer. 

[stillafool]

20 hours ago, GEMMA523 said:

I think I vaguely remember having a drunken conversation with him asking if he was a commitaphobe and him also saying his friend said girls always get attached when they are sleeping with someone. I had not.

Are you sure?  This question you asked him sounds like you're already attached and he knows it.

[princessaurora]

FWB's can get hazy at times because when you are sleeping with the same person that frequently, emotions do come into play. I became fwb's with an acquaintance years ago. He was not my type at all (gym fanatic, not very smart), but we were both single and looking to have fun. At first we were just banging but then eventually we started hanging out outside the bedroom. We would spend every weekend together, go to dinner, movies, shopping. His sister would even comment that we should just admit we were a couple, but  I couldn't see myself with him because he was not what I was looking for in a romantic partner at all.  After about 8 months,  we started dating people again and it ended. I missed him so much at first, to the point where I wondered if I was in love with him. But after a few weeks, I realized it was only the sex I missed because I was not attracted to him in that way at all. But the sex was so  mindblowing and that's what I was sad to lose. As I was coming to terms with that, he called and asked me if I wanted to hook up  again. I told him no, it wasn;t a good idea because I had gotten the sex confused with real feelings and I finally had my head clear. He was not happy and things got downright nasty between us after that. 

I can't say whether this is what's happening in your situation, but I can tell you the longer it drags out the harder it will be when it ends. He may very well feel the same way you do, but the only way you're going to know is to ask. But be prepared to cut your losses if he doesn't because the awkwardness broaching this subject creates , never goes away. 

[glows]

21 hours ago, GEMMA523 said:

Any thoughts? I don’t want to tell him 

Tell him and go your separate ways if it's not what you're looking for. 

[GEMMA523]

3 hours ago, princessaurora said:

FWB's can get hazy at times because when you are sleeping with the same person that frequently, emotions do come into play. I became fwb's with an acquaintance years ago. He was not my type at all (gym fanatic, not very smart), but we were both single and looking to have fun. At first we were just banging but then eventually we started hanging out outside the bedroom. We would spend every weekend together, go to dinner, movies, shopping. His sister would even comment that we should just admit we were a couple, but  I couldn't see myself with him because he was not what I was looking for in a romantic partner at all.  After about 8 months,  we started dating people again and it ended. I missed him so much at first, to the point where I wondered if I was in love with him. But after a few weeks, I realized it was only the sex I missed because I was not attracted to him in that way at all. But the sex was so  mindblowing and that's what I was sad to lose. As I was coming to terms with that, he called and asked me if I wanted to hook up  again. I told him no, it wasn;t a good idea because I had gotten the sex confused with real feelings and I finally had my head clear. He was not happy and things got downright nasty between us after that. 

I can't say whether this is what's happening in your situation, but I can tell you the longer it drags out the harder it will be when it ends. He may very well feel the same way you do, but the only way you're going to know is to ask. But be prepared to cut your losses if he doesn't because the awkwardness broaching this subject creates , never goes away. 

Thanks all. You are right. I was genuinely happy with everything before but think my feeling have just got confused and have changed recently. It is best to just tell him / cut it off before it goes further to save getting more hurt and retire as just friends!