usa1ah Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: I can do that and be professional, it's just I am worried that she will do say something indescrete again like I love you, or asking me to share a fork, etc. I am worried that she might say something like that in the future still. Does the company have a no fraternization policy? Why did you sign anything if they don’t? They can’t make up the rules as they go. Why are you even dating this person if you can’t stand up for the relationship or her? She deserves someone that will.
usa1ah Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 On 11/14/2021 at 12:40 AM, ironpony said: I mean maybe they spoke to me because I went to her because she is the only one knows about the products to make my job easier. But she also said it herself that she can get the help me identify the products and that it was not problem with her job, so I took her word for it, in a co-worker sense. This is not what you said in the last posting. You should have asked to see the company policy on coworkers dating one another. You should have never signed anything if they don’t have a policy against it.
ASG Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 11 hours ago, ironpony said: But she said she never told them and I don't think she would lie to me about that. I didn't need you to tell me you had autism. It was pretty obvious from any post of yours I read. It's possible your GF is also obviously autistic, particularly if they are used to hiring people with disabilities.
Gaeta Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 6 hours ago, ironpony said: No we don't. Feels like you left out details as to why going out with *her* specifically gives a wrong impression? Is she released from parental responsibility? What is her level of Autism?
clia Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 8 hours ago, ironpony said: Okay thanks. That's what they said though. But I will ask for a copy. But that's what they said. So I won't leave the building to get lunch with her and hopefully they will call the matter closed, if that's likely, if that's what they said? None of this even makes any sense. They say there have been complaints, haul you into the office, and ask you to sign a form that you won't go to lunch with her? You keep saying "they said" -- did you even read what you signed? Get a copy of the form that you signed and let one of your parents read it to get their opinion about what is going on here. If they haven't hauled your girlfriend in to sign something similar or to have a discussion with her about her behavior, then you are most certainly the one in the hot seat. None of us can speculate about what is going on here without knowing exactly what they said to you and exactly what you signed. But, I concur with the others that it seems like they are papering your file, and you should start looking for another job. 3
Author ironpony Posted November 16, 2021 Author Posted November 16, 2021 (edited) 36 minutes ago, clia said: None of this even makes any sense. They say there have been complaints, haul you into the office, and ask you to sign a form that you won't go to lunch with her? You keep saying "they said" -- did you even read what you signed? Get a copy of the form that you signed and let one of your parents read it to get their opinion about what is going on here. If they haven't hauled your girlfriend in to sign something similar or to have a discussion with her about her behavior, then you are most certainly the one in the hot seat. None of us can speculate about what is going on here without knowing exactly what they said to you and exactly what you signed. But, I concur with the others that it seems like they are papering your file, and you should start looking for another job. the form said not to go for lunch with her anymore. That's all it said and it said it was because of complaints of behavior. And it's all said. Perhaps it was all they had to go on so that's all I could put in the form? Edited November 16, 2021 by ironpony
Author ironpony Posted November 16, 2021 Author Posted November 16, 2021 9 minutes ago, elaine567 said: So what has your gf said about all this? she says she felt she doesn't know why she wasn't told instead of me because she felt that she was the one who was being indiscreet and being giddy around me, and also things like now that I love you. So she's not sure why they called me in only and not her.
elaine567 Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 8 minutes ago, ironpony said: she says she felt she doesn't know why she wasn't told instead of me because she felt that she was the one who was being indiscreet and being giddy around me, and also things like now that I love you. So she's not sure why they called me in only and not her. It's because they do not see her behaviour as being problematic, it is your behaviour they see as problematic. You are getting bogged down in the wrong thing here. Stop blaming her for this, she is not the problem. You need to sit down and analyse your behaviour not hers. 1
Author ironpony Posted November 16, 2021 Author Posted November 16, 2021 Just now, elaine567 said: It's because they do not see her behaviour as being problematic, it is your behaviour they see as problematic. You are getting bogged down in the wrong thing here. Stop blaming her for this, she is not the problem. You need to sit down and analyse your behaviour not hers. Okaywe are doing just that. However, in the meeting though the HR person who is alone with me did say to me that even though I am saying that she feels it was her who was being unprofessional, and having to talk to me is BS, she said that she is forced to do this in her position. So what do I take from that when she says that but I'm still signing it?
Author ironpony Posted November 16, 2021 Author Posted November 16, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Did you ask for copy of the form today? No I have the day off today. I can ask for it later Edited November 16, 2021 by ironpony 1
clia Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 10 minutes ago, ironpony said: Okaywe are doing just that. However, in the meeting though the HR person who is alone with me did say to me that even though I am saying that she feels it was her who was being unprofessional, and having to talk to me is BS, she said that she is forced to do this in her position. So what do I take from that when she says that but I'm still signing it? The HR person is not your friend. She's not forced to do anything if she believes that you haven't done anything wrong and its all BS. You say to her "If you are telling me I have done nothing wrong, then why do I need to sign this document?" And if she truly believes that it was your girlfriend being unprofessional and not you, then why hasn't she had a talk with her yet and asked her to sign a document? HR is not your friend in this situation. 3
Wiseman2 Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, clia said: The HR person is not your friend. She's not forced to do anything if she believes that you haven't done anything wrong and its all BS. Agree. You were brought in for specific reasons and that is damage control and complaints about you specifically, not your GF. Even though you tried to throw your GF under the bus and blame her, they were not buying it. That's why you were the one in the office signing forms. Do not badger or harass your GF about this or she could go in and complain and that will be it for you. The best recourse for you is to read it, abide by it and don't ask or badger anyone at work about it. Edited November 16, 2021 by Wiseman2
Author ironpony Posted November 16, 2021 Author Posted November 16, 2021 (edited) Okay thanks. Well I am doing that now. But since we are still dating is that still going to bother them though? Edited November 16, 2021 by ironpony
Girl Fade Away Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 3 hours ago, ironpony said: she says she felt she doesn't know why she wasn't told instead of me because she felt that she was the one who was being indiscreet and being giddy around me, and also things like now that I love you. So she's not sure why they called me in only and not her. Because they are not trying to get rid of HER, only you. And my guess is it is for other reasons other than what they are claiming. Like I said, they cannot fire you because of your Autism, that is considered a disability and you are in a protected class. So they need another reason. They found one. Like many other posters have advised, start looking for another job ASAP.
Girl Fade Away Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 4 hours ago, clia said: But, I concur with the others that it seems like they are papering your file, and you should start looking for another job This.
Wiseman2 Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: But since we are still dating is that still going to bother them though? They did not make you sign a form about dating. They made you sign a form about inappropriate, unprofessional behaviors and others complaining about it. Do whatever the form says rather than twisting and mutating it.
Author ironpony Posted November 16, 2021 Author Posted November 16, 2021 So I got my boss to send me a copy of it. The form says that they do not want me leaving with her for lunch and then coming back together as it sets a unprofessional impression and example on the others. That's all the form says.
usa1ah Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 4 hours ago, elaine567 said: It's because they do not see her behaviour as being problematic, it is your behaviour they see as problematic. You are getting bogged down in the wrong thing here. Stop blaming her for this, she is not the problem. You need to sit down and analyse your behaviour not hers. They told him that he wasn’t the problem during his meeting. What are you talking about?
Gaeta Posted November 16, 2021 Posted November 16, 2021 17 minutes ago, ironpony said: So I got my boss to send me a copy of it. The form says that they do not want me leaving with her for lunch and then coming back together as it sets a unprofessional impression and example on the others. That's all the form says. If she is your superior then she is the one that should be warned about this. She is setting a bad example as she is of higher rank and should know better. Why do you think it's 'you' that they warned?
Author ironpony Posted November 17, 2021 Author Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Gaeta said: If she is your superior then she is the one that should be warned about this. She is setting a bad example as she is of higher rank and should know better. Why do you think it's 'you' that they warned? I don't know. Are superiors treated sometimes the more leniency sometimes because they are superiors? Edited November 17, 2021 by ironpony
basil67 Posted November 17, 2021 Posted November 17, 2021 I'm confused. Is your girlfriend also your supervisor??
Author ironpony Posted November 17, 2021 Author Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) She is a supervisor in a different department than mine, but not my supervisor in mine. Edited November 17, 2021 by ironpony
Author ironpony Posted November 17, 2021 Author Posted November 17, 2021 It was said before that the manager will not let this go though, and that it will forever be personal. Why wouldn't the manager just want to go back to business and keep it about business as usual, and forget about this thing now that I have complied and signed it? Why take it personally?
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