Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 I am worried about my job, that if I am looking for things all day, that it will come off as unproductive and I need to find a way to locate products without having to take so long looking for them. But should I not worry and look all day, if they do not want me to ask her where they are?
Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 It feels like they want me to keep her on the leash as far as her behavior goes in the workplace, since they said they know it's her. But what I if I cannot 'keep her on a leash' though if that's what they want, since they came to me about it? That's my worry.
elaine567 Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 22 minutes ago, ironpony said: I am worried about my job, that if I am looking for things all day, that it will come off as unproductive and I need to find a way to locate products without having to take so long looking for them. But should I not worry and look all day, if they do not want me to ask her where they are? Why don't you know where they are? You have been at the job for a relatively long time now.
Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 Because I only had to go to her department for products recently, like two weeks ago. And they only got these new products in recently as well, so I do not know them because they are new and we did not have them before that. Plus I was transferred to this new duty a couple of weeks ago to, so it's a new area that is all new to me as of just two weeks.
elaine567 Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 What would you have done if your gf was not there? I think you need to make a special effort to memorise where the new products are located, so you don't need to involve your gf or any one else..
Wiseman2 Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: I am worried about my job Yes. Get your resume updated and start scanning for jobs. People are complaining about you and you are signing forms to the effect that these complaints against you were lodged. HR works for the company and is there for damage control and to see that they provide a safe legal environment, free of people whose behavior is viewed as offensive. They will not and do not have to tell you who lodged the complaints, as that would prevent people from coming forward. Since your view is argumentative and combative, you can bring the papers to an attorney if you feel you were treated unfairly.
Alvi Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: It feels like they want me to keep her on the leash as far as her behavior goes in the workplace, since they said they know it's her. But what I if I cannot 'keep her on a leash' though if that's what they want, since they came to me about it? That's my worry. Why do you think they think it is your responsibility to keep her on a leash? lol I highly doubt it. I mean, if they think she is doing something wrong, they can either talk to her about it or fire her. I think it's time for both of you to start looking for other jobs as soon as possible. They put both of you on a notice. It's a start of a very bumpy roller-coaster ride since HR is involved in this already. They might be nitpicking, criticizing anything or everything about your performance or behavior with or without any reason (from your point of view). Basically they are just looking for a reason to get rid of you. Like it didn't bother them before that you skipped the protocol and went to her directly to get things needed for your job. Now, all of the sudden, it bothers them that you bypass the ABC rules that they have in place. Instead, you go to the point D (to her) directly. All and all, I think this thread is a perfect example of why you should not be dating your co-workers. Or if you do, always stay very professional and keep it very discreet. 1
elaine567 Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 2 hours ago, ironpony said: It feels like they want me to keep her on the leash as far as her behavior goes in the workplace, since they said they know it's her. But what I if I cannot 'keep her on a leash' though if that's what they want, since they came to me about it? That's my worry. I doubt that. Have they spoken to her yet? As long as they say nothing to her, it is you they are targeting. They may not actually agree with your assessment of the situation, despite you thinking that they did. They may have had other discussions about it and decided only you are to blame. Forget about trying to control her, that may land you in even more trouble... 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 7 minutes ago, elaine567 said: As long as they say nothing to her, it is you they are targeting. Agree. They do not make employees sign forms frivolously, that would be legally problematic in itself. They clearly got complaints about you and brought several people in confidentially for statements to verify the complaints. It does seem that they are on alert about you and your behaviors at work and why you are making others "uncomfortable". It's in your file now, so hopefully you will not get in more trouble.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 I feel like there are some pieces missing here. OP, I have to wonder if you have been doing other things that you didn't think were offensive to anyone's sensibilities but perhaps they were. It sounds less like they're worried about sexual harrassment and a lot more about conflict of interest with you and her being so close. 1
Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 Perhaps there is something missing. I can only go by my own interpretation of it, and what they said. Well since I signed the form now, are they most likely cool now and they are legally covered, and they just want to move on and everything is likely good? Or should I likely expect more from this?
Alvi Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 4 minutes ago, ironpony said: Perhaps there is something missing. I can only go by my own interpretation of it, and what they said. Well since I signed the form now, are they most likely cool now and they are legally covered, and they just want to move on and everything is likely good? Or should I likely expect more from this? No, it is not good. You should be very worried. Once HR is involved, it is never good. Right now you have a target on your back or so to speak. Like I said in my earlier post, it is a beginning of a very bumpy roller coaster ride till they either fire you or you quit on your own. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 47 minutes ago, ironpony said: Well since I signed the form now, are they most likely cool now and they are legally covered, and they just want to move on and everything is likely good? Or should I likely expect more from this? No, everything is not good. This is on your record with the company now. It's a strike against you and they are watching you very carefully. This sort of thing is somtimes the lead-up to an eventual dismissal, as they're now creating a trail of "strikes" against you - which even you aknowledged by signing that form. I would start looking for a new job, if I were you.
Alvi Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I would start looking for a new job, if I were you. And please learn a lesson from this and act more professional on your other job. 1
vla1120 Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: Perhaps there is something missing. I can only go by my own interpretation of it, and what they said. Well since I signed the form now, are they most likely cool now and they are legally covered, and they just want to move on and everything is likely good? Or should I likely expect more from this? If you are on the spectrum, Canada has non-discrimination laws for people with disabilities. You don't have to pay $250 an hour to get an opinion from an attorney. There are support services out there for ASD. They can help you navigate this situation if you don't completely understand what you signed and/or what the intent of your company is moving forward. I think you should seek help from someone in your area who knows about ASD and can advocate for you with your company moving forward. (I apologize if I misunderstood and you are not on the spectrum.)
Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 54 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: No, everything is not good. This is on your record with the company now. It's a strike against you and they are watching you very carefully. This sort of thing is somtimes the lead-up to an eventual dismissal, as they're now creating a trail of "strikes" against you - which even you aknowledged by signing that form. I would start looking for a new job, if I were you. So I shouldn't have signed it then? What would happen if I didn't?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 2 minutes ago, ironpony said: So I shouldn't have signed it then? What would happen if I didn't? Again, these are questions for an attorney and your HR department. 1
Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 Ok. I'm just worried she might say something to me again in front of others that I might not be able to control.
Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 And from now on I will ask my supervisor if it's ok to go her department to get something everytime I need to if that's best.
Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 (edited) 46 minutes ago, vla1120 said: If you are on the spectrum, Canada has non-discrimination laws for people with disabilities. You don't have to pay $250 an hour to get an opinion from an attorney. There are support services out there for ASD. They can help you navigate this situation if you don't completely understand what you signed and/or what the intent of your company is moving forward. I think you should seek help from someone in your area who knows about ASD and can advocate for you with your company moving forward. (I apologize if I misunderstood and you are not on the spectrum.) Oh yes, I'm on the spectrum. Well I got this job through a job agency that helps people with disabilities. Should I ask them about it or will it look bad if I were to bring this up since they got me the job? I was also wondering, why is that in a sexual harrassment situation they will talk to the subordinate about it but not the superior? Edited November 15, 2021 by ironpony
Alvi Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 (edited) 34 minutes ago, ironpony said: I was also wondering, why is that in a sexual harrassment situation they will talk to the subordinate about it but not the superior? I can't tell but perhaps it looks like you are coming on to her. Perhaps the way they see how you conduct yourself when you are around her. I mean, you are male in your late 30. She is a young 21 years old female. Do the math, who do you think is most likely the "aggressor" here, lol. Maybe they think she needs to be rescued from the older male, or that could be a vibe that she projects. In certain situations some bad behavior from the females might be overlooked or be minimized. But not so much for the males. Not saying that you are harassing her at all, you two are in a mutually exclusive relationship after all. But that's what it might look like to the outsiders. Edited November 15, 2021 by Alvi 1
Alvi Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 33 minutes ago, ironpony said: Oh yes, I'm on the spectrum. Well I got this job through a job agency that helps people with disabilities. Should I ask them about it or will it look bad if I were to bring this up since they got me the job? Interesting question. Could you talk to a lawyer perhaps before approaching your agency perhaps and see what he or she says?
vla1120 Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 34 minutes ago, ironpony said: Oh yes, I'm on the spectrum. Well I got this job through a job agency that helps people with disabilities. Should I ask them about it or will it look bad if I were to bring this up since they got me the job? I was also wondering, why is that in a sexual harrassment situation they will talk to the subordinate about it but not the superior? YES! You should DEFINITELY ask them about it. That's what they are there for, to support you! Talk to the job agency, show them the form you signed, explain the entire situation to them. They know the laws and will be able to guide you moving forward! 2
basil67 Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 6 hours ago, ironpony said: Yes I remember. I just don't understand why they are talking to me about that, when she was the one being flirtatious, and mouthing I love you for example. They even told me in the meeting they knew it was her and not me. So if they knew it was her, why are they talking to me and not her. That's the part I don't understand. But, like it was said, they may still talk to her, but it's being delayed for her for some reason. Most likely it's because of the large age difference and her autism. They likely view her as vulnerable. It sounds like your company is inclusive in their hiring, but with that inclusivity does come a duty of care.
dramafreezone Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 You can talk to your job agency about your rights as someone with a disability, but still look for another job. Get your ducks in a row. I said a while back that this entire situation is just ready to implode at this point, doesn't seem worth the trouble if you want to continue dating this woman. Yes you have rights but it may also be a good idea just to get a fresh start and avoid all of this stress.
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