Gaeta Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 4 minutes ago, ironpony said: There was also another incident they brought up where me and her left the building for lunch and came back and that leaves a bad impression to the others. In what Country are you? It's no employer's business what you do on your lunch break. They're going overboard here. Also why didn't they meet the 2 of you together? 2
Author ironpony Posted November 14, 2021 Author Posted November 14, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: In what Country are you? It's no employer's business what you do on your lunch break. They're going overboard here. Also why didn't they meet the 2 of you together? I am not sure why they didn't. They said they will speak to her tomorrow most likely. I am in Canada. I didn't think that leaving for lunch together was bad, as long as we were back on time, which we were, but Wiseman just pointed out that that's what they were talking to me about and to be more professional. So maybe it was bad of me therefore? Edited November 14, 2021 by ironpony
Gaeta Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 I re-read your update and your boss said what ever you do outside of work is your business, that includes your lunch time. He only said about the lunch that it leaves a wrong impression on the others, he did not says it's unprofessionnal.
Wiseman2 Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: They said they will speak to her tomorrow most likely. Only focus on their objections to your specific activities/behaviors. Don't misquote people. They will speak with her privately and confidentiality. It's possible others are complaining about you specifically, otherwise they wouldn't speak to you specifically. And it's not about having a lunch break and you know that.
elaine567 Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 No boss is going to call you into the office and then tell you what another worker is doing wrong. That is unprofessional. I guess you tried to deflect the heat off of you by blaming her... so now they are going to talk to her... 2
Author ironpony Posted November 14, 2021 Author Posted November 14, 2021 (edited) Oh okay but all I said was that she knew what all the products were which is why I went to her. I didn't think that was blaming her. But that's all I said about anything about her. Edited November 14, 2021 by ironpony
dramafreezone Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 (edited) This does not sound like it's worth it to me. I'd find another job if you want to stay with her. Edited November 14, 2021 by dramafreezone
ASG Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 11 hours ago, ironpony said: Okay thanks everyone for the input! Well today I got called into the bosses office and they told me they felt that she has been unprofessional with me in the workplace, the way she has been acting around me in front of others. They said that they are much more fine with how I have been acting, and I have been acting professional and normal, but she is being too friendly with me they said. They had me sign a form over it and said whatever happens with us outside of work, they don't want to know, they just wanted to tell me that they felt I was being more fine, but not her so much and they know there is something going on and they cannot have that in front of others they said. They said they will talk to her later about it. The only problem they had with me is that I went to her with some certain requests to make my job easier. But that's because she has access to all these products in the job that I needed, and I didn't have to go through as much red tape, and I saved a lot of time by doing it that way and got more work done. They then said that was a good point, and she does have access to the products to make work go faster. Not sure they thought I had a good point there, but that was the only reason why I went through her, because she had the access better,, and she is the only one who knows things about them. So they then did seem to agree with me, is that she is the only one who's things about them. I didn't do anything illegal or against policy per se, it was just a creative shortcut I guess but thought it was in the work's best interest. But what should I do or how should I respond to this? I signed the form acknowledging it, but now what's the next best thing to do? It sounds to me like they were possibly probing you to find out if they might have a sexual harrassment lawsuit on their hands, because, if I understand correctly, she is your superior, right? Not directly, but she is still in a position above you, yes? They might have noticed her behaviour and wanted to make sure they weren't gonna have any problems. The form is basically a consent form, saying if you engage in a relationship, it is not sexual harassment. Or so it seems, to me. I do find it very odd that they are keeping tabs on what you do or dont do for lunch. Who you have lunch with or where is literally none of their business and I'd have shut down that avenue of conversation pretty quickly. 1
Author ironpony Posted November 14, 2021 Author Posted November 14, 2021 (edited) 43 minutes ago, ASG said: It sounds to me like they were possibly probing you to find out if they might have a sexual harrassment lawsuit on their hands, because, if I understand correctly, she is your superior, right? Not directly, but she is still in a position above you, yes? They might have noticed her behaviour and wanted to make sure they weren't gonna have any problems. The form is basically a consent form, saying if you engage in a relationship, it is not sexual harassment. Or so it seems, to me. I do find it very odd that they are keeping tabs on what you do or dont do for lunch. Who you have lunch with or where is literally none of their business and I'd have shut down that avenue of conversation pretty quickly. Yes she is a superior in her department, so not directly to me. I just said we went for lunch because she was going through something in her personal life that she wanted to get off her chest, so we went for lunch somewhere else so she could tell me privately, and that we did not intend to imply anything to anyone. But they then seemed to react like that was a credible reason perhaps. Edited November 14, 2021 by ironpony
dramafreezone Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, elaine567 said: No boss is going to call you into the office and then tell you what another worker is doing wrong. That is unprofessional. I guess you tried to deflect the heat off of you by blaming her... so now they are going to talk to her... well as it turns out, she's a superior above him, so if they're taking steps to avoid any type of sexual harrassment suit then this would be totally justified. They're doing their due diligence. I think he should just find another job. Edited November 14, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
ASG Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 39 minutes ago, ironpony said: Yes she is a superior in her department, so not directly to me. I just said we went for lunch because she was going through something in her personal life that she wanted to get off her chest, so we went for lunch somewhere else so she could tell me privately, and that we did not intend to imply anything to anyone. But they then seemed to react like that was a credible reason perhaps. It is none of their business what you do or don't do during your lunch break and you shouldn't be explaining yourself. You have now signed something that basically puts the company at ease, as it pertains to sexual harrassment, which is all that matters to them. I do believe they were concerned with how she behaved with you, while being unaware of your dating situation. That shoulnd't be a problem anymore. 36 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: well as it turns out, she's a superior above him, so if they're taking steps to avoid any type of sexual harrassment suit then this would be totally justified. They're doing their due diligence. I think he should just find another job. Like finding another job is easy? The OP is also on the spectrum, so finding a new job might be extra difficut for him, as, while every company tends to boast about their inclusivity or diversity, we know that that's not always the case!
dramafreezone Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 (edited) OP is in his early 20s? Yes I think finding a job at that age is relatively easy, or at least it was for me. Now finding a good job is another story but very few people who are that young have the skills to demand a good job. Those early 20s jobs are just to get by while you're striving towards a career. If this IS what he wants to do for a career, then he needs to decide what's more important, her or this job. Didn't know about him being on the spectrum, though. Yes that is a consideration but I don't think it changes what he has to think about. Ultimately, he can either do the job asked of him and adhere to the code of conduct that's outlined in their Terms of Employment or he can't. Edited November 14, 2021 by dramafreezone
ASG Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: OP is in his early 20s? Yes I think finding a job at that age is relatively easy, or at least it was for me. Now finding a good job is another story but very few people who are that young have the skills to demand a good job. Those early 20s jobs are just to get by while you're striving towards a career. If this IS what he wants to do for a career, then he needs to decide what's more important, her or this job. Didn't know about him being on the spectrum, though. Yes that is a consideration but I don't think it changes what he has to think about. Ultimately, he can either do the job asked of him and adhere to the code of conduct that's outlined in their Terms of Employment or he can't. OP is in his mid to late 30s, not early 20s. Plus he seems to be happy in his job. And the GF and the job are not mutually exclusive. You're the one making them out to be. Edited November 14, 2021 by ASG
dramafreezone Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 Just now, ASG said: OP is in his mid to late 30s, not early 20s. The GF is in her early 20s though I see. I assumed they were the same age. So he is at a job in his mid to late 30s, has a GF that's superior to him in her early 20s. This just does not seem like anything good can come of this, especially if he's limited by job choice due to his special circumstances. Doesn't seem worth it, OP, maybe just end it so that you can keep your job. GFs come and go, you can find another one.
ASG Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 1 minute ago, dramafreezone said: The GF is in her early 20s though I see. I assumed they were the same age. So he is at a job in his mid to late 30s, has a GF that's superior to him in her early 20s. This just does not seem like anything good can come of this, especially if he's limited by job choice due to his special circumstances. Doesn't seem worth it, OP, maybe just end it so that you can keep your job. GFs come and go, you can find another one. But he can keep both the job and the GF! Why is that hard to understand? The company doesn't even care! They only care that it's not sexual harrassment! OP is just fine as he is, with both his job and his GF at the same job.
dramafreezone Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 3 minutes ago, ASG said: But he can keep both the job and the GF! Why is that hard to understand? The company doesn't even care! They only care that it's not sexual harrassment! OP is just fine as he is, with both his job and his GF at the same job. He just said a few posts back that they're going to talk to her about their behavior. Sounds like they care.
ASG Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 1 minute ago, dramafreezone said: He just said a few posts back that they're going to talk to her about their behavior. Sounds like they care. They care that she's not sexually harrassing a subordinate! Which makes sense. But they made him sign a release, that I'm pretty sure states the company is covered against a SH claim! They said they didn't want to know what they do outside of work. Not that dating co workers was off limits! So no, they don't care, they're just covering their asses. 2
Trail Blazer Posted November 14, 2021 Posted November 14, 2021 Don't $h!t where you eat if you're not prepared to put up with a pungent odor at meal time.
Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 6 hours ago, ASG said: They care that she's not sexually harrassing a subordinate! Which makes sense. But they made him sign a release, that I'm pretty sure states the company is covered against a SH claim! They said they didn't want to know what they do outside of work. Not that dating co workers was off limits! So no, they don't care, they're just covering their asses. But if they don't care, then why did the form I signed say I cannot go out to lunch with her. It seems they care somewhat if it says that in the form?
Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 7 hours ago, dramafreezone said: OP is in his early 20s? Yes I think finding a job at that age is relatively easy, or at least it was for me. Now finding a good job is another story but very few people who are that young have the skills to demand a good job. Those early 20s jobs are just to get by while you're striving towards a career. If this IS what he wants to do for a career, then he needs to decide what's more important, her or this job. Didn't know about him being on the spectrum, though. Yes that is a consideration but I don't think it changes what he has to think about. Ultimately, he can either do the job asked of him and adhere to the code of conduct that's outlined in their Terms of Employment or he can't. Well as for as being on the spectrum goes, there is a job agency where I live that helps people with disabilities get jobs. They will touch bass with the employer from time to time, but will it look bad to the agency if I signed a sexual harrassment release, or no?
Lotsgoingon Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 Your bosses are being weird. There are super close friendships that form on the job, and those friendships can be incredibly productive. My best job friends were people I would really process my work and get help with my work and figure things out with. Maybe your gf just needs to be a bit more inclusive ... playing it a bit more restrained and not focusing on you so much. But that goes for people with tight friendships at work as well. Tons of productive dating at the places I've worked. Tons. Looking back, these were jobs that attracted people who were pretty "nice." Kind--not many jerks.
Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 (edited) Oh okay. Well I feel my job is better working with her, because she is able to get me all the products and files without having to jump through as many hoops as I would have to otherwise, and it's more work getting done faster, and that is just better for the company overall, or at least I thought. But they don't seem to like us jumping through those hoops, but if we stop, then the productivity will slow down because of more hoops, and they probably realize that, but care more about going through the extra hoops perhaps. Edited November 15, 2021 by ironpony
Lotsgoingon Posted November 15, 2021 Posted November 15, 2021 How are things between you guys outside of work?
Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 Pretty good. We have a lot of fun together so far.
Author ironpony Posted November 15, 2021 Author Posted November 15, 2021 33 minutes ago, ironpony said: Pretty good. We have a lot of fun together so far. What I don't understand is though, they said they had to take action and have me sign it because there were complaints about us. But if no one cares, then who would be complaining and why? Or why would it bother other workers to complain?
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