lovers Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 (edited) I am 30 and been dating around a bit. There was a women I went on a date with about a year ago and I felt like she was "the one." Now this type of feeling doesn't come very often for me. I tend to find it hard to open up my heart I only felt this way for another women and that was more than a decade ago. I feel like I am a pretty good judge of character. I have had other girlfriends and I liked them, but was never in love with them. This women was what I was looking for humble, very kind, not materialistic (shops at thrift stores, buy used clothing), intelligent (in graduate school), attractive, you can tell when someone has a good soul to them. It didn't work out mainly my fault which I don't feel like getting into as its a whole other story and she has someone else now. The main point is I tried moving on. Been dating around, but the quality of women isn't there. I feel like alot of women nowadays are so materialistic and superficial. Its one thing if I was like leonardo dicaprio where quality women just throw themselves at me, but for me its more rare to have mutual interest. I continue to work on myself and be a better person as I feel like if you want something of high value you should be high value yourself. One thing is I ain't getting any younger either. So I am left wondering if I will ever get over it or I will constantly just feel like settling for someone I am so so about. I have been luke warm about alot of women in my life, but this women I thought highly of. I would like to be with someone get married, have kids, have a house in the suburbs. Very traditional life you know. But as I get older having more experience/heart break its harder to be happy. Back in my mind I am comparing and as you get older the quality women tend to be taken especially around my age group. Edited October 15, 2021 by lovers
Gaeta Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 You are 30 years old, you are far far far from feeling the pressure to marry and have babies. Every man in my life was *the one*. I loved them, shared a life with them, and l managed to move on and fall in love again. Here is the trick to falling in love again, you have to beleive it can happen again. Your first step is to stop calling this woman *the one*. She was no-one, she was just someone you shed all of your dreams on. She's just the *one date woman*. By calling her *the one* you keep on feeding this unrealistic image you created of her. 6
Allupinnit Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 Wait you felt this way after one date? You didn't even know her. AT ALL. 4
chillii Posted October 15, 2021 Posted October 15, 2021 (edited) That's ok , you can feel things like that instantly with someone very very special. He didn't get to know her but she's still left this lasting block in him that no one else has ever done yet after all this time soooo, of course , to him she was very very special , that's ok. Anyway op , don't have any advice that won't already be suggested here but yeah , 30 is still pretty young , you still have plenty of time and hopefully somebody new will come along next few yrs that will be that special again. Edited October 15, 2021 by chillii
Nothanks Posted October 16, 2021 Posted October 16, 2021 I don’t believe in “the one”. There are too many people in the world to believe there is only one person who you are compatible with. You find someone you are compatible with, build a life with her and “make” her the one. Fate, destiny, kismet blah blah blah is just nonsense peddled by Hollywood, De Beers and Valentine’s Day lol. And if you think women throwing themselves at Leonardo Di Caprio are not materialistic, think again. I bet his problem is finding a woman who is interested in him for himself and not his fame or bank account. But back to you. You are 30. Lots of time to settle down If you are not having luck dating, give yourself a break from it. Meet new people who share your interests and you never know, you may find a woman you are compatible with and she will be the one for you. 1
dramafreezone Posted October 16, 2021 Posted October 16, 2021 3 hours ago, lovers said: I am 30 and been dating around a bit. There was a women I went on a date with about a year ago and I felt like she was "the one." She can't be the one after one date.
Claire00 Posted October 16, 2021 Posted October 16, 2021 3 hours ago, lovers said: I am 30 and been dating around a bit. There was a women I went on a date with about a year ago and I felt like she was "the one." Now this type of feeling doesn't come very often for me. I tend to find it hard to open up my heart I only felt this way for another women and that was more than a decade ago. I feel like I am a pretty good judge of character. I have had other girlfriends and I liked them, but was never in love with them. This women was what I was looking for humble, very kind, not materialistic (shops at thrift stores, buy used clothing), intelligent (in graduate school), attractive, you can tell when someone has a good soul to them. It didn't work out mainly my fault which I don't feel like getting into as its a whole other story and she has someone else now. The main point is I tried moving on. Been dating around, but the quality of women isn't there. I feel like alot of women nowadays are so materialistic and superficial. Its one thing if I was like leonardo dicaprio where quality women just throw themselves at me, but for me its more rare to have mutual interest. I continue to work on myself and be a better person as I feel like if you want something of high value you should be high value yourself. One thing is I ain't getting any younger either. So I am left wondering if I will ever get over it or I will constantly just feel like settling for someone I am so so about. I have been luke warm about alot of women in my life, but this women I thought highly of. I would like to be with someone get married, have kids, have a house in the suburbs. Very traditional life you know. But as I get older having more experience/heart break its harder to be happy. Back in my mind I am comparing and as you get older the quality women tend to be taken especially around my age group. Can you explain how you feel that this woman from your past was the one? I see she had qualities you are looking for but was there any passion any feeling SHE was the one? Was she the one you want to be with or she had the features of someone you want to be with? Also what went wrong between you two and things didn’t work out? 1
chillii Posted October 16, 2021 Posted October 16, 2021 l'd like to know that last line above to op. As for the one , you just don't know it bc you've never lived it but haven't any of you at least met real couples, especially older. My dad knew he'd marry mum the very first day he saw her in the bank, together 56 yrs. Ex's parents met at 16 , at 18 he moved across the world to marry her bc her family moved . Together 65yrs until sadly she's now passed just a few mths ago, Could tell a dozen of these.
Allupinnit Posted October 16, 2021 Posted October 16, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, chillii said: l'd like to know that last line above to op. As for the one , you just don't know it bc you've never lived it but haven't any of you at least met real couples, especially older. My dad knew he'd marry mum the very first day he saw her in the bank, together 56 yrs. Ex's parents met at 16 , at 18 he moved across the world to marry her bc her family moved . Together 65yrs until sadly she's now passed just a few mths ago, Could tell a dozen of these. Our culture's attitude toward marriage and commitment has changed drastically since then. Back then you met a pretty girl in your social circle and your families knew one another for the most part, and it was a community event in which marriages strengthened the family and the community around you. What we have now are "me marriages" where someone is expected to measure up to every single standard people feel they are entitled to, and divorce when they feel short-changed out of what they thought they were getting (mainly, chemistry, looks, etc stuff that fades quickly and doesn't sustain marriage over the long term). Edited October 16, 2021 by Allupinnit 2
smackie9 Posted October 16, 2021 Posted October 16, 2021 (edited) If you like a thrifty intellectual woman then go visit thrift stores, swap meets, book stores, a cat cafe, garage sales, museums, art exhibits, farmers market, etc. Edited October 16, 2021 by smackie9 1
Author lovers Posted October 17, 2021 Author Posted October 17, 2021 On 10/15/2021 at 4:33 PM, chillii said: That's ok , you can feel things like that instantly with someone very very special. He didn't get to know her but she's still left this lasting block in him that no one else has ever done yet after all this time soooo, of course , to him she was very very special , that's ok. Anyway op , don't have any advice that won't already be suggested here but yeah , 30 is still pretty young , you still have plenty of time and hopefully somebody new will come along next few yrs that will be that special again. i hope so. been more than a decade since someone special popped into my life. 30 feels old to me.
Author lovers Posted October 17, 2021 Author Posted October 17, 2021 (edited) On 10/15/2021 at 6:02 PM, Claire00 said: Can you explain how you feel that this woman from your past was the one? I see she had qualities you are looking for but was there any passion any feeling SHE was the one? Was she the one you want to be with or she had the features of someone you want to be with? Also what went wrong between you two and things didn’t work out? im always hesitant when it comes to love/relationships. kind of cold hearted and cautious. I feel like with her I would be willing to risk it all. have kids, get married and i feel like she is a genuinely kind good hearted person. I can't explain it but i guess theres people that you meet in your life that just impacts you differently. If i was in my early 20s with not much dating experience then id be like you are just young with not much experience. I am 30 and been with 4 different women and much more sexual encounters and I have never felt this way before. its odd. I actually dont like this feeling tbh. when someone has control over you. Maybe it was for the better it didnt work out because I would be too head over heels for her and put her on a pedestal and i dont like being that way. Edited October 17, 2021 by lovers
glows Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, lovers said: im always hesitant when it comes to love/relationships. kind of cold hearted and cautious. I feel like with her I would be willing to risk it all. have kids, get married and i feel like she is a genuinely kind good hearted person. These opposites are very extreme. Cold-hearted and cautious versus swinging so far to the other side after one date with one person is alarming. It's good that you are meeting people but do you find these extremes a bit exhausting overall? There are good and kind people everywhere. Take your time getting to know someone. Edited October 17, 2021 by glows
Author lovers Posted October 17, 2021 Author Posted October 17, 2021 1 hour ago, glows said: These opposites are very extreme. Cold-hearted and cautious versus swinging so far to the other side after one date with one person is alarming. It's good that you are meeting people but do you find these extremes a bit exhausting overall? There are good and kind people everywhere. Take your time getting to know someone. it is. if it happen often then that would be of concern, but i rarely if ever feel that way for a person.
chillii Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 She was just for you very very special that's all , it's no great mystery that's how the right person should effect you, can't make that stuff happen. Unfortunately it'll be a long time before someone else does the same though, why didn't it go any further anyway ? 1
Nothanks Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 15 hours ago, lovers said: 30 feels old to me. It’s not. You sound pessimistic and depressed. I think you may be romanticizing the woman you think is “the one” because it feeds in to your negative mindset about why you don’t have someone in your life. “You missed out on her and now you will be alone forever”. Stop that negativity. You have plenty (PLENTY) of time to meet someone. It won’t happen if you continue to believe it isn’t possible. Again, put dating on hold for now and look into other interests or activities you enjoy.
Weezy1973 Posted October 17, 2021 Posted October 17, 2021 20 hours ago, lovers said: I feel like with her I would be willing to risk it all. have kids, get married and i feel like she is a genuinely kind good hearted person. I can't explain it but i guess theres people that you meet in your life that just impacts you differently. The problem is your feelings in reality have nothing at all to do with her. They're all about your thoughts about her. So you are completely in control of moving forward, you just have to stop letting those thoughts have power over you. You're "head over heels" over an imaginary person in your mind.
ironpony Posted October 19, 2021 Posted October 19, 2021 I had a similar problem years ago where a woman who was a friend, I was in love with, and felt she was the one. The way I got over it was I kept telling my heart it was being duped. She can't be the one if she doesn't feel the same way, so obviously my heart was incorret and just being duped. Eventually I got my heart to see the lite, and now she means nothing to me. So you can go from love to meaning nothing, if you tell yourself that. 1
Claire00 Posted November 10, 2021 Posted November 10, 2021 On 10/17/2021 at 4:02 AM, lovers said: im always hesitant when it comes to love/relationships. kind of cold hearted and cautious. I feel like with her I would be willing to risk it all. have kids, get married and i feel like she is a genuinely kind good hearted person. I can't explain it but i guess theres people that you meet in your life that just impacts you differently. If i was in my early 20s with not much dating experience then id be like you are just young with not much experience. I am 30 and been with 4 different women and much more sexual encounters and I have never felt this way before. its odd. I actually dont like this feeling tbh. when someone has control over you. Maybe it was for the better it didnt work out because I would be too head over heels for her and put her on a pedestal and i dont like being that way. I felt you were stack in an old relationship by comparing your feelings or your partner’s features. I hope I am wrong about that otherwise u should fix this first. I have in common with u being good in character reading. Problem is we tend to see flaws firstly (or our differences) and I guess you do too. Of course you should have standards but what u do is: you start being already disappointed with women, you spot a red flag (materialism etc) then lose any chance of connection. You need to invest in relationships as a closed up person and instead you are creating a wall for you. Dont blame women quality when you filter them like this and maybe change your circle. All these anyway are just excuses, you don’t check boxes before falling in love. She can be materialistic, make her grow w your knowledge, or she can make u become one Singles your age are mostly stupids (good luck w that) but start worrying if it’s late after 45-50. My bestfriends are 19 pregnant, 22 getting divorced, Me 22 just did an abortion. That’s what early love does to immature couples.no rush Be less judgmental and more welcoming. You will find love and feel free to be heads over heels for someone who is the same for u
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