Jump to content

Is asking about the location in an OLD picture ok for the first opening messages?

max3732

By max3732
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

max3732 Established Member

max3732

Posted
Posted

On Hinge I matched with this woman and my opening message was asking her if her picture was taken at a location in a popular theme park that's near us. She replied it was with a smiley face. My next message was asking if she likes to go there often and that it's a favorite destination of mine. After that she unmatched me.

I've tried similar opening messages where I see her at a local hotel or restaurant and will say "Is that the X restaurant? Really love going there for the Y dinner". 

Are those kinds of messages ok? I once had someone reply that I was right and she asked if I'm a detective and unmatched me. 

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

Yes they are perfect questions but expect some women will answer even if they're not interested in pursuing further with you. 

glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted

That depends on the individual. The reason why they may be impatient with you is because it's a very common question to inquire about a photo. Imagine having to answer that many, many times. Try a regular hello and asking how her day's been going and if she'd be interested in meeting you for coffee. 

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
25 minutes ago, glows said:

 Try a regular hello and asking how her day's been going

90% of people initiate a contact with hello and how was your day.

If someone ask me a question like what is your dog's breed, where was that sunset, I am much more motivated to answer. The thing is I am motivated to answer....not motivated to pursue further. So yes, he should stick with 'hello how is your day', it's boring but only women interested in a conversation will answer. 

  • Like 1
  • Author
max3732 Established Member

max3732

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

90% of people initiate a contact with hello and how was your day.

If someone ask me a question like what is your dog's breed, where was that sunset, I am much more motivated to answer. The thing is I am motivated to answer....not motivated to pursue further. So yes, he should stick with 'hello how is your day', it's boring but only women interested in a conversation will answer. 

 

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

90% of people initiate a contact with hello and how was your day.

If someone ask me a question like what is your dog's breed, where was that sunset, I am much more motivated to answer. The thing is I am motivated to answer....not motivated to pursue further. So yes, he should stick with 'hello how is your day', it's boring but only women interested in a conversation will answer. 

Since "Hello how is your day" is boring what about something like "Is that the X location? If so I love the Y/going there" How about you?

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

 

I am trying my best to get out and interact in the real world as well. I get really annoyed with this whole unmatching unless I say the perfect thing with OLD.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 1
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
12 minutes ago, max3732 said:

I am trying my best to get out and interact in the real world as well. I get really annoyed with this whole unmatching unless I say the perfect thing with OLD

I don't know about you, but when doing something that annoys me and brings me down on a regular basis, I STOP doing it.

 

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
12 minutes ago, max3732 said:

 

Since "Hello how is your day" is boring what about something like "Is that the X location? If so I love the Y/going there" How about you?

I am trying my best to get out and interact in the real world as well. I get really annoyed with this whole unmatching unless I say the perfect thing with OLD

All of this is good but, like I said, some women will answer the question but it doesn't mean they're interested in your profile. If they stop answering you then go to next. 

Alvi Established Member

Alvi

Posted
Posted

It's perfectly fine to ask. But like Gaeta said, even if a woman answers your questions, it doesn't mean that she is automatically interested. I answer questions from guys on a dating site but if I don't think we are a good match, I will stop the convo. Lots of times I go back and re-read a guy's profile and notice some things that I missed that would make us not compatible, things that I possibly missed first time around, such as him smoking, drinking heavily, etc. 

Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
Posted

You did nothing wrong. If you had chemistry, then this woman would have talked your head off about this location.  So your approach is fine.

I would make a minor minor suggestion. I would say express how and why you like the particular place and share that. The way you word it here, you asked her if she liked the place and then you say it was a favorite destination of yours. I'd reverse the order.

This is minor minor and just a preference of mine. But go ahead and say you love a particular place if you do and maybe add a few details about why--no need to seek her approval of this place. 

You reveal some of yourself. If that scares her, wave her past. She's not for you. 

 

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted (edited)

Actually, I do not think it is a good idea to ask about the location of the profile holder's picture.  It is one way of trying to open a conversation but a profile user who does frequent that area might be wary of answering such a specific question.  Single women have to be careful about their security.  If I frequented a particular pub or park, for example, I would not be eager to let a total stranger know that.  He might turn out to be a great guy and someone I'd want to spend time with but on a dating site he is a stranger.  I do not want to go to my local and find the stranger from online turning up there.

I would avoid questions about specific locations the person may frequent.  You could ask more general questions, like 'I like the look of the park in your picture, do you enjoy walking?'  Then again, such questions are not particularly 'open' and once they have answered yes or no, you will then need to ask another question.  It is better to say things like 'Hello, you sound interesting, how was your day?'  If they are interested or not put off, there is a better chance they will reply.

Please don't make the mistake of fishing for personal information such as their work place, home address or street, surname.  If they like you, they will give you those details as you get to know each other.  For the moment, concentrate on getting an exchange going and chatting about their and your interests, before suggesting a meet up for coffee or a snack or something.  By the time, you suggest a meet, you will have a better idea of where they might like to go.  If they have already said they don't drink alcohol, then a coffee meet might be better.  I would also strongly advise against suggesting first meets that involve going for walks in the countryside or going to isolated places.  People do, surprisingly, but as a single female I would never go on a first meet with a guy in an isolated place, no matter how beautiful the countryside was or if it was near his favourite birdwatching spot!

Edited by spiderowl
  • Like 3
glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

90% of people initiate a contact with hello and how was your day.

If someone ask me a question like what is your dog's breed, where was that sunset, I am much more motivated to answer. The thing is I am motivated to answer....not motivated to pursue further. So yes, he should stick with 'hello how is your day', it's boring but only women interested in a conversation will answer. 

I agree. Again, it depends on the individual. If a person is going to put up a photo of a specific place and they're in it they should be expecting some conversation. However there is the odd person who just isn't interested in talking about the photo. So? Don't take it personally, OP. Move on to the next match.

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, max3732 said:

On Hinge I matched with this woman and my opening message was asking her if her picture was taken at a location in a popular theme park that's near us. She replied it was with a smiley face. My next message was asking if she likes to go there often and that it's a favorite destination of mine. After that she unmatched me.

I've tried similar opening messages where I see her at a local hotel or restaurant and will say "Is that the X restaurant? Really love going there for the Y dinner". 

Are those kinds of messages ok? I once had someone reply that I was right and she asked if I'm a detective and unmatched me. 


asking questions about a profile picture or something else in a profile is fine.

 

it doesn’t mean these will lead to dating.  It’s a good conversation starter.  It’s different than typical conversation starters.

 

when I used eharmony I made my own questions that got them to write something that then was an easy transition to them do follow up questions.

 

 

Andy_K Established Member

Andy_K

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

9 hours ago, max3732 said:

 

Since "Hello how is your day" is boring what about something like "Is that the X location? If so I love the Y/going there" How about you?

I am trying my best to get out and interact in the real world as well. I get really annoyed with this whole unmatching unless I say the perfect thing with OLD.

You are reading too much into a match.

Realise that however great you are, whoever you've matched with also has many other matches, many of whom seem to be much better options than you. Also realise that sometimes you're going to get matches who decide they're not interested after looking at your profile more closely. Getting deleted or unmatched is less about you or whether you said the perfect thing, but about whether you manage to message the right person at the right time to get noticed. There is no perfect message, no way to prevent that one you like from changing her mind and unmatching you. 

In other words... don't take it personally when things don't go your way. There was probably nothing you could have done, it just wasn't meant to go any further. Keep your head up and move on to the next one.

Edited by Andy_K
  • Like 3
Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, max3732 said:

.My next message was asking if she likes to go there often and that it's a favorite destination of mine. After that she unmatched me.

Because you're chitchatting and not suggesting a meeting. Just say it's a nice pic and leave it at that.

Avoid remarks that could be misconstrued as creepy or stalking.

  • Like 1
introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted

I'd much rather be asked about something in my profile -- where a pic was taken, how often do I do X sport, have I ever been to Y place (related to one of my interests) etc. - than "hello how are you."  I dismiss any guy who opens with a hello as either being a scammer, someone who hasn't read my profile, or an unoriginal bore.  What am I supposed to say to that, anyway?  "I'm fine, how are you?" I'm bored just typing this!  And even if I do that, the guy is right back at square 1 because now he needs to say something with some actual content! 

So, as you can see, there is no one right answer.  My advice:  be you, and the people who like that person will respond.  The rest don't matter.

  • Like 2
dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

Posted
Posted
19 hours ago, max3732 said:

On Hinge I matched with this woman and my opening message was asking her if her picture was taken at a location in a popular theme park that's near us. She replied it was with a smiley face. My next message was asking if she likes to go there often and that it's a favorite destination of mine. After that she unmatched me.

I've tried similar opening messages where I see her at a local hotel or restaurant and will say "Is that the X restaurant? Really love going there for the Y dinner". 

Are those kinds of messages ok? I once had someone reply that I was right and she asked if I'm a detective and unmatched me. 

It's possible that she just changed her mind and it had nothing to do with the conversation.

One reason I hate OLD, but you have to move decisively and purposefully.  Your objective should be to move the conversation from OLD to real life as soon as possible.  Most times your chances hang in the balance and any single change in the winds of her life can cause her to lose interest.

 

  • Like 2
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted

Max, when people suddenly flake, I think the best advice is to simply let it go.

Let it roll off your shoulder.  There is no magic formula to success on line or even IRL!

I have come to adore you max, but you need a thicker skin.  You take this stuff far too personally, you agonize over it which only serves to bring you down and keeps you stuck.

She flaked, it happens,  With on line it's the nature of the beast as they say.  Happens in REAL too. Not as much, but it happens.

Not to discount anyone's opinion or advice, but all these suggestions don't mean much in the grand scheme.

What "works" for one woman may not "work" with another. 

Please max try to not take it so personally.  Again, try and let it roll off and move on to the next.

That's really all you can do and continue going out and meeting women in real life.

Take advantage of opportunities to talk to women like the two men I met the other night, one in the elevator and one at a whiskey sample tasting at the market that turned into somewhat of a social event.

Give yourself a break, okay?  Sounds hokey but allow the universe to lead.

You good peeps.  It will happen but you must "let go" of the outcome first, learn to be okay with however it plays out.  💛

 

 

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...