I'm not handling this well

[Fireflamingo]

I moved back to my hometown at the start of the summer.   I've been away for 7 year, so my plan was to take a break a few months and live off a passive income I have.  Basically enjoy life over the summer.  

I decided to do a bit if online dating.  I ended up talking to a women that lives a 3 hour drive away. 

I hit it off with her and we started to meet each other.    So lots of back and forth meeting up.    She was always cool with my situation regarding taking a break and loving life for a bit.  

We eventually fell madly in love.  We both knew it was something special.  

Time goes on and we talk about how we can properly be together.  We make a rough plan.   We couldn't bare the thought of long term and when I'm settled , we won't have any time to see each other.  So here is out plan . 

I would come to her during the winter. Start slow and gradually transition to living together. I'd take get whatever job that's available over the winter/spring.  Basically A trail at living together. 

I own property in my hometown and we both agreed this is where we would want to end up.  

Due to her work commitments plus she would have to relocate to come to live with me.  It makes sense to do a trail period , where I'm at hers.  

Around spring /early summer I would move back and start my business (long term plan for me), if everything worked well and we were sure it's what we wanted. She would relocate to be with me. 

Everything is sunshine and rainbows, until it's not.  

She starts resenting me because I'm taking a break.   It's coming up to the time I should be moving to her.  

She's really started to look down on my, She's switching off emotionality.  

Today I mentioned she was being snappy with me.  She flew off the handle and went on a big rant that I'm basically not doing anything with my life right now.  

Things calm down and I tell her I'm just sticking to our plan and I love her. 

She told me ,. She can't say it back now , because "she doesn't know if she does love me", she's been in love/saying she's been in love with me a long while now. 

Lots of periods of hot and cold.  When we together it's like a love story, when we are apart it's good , until it's not.  

She randomly withdraws from me.  Gets snappy, goes on massive rants,makes out I'm needy,  But it always circles back to me being on a break.  

Its really screwing with my head.  It plays with my mind so much I don't know it I'm coming or going.    

Being long distance.  Amplifies the bad feelings when I'm experiencing down days. 

 

 

 

Edited October 14, 2021 by Fireflamingo

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Fireflamingo said:

Everything is sunshine and rainbows, until it's not.  

When we together it's like a love story, when we are apart it's good , until it's not.  

She randomly withdraws from me.  Gets snappy, goes on massive rants,makes out I'm needy,  

Its really screwing with my head. 

Unfortunately she seems a bit moody and resentful, no?  Back out of this because the "until it's not" portion is growing steadily.

[glows]

9 hours ago, Fireflamingo said:

She flew off the handle and went on a big rant that I'm basically not doing anything with my life right now.  

Things calm down and I tell her I'm just sticking to our plan and I love her. 

She told me ,. She can't say it back now , because "she doesn't know if she does love me", she's been in love/saying she's been in love with me a long while now. 

Lots of periods of hot and cold.  When we together it's like a love story, when we are apart it's good , until it's not.  

She randomly withdraws from me.  Gets snappy, goes on massive rants,makes out I'm needy,  But it always circles back to me being on a break.  

What do you do in your free time? Perhaps your idea of "enjoying life" is different from hers. She may be stopping herself short from directly telling you that your lifestyle or interests are not compatible with hers. She doesn't agree with whatever you're doing with yourself right now "on a break". Rethink moving anywhere to be with her. There seem to be some fundamental differences between the two of you.

[chillii]

l know a little about this stuff as l work for myself have a long long time and live and work how l want when l want. Well my ex resented the hell out of it , dunno why she only worked 12 days a mth anyway. But she just did and she always got back to what if she can't work how would l support her well , just fine actually. l make enough doing and living what l do. Just excuses , truth was she just resented the hell out of what she use to call my rock star lifestyle , a man should be slogging ti out till he drops in her book , even if he does have the brains to do it another way.

She's working your taking a break so what but some just don't get it and worry and resent it and ra ra ra. My partner now loves my lifestyle she lives the same. Whether in your case there's more to it though other than a little resentment , maybe she's fading on you ,maybe other things, don't know.

lf things generally are still as good mostly though and you still want too, you could go ahead and spend some time at hers together and just see how all that goes from there. The rants and circles though , tbh they sound more like not only resentment but her personality traits just coming through lately now that the niceties are thinning and realities are setting in and that she has issues. She could get worse as you start living together. Still if things otherwise are ok and you still feel the same , few mths at her place will make it or break it, but at least you'll know.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 1, 2021 by chillii