Good three dates so far, 4th date planned but don't know if I'm overthinking?

[ramboparrot3]

Don’t know if I’m overthinking but I’ve been on 3 dates with a girl who has shown a keen interest in person and text, we seem to have good chemistry and on our last date we went bowling and cinema. In the cinema I wrapped my arm around her and she seemed to like it smiling at me etc. At the end of the date we probably made out for a good couple of minutes as well as hugging and she was giggling etc so seemed to go well.

 

At the end of the date, because she drives and I don’t, she offered to give me a lift as I was 10 minutes down the road but I politely said no that she didn’t have to as usually I don’t like putting people out of their way tbh.

 

Just wondering if this was a missed opportunity to invite her around? but I did have my sister already at my place (currently renting together) so it would’ve been awkward and it’s something i’d have to arrange beforehand so nobody is there.

 

Only reason I say this is because a few days after she updated her photo on her Bumble profile which made me overthink things. Obviously she’s entitled to do this, we’re both still on the app and it’s only been a month, still early to be exclusive. There’s no change in terms of her replying to texts and her texts are still very detailed and she’s always asking me questions to keep it going, etc. We have a 4th date planned this Friday but she can’t stay out too late as she’s at a christening Saturday morning.

 

The thing is if sex was to happen I want it to happen naturally and not rush into it, but I’m also worried what if she’s dating other people and they beat me to the punch, is she likely to drop me like that? I like taking time to get to know someone and let it happen at its own pace. Was just wondering if this might’ve been a missed opportunity as for all I know she might have just offered as a nice gesture than hinting at anything more

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

  I’m also worried what if she’s dating other people and they beat me to the punch, is she likely to drop me like that? 

Ok, it seems to be going well and you're correct that after 3 dates you're both still talking to and meeting others.

Unfortunately your living arrangements and not driving is not only going to hinder your dating, it's unrealistic to think that by date 4 you need to have sex "before someone beats you to it".

Relax and enjoy her company. If it doesn't work out you can just move forward. 

[Foxhall]

2 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

At the end of the date, because she drives and I don’t, she offered to give me a lift as I was 10 minutes down the road but I politely said no that she didn’t have to as usually I don’t like putting people out of their way tbh.

 

Just wondering if this was a missed opportunity to invite her around? but I did have my sister already at my place (currently renting together) so it would’ve been awkward and it’s something i’d have to arrange beforehand so nobody is there.

Yes I think would have been better to accept the lift and invite her in, you've put a little seed of doubt now in the girls mind, "how interested is he"

your sister will be ok Im sure- sound her out on it,

you will know better now for the next date with her.

 

[ramboparrot3]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, it seems to be going well and you're correct that after 3 dates you're both still talking to and meeting others.

Unfortunately your living arrangements and not driving is not only going to hinder your dating, it's unrealistic to think that by date 4 you need to have sex "before someone beats you to it".

Relax and enjoy her company. If it doesn't work out you can just move forward. 

Yeah it’s definitely going to make it more difficult, but survived in the past. If it’s pre-planned such as inviting her over to watch a movie or cook for her, my sister can always go to her bf’s parents house or do something else. I do plan to learn to drive but if I invited her over she would drive here and if I went to hers it’s an easy public transport journey, etc. She has her own house and lives on her own.

i’m not seeing anyone else but have messaged back and forth, but I struggle to date multiple people. She hasn’t said she’s dating others but I’m assuming if she’s on there changing her pic it’s almost certain.

Yeah you’re right, for now i’m just going to do what i’ve been doing and just meeting up having fun then setting up another date. If it happens and she’s ready then i’ll go with the flow.

[ramboparrot3]

1 hour ago, Foxhall said:

Yes I think would have been better to accept the lift and invite her in, you've put a little seed of doubt now in the girls mind, "how interested is he"

your sister will be ok Im sure- sound her out on it,

you will know better now for the next date with her.

 

This is what i’m worried about but i’d rather it be planned in advance so it’s just the two of us. Either mine or hers. My sister had her fella around as I was out as well. 
 

I show i’m interested in our texts, asking questions and setting up dates. I just hope she wasn’t hinting and I’ve missed it and that she was just wanting to give me a lift, but then I guess she wouldn’t have accepted the 4th date and still continue to message if she was put off. I mean whether I invited her in I guess she could’ve still changed her pic on bumble, it’s still early days and we’ve not spoken about exclusivity yet.

[glows]

You're overthinking this. Ask her out to another date and enjoy your time together. The topic of sex is up to the both of you. I'm sensing that you feel insecure about your current living conditions, sharing the flat with your sister and you are also uncertain about not dating others or seeing anyone else. Not everyone chooses to date or talk to others. Her activity on the app threw you off so that's maybe not what you are looking for in someone you like already or care about. At this time what you should be doing is thinking about whether she's the right fit for you, get to know her a bit more, let go of those insecurities and think about whether you see yourself with someone like her. 

If you find you're incompatible, let her go. 

[Gaeta]

4 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Yeah it’s definitely going to make it more difficult, but survived in the past. 

Dating in survival mode will greatly limit the quantity of women willing to date you.

If you don't own a car at least go get your driving licence. At least you can releive her from driving all the time while in a relationship.

I just dropped a very interesting prospect who told me he didn't drive, never did. In my relationship l want to be able to rely on my man. If l get sick in the middle of the night l want him to drive me to the hospital, not call my brother because my fully grown bf don't drive.  If this woman owns her house l imagine she doesn't live right downtown with busses each 5 mins. Having a boyfriend that doesn't drive is an extra weight on her shoulders. Sorry.

Yes you should have accepted the ride home but l doubt that's what made her change her mind about you. What made her change her mind is the 'thinking about it all'  while driving back to hers.

[ramboparrot3]

On 10/13/2021 at 3:30 PM, glows said:

You're overthinking this. Ask her out to another date and enjoy your time together. The topic of sex is up to the both of you. I'm sensing that you feel insecure about your current living conditions, sharing the flat with your sister and you are also uncertain about not dating others or seeing anyone else. Not everyone chooses to date or talk to others. Her activity on the app threw you off so that's maybe not what you are looking for in someone you like already or care about. At this time what you should be doing is thinking about whether she's the right fit for you, get to know her a bit more, let go of those insecurities and think about whether you see yourself with someone like her. 

If you find you're incompatible, let her go. 

Honestly from the dating and relationships I’ve been on she fits me like a glove so far. She responds well to my banter and jokes in person and we bounce off each other. I feel comfortable making physical contact and kissing her too because I feel comfortable with her.

I still swipe and reply back to others on Bumble but I don’t find anyone as interesting to the point I’d happily delete the app. So I don’t know if the 4th date is going to be too soon to discuss exclusivity as I don’t want to push anything too fast. Her updating her pic earlier in the week is making me hold out as it seemed like she was keeping her options open.

I’ll enjoy tonight for what it is, but I’m tempted to invite her round next week assuming she still wants to see me then

[ramboparrot3]

On 10/13/2021 at 5:38 PM, Gaeta said:

Dating in survival mode will greatly limit the quantity of women willing to date you.

If you don't own a car at least go get your driving licence. At least you can releive her from driving all the time while in a relationship.

I just dropped a very interesting prospect who told me he didn't drive, never did. In my relationship l want to be able to rely on my man. If l get sick in the middle of the night l want him to drive me to the hospital, not call my brother because my fully grown bf don't drive.  If this woman owns her house l imagine she doesn't live right downtown with busses each 5 mins. Having a boyfriend that doesn't drive is an extra weight on her shoulders. Sorry.

Yes you should have accepted the ride home but l doubt that's what made her change her mind about you. What made her change her mind is the 'thinking about it all'  while driving back to hers.

Yeah driving test was the plan by the end of the year. I brought it up that I’m wanting to pass by the start of the new year and wanted to do it last year but that covid got in the way. I’m currently focusing on the theory at the moment to get that out of the way. In terms of living arrangements she told me she really likes that I live with my sister and that I have such a strong connection with her, but she knows I’ve been saving for a deposit for a mortgage on my own place too. Anything I’ve had doubts with like lack of car and my living arrangements I’ve been clear about them on my dates but also what my future plans are for them

[ramboparrot3]

Update - She asked for a rain check due to her feeling rough, she thinks she has covid so will do a test.

Her response- “Your evil plan for taking over the world? Do I even want to know . Any chance we can rain check tonight? Sorry, I feel like crap. Going to do a covid test  x”

My response - “Bit of a secret plan unfortunately  ah that’s disappointing but yeah if you’re not feeling well then I understand. Hope you feel better soon. Would you be up for doing something next week? Assuming you feel better by then x”

I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt for now. She always replies asking me questions to keep the conversation going so i’ll see if that carries on and if she agrees to still wanting to meet up.

Honestly though I’m taking it as a rejection and expected this since her change of dating picture. We got very intimate on the last date and her texts had been detailed but the change in picture gave me doubts so maybe I was right.

She could just generally be ill as my throat feels a little sore. I’ll see what happens going forward and just go back on the dating site. Not sure I feel that motivated to get myself back out there though.

[Crazelnut]

Oh my god, she said she's getting sick. People get sick. There's a pandemic raging.  You really need to get a grip and stop being so self-defeating. Keep texting, check on her occasionally, and reschedule when she feels better. You are your own worst enemy. 

Edited October 15, 2021 by Crazelnut

[glows]

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt for now. She always replies asking me questions to keep the conversation going so i’ll see if that carries on and if she agrees to still wanting to meet up.

Do not expect her to want to text you while she's sick. Of course you should be wary and keep messaging other women if they look interesting to you. You seem way too invested in this one woman so try putting this in perspective. Even if you do not feel like looking at the app 24.7, get involved with other activities and take your mind off of this. Step back and relax a bit. 

[dramafreezone]

On 10/13/2021 at 2:19 AM, ramboparrot3 said:

The thing is if sex was to happen I want it to happen naturally and not rush into it, but I’m also worried what if she’s dating other people and they beat me to the punch, is she likely to drop me like that?

There's such a thing as taking too much time though.  Odds are she's not going to go out of her way to see you 4 times and see you as "just a friend."  But you're blowing it.

You have to make some plans, take charge.  Can you tell your sister to make herself scarce for a night?  You have to demonstrate that you can go for what you want and not simply go with the flow all the time.  Of course it should be CONSENSUAL.

I see that she's sick now.  She may very well be sick, but I think the best way to know if it's legit is if she offers an alternative date, which indicates she really wants to see you.  If she doesn't suggest another day, then interest probably is waning.

My policy is to always think she's dating at least one other guy unless she says otherwise.  This isn't 1944 anymore where women are waiting patiently on their men to come home from war.

Edited October 15, 2021 by dramafreezone

[ramboparrot3]

1 hour ago, dramafreezone said:

There's such a thing as taking too much time though.  Odds are she's not going to go out of her way to see you 4 times and see you as "just a friend."  But you're blowing it.

You have to make some plans, take charge.  Can you tell your sister to make herself scarce for a night?  You have to demonstrate that you can go for what you want and not simply go with the flow all the time.  Of course it should be CONSENSUAL.

I see that she's sick now.  She may very well be sick, but I think the best way to know if it's legit is if she offers an alternative date, which indicates she really wants to see you.  If she doesn't suggest another day, then interest probably is waning.

My policy is to always think she's dating at least one other guy unless she says otherwise.  This isn't 1944 anymore where women are waiting patiently on their men to come home from war.

She replied “Haha what I’m not included in taking over the world? Was going to say yes, but I’m not sure after that . 
Yeah hopefully be fine by next week. Just thought I was tired but feel like death today. Sorry, it’s shitty cancelling on the day but really thought I’d be alright x”

Not a clear cut date but guess she doesn’t want to promise anything

[ramboparrot3]

And yeah I get the taking too much time but everyone has their own pace. Silly as it sounds I didn’t want to do it too early so it felt like a hookup to me. I like to get to know someone more before having sex but that’s just how I am

[Wiseman2]

 

5 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Honestly though I’m taking it as a rejection and expected this since her change of dating picture.

She's keeping her options open of course after just a few dates and so should you. At this point back off. For two reasons. If she is really sick let her rest. If she's not, don't chase this hard. Ball is in her court. 

[dramafreezone]

49 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

And yeah I get the taking too much time but everyone has their own pace. Silly as it sounds I didn’t want to do it too early so it felt like a hookup to me. I like to get to know someone more before having sex but that’s just how I am

Well it is what it is then.  If that's your guiding priciple then you have to stick with it.  If she falls by the wayside then so be it. 

She may WANT to hook up though.  Women like sex too.  They want to feel sexy, desired.  If you go too slow it can seem like a rejection of her.

I just hope there's no sense of this "well she'll respect me more if I show her I'm into her as a person."  In ohter words I hope holding back on your part is not driven by how you want to be perceived by her.

Edited October 15, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Lotsgoingon]

On 10/13/2021 at 5:19 AM, ramboparrot3 said:

At the end of the date, because she drives and I don’t, she offered to give me a lift as I was 10 minutes down the road but I politely said no that she didn’t have to as usually I don’t like putting people out of their way tbh.

 There are OK reasons to say no to the 10-minute ride. Worrying about "putting people out of their way" is not one of them. If you don't feel worthy enough to let someone drive you ten minutes, then you need to work on your confidence. 

What you did sounds like "fake" male "I'm all right" pretense confidence. It's shooting yourself in the foot.  Let her drive you home if she offers and if you want to say yes. Choose to say "no" if you want. But drop this "putting her out of her way" nonsense. If she enjoys being with you, then ten minutes of time is ten extra minutes of pleasure. And you could let yourself enjoy ten more minutes with her.  

To reverse things, would you consider it "putting you out of your way" to drive her ten minutes if she didn't have a car? If you like her, hell no, you wouldn't. 

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

 There are OK reasons to say no to the 10-minute ride. Worrying about "putting people out of their way" is not one of them. If you don't feel worthy enough to let someone drive you ten minutes, then you need to work on your confidence. 

What you did sounds like "fake" male "I'm all right" pretense confidence. It's shooting yourself in the foot.  Let her drive you home if she offers and if you want to say yes. Choose to say "no" if you want. But drop this "putting her out of her way" nonsense. If she enjoys being with you, then ten minutes of time is ten extra minutes of pleasure. And you could let yourself enjoy ten more minutes with her.  

To reverse things, would you consider it "putting you out of your way" to drive her ten minutes if she didn't have a car? If you like her, hell no, you wouldn't. 

It does betray some sense of deference to her right, or putting her on a pedestal, as if oh "I'm not worthy of her inconveniencing herself."

If she felt that giving the OP a ride was an inconvenience, she wouldn't have asked.

OP, why not think "of course she wants to give me a ride, she wants to spend as much time with me as possible, because I'm awesome" instead of thinking that you're putting her out of the way.

[Nothanks]

Don’t overthink it.  She said she wasn’t feeling well.  If that is true, then she can contact you when she is feeling better.  If you don’t hear back from her next week, move on. It has nothing to do with staking your claim by having sex though. 

[ramboparrot3]

Update -

Hey, just been playing it by ear and only responding when she does.

So I went out with friends on that Friday instead then later that evening we texted and she was a lot quicker than usual texting. Asked if I did anything that night and said I was out with friends, wished her better etc. We exchanged a few texts that night, nothing had changed in terms of her text length, emojis and asking questions, etc

When I sent a reply on Saturday she did take 24 hours to reply but figured she was resting as she was ill. When she replied on Sunday I had noticed she had deleted her dating profile but still continued to text me as normal.

Asked her if she’s free this weekend and she said she’s free Sunday if we want to do something. Suggested something closer to her as she would usually take a taxi into the city and they can get expensive but she’s happy driving.

We have all that set up but I do notice some days this week she reads my whatsapp message then replies like 8 or 9 hours later. She still sends long texts and asks me questions although she doesn’t seem as jokey etc but she has been stressed with work this week trying to catch up. Tbh as long as we have a date set up I’d rather do all the talking then really.

All I know is that we both can take a while to reply due to being busy and we have a date sorted so no biggy. Still unsure why she reads my message and responds much later though, but probably due to reading it when it gets sent then she spends time thinking of a reply later.

Do I think she’ll cancel on Sunday? Maybe. My gut says she might but that’s from past experiences. I see signs of interest but also feel doubtful about it. Guess we’ll see.

Edited October 21, 2021 by ramboparrot3

[dramafreezone]

5 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Update -

Hey, just been playing it by ear and only responding when she does.

So I went out with friends on that Friday instead then later that evening we texted and she was a lot quicker than usual texting. Asked if I did anything that night and said I was out with friends, wished her better etc. We exchanged a few texts that night, nothing had changed in terms of her text length, emojis and asking questions, etc

When I sent a reply on Saturday she did take 24 hours to reply but figured she was resting as she was ill. When she replied on Sunday I had noticed she had deleted her dating profile but still continued to text me as normal.

Asked her if she’s free this weekend and she said she’s free Sunday if we want to do something. Suggested something closer to her as she would usually take a taxi into the city and they can get expensive but she’s happy driving.

We have all that set up but I do notice some days this week she reads my whatsapp message then replies like 8 or 9 hours later. She still sends long texts and asks me questions although she doesn’t seem as jokey etc but she has been stressed with work this week trying to catch up. Tbh as long as we have a date set up I’d rather do all the talking then really.

All I know is that we both can take a while to reply due to being busy and we have a date sorted so no biggy. Still unsure why she reads my message and responds much later though, but probably due to reading it when it gets sent then she spends time thinking of a reply later.

Do I think she’ll cancel on Sunday? Maybe. My gut says she might but that’s from past experiences. I see signs of interest but also feel doubtful about it. Guess we’ll see.

Glad you confirmed a date.  I think it was a good idea picking a place near her, lowers the flake risk.

"Signs of interest but also feel doubtful about it"....well that's probably an accurate account of the state of things with this one.  If someone is stressed at work, you can't be the #1 priority, and you can't have her undivided attention.  That said you wouldn't have gotten a date if she wasn't interested at all.  She's not investing a ton so you should not either, just be cool and don't worry about it.

I don't know that I buy this idea that she's not replying sooner because she's thinking of a reply.  She's just not interested enough to reply sooner, don't overthink it.

Edited October 21, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Do I think she’ll cancel on Sunday? 

Confirm day before/morning of. Keep up some momentum rather than random chitchat, ask where she'd like to eat/go etc.

[ramboparrot3]

I suggested near her but she said it’s okay as there’s literally nothing to do or interesting near where she lives so I suggested our last plan of mini golf in town. I gave her the details like time and exact location asking if this was okay for her and I sent this at 1pm on Thursday.

It is now 10am on Friday and no response, despite seeing she had read the whatsapp message yesterday so not really holding my breath!

Now she has done this last Sunday where she took 24 hours to reply then everything was fine after that so I think i’ll wait another day and send a message the day before we’re supposed to meet. Usually if I don’t get a response, I’ll give it a couple of days then reach out one more time.

Probably just say that I hope her day is going great and if we’re still on for Sunday, just been getting a sense something has been off lately and that i’d still like to take her out but if she’s not feeling the same way we can end things here if she’d prefer

I do appreciate your guys help as well, thank you

Edited October 22, 2021 by ramboparrot3