We work for the same employer but not in the same building. Does this sound like she is interested?

October 22, 2021

2 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

Yes have faith! I think each of you are probably trying to play it cool. A work thing is where people often are a bit more cautious because they don't want to misstep and have that be part of their daily work life or have colleagues talking about it.

Be a little patient and confidence is your best way to go!

Im guessing I would have felt a little better if she acknowledged my email. lol

October 22, 2021

4 hours ago, elaine567 said:

What did the text you sent say?

"good morning:), I dont know I didnt see this email yesterday I guess my afternoon was that busy" You know I was thinking maybe it would be better if exchange numbers so we can text instead of email to avoid all these delayed responses. So here is my number. Talk to you soon"

October 22, 2021

4 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

Im guessing I would have felt a little better if she acknowledged my email.

She is not there to make you feel better. Your text is ok, because it shows you are not interested in dating her, just chitchatting.

October 22, 2021

12 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

"good morning:), I dont know I didnt see this email yesterday I guess my afternoon was that busy" You know I was thinking maybe it would be better if exchange numbers so we can text instead of email to avoid all these delayed responses. So here is my number. Talk to you soon"

Ok constructive criticism...it was as I explained...you cannot hide the thought process (ie your fear, lack of confidence) in the way a person makes statements. Bolded the parts that could have been different or indicate the lack of confidence.

Also the point of view of your message overall was a "negative" one in that: you "didn't" see the email; your afternoon was THAT busy; something would "be better"; the use of the word avoid, delay.

Less can be more. Inject enthusiasm. Your excitement and love of life will spill over if you present it like that/more like that.

"good morning missed your email yesterday and i like getting those! here's my number. Text me anytime ; - )

Ok that's just a quick way to convey more excitement and positivity. I could make it even better if I knew your banter with each other. You could have even said that her email got buried with the boring work ones and you don't want to miss her fun ones. Something to that effect. Anyway, more positive and what you are moving TOWARD vs what you are trying to AVOID (negative effects). And less pussyfooting around. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad at all. Just want you to be able to CONVEY the level of excitement you have for this girl and create a space for the two of you that is more personal and fun vs obligatory or negative in tone. If you infuse a bunch of negative words or hemming and hawing words, both of those objectives get lost and the feeling transfers to you and about you. You want the interactions with you to bring light/positivity/some excitement to her.

It's the silliest thing but !! can do that as well as use of someone's name. More personal, intimate. Also it takes confidence to leap so you want to DO IT with confidence. I mean you did it anyway, so do it with confidence. That's just moving forward in your conversations with her. The biggest point is not to wallow that you did this wrong but each time you have subsequent conversations with her or other girls you like to convey this confidence. I think it will be a game changer for you. The point is to get the girl (not only to have her start communicating with you on text)...so you have to inject the personality she is going to be signing up for and that you are selling at everystep of the way. That's what gets people hooked.

Edited October 22, 2021 by Versacehottie

October 22, 2021

1 hour ago, Versacehottie said:

Ok constructive criticism...it was as I explained...you cannot hide the thought process (ie your fear, lack of confidence) in the way a person makes statements. Bolded the parts that could have been different or indicate the lack of confidence.

Also the point of view of your message overall was a "negative" one in that: you "didn't" see the email; your afternoon was THAT busy; something would "be better"; the use of the word avoid, delay.

Less can be more. Inject enthusiasm. Your excitement and love of life will spill over if you present it like that/more like that.

"good morning missed your email yesterday and i like getting those! here's my number. Text me anytime ; - )

Ok that's just a quick way to convey more excitement and positivity. I could make it even better if I knew your banter with each other. You could have even said that her email got buried with the boring work ones and you don't want to miss her fun ones. Something to that effect. Anyway, more positive and what you are moving TOWARD vs what you are trying to AVOID (negative effects). And less pussyfooting around. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad at all. Just want you to be able to CONVEY the level of excitement you have for this girl and create a space for the two of you that is more personal and fun vs obligatory or negative in tone. If you infuse a bunch of negative words or hemming and hawing words, both of those objectives get lost and the feeling transfers to you and about you. You want the interactions with you to bring light/positivity/some excitement to her.

It's the silliest thing but !! can do that as well as use of someone's name. More personal, intimate. Also it takes confidence to leap so you want to DO IT with confidence. I mean you did it anyway, so do it with confidence. That's just moving forward in your conversations with her. The biggest point is not to wallow that you did this wrong but each time you have subsequent conversations with her or other girls you like to convey this confidence. I think it will be a game changer for you. The point is to get the girl (not only to have her start communicating with you on text)...so you have to inject the personality she is going to be signing up for and that you are selling at everystep of the way. That's what gets people hooked.

which is why i asked for assistance on here before i sent the email

October 22, 2021

But we told you what to say and you added indifference and insecurity to it. Going forward be more confident. You want her to be certain you're interested, not feel like you could take her or leave her. You say your interest is a 10. That is not what you have conveyed so far. But no crying over spilt milk. You can turn this around if you listen to us.

October 22, 2021

2 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

which is why i asked for assistance on here before i sent the email

well honestly I'd have to re-read but I thought your questions or need of advice was more along the lines wondering if she could possibly like you and/or if you should try to date her/get her number/pursue it. Which almost everyone said yes to!

I don't think that you wanted the exact wording--which is always hard to do unless you give us the total extent of your banter previous. Even my wording above, could definitely be better and more interesting if it was tethered to personalities I knew and banter previously had. It's constructive criticism that's all, We all want you to succeed with this girl or probably any other. I haven't been coming on here as much lately but if i remember correctly, you are great on the various threads you contribute to and really good personality. Lol, don't save it all for us! This girl means so much more

I think you said there was good flow to all your conversations so work with that! There was so much tiptoeing around it didn't feel like good flow to me to be honest on that one last message. That said, if she likes you (she does!) it's still not going to blow things. She's getting to know you though so every input you put in will influence the outcome.

My best advice if someone doesn't act on you sticking your neck out first (romantically) is to be confident in your next interaction with him/her. It's a wake up call to them and there's no spiral downtown. No need to be. The best part to play on is the vagueness or friendship aspect--if you fall back on that there's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about and you get to keep showing your best self. So many of work things are slow burn. There's a lot more to consider than just jumping in both feet forward--so people tend to be a little more cautious about it. Just keep acting and behaving with confidence--at minimum in your friendship and your ability to be good company. Treat the whole thing like a friend until it's more.

October 23, 2021

6 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

well honestly I'd have to re-read but I thought your questions or need of advice was more along the lines wondering if she could possibly like you and/or if you should try to date her/get her number/pursue it. Which almost everyone said yes to!

I don't think that you wanted the exact wording--which is always hard to do unless you give us the total extent of your banter previous. Even my wording above, could definitely be better and more interesting if it was tethered to personalities I knew and banter previously had. It's constructive criticism that's all, We all want you to succeed with this girl or probably any other. I haven't been coming on here as much lately but if i remember correctly, you are great on the various threads you contribute to and really good personality. Lol, don't save it all for us! This girl means so much more

I think you said there was good flow to all your conversations so work with that! There was so much tiptoeing around it didn't feel like good flow to me to be honest on that one last message. That said, if she likes you (she does!) it's still not going to blow things. She's getting to know you though so every input you put in will influence the outcome.

My best advice if someone doesn't act on you sticking your neck out first (romantically) is to be confident in your next interaction with him/her. It's a wake up call to them and there's no spiral downtown. No need to be. The best part to play on is the vagueness or friendship aspect--if you fall back on that there's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about and you get to keep showing your best self. So many of work things are slow burn. There's a lot more to consider than just jumping in both feet forward--so people tend to be a little more cautious about it. Just keep acting and behaving with confidence--at minimum in your friendship and your ability to be good company. Treat the whole thing like a friend until it's more.

It's like she said to herself;......"oh no i think he is trying to date me I better not contact him anymore" She never mentioned a husband or boyfriend during all the times we talked at work because if so I would not have been offering my number. Im just so confused right now. How can someone who hasnt' seen me since September 17th just out of the blue send me a email asking how I am making out at my new site? How did I even cross her mind? That's why I thought she was letting me know in a indirect way, I am interested in continuing getting to know you. I mean she atleast could have responded to the email and pretend that she was going to contact me and said....Ok cool

she hasnt said SHET lol

October 23, 2021

18 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

She is not there to make you feel better. Your text is ok, because it shows you are not interested in dating her, just chitchatting.

how did it show that I am in only interested in chit chatting?

October 23, 2021

come on now, you are getting way too butt hurt about this.

I'm going to advocate as IF you are a confident, attractive, eligible guy....a guy like that will throw it out there. He doesn't need to ask first if she has a bf. Because if she says she does, it's no big thing. a confident guy will know this is just part of feeling attraction and throwing it out there and seeing what you get back. You know eventually life sorts itself out and you're not sure exactly what you want until you get to know her better so if she doesn't take you up on it now or ever, it's not a big deal you just keep moving is the mindset.

I don't think you should get all dejected about this. where is the fire exactly? Why are you running and going in depth about all the negative reasons? You popped into her mind on sept 17th...you should run with the positive reasons likely behind that--while tempering your expectations for immediacy and just what the outcome exactly will be. Risk is part of it and no guarantees. But I'd say it was a good risk to take and still believe there is/was something on her end. But you've got to stay confident or this will go bad and then you will attribute and mischaracterize it incorrectly. And you won't be inclined to take risks--much more than already. And you need to take more risks. So what if she's not interested or doesn't jump on it? I repeat again. You made it vague enough that it can be interpreted purely as friendly. There is NO loss here.

ok, hang in there and do whatever you need to do to get your confidence up.

I will just say that sometimes it can barely be dawning on her that she likes you. She might be missing you but not know why and reaches out; perhaps she genuinely only likes you as a friend (possible); and it's not just a total priority to her right now. She might not want to be too eager so is playing a bit of game as well. You spoke well about her so I won't assume that she is doing this for attention purposes--nothing you've said so far strikes me that way.

October 23, 2021

1 hour ago, Versacehottie said:

come on now, you are getting way too butt hurt about this.

I'm going to advocate as IF you are a confident, attractive, eligible guy....a guy like that will throw it out there. He doesn't need to ask first if she has a bf. Because if she says she does, it's no big thing. a confident guy will know this is just part of feeling attraction and throwing it out there and seeing what you get back. You know eventually life sorts itself out and you're not sure exactly what you want until you get to know her better so if she doesn't take you up on it now or ever, it's not a big deal you just keep moving is the mindset.

I don't think you should get all dejected about this. where is the fire exactly? Why are you running and going in depth about all the negative reasons? You popped into her mind on sept 17th...you should run with the positive reasons likely behind that--while tempering your expectations for immediacy and just what the outcome exactly will be. Risk is part of it and no guarantees. But I'd say it was a good risk to take and still believe there is/was something on her end. But you've got to stay confident or this will go bad and then you will attribute and mischaracterize it incorrectly. And you won't be inclined to take risks--much more than already. And you need to take more risks. So what if she's not interested or doesn't jump on it? I repeat again. You made it vague enough that it can be interpreted purely as friendly. There is NO loss here.

ok, hang in there and do whatever you need to do to get your confidence up.

I will just say that sometimes it can barely be dawning on her that she likes you. She might be missing you but not know why and reaches out; perhaps she genuinely only likes you as a friend (possible); and it's not just a total priority to her right now. She might not want to be too eager so is playing a bit of game as well. You spoke well about her so I won't assume that she is doing this for attention purposes--nothing you've said so far strikes me that way.

Not dejected just confused

October 23, 2021

1 hour ago, Versacehottie said:

come on now, you are getting way too butt hurt about this.

I'm going to advocate as IF you are a confident, attractive, eligible guy....a guy like that will throw it out there. He doesn't need to ask first if she has a bf. Because if she says she does, it's no big thing. a confident guy will know this is just part of feeling attraction and throwing it out there and seeing what you get back. You know eventually life sorts itself out and you're not sure exactly what you want until you get to know her better so if she doesn't take you up on it now or ever, it's not a big deal you just keep moving is the mindset.

I don't think you should get all dejected about this. where is the fire exactly? Why are you running and going in depth about all the negative reasons? You popped into her mind on sept 17th...you should run with the positive reasons likely behind that--while tempering your expectations for immediacy and just what the outcome exactly will be. Risk is part of it and no guarantees. But I'd say it was a good risk to take and still believe there is/was something on her end. But you've got to stay confident or this will go bad and then you will attribute and mischaracterize it incorrectly. And you won't be inclined to take risks--much more than already. And you need to take more risks. So what if she's not interested or doesn't jump on it? I repeat again. You made it vague enough that it can be interpreted purely as friendly. There is NO loss here.

ok, hang in there and do whatever you need to do to get your confidence up.

I will just say that sometimes it can barely be dawning on her that she likes you. She might be missing you but not know why and reaches out; perhaps she genuinely only likes you as a friend (possible); and it's not just a total priority to her right now. She might not want to be too eager so is playing a bit of game as well. You spoke well about her so I won't assume that she is doing this for attention purposes--nothing you've said so far strikes me that way.

How did I make it seem friendly?

October 23, 2021

9 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

how did it show that I am in only interested in chit chatting?

Because that's all you do. That's fine.

Are you connected on LinkedIn?

That would be a great idea since you're colleagues.

Let this go. Move on and think of it as networking. She never sent her personal contact info?

October 23, 2021

You need to calm down and stop catastrophizing. She may be holding off on reaching out because she doesn't want to seem too eager. I have a strong feeling you'll hear from her next week.

October 23, 2021

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Because that's all you do. That's fine.

Are you connected on LinkedIn?

That would be a great idea since you're colleagues.

Let this go. Move on and think of it as networking. She never sent her personal contact info?

No she did not lol I got the message loud and clear

October 23, 2021

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

No she did not lol I got the message loud and clear

This is too fatalistic. For any dating situation (or life situation TBH), I think it would serve you better to get more comfortable with the grey areas. You want a black & white immediate answer. Life is not like that. What you do and how you act will influence and has influenced the situation for good and bad. The ultimate outcome is so far away on this one. You need to have patience and keep doing your best.

If I were to be totally honest, a guy acting like you are, either in person or behind the scenes (for which it spills out into his actions) is not attractive and if I had some interest it might be fading. A lot of people are somewhat on the "fence" and then reach a tipping point to date someone or not date someone. x100 in a work situation.

Edited October 23, 2021 by Versacehottie

October 23, 2021

13 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

How did I make it seem friendly?

You didn't ask her out. Everything you did was neutral enough that it was completely harmless. It could be that you enjoy each other as work friends (ie as the reason you reached out with your last text offering your number) OR it could be because you are slightly interested in dating her. As the receiver of that message, she really might not know what your intention is (that's how much you neutralized it and pussyfooted around). Which is a good thing if you are worried about saving face.

There was no direct dating language. There was no reason for taking things off the company email other than a desire not to miss her emails. That's why I think you are wrong to get dejected (sorry not 100% buying the "confused" label when the dejected feels far more pervasive). You went with a soft approach, which translates into a SLOW approach. Therefore you HAVE to get much more patient and keep doing your best as it's not over yet when you took the slow path.

Friend is a good thing for the long run. If you don't blow it by being fatalistic. I realize your emotions are amp'd up because she's a 10 to you. But calm down A crucial component for a relationship to move forward is two people feeling like EQUALS, like it's a good deal for each. Be a 'good deal'. Right now with all this neuroses and hand-wringing, and "it's over" mentality, you are not the good deal in this; it's out of balance. All your own insecurities about yourself are coming to the surface. You have to risk in order to date--but it shouldn't bring a ton of insecurity to the surface; that you exhibit and still hope against hope that the thing will pay off. The variables need to change to be in your favor. The ones you can control: yours (ie insecurity, patience, effort, level of risk taken with confidence). The confidence can be that you know you are a great catch; not always the certainty that it will work out with this person. Also let me remind you: you don't really know her--what if she sucks? Will that help you take it down a notch?

October 23, 2021

2 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

You didn't ask her out. Everything you did was neutral enough that it was completely harmless. It could be that you enjoy each other as work friends (ie as the reason you reached out with your last text offering your number) OR it could be because you are slightly interested in dating her. As the receiver of that message, she really might not know what your intention is (that's how much you neutralized it and pussyfooted around). Which is a good thing if you are worried about saving face.

There was no direct dating language. There was no reason for taking things off the company email other than a desire not to miss her emails. That's why I think you are wrong to get dejected (sorry not 100% buying the "confused" label when the dejected feels far more pervasive). You went with a soft approach, which translates into a SLOW approach. Therefore you HAVE to get much more patient and keep doing your best as it's not over yet when you took the slow path.

Friend is a good thing for the long run. If you don't blow it by being fatalistic. I realize your emotions are amp'd up because she's a 10 to you. But calm down A crucial component for a relationship to move forward is two people feeling like EQUALS, like it's a good deal for each. Be a 'good deal'. Right now with all this neuroses and hand-wringing, and "it's over" mentality, you are not the good deal in this; it's out of balance. All your own insecurities about yourself are coming to the surface. You have to risk in order to date--but it shouldn't bring a ton of insecurity to the surface; that you exhibit and still hope against hope that the thing will pay off. The variables need to change to be in your favor. The ones you can control: yours (ie insecurity, patience, effort, level of risk taken with confidence). The confidence can be that you know you are a great catch; not always the certainty that it will work out with this person. Also let me remind you: you don't really know her--what if she sucks? Will that help you take it down a notch?

So it may have come off as

"just in case we miss each other on email u can also text me" But even then why no response?

October 23, 2021

52 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

So it may have come off as

"just in case we miss each other on email u can also text me" But even then why no response?

lol yes.... um even how you said that above ^^^ is far less pussyfooting around and more confident than how you did phrase it (to me)

I think your need for immediacy is exposing your insecurity. Why would a statement like that above or the one you did do garner an immediate response? It basically just means (as I think wiseman said), let's chit chat by text next time (implies the next time she has something to say). It took you almost 4 days to work up the nerve to say this innocuous statement to her where there is almost so real substance or subject matter to it other than passing along your number. She has to still think of a whole reason to reach out to you.

One thing you could have done (or technically still could do though I wouldn't' recommend it until you are in a much better headspace) is to have made a joke along with it. like the next time you want to tell me the latest from Bob in accounting...you know that kind of joke..whatever it is that you have banter or had flow with before. What HAVE you had flow in conversation about? It would be pretty easy to use any of that as a jump off point. You really just need to build on that.

Um there isn't NO response. There just isn't a response YET. If you found yourself in a relationship before (assuming yes), I would venture to guess it doesn't always go "to plan" in that it's not the same as placing a order from amazon prime and expecting it to show up the next day as promised. How frequently did you email for work in the past or work-related friendliness? I'd imagine things to stay on that pace. Unless you lit a fire under it with your "reason" for her to text you, it will probably continue at same pace. You have to create a reason for urgency or familiarity to shoot the breeze Back to the message you sent to her, you didn't do that. It's not the end of the world but it doesn't speed things up for sure. and you are sitting there waiting like you've been top of her mind for however long--and you may have been or may not have been. I've definitely liked guys and for whatever reason did not respond quickly (variety of reasons). Lol my friend went on an amazing first date with a hot guy that was a blast for both of them and then ignored him for 2 weeks after. She can't even explain it other than to say she doesn't know why she did it and did like him very much but "wasn't sure". They live together now.

I will also reiterate that the tone with which you make statements and actions will impact the outcome. You keep treating them (mindset) as if they are separate events and they are not. I.e. a weak attempt message (like if she thought yours was) can influence whether she wants to see her previous interest through and if she remains interested. People can go off people all the time. I hate to keep pointing this out because I think you have enough to worry about and insecurity over this (and to continue talking about it will make you feel like you need a perfect message. While your message certainly could have been better, there's no where to go but forward. I doubt it would be the only reason she doesn't follow through if that is indeed what happens. For ex she could be single...and dating. Maybe things are just taking off with some guy or just winding down. I've definitely seen more than a few friends torpedo great guys because they were still getting over someone else. So on surface they seem single but they are not in their hearts. Lol, I just saw another friend the other day that I haven't seen for a few months and asked what happened with the guy she was totally into in June--she couldn't even remember who I was referring to! You just never know what is going on. But you have to take the risk. You can't get a GUARANTEE. You should dial down your expectations and how much pressure you are putting on this and be more easy breezy--a lot more attractive TBH. You are conveying yourself as if YOU have no other choices for dating. Perhaps her initial impression of you is that you seem like a guy who would (a prize) but by conducting yourself the way you are now or being overly nervous/pussyfooting, it's clarifying her impression of you and she's less into you. Point being, you are still making an impression--make it count. It's not an on/off switch...it's a dimmer. Talking about attraction.

Edited October 23, 2021 by Versacehottie

October 24, 2021

11 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

lol yes.... um even how you said that above ^^^ is far less pussyfooting around and more confident than how you did phrase it (to me)

I think your need for immediacy is exposing your insecurity. Why would a statement like that above or the one you did do garner an immediate response? It basically just means (as I think wiseman said), let's chit chat by text next time (implies the next time she has something to say). It took you almost 4 days to work up the nerve to say this innocuous statement to her where there is almost so real substance or subject matter to it other than passing along your number. She has to still think of a whole reason to reach out to you.

One thing you could have done (or technically still could do though I wouldn't' recommend it until you are in a much better headspace) is to have made a joke along with it. like the next time you want to tell me the latest from Bob in accounting...you know that kind of joke..whatever it is that you have banter or had flow with before. What HAVE you had flow in conversation about? It would be pretty easy to use any of that as a jump off point. You really just need to build on that.

Um there isn't NO response. There just isn't a response YET. If you found yourself in a relationship before (assuming yes), I would venture to guess it doesn't always go "to plan" in that it's not the same as placing a order from amazon prime and expecting it to show up the next day as promised. How frequently did you email for work in the past or work-related friendliness? I'd imagine things to stay on that pace. Unless you lit a fire under it with your "reason" for her to text you, it will probably continue at same pace. You have to create a reason for urgency or familiarity to shoot the breeze Back to the message you sent to her, you didn't do that. It's not the end of the world but it doesn't speed things up for sure. and you are sitting there waiting like you've been top of her mind for however long--and you may have been or may not have been. I've definitely liked guys and for whatever reason did not respond quickly (variety of reasons). Lol my friend went on an amazing first date with a hot guy that was a blast for both of them and then ignored him for 2 weeks after. She can't even explain it other than to say she doesn't know why she did it and did like him very much but "wasn't sure". They live together now.

I will also reiterate that the tone with which you make statements and actions will impact the outcome. You keep treating them (mindset) as if they are separate events and they are not. I.e. a weak attempt message (like if she thought yours was) can influence whether she wants to see her previous interest through and if she remains interested. People can go off people all the time. I hate to keep pointing this out because I think you have enough to worry about and insecurity over this (and to continue talking about it will make you feel like you need a perfect message. While your message certainly could have been better, there's no where to go but forward. I doubt it would be the only reason she doesn't follow through if that is indeed what happens. For ex she could be single...and dating. Maybe things are just taking off with some guy or just winding down. I've definitely seen more than a few friends torpedo great guys because they were still getting over someone else. So on surface they seem single but they are not in their hearts. Lol, I just saw another friend the other day that I haven't seen for a few months and asked what happened with the guy she was totally into in June--she couldn't even remember who I was referring to! You just never know what is going on. But you have to take the risk. You can't get a GUARANTEE. You should dial down your expectations and how much pressure you are putting on this and be more easy breezy--a lot more attractive TBH. You are conveying yourself as if YOU have no other choices for dating. Perhaps her initial impression of you is that you seem like a guy who would (a prize) but by conducting yourself the way you are now or being overly nervous/pussyfooting, it's clarifying her impression of you and she's less into you. Point being, you are still making an impression--make it count. It's not an on/off switch...it's a dimmer. Talking about attraction.

When we worked at the same location we only talked face to face. I worked in a different dept and when she came by we would talk for 5 to 10 mins. We had just started getting to know each other because when we first started the job we would she stare at each other from across the room because we are both shy. So back in July she finally decided to come ask me something work related and that broke the ice. So I would make her laugh everytime she came by and then we eventually got the news we were being transferred. So on 9/17, we were talking for the last time and I was planning on getting her number because it was just me and her talking. Then a couple of people came around us and I got the opportunity to ask her. So then she was the one who said.........."I will email you at your new site to see how u are making out on 9/17. When I didnt hear from her the rest of september and first week of October I figured she forgot and I would never hear from her again. Then out of the blue on 10/12, she sends me a email asking how I am doing which shocked me. So I figured it had to be some kind of interest since she was thinking about me and reached out to me. We never really had any banter just upbeat conversation with a lot of laughs

October 24, 2021

11 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

When we worked at the same location we only talked face to face. I worked in a different dept and when she came by we would talk for 5 to 10 mins. We had just started getting to know each other because when we first started the job we would she stare at each other from across the room because we are both shy. So back in July she finally decided to come ask me something work related and that broke the ice. So I would make her laugh everytime she came by and then we eventually got the news we were being transferred. So on 9/17, we were talking for the last time and I was planning on getting her number because it was just me and her talking. Then a couple of people came around us and I got the opportunity to ask her. So then she was the one who said.........."I will email you at your new site to see how u are making out on 9/17. When I didnt hear from her the rest of september and first week of October I figured she forgot and I would never hear from her again. Then out of the blue on 10/12, she sends me a email asking how I am doing which shocked me. So I figured it had to be some kind of interest since she was thinking about me and reached out to me. We never really had any banter just upbeat conversation with a lot of laughs

What was the conversation about? In general, that is where you need to have picked up on SOMETHING that you can spin and expand on. It could be the tiniest thing. Like if you saw her on a monday and she mentions football, then you keep that going in 100 different ways (exaggerating for effect). People tend to give clues about whatever their past, present, future or interests are even in the simplest of conversations. if she didn't give you clues (doubtful), then you should have/should be dropping clues about yourself into the conversation so she can expand on it and/or you can in the future. Stuff that lets her know subtly what your interests, values are and how you spend your time. I'm assuming you did SOME of that otherwise you wouldn't have had a laugh or lots of them.

Even if you primarily discussed work, there are ways inherent in that to get some traction. Back to the Bob in accounting example--what you might want to do is take a rolled eyes moment or if you guys are bonding in a way over some annoying policy or person in your workplace, is definitely be her protector or confidant as well as spin things off of work or negative discussions as soon as you can. The goal is always to expand your friendship and knowledge of each other--that's how you get close. Also while I can believe there are real feelings between you two, the more frequently and ably you are able to expand conversations into other subjects non-work-related the more sure you can be that the crush/friendship is real and mutual.

I can tell from the pace of the emails and her follow through that she is not on the fast-track. She may be wanting you to have done it first. It's a lot harder for women to pursue a guy. They have a push/pull feeling about it and waiver (generally) about doing it or not doing it. Perhaps only taking that step when she feels bolstered or embolden in some way. Also the length of time between contact could indicate that she has unfinished business with another guy (doesn't mean she isn't single though). There's a remote chance that you mischaracterized her interest in you--which STILL isn't the worst thing in the world. I've definitely know girls, myself included, where you think you are being friendly and it takes a minute or a few months to wake up to the fact that a guy probably likes you likes you!

Thinking about your situation since I last posted, I will just continue to reiterate that 99% of the girls I know like a guy who is SURE of what he wants (ie her in this case) and takes the lead. That in itself is attractive. You are conveying with the simple leader step (shy or not! in spite of being shy) what sort of man she will be getting if she decides to date you. Cannot emphasize enough how important this is. It's got to have a biological component with such a majority of women liking that--but every girl I know feels that way. (might be different once you are a couple as I know the balance of leader/follower to often change at that point). You just need to keep approaching the situation (and your patience with the situation) as if you were pointed in the right direction with liking her and utter confidence. I think I've said enough about the immediacy issue and you wanting that when that's not always how it goes. Hopefully you get it.

October 24, 2021

5 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

What was the conversation about? In general, that is where you need to have picked up on SOMETHING that you can spin and expand on. It could be the tiniest thing. Like if you saw her on a monday and she mentions football, then you keep that going in 100 different ways (exaggerating for effect). People tend to give clues about whatever their past, present, future or interests are even in the simplest of conversations. if she didn't give you clues (doubtful), then you should have/should be dropping clues about yourself into the conversation so she can expand on it and/or you can in the future. Stuff that lets her know subtly what your interests, values are and how you spend your time. I'm assuming you did SOME of that otherwise you wouldn't have had a laugh or lots of them.

Even if you primarily discussed work, there are ways inherent in that to get some traction. Back to the Bob in accounting example--what you might want to do is take a rolled eyes moment or if you guys are bonding in a way over some annoying policy or person in your workplace, is definitely be her protector or confidant as well as spin things off of work or negative discussions as soon as you can. The goal is always to expand your friendship and knowledge of each other--that's how you get close. Also while I can believe there are real feelings between you two, the more frequently and ably you are able to expand conversations into other subjects non-work-related the more sure you can be that the crush/friendship is real and mutual.

I can tell from the pace of the emails and her follow through that she is not on the fast-track. She may be wanting you to have done it first. It's a lot harder for women to pursue a guy. They have a push/pull feeling about it and waiver (generally) about doing it or not doing it. Perhaps only taking that step when she feels bolstered or embolden in some way. Also the length of time between contact could indicate that she has unfinished business with another guy (doesn't mean she isn't single though). There's a remote chance that you mischaracterized her interest in you--which STILL isn't the worst thing in the world. I've definitely know girls, myself included, where you think you are being friendly and it takes a minute or a few months to wake up to the fact that a guy probably likes you likes you!

Thinking about your situation since I last posted, I will just continue to reiterate that 99% of the girls I know like a guy who is SURE of what he wants (ie her in this case) and takes the lead. That in itself is attractive. You are conveying with the simple leader step (shy or not! in spite of being shy) what sort of man she will be getting if she decides to date you. Cannot emphasize enough how important this is. It's got to have a biological component with such a majority of women liking that--but every girl I know feels that way. (might be different once you are a couple as I know the balance of leader/follower to often change at that point). You just need to keep approaching the situation (and your patience with the situation) as if you were pointed in the right direction with liking her and utter confidence. I think I've said enough about the immediacy issue and you wanting that when that's not always how it goes. Hopefully you get it.

The fact that she emailed when not seeing me in 3 weeks made me think she was definitely interested. Why else would she care how I am doing at the new work location? I was thinking she wanted to know me better based on this comment below

"I didnt email you right away because I was waiting for you to get settled in at your new location. Plus all the smiling faces she used so u could see how I didnt have a issue giving my number

October 25, 2021

49 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

The fact that she emailed when not seeing me in 3 weeks made me think she was definitely interested. Why else would she care how I am doing at the new work location? I was thinking she wanted to know me better based on this comment below

"I didnt email you right away because I was waiting for you to get settled in at your new location. Plus all the smiling faces she used so u could see how I didnt have a issue giving my number

Point blank: why DON'T you think she is interested?

There is nothing to indicate that she isn't! Only your own insecurity and refusal to accept her timeframe. Also not to mention, putting the heavy lifting mostly in her corner based on traditional gender roles.

You are going to overthink yourself right out of this one.

October 26, 2021

Any updates @IntBrowser?

October 27, 2021

On 10/24/2021 at 8:21 PM, Versacehottie said:

Point blank: why DON'T you think she is interested?

There is nothing to indicate that she isn't! Only your own insecurity and refusal to accept her timeframe. Also not to mention, putting the heavy lifting mostly in her corner based on traditional gender roles.

You are going to overthink yourself right out of this one.

Umm because I havent heard from her since I gave my number lol So why all of a sudden she is no longer interested in how I am doing? So I guess that is it

Sign In

We work for the same employer but not in the same building. Does this sound like she is interested?

Recommended Posts

IntBrowser

IntBrowser

Wiseman2

Versacehottie

IntBrowser

princessaurora

Versacehottie

IntBrowser

IntBrowser

Versacehottie

IntBrowser

IntBrowser

Wiseman2

princessaurora

IntBrowser

Versacehottie

Versacehottie

IntBrowser

Versacehottie

IntBrowser

Versacehottie

IntBrowser

Versacehottie

princessaurora

IntBrowser

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...