We work for the same employer but not in the same building. Does this sound like she is interested?

[IntBrowser]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Don't. She knows how to contact you. If she had any interest (which seemed doubtful), you made sure you discouraged her by chitchatting about nothing and not even bothering to give her your personal contact info in any of these interoffice emails.

Let this go. There's plenty of other women to date...if you want that.

she responded today with " hey Int how its going?    So how do i go about getting the number?

[Gaeta]

24 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

she responded today with " hey Int how its going?    

She responded to your friday message or you messaged again today?

[Wiseman2]

29 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

she responded today with " hey Int how its going?    So how do i go about getting the number?

You give her your personal contact info. And you suggest meeting for a brief mutually convenient coffee when you won't sabotage it to sleep in or watch sports.

[IntBrowser]

25 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

She responded to your friday message or you messaged again today?

responded to friday message

[IntBrowser]

23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You give her your personal contact info. And you suggest meeting for a brief mutually convenient coffee when you won't sabotage it to sleep in or watch sports.

how should i bring it up when i respond?

[ASG]

16 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

how should i bring it up when i respond?

"hey! Not bad, you? 

I was thinking we should grab a coffee one of these days to catch up properly. What do you think? 

Here's my number" 

[IntBrowser]

2 minutes ago, ASG said:

"hey! Not bad, you? 

I was thinking we should grab a coffee one of these days to catch up properly. What do you think? 

Here's my number" 

i dont want to ask her out on work email.    i want to do that over text or phone

[ASG]

Just now, IntBrowser said:

i dont want to ask her out on work email.    i want to do that over text or phone

It makes literally no difference. 

That's just splitting hairs. 

Say you'd like to go for coffee and give her your number. 

Why are you overcomplicating this?! 

[IntBrowser]

2 minutes ago, ASG said:

It makes literally no difference. 

That's just splitting hairs. 

Say you'd like to go for coffee and give her your number. 

Why are you overcomplicating this?! 

because i thought the first step was getting the number and from there

[ASG]

12 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

because i thought the first step was getting the number and from there

Then ask "can I have your number?" 

But it feels more organic to mention meeting up for coffee to start with. Then move the convo off the work email, by giving her your number and hopefully she'll give you hers. 

There are no "first steps" written in stone. Don't overcomplicate. 

Either ask for her number directly or ask her for coffee directly. 

No need to overthink this. 

[princessaurora]

Life is too short for you to mull over every little thing. 

Just tell her you're doing great and would love to catch up over coffee. 

She'll most likely respond by giving you her number. If she doesn' t but says she wants to meet up, send her yours. 

[IntBrowser]

14 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

Life is too short for you to mull over every little thing. 

Just tell her you're doing great and would love to catch up over coffee. 

She'll most likely respond by giving you her number. If she doesn' t but says she wants to meet up, send her yours. 

u may be right.    she had a when she emailed me.    And it shows im on her mind

Edited October 20, 2021 by IntBrowser

[Versacehottie]

Yeah don't pussyfoot around here.  I'd say give her your number (though wouldn't mind at all if you asked for hers).  Be bold.  They say, which i would agree with, that people who act overly familiar in a way actually do better in dating...and I would agree with that.  It, in itself, is the confident move (to be overly familiar). 

You could ask for her number or give her yours for the simplest thing like sharing funny memes.  It's easiest if you tie it into whatever was the basis of your friendship at work.  I'd definitely take things off email--just because either or both of your might be self-censoring, being censored and/or it's email and that's less fun and familiar and more formal than text.  If you get onto text, then it's a short hop, skip and a jump to meeting up and very natural!  I'd say give your number because i think in this case she will follow through and use it.  You can also tie it in by giving her your number and importantly a REASON for her to be in touch with you on it (ie this is basic: but "let me know how it is this week over there" referring to work or whatever but that you guys can talk more candidly).  If I knew the little nuances of things you guys have discussed in the past, it's easy to come up with a "reason" (more than my somewhat boring example, which trust me, isn't that boring if she wants to be in touch anyway!).

Do it!

[IntBrowser]

24 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Yeah don't pussyfoot around here.  I'd say give her your number (though wouldn't mind at all if you asked for hers).  Be bold.  They say, which i would agree with, that people who act overly familiar in a way actually do better in dating...and I would agree with that.  It, in itself, is the confident move (to be overly familiar). 

You could ask for her number or give her yours for the simplest thing like sharing funny memes.  It's easiest if you tie it into whatever was the basis of your friendship at work.  I'd definitely take things off email--just because either or both of your might be self-censoring, being censored and/or it's email and that's less fun and familiar and more formal than text.  If you get onto text, then it's a short hop, skip and a jump to meeting up and very natural!  I'd say give your number because i think in this case she will follow through and use it.  You can also tie it in by giving her your number and importantly a REASON for her to be in touch with you on it (ie this is basic: but "let me know how it is this week over there" referring to work or whatever but that you guys can talk more candidly).  If I knew the little nuances of things you guys have discussed in the past, it's easy to come up with a "reason" (more than my somewhat boring example, which trust me, isn't that boring if she wants to be in touch anyway!).

Do it!

i will do it tomorrow morning,  she gets off at 4pm and work got busy.    i get off at 5pm

[princessaurora]

Do it first thing in the morning when you get there. Dont leave her in limbo. That would be starting a game you really don't want to play. 

[Versacehottie]

yeah agree with princess.  another good point on that note is that quicker response times up the familiarity also.  And also if you feel like you are starting over every time you want to get in touch, a more regular presence in each other's life (email, text life, talking life) kind of makes that less of an issue.  Bump up the intervals so you are talking with each other about present moments, in the now and get more comfortable with each other, then you need less of a "reason" to be in touch.

Also things don't have to be as monumental, which I think is contributing to your fear about this. I say it all the time: flirty friend.  Guys might freak out at the friend word but listen we almost all know when you are in touch in this way that you would like to date us.  It's just a step before something happens (not a bad thing to start off this way). It also should ease up on some the pressure you feel.  Or if you think you will have awkwardness blurting out: hey want to go to coffee?  

Lol which btw don't get me started on that.  I think she likes you and you are trying to take it from work colleagues to dating so this is about the best use of a coffee date that I can think of but otherwise I'd opt for something more inspired Or even if you are going to take her out and start texting, I wouldn't stick with coffee if you don't have to.   It's a low investment date and you said she is a 10.  (I'm talking about effort not money).  Whatever date you end up taking a person on reflects your interests and how you choose to live life so i wouldn't phone it in.  Something that expresses a bit more excitement and personality and connection to what she likes and that you both enjoy is better.  Coffee is a conversation which isn't always bad it's just if you are using it as a meek way out/just dipping a toe in, it's pussyfooting and I wouldn't do that.  If you can be vibrant on a coffee date and reel her in with that, ok but there are other great things to do as well. Depends on how this all unfolds but yeah. 

[IntBrowser]

49 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

yeah agree with princess.  another good point on that note is that quicker response times up the familiarity also.  And also if you feel like you are starting over every time you want to get in touch, a more regular presence in each other's life (email, text life, talking life) kind of makes that less of an issue.  Bump up the intervals so you are talking with each other about present moments, in the now and get more comfortable with each other, then you need less of a "reason" to be in touch.

Also things don't have to be as monumental, which I think is contributing to your fear about this. I say it all the time: flirty friend.  Guys might freak out at the friend word but listen we almost all know when you are in touch in this way that you would like to date us.  It's just a step before something happens (not a bad thing to start off this way). It also should ease up on some the pressure you feel.  Or if you think you will have awkwardness blurting out: hey want to go to coffee?  

Lol which btw don't get me started on that.  I think she likes you and you are trying to take it from work colleagues to dating so this is about the best use of a coffee date that I can think of but otherwise I'd opt for something more inspired Or even if you are going to take her out and start texting, I wouldn't stick with coffee if you don't have to.   It's a low investment date and you said she is a 10.  (I'm talking about effort not money).  Whatever date you end up taking a person on reflects your interests and how you choose to live life so i wouldn't phone it in.  Something that expresses a bit more excitement and personality and connection to what she likes and that you both enjoy is better.  Coffee is a conversation which isn't always bad it's just if you are using it as a meek way out/just dipping a toe in, it's pussyfooting and I wouldn't do that.  If you can be vibrant on a coffee date and reel her in with that, ok but there are other great things to do as well. Depends on how this all unfolds but yeah. 

Our convo always flows whether we are face to face or when we emailed.         We both came along way because it was a time that all we did was stare from across the room.   She finally got up the nerve to approach me about something work related and that broke the ice.       I am still in shock that i cross her mind and we work in different parts of the city.     I will definitely contact her first thing in the morning

 

I will be up half the night thinking how I will do this lol

[Gaeta]

7 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I will be up half the night thinking how I will do this lol

I can't wait to read your update

 

[IntBrowser]

9 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I can't wait to read your update

 

well responded today to her email saying "not sure how i missed your email"   And suggested talking through text and gave my number.

never got a reply to the email or a text and i sent that at 9am   well i tried.   one good thing about being at the bottom is you cant fall any lower  lol

[Versacehottie]

hmmm stop being so fatalistic...sure that is translating into how you interact, present yourself and word things...the beliefs in the back of your mind ALWAYS escape in those ways--you cannot hide them.  More confidence my friend! You are looking for immediate reassurance and immediate response to know if she is into you. Most beginnings of this sort don't evolve exactly like that--if you knew that, would it calm you down?  And raise your confidence?

If I were in her shoes, I would now have your number but there's no immediate reason to text you. So in a way, she has to come up with something funny or on topic for you guys to reach out to you. Also if you work in a busy industry or office, perhaps she's just waiting until after hours to text you--that's EXACTLY what I would do to move it from work friends to something else--not quite defined but talking outside of work.  Mas sexy!   

She's acting more like a guy than you are...sometimes they leave space rather than contact immediately, they contact when they can do it better.  And usually it's the girl, wondering WHY didn't he respond immediately. Also she could be barely or just figuring out if you actually like her--that takes confidence on her part too.  If we are being fair, you're still pussyfooting around a bit.  I don't mind that you said you missed the email as a reason to contact her, but it also wasn't as vibrant and enthusiastic as it could be either.  You are playing it safe--expect that in return.  Hopefully it doesn't fizzle BECAUSE you are playing it safe.  I wholeheartedly believe you will get a text from her in the next week and take your conversations off of work email. It's the first thing I would do in her shoes--even if she is not sure WHERE she wants things to go with you (presuming she is single and doesn't hate you--which I think we've established!). Hang in there! Use the "waiting" time to puff yourself up!

[elaine567]

What did the text you sent say?

[Yosemite]

22 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

What did the text you sent say?

I think he means that he didn't get a response by email and she didn't text him after he gave her his number. As far as I can tell, he still doesn't have her number. 

[princessaurora]

Give her time. She may be as nervous as you and trying to play it cool. I wish you would have told her you wanted to get together and catch up so she didn't have to guess if you're truly interested.  But if she likes you and I believe she does, she'll find a reason to text you soon.

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

well responded today to her email saying "not sure how i missed your email"   And suggested talking through text and gave my number.

never got a reply to the email or a text and i sent that at 9am   well i tried.   one good thing about being at the bottom is you cant fall any lower  lol

Hey! I'm right there at the bottom with you lol. 

C'mon! you need to have a little more faith. Maybe she'll text after work. 

[Versacehottie]

Yes have faith! I think each of you are probably trying to play it cool. A work thing is where people often are a bit more cautious because they don't want to misstep and have that be part of their daily work life or have colleagues talking about it.

Be a little patient and confidence is your best way to go!