is love something that exists or we need to get to know each other and work for it?

[glows]

Hi Jenny, sorry I think I've disabled chats or done something to it as I won't communicate in PM. Anything that needs to be said can be said on the forum. I agree with the other comments. If he's not quite what you're looking for then let him go. It's your life and happiness after all. He does seem like a nice person. 

I hope this works out but it's completely up to you.

[smackie9]

You don't see each other enough to build that emotional/ intimate connection. If he was really keen he would make effort to see you more than once a week. I say tell him he needs to be amping up more time together. If he can't this is dead in the water.

[jenny 73]

I dont think he is not my type, and of course I care about him! I just havent been in many relationships and dont know what to expect!

[jenny 73]

5 hours ago, stillafool said:

You are asking about his feelings for you when it seems you both have expressed you "like" one another.  Now it seems that you want more in terms of feelings from him yet your feelings are matching his with the "likes".  For me I "like" my friends and other people.  I normally am in love with a person I'm dating.  If he's hanging out with you of course he "likes" you because people don't hang around people they don't like.  I think you want more than "like" but are not expressing more yourself.

I think I am expressing more than like myself. Probably it is hard to convey a real situation in text here!

[LuckyM]

If you were literally melting you'd see a puddle of "you" on the floor. Joking aside, if you were in love you would know it and not have to ask us. Why rush?  I used to rush dates and regret it now as I am forever single. Of course love exists subjectively and need not work for it at first. After marriage maybe then. You can't plan for love but you can create or enable the dates and choices when it will develop and flourish

Edited October 15, 2021 by LuckyM
clarity

[jenny 73]

44 minutes ago, LuckyM said:

If you were literally melting you'd see a puddle of "you" on the floor. Joking aside, if you were in love you would know it and not have to ask us. Why rush?  I used to rush dates and regret it now as I am forever single. Of course love exists subjectively and need not work for it at first. After marriage maybe then. You can't plan for love but you can create or enable the dates and choices when it will develop and flourish

I agree with you! thanks for this comment and yes I am planning some activities to spend more time with him

[Nothanks]

“Melting” sounds like something I would expect of a teenage crush. The speed at which people fall in love varies but I think it starts with attraction, then compatibility, trust, intimacy and finally exclusivity.  You’ve only been seeing each other for 4 months. If you enjoy seeing each other, then no reason to stop.  Take your time and get to know each other.  Don’t overthink it. 

[Trail Blazer]

What I feel and what I show are two different things.  I am measured and calculated and I generally only show people what I want them to see.  

When I started dating my girl, I never gave her running commentary on how I felt until well after the fact.  She knew I was interested and I knew she was very interested.

Nobody knows absolutely what the other person feels.  I don't advocate for suppressing one's feelings completely, but at the same time, when a relationship is at its infancy, it's important to keep things in check.

When did I know I loved her?  It's nuanced.  I knew that I could very easily love her five minutes into our first date.  When was I sure?  Perhaps two or three months later.  When did I tell her?  About seven months later.  I had to be sure she felt the same as well.

The answer to your thread is also nuanced.  Some people fall in love at first sight (my girlfriend and I later admitted to each other that we both did) while others can take a lot longer to get there.

There's no hard and fast rule as to when it happens.  People who are certain of their emotions know when that time has come.  Perhaps you aren't there yet.  Perhaps he is, but you're not giving him enough of a reason to show that to you.

Remember, it's no fun for someone to tell someone else they love them only for those feelings to not be reciprocal.  However, at only four months dating, it's perfectly normal for one or both of you to not have arrived there just yet.

Edited October 18, 2021 by Trail Blazer