Keeves1 Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 Hey! long time to see! last time I gave an update about our relationship was back november 2020. So here is an update almost 1 year later hahahah! If it may be difficult for you to understand due to language barrier just ask for the context or more info and I will try my best to clear that up We are still arguing and it has been alot recently. I’ve taken count and it’s 1 arguing every week which means a total of 4 times in a month! I do think it’s alot and it’s making me mentally tired of being around her. I can’t remember exactly what we were arguing about but often times it’s a small thing and something it just because we misunderstood each other. The last part were we misunderstand each other has happened alot! But yeah I’m sorry if I can’t go more into detail . I can forgive her because of our misunderstandings but what I especially can’t forgive us/her is that we are arguing alot and when we do we are not compromising and that leaves us in a bad company to each other. Almost the feeling you get when you’re not friends. she’s always saying that there’s no need to compromise because it’s just a misunderstanding but for me I need her to be willing to compromise or else I can’t keep calm… I’ve mentioned that it’s making me mentally tired and it also does make me in a bad mood even when I’m at work and it’s hard cause I’m there 8 hours. We are not even talking after we were arguing last night. Just woke up today and did my thing without even hearing a sound from her… she was just sitting on the couch and watching youtube. So me and Maria aren’t talking and I know she’s not happy either because she told me «If you’re not happy then I’m not either» because I love you and I want you to be happy» The whole reading seems like I’m putting Maria in a bad light but it’s not all her fault. I’ve been seeing a psychologist or psychiatry if you will. That’s because I’m suspicious that I have Autism. One other thing I want to point out is that Maria is trying her best to help me and she really are when I’m overthinking and she’s always there to listen to me.
Sun Seeker Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 A relationship should not involve arguing once a week. That just shows you are both incompatible. A relationship should enhance your life, add to it, make you happy, not make you unhappy. End this relationship and find someone you are more compatible with and actually happy to be with. 5
Author Keeves1 Posted October 11, 2021 Author Posted October 11, 2021 14 minutes ago, Sun Seeker said: A relationship should not involve arguing once a week. That just shows you are both incompatible. A relationship should enhance your life, add to it, make you happy, not make you unhappy. End this relationship and find someone you are more compatible with and actually happy to be with. I want to wait a little bit to see if she has more to say. Don’t want to quickly end my relationship because she won’t compromise. If she doesn’t say anything the next few days I want to ask her if she still want to be with me and ask her what her thoughts about us arguing every so often 1
Foxhall Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 7 hours ago, Keeves1 said: One other thing I want to point out is that Maria is trying her best to help me and she really are when I’m overthinking and she’s always there to listen to me. lol Ill go against the other poster there, she sounds a good girl- they all get a bit moody from time to time, see how it goes another while, you will miss her when she is gone. 2
chillii Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, Keeves1 said: «If you’re not happy then I’m not either» because I love you and I want you to be happy» The whole reading seems like I’m putting Maria in a bad light but it’s not all her fault. I’ve been seeing a psychologist or psychiatry if you will. That’s because I’m suspicious that I have Autism. One other thing I want to point out is that Maria is trying her best to help me and she really are when I’m overthinking and she’s always there to listen to me. They're huge things that she's said there. Are you sure it's not you that's causing the arguments , especially if you think you may have Autism ? Who actually starts an argument , how does it get of the ground in the first place ? Would be willing to put here one or two examples. On a simpler note though yeah too much arguing who's ever fault is too often just an incompatibility thing that is very hard to change between two people. Unless one of them is the one starting all the fires and can figure out why and turn that around. Edited October 11, 2021 by chillii
kendahke Posted October 12, 2021 Posted October 12, 2021 (edited) Quote I'm not happy with my current relationship End it. Life is too short for BS. Stop taking it to work with you--that's a choice. Stop ruminating on something that cannot be fixed because she doesn't want it to be fixed. That's your starting point in this. It's fascinating how people who don't like to argue and wish to avoid it always seem to end up with people who love to argue and see nothing wrong with it. Edited October 12, 2021 by kendahke
Wiseman2 Posted October 12, 2021 Posted October 12, 2021 You must be somewhat happy because you are still living together and she is trying hard to make it work with you.
smackie9 Posted October 12, 2021 Posted October 12, 2021 it's not because of you and it's not because of her. You two are just not a good match, that's why you both struggle to get along. It's an unhealthy relationship. You can't fix those, instead you end them. 1
Maldives Posted October 13, 2021 Posted October 13, 2021 On 10/12/2021 at 4:10 AM, Keeves1 said: I want to wait a little bit to see if she has more to say. Don’t want to quickly end my relationship because she won’t compromise. If she doesn’t say anything the next few days I want to ask her if she still want to be with me and ask her what her thoughts about us arguing every so often Agree with the above maybe couple counselling too can help 1
spiderowl Posted October 13, 2021 Posted October 13, 2021 I am not sure why you need her to compromise when it turns out that what you have been arguing about is a misunderstanding? If you have just misunderstood each other, then once the misunderstanding is cleared up, there should be no need for compromise as you both should then understand what the other meant, unless of course there was still disagreement after you understood each other. If there is still an argument, then it was not just a misunderstanding. It is complicated to think about without any examples. Are you worried that if there really were a disagreement that she would never be able to compromise? I suppose it is possible, likely even, that you will argue over something one or the other of you feels they cannot compromise on, but that is normal in any relationship occasionally. 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2021 Posted October 13, 2021 Can either of you move out? Or are you stuck in a lease?
Foxhall Posted October 13, 2021 Posted October 13, 2021 Just jumping in here again. Since you mentioned autism, one of the traits is that the person can often think everything is about them, not meaning that in a negative way, just be mindful of the bigger picture. at times Maria's grumpiness may be for things that are not related to you at all, I would caution you again against ending this relationship, you would need to be sure of yourself that it is not working before ending it, give her space, leave the house for a few hours rather than getting into an argument, be patient and considerate with her. 1
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