Girlfriend threatening to sue me…

[Jarlstown]

Hello.  I am hoping to get some thoughts on if I’m crazy on this, am being incredibly insensitive, or it is objectively a ridiculous problem. 
 

I have been dating my girlfriend for almost two years and we have lived together about 6 months. This year she really wanted to get a nose job. I didn’t see the need and initially tried to discourage her but she really wanted it so I supported her.  Her recovery was tough and I tried to stay very patient with her needs and frequent extreme anxiety or worry about her nose. 
 

It has now been about 3.5 months since her surgery and the doctor said the other day it is pretty much as strong as before and will take about a year for the rest of the swelling to go away. 
 

The other night when getting into bed we were turning toward each other and her nose hit right into my shoulder. She yelled and jumped to run to the mirror, starting to yell at me. I felt terrible. She started to scream awful things because of how scared and upset she was. It did’t bleed or swell up but the tip of her nose turned red.  She told me to leave, so I did, but later we ended up spending the entire night taking about it. She says it is all my fault  

 

She basically says I ruined her nose and demands that I give her about $20k so she can go see a fancy plastic surgeon in California. She says if she ends up not using it she will give it back. I told her she needs to contact her current doctor ASAP if she really thinks it’s that bad. She told me she would sue me for the money and would do whatever it takes to win including making things up and ruining my character. She said she would speak with a lawyer Monday to write a contract for me to sign saying that I would pay whatever it costs. 
To be clear, I never paid for the first one or thought she needed it, and do not see any structural or otherwise alarming change in her nose after the bump that night. 
 

Day or so later - Her doctor said it looked fine but is just more sensitive right now to touch or any impact.  The red tip is gone now and just looks like it did before. She still insists I need to give her this money for ruining her life. I can’t tell how long she is going to keep up with this. But she is adamant about suing me or otherwise getting me to pay. Again, we live together and can’t afford to break the lease. 
 

thoughts?

Edited October 9, 2021 by Jarlstown
Clarify something

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, Jarlstown said:

She basically says I ruined her nose and demands that I give her about $20k so she can go see a fancy plastic surgeon in California. She still insists I need to give her this money for ruining her life.

What? Run. She's extorting you. 

She has no case, she's just  a self absorbed princess who'll become addicted to plastic surgery.

Get out now before she looks like the typical overdone monstrosities.

Edited October 9, 2021 by Wiseman2

[basil67]

Obviously, you need to break up with her...but I guess you can do that when you see fit.

Now, I'm not a lawyer, but it sounds to me like she has no grounds to sue you.  The bump was an accident and no damage was sustained.   Now, she may well go to a lawyer and the lawyer will tell her that she has no grounds to sue.  And even if she does come home with a document, just tear it up.   Wait for her to have you served - and if she does, make sure that she understands that she will bear your costs if her claim is found to be frivolous.  

Meanwhile, start to document her extortion.  Quotes, times and dates. 

Edited October 9, 2021 by basil67

[mark clemson]

You'll need to consult with an attorney for proper advice that matches the laws in your jurisdiction. To me it sounds like a frivolous or malicious lawsuit and possibly could be dismissed relatively quickly on those grounds, but that is just my layman's view and so you may find it's not so simple to resolve.

[Nothanks]

Did you break up with her?  Because that has to happen.  How long until your lease is up?  If you have to live with her, try and create a separate living space or place to sleep and establish boundaries that you are now roommates only. Frankly anyone this high strung could spark at anytime. I would also suggest keeping your phone on you at all times in case you need to video tape her nonsense and protect yourself.  But your absolute best bet is to get out of both the relationship and the home ASAP.

[Blind-Sided]

16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What? Run. She's extorting you. 

Yep...... this exactly !!!!!!!!!

[Taramere]

18 hours ago, Jarlstown said:

Day or so later - Her doctor said it looked fine but is just more sensitive right now to touch or any impact.  The red tip is gone now and just looks like it did before. She still insists I need to give her this money for ruining her life. I can’t tell how long she is going to keep up with this. But she is adamant about suing me or otherwise getting me to pay. Again, we live together and can’t afford to break the lease. 
 

thoughts?

Go and see a lawyer about breaking the lease.  You might be able to negotiate something with the landlord/landlady to ensure the cost of breaking it isn't nearly as bad as you fear - but you can't go on living with this woman.  Who knows what else she might try to pin on you for litigation purposes?

[chillii]

What on earth are you doing living with a person like this , seriously ?

[Marsden]

Jeez count down the days until the end of the lease, or consider breaking it.

With someone like that you gotta sleep with one eye open.

 

 

[Lola]

It sounds like she isn’t happy with her first nose job and she’s trying to make you pay for the second one. She is abusing you. But first it was an accident and second the doctor said it’s fine. She is disgusting she is trying to make you feel bad so she can get more surgeries. As everybody else said, try to finish it ASAP.

[ExpatInItaly]

Is she always this unhinged?

This relationship needs to be over. Speak to a lawyer and your landlord about breaking the lease, and protecting yourself in the process. This woman is horrible. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Lola said:

It sounds like she isn’t happy with her first nose job and she’s trying to make you pay for the second one. 

Exactly. Even her plastic surgeon stated it was fine. And why does she think she needs to go to California for a redo? This sounds like a really bad episode of the TV show "botched".

She'll never be happy. Run .

[Shining One]

On 10/9/2021 at 5:51 PM, Jarlstown said:

She told me she would sue me for the money and would do whatever it takes to win including making things up and ruining my character.

I think there needs to be a new term for this, because "red flag" just seems insufficient.

[kendahke]

Dump her.

Anyone who will admit to your face that they will lie will do far worse behind your back.

Before you go, set it up for her to say the same thing to you, except record her saying it.  With video would be better, but you need to hide the camera. Then dump her. If she threatens you, tell her you'll see her in court and let your lawyer shred her.

Quote

She said she would speak with a lawyer Monday to write a contract for me to sign saying that I would pay whatever it costs. 

You need to consult an attorney and quick. This is extortion. That's a crime.

Quote

Extortion is the communication of threats to another with the intention to obtain anything of value or any acquittance, advantage, or immunity of any description. If convicted, you could suffer imprisonment for one to 15 years in addition to fines, victim restitution, and more.

I seriously doubt she will find a lawyer who wants to throw away their law license behind her BS.  Your lawyer can pull their coat tail with your recording of her saying what she said. Also, get her surgeon as your witness to say there is nothing wrong with her nose. Your lawyer can say if she cared about her nose so much, why would she be in bed with you at close proximity to her face? Yeah, she needs to be shredded.

Be that one who will take her there.

Edited October 12, 2021 by kendahke

[ShyViolet]

This woman is mentally ill.  You DO NOT owe her any money for what happened, and you ARE NOT in any way legally responsible.   Her claim is so insane and baseless that I don't even think it's necessary for you to consult a lawyer to protect yourself..... she has no case.  The only thing you need to do is break up with her immediately and get her out of the house, or you move out, whichever.

[poppyfields]

On 10/9/2021 at 2:51 PM, Jarlstown said:

The other night when getting into bed we were turning toward each other and her nose hit right into my shoulder. She yelled and jumped to run to the mirror, starting to yell at me. I felt terrible. 

Playing devil's advocate, I'm trying to get a picture of what's bolded above.  To such an extent that it bruised her nose?  Caused a bump and changed color or whatever happened.  Must have been a big hit to your shoulder for that to happen.  

NOT saying it's your fault, hardly, sounds like an accident.  However, she claims she would "make something up" to prove her case so it's possible she might say you assaulted her and then she  would have a case. 

Only you know the nature of your relationship and the dynamic you both developed.

But you seem quite paranoid so just wondering if there is possibly more to this story that you are not sharing?  

Not accusing, just asking.  Having a legal background, I've seen this A LOT. 

Because on its face, the way you tell it, she sounds utterly insane.  But there are always two sides.  Or actually three sides - hers, yours and the truth. 

Anyway, if what you've told us is true, any lawsuit she files is frivolous and without merit and will be tossed out by the judge at the preliminary hearing. 

In any event, your relationship is over and DONE. 

Break the lease, move out and contact an attorney immediately for your own protection and to fully understand the laws in your state. 

Edited October 12, 2021 by poppyfields

[Ami1uwant]

I was have ended this before the nose job….

 

run and don’t look back

[dramafreezone]

Sorry this is happening to you.

I'd pay her part of the early termination on the lease, just to go away and never talk to me again.  Then get a restraining order on her.

There had to be warning signs that she was capable of behaving like this.

Edited October 12, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Playing devil's advocate. contact an attorney immediately for your own protection 

He doesn't need an attorney unless she has a case (doubtful) and she actually gets some ambulance chaser to take her case.

[poppyfields]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He doesn't need an attorney unless she has a case (doubtful) and she actually gets some ambulance chaser to take her case.

Wise, my background is legal, she has threatened to "make up" things and sue.

The truth is we are only hearing HIS side, only he knows IF there is another side.

He can wait until he is served to seek counsel from an attorney, I would not. 

JMO.

[stillafool]

If she knows you can't afford to end your lease where exactly does she think you are going to get $20,000?

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

He can wait until he is served to seek counsel from an attorney, I would not. 

Served with what? Why would a sane person waste a ton of money on a defense attorney or since you are insinuating, a criminal defense attorney, when, no lawsuit has happened and no crime has been committed? 

Spending hundreds on fear makes no sense. It's all about evidence and she'll not only have to find an ambulance chaser for her legal nonsense but a quack who would perform a redo when the first surgery is not appropriately healed yet.

 Anyway don't want to derail a thread on rhetorical "devils' advocate" debates.
 

[Happy Lemming]

44 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

He can wait until he is served to seek counsel from an attorney, I would not.

Sometimes it is good to go on the offense when people start throwing around the threats.

I had a seller-financed house deal start to go south 6 months after the sale.  The buyer said he was going to sue me for this and that.  I called my attorney (the one that did the original loan paperwork) and he told me to relax that I had nothing to worry about.  My attorney contacted the buyer and asked him to provide his attorney's name and number, which the buyer could not (because he didn't have one).  Furthermore, my attorney told the buyer if/when he does secure an attorney to call him directly.  Neither of us heard another word from the buyer.

Personally, I slept better after consulting my attorney and the bill for his time was minimal.

[poppyfields]

OP, it does not cost "hundreds" to seek legal counsel at least with respect to breaking your lease as @Taramere , who has a law degree, suggested. 

Most attorneys offer free consults.. 

Fear?  Damn straight.  You have no idea how many folks have been financially broken from frivolous lawsuits in which the plaintiff lied/made false statements.  It can be devastating, I've seen it!!

You have not returned to share whether or not there another side to this story so won't press you, but as far as my playing "devil's advocate," as another poster suggested, I dislike making assumptions before obtaining all information.  

Problem with forums like this is we only hear one side and that can often lead to assumptions being made and bad advice given.

Your girlfriend however does sound unstable so might be worth your while to speak with a lawyer who offers free consults.

Certainly could not hurt. 

Good luck moving forward from this mess. 

Edited October 12, 2021 by poppyfields

[healing light]

Contact friends or family that you can stay with, pack up all your things, and have someone/a witness help you move out in one foul swoop while she's at work or away for several hours. Imo, you need to treat this exit just like an abusive relationship as if you are in danger.

Reach out to your landlord and explain the situation to see if there is a way you can break your lease. Imo, it would be worth it to couch surf while paying your half until you can break it, just get away from the crazy ASAP.

I would also try to have the conversation with her again but while a device is recording and seek legal advice.