Romchik Posted October 9, 2021 Posted October 9, 2021 My name is Roman. I'm from Ukraine. I am 38 years old. I have a university degree and a good job. I am healthy and I feel great. But there is one problem, I cannot meet a girl who would love me and not use me. I have been trying for many years to get acquainted on dating sites, but to no avail. Mostly dating scammers meet me and try to steal money from me, playing with my feelings. Four years ago, my girlfriend died of cancer. And since then, I can't get to meet anyone else, no matter how hard I try. I don't know where the problem lies. I've tried every possible way. When communicating and on dates, I behave well, but the girls do not seem to notice me. On the other hand, there are other guys who do not work and lead an immoral lifestyle, they have no education, no money. Even they manage to find a girlfriend and this girl falls in love with him. I do not understand what is wrong with me. 1
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2021 Posted October 9, 2021 I am sorry for your loss. Tell all your friends and co-workers that you are single and looking and you are open to meet any single ladies they might know. 3
Author Romchik Posted October 10, 2021 Author Posted October 10, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Gaeta said: I am sorry for your loss. Tell all your friends and co-workers that you are single and looking and you are open to meet any single ladies they might know. There are fewer women than men in Ukraine. There are 4-5 men per woman, and maybe even more. Therefore, women are not looking for a serious relationship. They are looking for entertainment at the expense of many men, or they are looking for a rich man. Those women who have not yet found a rich man live for their own pleasure playing with the feelings of other men. Edited October 10, 2021 by Romchik
Nothanks Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 First, I’m sorry for your loss. Dating can be difficult for sure. But it seems like you have become bitter and disillusioned with women in general. Not all women are as superficial as you are saying. Maybe give yourself a break from dating for awhile. Stop trying so hard and just try meeting new people without expectations.
Maldives Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 The dating world has changed for sure with the intro of dating apps like tinder.
Author Romchik Posted October 10, 2021 Author Posted October 10, 2021 7 hours ago, Nothanks said: First, I’m sorry for your loss. Dating can be difficult for sure. But it seems like you have become bitter and disillusioned with women in general. Not all women are as superficial as you are saying. Maybe give yourself a break from dating for awhile. Stop trying so hard and just try meeting new people without expectations. I'm not trying too hard anymore. I have vast experience in identifying scammers and materialistic women. I have fully studied the psychology of the behavior of such personalities prevailing in a huge number on dating sites and in the real world. It is very convenient that the behavior and manipulations of such individuals are very limited and often repeated. But that doesn't make me feel any better. I gained the experience I didn't need instead of finding a serious relationship and family.
Author Romchik Posted October 10, 2021 Author Posted October 10, 2021 58 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: The dating world has changed for sure with the intro of dating apps like tinder. Tinder and similar applications generate 90% of fake profiles. The developers of the same Tinder application themselves admitted this. All these dating apps are ad aggregators and vip subscriptions to men. The woman plays the role of bait. As soon as a woman registered, uploaded her photos and provided personal information, she is no longer needed and they try to kick her out of the application in every way, to make her leave. Then her personal data and photos are reused to post fake profiles on different dating sites, and photos and data are sold as unique images. In Ukraine, there are a large number of call centers that work for dating sites. Everywhere I see advertisements inviting people to work in such centers for work on dating sites, in order to get acquainted with men from under fake profiles and communicate with them. My experience is based on over a decade of observing all of these dating sites. Before I met my girlfriend for more than 5 years, I got acquainted with no result, and now another 4 years have passed and practically nothing has changed, it became even worse. I still see questionnaires from ten years ago in the tinder, and I think there are profiles there that were on other sites even before the tinder appeared. And they still continue to actively get acquainted. 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 You are much too negative to date. You seem frustrated but also act so defeated that you won't have success. According to you, everyone is a scammer, golddigger, fake,etc. and on top of that, there's no single women in your country. So it seems like you don't want help or solutions since everyone and everything doesn't work for you. You had a relationship before and you are simply much too bitter and closed minded right now to find anyone. Take a break from dating. Focus on self improvement. 3
Author Romchik Posted October 10, 2021 Author Posted October 10, 2021 17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You are much too negative to date. You seem frustrated but also act so defeated that you won't have success. According to you, everyone is a scammer, golddigger, fake,etc. and on top of that, there's no single women in your country. So it seems like you don't want help or solutions since everyone and everything doesn't work for you. You had a relationship before and you are simply much too bitter and closed minded right now to find anyone. Take a break from dating. Focus on self improvement. Thanks. This is exactly what I am doing now. But can't I talk about it and communicate on this topic with someone else? Or is this also not allowed?
Nothanks Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 8 minutes ago, Romchik said: But can't I talk about it and communicate on this topic with someone else? Or is this also not allowed? I thought everyone was trying to help you find someone right for you. Is that not what you are looking for? If you want to discuss this topic generally then….. All women are not materialistic and all men are not entitled to be in a relationship. 1
Author Romchik Posted October 10, 2021 Author Posted October 10, 2021 25 minutes ago, Nothanks said: I thought everyone was trying to help you find someone right for you. Is that not what you are looking for? If you want to discuss this topic generally then….. All women are not materialistic and all men are not entitled to be in a relationship. I respect the opinion of everyone here. Frankly, in my life I have not yet seen a single woman who would really love me. I don't ask for much. And I don't need much to be happy. But even here I saw what everyone is trying to do to me. They are trying to bring me to some kind of standard and comfortable type in the opinion of women, instead of perceiving me as a unique person. I do not want to pretend to be anyone, I want to be myself and I want to be understood and loved as I am. Yes, I studied psychology and I clearly know that everything is based on deception. It is easier to deceive a woman than to get her attention. Many guys, in order to keep a woman, give her a child and then when he is tired of her, they leave her alone with the child, this is certainly mean and not fair, but this is the payment of women for their inaccessibility and inadequacy. I saw even worse situations when a very beautiful and inaccessible woman is turned into a drug addict, after which she is ready to do anything for a dose of drugs and is ready to sleep with everyone who will provide her with another dose of drugs. This is also very mean, but the woman herself is to blame for this, because there was a man for whom there is nothing sacred, who did not stop at nothing and took possession of this woman by any means, despite the immorality of such an act. I don't want to be like that and do the same. I just want to love and be loved. 1
Nothanks Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 7 minutes ago, Romchik said: But even here I saw what everyone is trying to do to me. They are trying to bring me to some kind of standard and comfortable type in the opinion of women, instead of perceiving me as a unique person. Everyone is trying to help you. There is no other agenda. I find it ironic that you want to be treated as a unique person but are willing to generalize the motivations of all women (and not treat each women as an individual). Look if you don’t believe any woman will love you for who you are, then there is nothing anyone can do to convince you otherwise. I just am saddened by that mindset. 1
Author Romchik Posted October 10, 2021 Author Posted October 10, 2021 Thanks for the support and advice. But as I said above, I've already tried all this. The only thing left for me is to start all over again using my accumulated experience. Now I have two ways, to destroy everything that I have, to leave my house, to move to a big city, where there is a high probability of meeting women. I will have to live differently, work differently and behave differently. Or I can stay in comfort alone and remain as I am. I still think. So I looked here to see how people in the world deal with it. But I already see that the situation is the same everywhere, no matter where someone lives, everyone has the same problems.
mark clemson Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 (edited) Quote overgeneralize, verb draw a conclusion or make a statement about (something) that is more general than is justified by the available evidence Edited October 10, 2021 by mark clemson
smackie9 Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 Dating always sucked. I was single over 30 years ago, and it was terrible back then too. Just have to ignore all the bad stuff, and have hope. You will meet someone when you least expect it. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 I just looked at several sites with population numbers for Ukraine and there is no way Ukraine has 4 to 5 times the number of women than men. If that were the case, news sites would be writing about that place and the impact of the gap on dating every day. That would be a story that the world could not get tired of reading about. According to the World Atlas, you're right that there are more women, but the number of 53.7 percent to 46.3 percent. That's far from there being four or five times the number of women than men. Note that this discrepancy IS considered very high among the world's populations. https://www.worldatlas.com/articles/10-countries-where-women-far-outnumber-men.html There are other sites that they all find pretty much the same numbers. Look, definitely sorry for your loss. I got to tell you though that there is something off about the way your frame your struggle. I'm looking for a girl who will love me. That phrase just doesn't sound right. It makes you a passive entity who just wants someone to love them. Much better to think you want to find a woman that YOU like, that YOU want to spend time with. You are not simply the passive contestant at the control of others who are choosing. You're also choosing. At least you should be choosing. Some--I'd bet most--of the women who don't fall for you are probably not good women in any case. Also this phrase doesn't sound right. When communicating and on dates, I behave well, but the girls do not seem to notice me. Well you don't want to necessarily behave well. You want to be yourself, a good version of yourself. But you want to be yourself. It could be that you are so worried about behaving well that you're making yourself boring and dull and removing all the qualities, real human qualities, that people would find interesting. Could be also that you come off as needy and insecure by being so overly nice and "behaving well." Your goal on dates is to relax and share some of your real interests and passions. And see what happens. Your goal is also to evaluate the other person, to see if they are worth spending time with.
elaine567 Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 22 hours ago, Romchik said: Four years ago, my girlfriend died of cancer. And since then, I can't get to meet anyone else, no matter how hard I try. I don't know where the problem lies. Did you go to anyone for bereavement counselling at the time or since? I guess your problem relates in some way to the death of your gf.
Alpacalia Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 I'm sorry to hear of your girlfriend's death. Agree with @elaine567 Grief therapy would be beneficial for you. You probably met these women at a vulnerable and low period in your life, and it's affecting your perception of all women, as evidenced by your posts.
Ami1uwant Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 16 hours ago, Romchik said: There are fewer women than men in Ukraine. There are 4-5 men per woman, and maybe even more. Therefore, women are not looking for a serious relationship. They are looking for entertainment at the expense of many men, or they are looking for a rich man. Those women who have not yet found a rich man live for their own pleasure playing with the feelings of other men. All the Ukrainian women are being auctioned off to American men….
Alvi Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 (edited) What is the age of women are you looking for? How important is what a woman looks like to you? Are you looking for someone who looks like a model or would a regular looking woman do? Let's be honest, if you are looking for the girls (women), who are18-25 years old, it is going to be a lot harder for you. They are probably in a higher demand, so you would have a lot more competition around. They are probably a lot choosier when it comes to a guy with the money and career and/or looks. But are you looking for the women around your own age? Let's be honest here again. A single woman around the age of 38, is probably is going to be divorced with a child/children. Are you willing to date a single divorced woman with a child/children? Or even without kids but around your own age. Dating a woman around your own age or a bit older might be easier to find. What kind of qualities are you looking for in a woman? Do you want to have kids of your own and if so, why did you wait that long? Edited October 10, 2021 by Alvi 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 On 10/9/2021 at 3:54 PM, Romchik said: I am 38 years old. I have a university degree and a good job. Four years ago, my girlfriend died of cancer. Sorry this happened. You'll never replace her. The best you can do is open your mind somewhat and take each woman you meet with fresh new eyes and for who they are. It's a very tough task watching someone you love die. Probably the worst feeling in the world. However you'll have to find a way to live life again and come out of this darkness.
Author Romchik Posted October 10, 2021 Author Posted October 10, 2021 1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said: All the Ukrainian women are being auctioned off to American men…. You're right. Indeed, most Ukrainian women from childhood dream of marrying an American. Who and how they inspire them with these thoughts, as well as the thought of disrespect for Ukrainian men. Any foreigner man, no matter from which country, is a priority for many Ukrainian women than a Ukrainian man. The Ukrainian man is in last place after any foreigner. In addition, a whole generation of women has already grown up who do not consider the creation of a family as a value in principle. Most young women try to sell themselves at an early age and get any benefit from their body and appearance. In addition to money, material values and entertainment, they are no longer interested in anything.
Author Romchik Posted October 10, 2021 Author Posted October 10, 2021 1 hour ago, Alvi said: What is the age of women are you looking for? How important is what a woman looks like to you? Are you looking for someone who looks like a model or would a regular looking woman do? Let's be honest, if you are looking for the girls (women), who are18-25 years old, it is going to be a lot harder for you. They are probably in a higher demand, so you would have a lot more competition around. They are probably a lot choosier when it comes to a guy with the money and career and/or looks. But are you looking for the women around your own age? Let's be honest here again. A single woman around the age of 38, is probably is going to be divorced with a child/children. Are you willing to date a single divorced woman with a child/children? Or even without kids but around your own age. Dating a woman around your own age or a bit older might be easier to find. What kind of qualities are you looking for in a woman? Do you want to have kids of your own and if so, why did you wait that long? I was dating a 34 year old woman who had 4 children from 4 husbands. Several months and she showed no interest in me. But she was interested in younger guys. I also tried to mend a relationship with a woman with one child, but there the child completely manipulated the mother and was jealous of me towards her. I have nothing against women with children. But after a dozen attempts, I realized that I probably won't succeed with them. Women with children are no longer interested in going over what they went through. For them, love and the creation of a family is a path already traveled, and they already treat such feelings coldly. They live for themselves and for their children. Many of these women have an expression - "give birth to a child for yourself."
Author Romchik Posted October 10, 2021 Author Posted October 10, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. You'll never replace her. The best you can do is open your mind somewhat and take each woman you meet with fresh new eyes and for who they are. It's a very tough task watching someone you love die. Probably the worst feeling in the world. However you'll have to find a way to live life again and come out of this darkness. Thank you friend! 1
Foxhall Posted October 11, 2021 Posted October 11, 2021 On 10/9/2021 at 8:54 PM, Romchik said: I have a university degree and a good job Not ukrainians specifically, but I have got to know a few eastern european women in recent years, My personality ( easy going and reserved) seems to be suited to these women, They tend to be quite charming shall we say if they feel a man has something to offer, and perhaps they also have a "quiet ruthlessness" that will cast him aside pretty quick if he does not measure up, there will have to be something good in it for them too, I enjoy this friendship I have with a hungarian( I know not strictly eastern europe but she knows that culture very well), we can say almost anything to other, but at the same time she is well able to look after herself too, I think "having something material to offer them" is important with eastern european women -perhaps that is an over generalisation, but at least what I have highlighted from your post there- that should increase your prospects.
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