Otter2569 Posted October 8, 2021 Posted October 8, 2021 How do you tell someone that you are interested in dating but are not looking for a relationship? I recently ended a multi year relationship. There are two women who are interested in dating me. I've known them both for a number of years and we would occasionally get together for drinks so we have established friendships. In full disclosure I had previously slept with each of them so we have a history. I plan on taking things slow but I can already see the enthusiasm building and I don't want either of these friendships to crash and burn.
elaine567 Posted October 8, 2021 Posted October 8, 2021 2 minutes ago, Otter2569 said: I plan on taking things slow but I can already see the enthusiasm building and I don't want either of these friendships to crash and burn. If that is true, then date neither of them, Continue with the friendships as is. As soon as you introduce dating, crashing and burning is always on the cards, especially when you would be juggling the two. Date other women. 5
smackie9 Posted October 8, 2021 Posted October 8, 2021 (edited) If they are keen on dating you, that means they have romantic feelings for you... they are no longer friends, they are more like orbiters. If they know you won't have anything serious with them, the minute they meet someone special, you probably won't hear from them again. Edited October 8, 2021 by smackie9
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2021 Posted October 8, 2021 You just say it like it is. There is no need to danse around the bush with 'friends' you've known for years.
Wiseman2 Posted October 8, 2021 Posted October 8, 2021 2 hours ago, Otter2569 said: How do you tell someone that you are interested in dating but are not looking for a relationship? I can already see the enthusiasm building and I don't want either of these friendships to crash and burn. Exactly what you mentioned here. You're just out of a relationship and casual is all you can do right now. Then they enter at their own risk fully advised of the truth as to where you stand. 2
Author Otter2569 Posted October 8, 2021 Author Posted October 8, 2021 22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Exactly what you mentioned here. You're just out of a relationship and casual is all you can do right now. I realized that I was answering my own question as I was typing 1
Nothanks Posted October 8, 2021 Posted October 8, 2021 3 hours ago, Otter2569 said: How do you tell someone that you are interested in dating but are not looking for a relationship? You tell them you are interested in dating but are not looking for a relationship. Straightforward. Don’t date them unless you are willing to lose the friendship. I’m not saying it will happen for sure but you are taking that risk. 2
dramafreezone Posted October 9, 2021 Posted October 9, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, Otter2569 said: How do you tell someone that you are interested in dating but are not looking for a relationship? I recently ended a multi year relationship. There are two women who are interested in dating me. I've known them both for a number of years and we would occasionally get together for drinks so we have established friendships. In full disclosure I had previously slept with each of them so we have a history. I plan on taking things slow but I can already see the enthusiasm building and I don't want either of these friendships to crash and burn. I think that would be weird to say "hey, before we move forward I'm not interested in a relationship." You can't read their minds, I wouldn't assume anything. Maybe they don't want anything serious either. I don't know why the assumption is every woman is looking to get into a relationship, it's not accurate. I know others think differently but I don't think it's your responsibility to bring it up at all. If they ask, don't lie or mislead, otherwise I wouldn't even address it. Don't act like a boyfriend, or say boyfriend type of things to get what you want. Those can be used against you in the court of opinion. Edited October 9, 2021 by dramafreezone
Alpacalia Posted October 9, 2021 Posted October 9, 2021 You could say that you'd like to share her/their company and do things with her but on a casual basis. 3
Gaeta Posted October 9, 2021 Posted October 9, 2021 13 hours ago, dramafreezone said: I think that would be weird to say "hey, before we move forward I'm not interested in a relationship." You can't read their minds, I wouldn't assume anything. Not weird at all. It's actually very considerate toward someone you value as a human being. Women give all sorts of meaning to words and behaviors. I have been on the receiving end of this situation, l'm glad he was clear from the start because lf l had judged him by his actions l would have concluded we were romantically involved. 3
Weezy1973 Posted October 9, 2021 Posted October 9, 2021 20 hours ago, elaine567 said: Date other women. This. These aren’t the only two women on the planet. They’re just convenient. 1
glows Posted October 9, 2021 Posted October 9, 2021 21 hours ago, Otter2569 said: How do you tell someone that you are interested in dating but are not looking for a relationship? I recently ended a multi year relationship. There are two women who are interested in dating me. I've known them both for a number of years and we would occasionally get together for drinks so we have established friendships. In full disclosure I had previously slept with each of them so we have a history. I plan on taking things slow but I can already see the enthusiasm building and I don't want either of these friendships to crash and burn. The likelihood the nature of these friendships changing is high so place less expectation on them. They may be dating other men also or will date others while seeing you. For some reason a lot of people can't handle it when they find out the people they're seeing are seeing someone else, even though it was never exclusive to begin with. 1
dramafreezone Posted October 9, 2021 Posted October 9, 2021 3 hours ago, Gaeta said: Not weird at all. It's actually very considerate toward someone you value as a human being. Women give all sorts of meaning to words and behaviors. I have been on the receiving end of this situation, l'm glad he was clear from the start because lf l had judged him by his actions l would have concluded we were romantically involved. In today's dating landscape when we're analyzing the hell out of things, it certainly makes sense to check that box. I think it's an idea that's better in theory than in practice. I vividly remember dating a woman 15 years ago where I did tell her that I didn't want anything serious. She was still very upset when months later we didn't progress, even after she acknolwedged that I'd been upfront with her, so I don't think stating your intentions does anything to avoid a negative reaction from her later. When someone has developed strong feelings that logic goes out of the window. The only surefire way to avoid getting hurt is to not date at all, otherwise it's a risk. 2
spiderowl Posted October 10, 2021 Posted October 10, 2021 On 10/8/2021 at 7:32 PM, Otter2569 said: How do you tell someone that you are interested in dating but are not looking for a relationship? I recently ended a multi year relationship. There are two women who are interested in dating me. I've known them both for a number of years and we would occasionally get together for drinks so we have established friendships. In full disclosure I had previously slept with each of them so we have a history. I plan on taking things slow but I can already see the enthusiasm building and I don't want either of these friendships to crash and burn. I would avoid close friends for dating. It sounds to me that you are looking for casual sex but do not see these women as being right for you for anything long term. While your view of them may be complicated by just being out of a long relationship, if you were really keen on either of them you wouldn't be asking us this. Do you think either of them are really up for casual sex? 1
Daisydooks Posted October 13, 2021 Posted October 13, 2021 On 10/9/2021 at 8:11 PM, spiderowl said: I would avoid close friends for dating. It sounds to me that you are looking for casual sex but do not see these women as being right for you for anything long term. While your view of them may be complicated by just being out of a long relationship, if you were really keen on either of them you wouldn't be asking us this. Do you think either of them are really up for casual sex? It seems they were in the past. Whether they are now or not, I dont know Lol! He has slept with both of them and remained friends/maintained friendships with both, but whether either of them are looking for that now is the question 2
Author Otter2569 Posted October 13, 2021 Author Posted October 13, 2021 6 hours ago, Daisydooks said: He has slept with both of them and remained friends/maintained friendships with both, but whether either of them are looking for that now is the question At this point in life I would be happy with a companion (or two).
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