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I met my ex for the first time since breaking up, now he acts strange

Runninggirl

By Runninggirl
in Second Chances

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Runninggirl Established Member

Runninggirl

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43 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's unfortunate that he keeps treating you like a hookup. Move forward. He continues the disrespect because, sadly you allow it.

 Is this the same man?:

 

Yes. I would never say yes to that suggestion where Im at now. 

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glows Established Member

glows

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Was he tipsy or drunk? Next time decline politely and maintain proper boundaries with an ex. It seems you're still grieving the break up and relationship ending. You're placing way too much emphasis on a friendship with an ex partner too. Be satisfied, if you will, with casual acquaintances but don't make the mistake that you're friends. 

Focus more on getting back on your feet and less dependence on what he thinks and feels. Say goodbye in your heart and wish him well. Inviting you over like that is disrespectful and pretty low, in my opinion, considering all you've shared as a couple. It's showing no consideration at all that the break up happened (he may be in denial) or for the fall out and any pain or emotions either of you are feeling.  That's why I ask whether he was tipsy. The least he could have done if he was ever seriously interested in being on platonic terms is to meet with you for coffee instead of treating you like a roll in the hay. 

Move on.

 

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flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

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as much as this seems to be affecting you, this is an issue you can control.  block him and stop allowing the contact if it makes you this uncomfortable and emotional.  

what exactly are you trying to gain by continuing to stay in contact?

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Runninggirl Established Member

Runninggirl

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On 12/3/2021 at 7:20 PM, glows said:

Was he tipsy or drunk? Next time decline politely and maintain proper boundaries with an ex. It seems you're still grieving the break up and relationship ending. You're placing way too much emphasis on a friendship with an ex partner too. Be satisfied, if you will, with casual acquaintances but don't make the mistake that you're friends. 

Focus more on getting back on your feet and less dependence on what he thinks and feels. Say goodbye in your heart and wish him well. Inviting you over like that is disrespectful and pretty low, in my opinion, considering all you've shared as a couple. It's showing no consideration at all that the break up happened (he may be in denial) or for the fall out and any pain or emotions either of you are feeling.  That's why I ask whether he was tipsy. The least he could have done if he was ever seriously interested in being on platonic terms is to meet with you for coffee instead of treating you like a roll in the hay. 

Move on.

 

He was a little tipsy, but far from drunk. I agree its disrespectful, I think we met and the interaction was very nice, and I think the fact that the other people around him was interested in me sort of spiked a bit of fear of missing out, which is why he texted me later. I also think the silence is just a reaction to my rejection. Maybe the evening made him temporarily in denial for what actually is going on between us - which is nothing. And for a few hours everything felt like before, and maybe it made him doubtful about his decision. I know how it is to break up with someone, and I would usually just keep in touch like that when I sometimes missed them. 

At least its a good lesson for what I would do if I later break up with someone. I will NOT reach out if or when I miss them. 

I know he would be too insecure to ever invite me to coffee or something daytime if he actually wanted to reconcile. He's terrified of rejecting. It was an ongoing problem in our relationship that he felt like the smallest things were a big rejection from me. 

On 12/3/2021 at 8:21 PM, flitzanu said:

as much as this seems to be affecting you, this is an issue you can control.  block him and stop allowing the contact if it makes you this uncomfortable and emotional.  

what exactly are you trying to gain by continuing to stay in contact?

Ive never blocked anyone, and I feel like blocking is a bit childish? He isn't harassing me. It makes me confused, but it doesn't throw me off like before. But still helpful to reflect a bit on it here, and get some input :)

Im not contacting him at all now, and I don't intend on meeting him intentionally drunk or sober. But I hope we can have casual run ins, and that it can be as nice as it was on saturday without it going anywhere. Not friends in touch, but just someone I share something with. 

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glows Established Member

glows

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13 minutes ago, Runninggirl said:

I know he would be too insecure to ever invite me to coffee or something daytime if he actually wanted to reconcile. He's terrified of rejecting. It was an ongoing problem in our relationship that he felt like the smallest things were a big rejection from me. 

You cannot make up for someone else's insecurity and problems they have within themselves. That's an internal job. It has nothing to do with you and the more you accept that and let go of the idea that you can change that, in him or anyone else, the lighter and freer you will be. Be free to live your life, find love again and do well for yourself. If he is too insecure to think straight or is impulsive and disrespectful, accept that's what he is. 

Quote

Im not contacting him at all now, and I don't intend on meeting him intentionally drunk or sober. But I hope we can have casual run ins, and that it can be as nice as it was on saturday without it going anywhere. Not friends in touch, but just someone I share something with. 

I'd let go of any hope or expectation. You're still expecting him to respond to you with respect and kindness but he's not there and may never get to that space. I think it is better to respect what you both had and let go of any other expectation to be friendly. The less emphasis you place on him, the more energy you have to spend with loved ones and date someone new.

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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Posted
17 minutes ago, Runninggirl said:

I know he would be too insecure to ever invite me to coffee or something daytime if he actually wanted to reconcile. He's terrified of rejecting. It was an ongoing problem in our relationship that he felt like the smallest things were a big rejection from me. 

He's not a poor misunderstood child. If he wanted to reconcile, he would.

The problem seems to be you are still on his hook wishing and hoping.

That's why you don't want to delete and block him....Or move forward in peace.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
41 minutes ago, Runninggirl said:

Ive never blocked anyone, and I feel like blocking is a bit childish? He isn't harassing me. It makes me confused, but it doesn't throw me off like before. But still helpful to reflect a bit on it here, and get some input :)

Im not contacting him at all now, and I don't intend on meeting him intentionally drunk or sober. But I hope we can have casual run ins, and that it can be as nice as it was on saturday without it going anywhere. Not friends in touch, but just someone I share something with. 

All of this would be nice if your feelings matched his.  He has moved on but you haven't even though you say you have.  You are still in love with him and want to get back together.  He knows this but isn't interested in getting back together.  He will gladly hook up with you on a drunken night out and then go back to his business.  You need to block and stay away from places he hangs out.  Sooner or later he will get a new gf and if you're still hanging around you will be hurt because you still aren't over him.

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flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

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2 hours ago, stillafool said:

All of this would be nice if your feelings matched his.  He has moved on but you haven't even though you say you have.  You are still in love with him and want to get back together.  He knows this but isn't interested in getting back together.  He will gladly hook up with you on a drunken night out and then go back to his business.  You need to block and stay away from places he hangs out.  Sooner or later he will get a new gf and if you're still hanging around you will be hurt because you still aren't over him.

 

this.

 

it isn't "childish" to heal yourself and your mental well-being.  you're concerned about how he is going to think of you if you were to block him -- instead of being concerned about your health.  

worrying of what he thinks , versus worrying about yourself, do you see how that's a bit of an issue?

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