sliticy Posted October 3, 2021 Posted October 3, 2021 (edited) So i have been seeing this girl for 2 months, been exlusively dating for 1 month. Our relationship has been moving in a good direction. We have become more intimate with eachother and we are doing stuff people in LTR's would do. The thing is we didn't define our relationship yet so i decided it was time to figure out if she was ready for it. We were at a party yesterday and i took the opportunity to dig a bit in private in a room we went to. So the thing is the day before we had been to a different party and some random people asked my friend if me and this girl were together, my friend then told me and the girl about it where the girl told my friend that she would have said yes if they asked her. So fast forward to yesterday again i asked her if she meant what she said to my friend and she said she still would have said yes and that she could imagine a serious relationship with me but that it's too early still and she wants to be 100% sure. She also asked me afterwards if i was ready for it where i said yes. So atleast she knows that i want it i guess. My question now is if this is a bad sign? should i take what she said as a sign she is not interested anymore or should i continue and become more comfortable before inevitably asking again? A thing to mention is that she had been drinking a bit at both of those parties if it makes any difference.. Edited October 3, 2021 by sliticy
Wiseman2 Posted October 3, 2021 Posted October 3, 2021 (edited) 41 minutes ago, sliticy said: exlusively dating for 1 month.. We have become more intimate with eachother and we are doing stuff people in LTR's would do..she said she still would have said yes and that she could imagine a serious relationship with me but that it's too early still and she wants to be 100% sure. At 4 weeks dating, what, exactly, besides the appropriate exclusive dating, are you looking for? Why have define the relationship talks at parties? Were you upset by this hearsay and confronting her? Is she on/off with someone? She seems ok with exclusive but what more would you like? Stop with the LTR and "serious" relationship talk, especially repeatedly grilling her about it.. It comes off as insecure, possessive and controlling. Why can't you accept that you are dating exclusively, are intimate and things are going well? Especially after dating only 30 days? Relax. Things are good for a 30 day dating situation. You'll have to let things evolve more naturally. Edited October 3, 2021 by Wiseman2
central Posted October 3, 2021 Posted October 3, 2021 I think you're trying to move far too fast, and that comes across as desperate and controlling. Being exclusive is a first step. You barely know each other yet, so being exclusive is ONLY a decision to explore the potential for a lasting relationship; it is NOT a decision to have a LTR. That takes at least 6 months, and more often a year or more to decide, depending on how quickly or slowly you can really know a person, especially their flaws and issues.
Author sliticy Posted October 3, 2021 Author Posted October 3, 2021 11 minutes ago, central said: I think you're trying to move far too fast, and that comes across as desperate and controlling. Being exclusive is a first step. You barely know each other yet, so being exclusive is ONLY a decision to explore the potential for a lasting relationship; it is NOT a decision to have a LTR. That takes at least 6 months, and more often a year or more to decide, depending on how quickly or slowly you can really know a person, especially their flaws and issues. I agree on a lot of the things you said, but 6 months to a year? All the people i know that have been in LTR have had the talk about it and become serious after like 2 - 3 months at the most.
introverted1 Posted October 3, 2021 Posted October 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, sliticy said: I agree on a lot of the things you said, but 6 months to a year? All the people i know that have been in LTR have had the talk about it and become serious after like 2 - 3 months at the most. But you've already had that talk essentially, right? You are dating exclusively! An LTR isn't something you can predict 2 months in; you barely know each other at this point. About all you can say that isn't a guess is that you are interested in continuing on and that the door to an LTR remains open. There are no guarantees with any of this. You could be married for 20 years and your spouse decides they've had enough. An early promise of being together for the long haul won't change the outcome. So unless she has said that cannot see a future with you, and since you have agreed to date each other exclusively, it's not clear what else you want her to declare at this point. Are you wanting to have the official labels of bf and gf?
central Posted October 3, 2021 Posted October 3, 2021 You can start talking about it sooner, but after 1 month is much too soon, IMO. And you can still find red flags and deal breakers even after a year of serious dating - that's what dating is about. I've dated women seriously for as much as 6 months, only to find out that there is something where we can't be compatible and it becomes necessary to end it. That can happen anytime, of course, so it is a good idea to find out where you agree and where you differ on everything (money, kids, values, beliefs, division of chores, working, sex in all its variety, location/moving, educational plans, how to care for elderly parents eventually, and on and on), and if there is anything you can't resolve that would be a deal breaker. You WILL find flaws in each other; some could be deal breakers, and some you may be able to live with even if they will always bother you to some degree.
d0nnivain Posted October 4, 2021 Posted October 4, 2021 Your timing is poor. Discussing "what are we?" 2 months in is fine. Doing it at a party, while she's intoxicated is bad. Involving this other friend in the discussion is wrong. Get other people out of your relationship. I don't understand what you need here & I bet she doesn't either. You have been seeing each other for 2 months. 1 month ago you became "exclusive". What does exclusive mean to you? Why was there any question that when asked if you two were "together" that the answer would be anything other than yes? If you are exclusive, you are together. Stop making yourself nuts about words / labels. Enjoy each other's company. 1
smackie9 Posted October 4, 2021 Posted October 4, 2021 I get where you are coming from...things are OK so far, but not passionate toe curling, full of excitement great. And I'm with you, I would expect that long before 2 months of dating. You feel like a place holder while she makes up her mind, and in the end, she could turn around and say this isn't what she wants, or the old, it's not you it's me. If this really concerns you, give yourself a limit on how long you are willing to wait, say in another couple of weeks, to a month. If things are still at a holding pattern then bail. I did the wait and see stuff a few times, and it never worked out. My experience if you don't hit it off like gangbusters, it will never really get off the ground. It sounds like your feelings are getting a little too far ahead, so you better keep that in check or you will start acting like a fool.
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