poppyfields Posted March 7, 2022 Posted March 7, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, RyanM said: I get she has no serious interest but why make calls and not just let it go then? I just caught up with this thread and it would appear none of the advice is registering with you. That advice being, why the hell do you care about someone mentally deranged and who very clearly is toying with you, and if it bothers you so much, block and delete her, done! But then I read you find other women boring and need to solve this puzzle (her) in other words, her behavior as chaotic as it is, intrigues you! So just own it mate and stop messing with US. WE don't know why she's messing with you other than she's sick and deranged, so not to sound rude, but not sure why you keep asking. There is a saying, like attracts like. Think about that. Translation: As crazy as SHE is, you are equally as crazy for allowing yourself to be so affected by it. Seek professional help is my advice, your obsession is unhealthy and dysfunctional. Sorry and best of luck. Edited March 7, 2022 by poppyfields 1
BalanceInTheForce Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 (edited) hey Ryan, First of all. I think you need stop questioning and take some of the advice other people wrote. From what I read you have a major crush on this girl and that's where blind spots start to appear. In your case a blindfold. I can relate a little bit to your story since i get easily bored and am attracted to what I call ‘fun crazy’. The bad part of this is sometimes you get more crazy than you want. Like a lot of others said: Stay clear of this one and block everything (also phone calls). From events you described there could be some mental issues, borderline being one of them. Trust me on this one. borderliners don’t take rejection well so block, ignore and definitely don’t poke this bear. You sound like a sincere but a bit of a ‘too nice guy’. While some women like that, if you want to date fun crazies, you need to toughen up a little and get way less serious. And that doesn’t mean you need to get alpha, just more playful. Best of luck! Edited March 8, 2022 by BalanceInTheForce 1
Author RyanM Posted March 8, 2022 Author Posted March 8, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, BalanceInTheForce said: hey Ryan, First of all. I think you need stop questioning and take some of the advice other people wrote. From what I read you have a major crush on this girl and that's where blind spots start to appear. In your case a blindfold. I can relate a little bit to your story since i get easily bored and am attracted to what I call ‘fun crazy’. The bad part of this is sometimes you get more crazy than you want. Like a lot of others said: Stay clear of this one and block everything (also phone calls). From events you described there could be some mental issues, borderline being one of them. Trust me on this one. borderliners don’t take rejection well so block, ignore and definitely don’t poke this bear. You sound like a sincere but a bit of a ‘too nice guy’. While some women like that, if you want to date fun crazies, you need to toughen up a little and get way less serious. And that doesn’t mean you need to get alpha, just more playful. Best of luck! What basically confused me in all of this is that she went from being obsessed with me to being obsessed with another guy (though possibly not in a sexual way for either me or other guy; its hard to tell) in a matter of days. At the same time, she doesnt want me to go away? Im just not gonna pick up her calls but why does she still want me around if she has other men who she likes more? My prediction is that she will be knocking on my door eventually but I honestly dont see the logic. I get people sometimes want space to themselves. For instance I am talking to one girl now who kind of fades away cause she has work stress but shes not seeing other men. Can you explain so I have a better perspective? If I am dating someone I dont try to prevent my exes from moving on. In fact I dont want them around. Edited March 8, 2022 by RyanM
BalanceInTheForce Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 (edited) 28 minutes ago, RyanM said: Can you explain so I have a better perspective? If I am dating someone I dont try to prevent my exes from moving on. In fact I dont want them around. Hey Brian, That's why I brought up the borderline. Of course I can't judge if this is the case but I definitely recognise some things you described from a girl I used to date. Quote from a health website: Quote Instability ...they can also shift suddenly to feeling smothered and fearful of intimacy, which leads them to withdraw from relationships. The result is a constant back-and-forth between demands for love or attention and sudden withdrawal or isolation.... I called this thing push and pull. In my case, this behaviour did not stop even after putting an end to things. Months after she still tried contacting me every possible way. Best thing is to let it go because these kind of 'swings' will stay. Best focus on the women out there, that don't want to play you. Cheers, Blake Edited March 8, 2022 by BalanceInTheForce 1
Author RyanM Posted March 8, 2022 Author Posted March 8, 2022 Just now, BalanceInTheForce said: Hey Brian, That's why I brought up the borderline. Of course I can't judge if this is the case but I definitely recognise some things you described from a girl I used to date. Quote from a health website: I called this thing it push and pull. In my case, this behaviour did not stop even after putting an end to things. Months after she still tried contacting me every possible way. Best thing is to let it go because these kind of 'swings' will stay. Best focus on the women out there, that don't want to play you. Cheers, Blake So hypothetically if I choose to date her in a few months, I shouldnt be surprised if she suddenly runs back to old guy then returns then runs away? Is that the point?
BalanceInTheForce Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 8 minutes ago, RyanM said: So hypothetically if I choose to date her in a few months, I shouldnt be surprised if she suddenly runs back to old guy then returns then runs away? Is that the point? Don't! Quote 'The girl also possibly called women in my home town and told them that i am creepy and may drug them and I need to stay away from them You shouldn't have accepted this in the first place. Never respect somebody that doesn't respect you or treats you like sh*t. If you do start with her, you will have a life story and it will not be a pleasant one.
SumGuy Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 24 minutes ago, RyanM said: So hypothetically if I choose to date her in a few months, I shouldnt be surprised if she suddenly runs back to old guy then returns then runs away? Is that the point? You shouldn't be surprised if she paints you black (look it up on borderline personality disorder, probably with narcissistic tendencies) and does far, far worse. Like accuse you of a crime, key your car, engage in a smear campaign that will never end. Won't even get into how such people can wrap others around their finger, get another man all riled up about all the wrong she tells him you done her, until the guy is at your door to kick your ass. This woman has all the sign of real crazy, not the fun kind, the dangerous disordered kind of crazy. You should be running and not trying to figure out how you can make this "work." Her prior behavior made no logical sense, of course because she is diagnosably disordered, but her behavior is predictable. How she will react if things go wrong will make no logical sense either. Run Ryan Run.
SumGuy Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 On 3/7/2022 at 8:04 AM, RyanM said: ...I got dating options. Unfortunately many women who hit on me are older like in late 30a and fewer women in theirs 20s wanna date. The ones that do are a bit boring. Thats why I wanna figure out this game with this woman. Pursue those options. From what have read, her game may be narcissistic feed...and the games those with borderline personality disorder play to quell their own inner voices. This is a "game" that is hard to understand for professionals, and not one you can ever...ever, ever, ever win at. It is zero sum, there is only one winner ever and it will never be you. She is also setting you up for love bombing, then the rug pulling and gas lighting. This is like a horror movie, you keep insisting on going into the basement littered with bones while everyone else is saying, just get in the car and drive away. Can't you hear the background music?
BalanceInTheForce Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 9 minutes ago, SumGuy said: You shouldn't be surprised if she paints you black (look it up on borderline personality disorder, probably with narcissistic tendencies) and does far, far worse. Like accuse you of a crime, key your car, engage in a smear campaign that will never end. Won't even get into how such people can wrap others around their finger, get another man all riled up about all the wrong she tells him you done her, until the guy is at your door to kick your ass. This woman has all the sign of real crazy, not the fun kind, the dangerous disordered kind of crazy. You should be running and not trying to figure out how you can make this "work." Her prior behavior made no logical sense, of course because she is diagnosably disordered, but her behavior is predictable. How she will react if things go wrong will make no logical sense either. Run Ryan Run. Exactly.
Author RyanM Posted March 8, 2022 Author Posted March 8, 2022 4 hours ago, BalanceInTheForce said: Exactly. So is she painting me black on some days then painting me white and then painting me black again? Why do you think she called other women told them I am a potential date rapist with no basis in fact? Is it some power thing or is it to prevent me from moving on from her or what? I dont get why people would act like this.
poppyfields Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 (edited) 11 minutes ago, RyanM said: I dont get why people would act like this. Because mental illness/disorders cannot be understood and it's a futile waste of energy trying. Even trained doctors don't fully understand, they're there to treat the symptoms. What I and perhaps others don't get is why you choose to entertain such chaos? Why you allow it and all her dysfunction to take up THIS much space in your brain, and apparently your heart. That's the bigger question. Nevermind HER, look within yourself because your obsession with her and this entire situation reflects its own brand of 'disorder.' I apologize if this sounds harsh but seriously mate, get a hold of yourself, this is insane! Are you in therapy? Edited March 8, 2022 by poppyfields 1
dramafreezone Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 (edited) OP, I'm going to reiterate what I said earlier... I think you need to see it through to the end with this woman. You appear to be at conflict with your logic and emotions. When that's the case emotions will win out every single time, so in my opinion you need to just indulge those emotions. People without an emotional attachment to this woman are seeing things clearly and maybe you are to an extent but you are still wrestling with the emotional attachment that you've developed with her. You have to come to a point where you don't even wonder about her, and you don't sound like you're anywhere close to that. It's been FIVE MONTHS since you began this thread. You're asking good questions but you're not accepting any of the answers, which means you're not thinking logically. Wondering about someone is a key element of attraction, it's what you feel when you're missing someone. You need a lived experience that matches the wisdom that is being shared with you in this thread, so I say go for it. I wish you well. Edited March 8, 2022 by dramafreezone
ExpatInItaly Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 (edited) 41 minutes ago, RyanM said: Why do you think she called other women told them I am a potential date rapist with no basis in fact? Ryan. Why on earth are you still talking to someone who could destroy your life? Your standards are rock-bottom, dude. Edited March 8, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language 2
Wiseman2 Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 (edited) 56 minutes ago, RyanM said: So is she painting me black on some days then painting me white and then painting me black again? Why do you think she called other women told them I am a potential date rapist with no basis in fact? Try not to stay stuck in a loop, talk to your healthcare providers. They can advise you about ways to disconnect from this. Also stop viewing (cyberstalking) her social media. You need to delete and block her and all her people. Edited March 8, 2022 by Wiseman2
Author RyanM Posted March 8, 2022 Author Posted March 8, 2022 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: Ryan. Why on earth are you still talking to someone who could destroy your life? Your standards are rock-bottom, dude. I forgot everything about her. I began dating other women in the last few months. I am fairly wanted by women and fairly good looking and successful. However, she popped back in and I think she almost managed to manipulate me to go back to this thread. Maybe manipulate is a strong word.
Author RyanM Posted March 8, 2022 Author Posted March 8, 2022 1 hour ago, dramafreezone said: OP, I'm going to reiterate what I said earlier... I think you need to see it through to the end with this woman. You appear to be at conflict with your logic and emotions. When that's the case emotions will win out every single time, so in my opinion you need to just indulge those emotions. People without an emotional attachment to this woman are seeing things clearly and maybe you are to an extent but you are still wrestling with the emotional attachment that you've developed with her. You have to come to a point where you don't even wonder about her, and you don't sound like you're anywhere close to that. It's been FIVE MONTHS since you began this thread. You're asking good questions but you're not accepting any of the answers, which means you're not thinking logically. Wondering about someone is a key element of attraction, it's what you feel when you're missing someone. You need a lived experience that matches the wisdom that is being shared with you in this thread, so I say go for it. I wish you well. Do you think I am incapable of cutting contact with her? She pisses me off and I logically dont wanna deal with her anymore. What is your honest prediction of how this will play out?
Author RyanM Posted March 8, 2022 Author Posted March 8, 2022 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: Because mental illness/disorders cannot be understood and it's a futile waste of energy trying. Even trained doctors don't fully understand, they're there to treat the symptoms. What I and perhaps others don't get is why you choose to entertain such chaos? Why you allow it and all her dysfunction to take up THIS much space in your brain, and apparently your heart. That's the bigger question. Nevermind HER, look within yourself because your obsession with her and this entire situation reflects its own brand of 'disorder.' I apologize if this sounds harsh but seriously mate, get a hold of yourself, this is insane! Are you in therapy? 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: Because mental illness/disorders cannot be understood and it's a futile waste of energy trying. Even trained doctors don't fully understand, they're there to treat the symptoms. What I and perhaps others don't get is why you choose to entertain such chaos? Why you allow it and all her dysfunction to take up THIS much space in your brain, and apparently your heart. That's the bigger question. Nevermind HER, look within yourself because your obsession with her and this entire situation reflects its own brand of 'disorder.' I apologize if this sounds harsh but seriously mate, get a hold of yourself, this is insane! Are you in therapy? I am not in family for anything relationship related and never was. I do have history of dating "loud" women.
stillafool Posted March 8, 2022 Posted March 8, 2022 8 hours ago, RyanM said: m just not gonna pick up her calls but why does she still want me around if she has other men who she likes more? Block her from contacting you. She will love it. It will add more drama to her life and more calm in yours. Do it and stop acting like her foot stool. 1
dramafreezone Posted March 9, 2022 Posted March 9, 2022 3 hours ago, RyanM said: Do you think I am incapable of cutting contact with her? She pisses me off and I logically dont wanna deal with her anymore. What is your honest prediction of how this will play out? I don't have any prediction. I'm only noting that your actions (or inaction) are not matching your words, your thoughts. Most people find a way to end things with someone that they know in their minds and hearts are bad for them. If someone is harassing them, they go to the police and file a restraining order. 1
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