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Well looks like the first meet that was scheduled for tomorrow is now cancelled

IntBrowser

By IntBrowser
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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

Posted
Posted

Been talking to this woman I met from Bumble for 2 weeks and we decided to meet tomorrow.      So she text me this morning saying happy friday and I responded back an hour later saying the same and how I was looking forward to tomorrow and that I will call her later

 

I got no response to my text

When I called tonight at 1030pm I got the voicemail

 

So I am officially making other plans with the money I planned on spending tomorrow.     Unless she calls tonight which I dont see happening.    I was planning on setting my alarm for 10:30am because I was going to meet her at 1pm.        So I wont be setting anything now and will wake up whenever.         

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

Had you already established that she is OK with being contacted at 10:30pm?  My phone switches to 'silent' at 10pm, so I wouldn't pick up because there would be no notification.  

  • Like 2
Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted

That's ok. Sounds like you were not that into it anyway.

Why plan dates when you'd rather sleep or watch TV?

Make it a brief coffee at a more mutually convenient time. Don't call people that late. 

  • Like 1
Blind-Sided Established Member

Blind-Sided

Posted
Posted

I agree with @basil67 on this one... why would you cold call someone at 10:30 at night??  That, in of itself could be a turn off to some.  Also, if she turns her phone off at night, or puts it in silent mode... and you instantly get upset, and are going to sleep past the date, when she already said "OK" to the date... that makes you the bad guy. But I'm guessing you will still be sleeping by the time I'm writing this. 

So... ok... you called, and went to voicemail.  Did you leave a message?

  • Like 3
introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted

My phone also goes on silent at 10pm. 

You seem to ignore that the fact that much/most of the world does not operate as you do.  For many people, a call at 10:30pm from a stranger is not the norm.  Calls that late are reserved for emergencies and people who know you are up and interested in a call at that time. Also, she is not your gf; if she was out with friends or even on another date, it would be rude of her to answer her phone. Who knows, maybe she had a long day and was already in bed.  You make a lot of assumptions over a missed call.

Sleeping through a 1pm date is also unusual.  Many/most people have errands and other responsibilities to take care of on a Saturday and would therefore be awake to receive a call back or text at 10am.

What do you plan to do if she calls or messages this morning? Or will you essentially stand her up by virtue of your decision to sleep rather than observe societal norms?

  • Like 2
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

IIRC he usually sleeps late on the weekend as he spends  most of the night into morning gambling on sport.
The date at 1:30 was highly inconvenient for him. he has no doubt twisted it to make it all her fault...
"I phoned her she didn't answer, she wasn't interested...."

  • Like 3
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

When I called tonight at 1030pm I got the voicemail

For many, this would be too late to take a call, let alone from someone they have never met. 

 

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

For many, this would be too late to take a call, let alone from someone they have never met. 

Of course it was too late but for him he was just getting started with his night's entertainment.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

We have told  you before that calling this late is rude. Why didn't you call at a reasonable hour? 

  • Like 2
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

There is usually a pretty good reason people get to 40 essentially dateless.
The reason here is the OP inability to understand women and the dating game.
Here despite getting loads of advice he never appears to learn from his mistakes, does as he pleases and apparently knows better yet gets the same lacklustre negative responses/results.
In fact he seems almost to revel in his failures as ducking out is seen by him as better than trying to date.
 

  • Like 4
Alfano Established Member

Alfano

Posted
Posted

Dating and women. 
 

The Op is doing it wrong. 

Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hold on, the date was set up right? 

There are different camps on this, but I'm in the camp that once I set up a date, it's on my calendar and I'm going to be there. I don't need to confirm and double-confirm the day before. There is nothing to confirm for people like me. The confirmation is the date setup. I put the meeting on my calendar, and I will call if an emergency comes up.

Others are different. I have a close friend who always wants to confirm, but over time, he's stopped that and just trusts that when I agree to the meetup, I'll be there.

Now you might be like my buddy, and this woman might be in my camp. She might be wondering why the heck you are calling her. You set the date, and for people like me, then just show up for the date. It's not like the date was set up a month ahead of time, was it?

So you might want to update your software to reflect the reality that people like me (and maybe her) don't schedule dates casually. I don't schedule or agree to a meeting at all unless I'm 100 percent sure I can make it. And again, it's on my calendar. I don't rely on memory. 

Edited by Lotsgoingon
  • Like 1
Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

So she text me this morning saying happy friday and I responded back an hour later saying the same and how I was looking forward to tomorrow and that I will call her later

You need to date other night owls. Also your text didn't need a reply and calling that late assures you can create your own script of sleeping in and blaming her for "not responding".

Then to make absolutely sure you don't have to go on the date, you set up  ultimatums in your mind such as "if she doesn't do this, then I'll spend my money elsewhere".

 Are family and friends nagging you to date/get a GF? You seem quite reluctant to make anything work out.

  • Like 1
Foxhall Established Member

Foxhall

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, elaine567 said:

IIRC he usually sleeps late on the weekend as he spends  most of the night into morning gambling on sport.

Really??

gamblers are a different breed alright!

Foxhall Established Member

Foxhall

Posted
Posted
16 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

Been talking to this woman I met from Bumble for 2 weeks and we decided to meet tomorrow.      So she text me this morning saying happy friday and I responded back an hour later saying the same and how I was looking forward to tomorrow and that I will call her later

 

Yes also assuming the date would be going ahead,

why are you second guessing her and not going ahead as planned

Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted (edited)

What is with the insistence on calling?

 

It sounds like a test you put these women through and I think they can sense it and that's why they get turned off

 

You're coming across as controlling and highly pressuring 

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language
Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted

Try not to use dating as a canvas to paint out your inner demons on, for the purposes of blaming others for your choices.

On the simplest level, you may want to consider dating night owls or women who frequent casinos and share your lifestyle.

Otherwise it seems dating is a secondary interest and a self-defeating chore for you so why bother?

Have you ever tried getting help for compulsive gambling?

amerikajin Established Member

amerikajin

Posted
Posted
On 10/2/2021 at 12:00 AM, IntBrowser said:

Been talking to this woman I met from Bumble for 2 weeks and we decided to meet tomorrow.      So she text me this morning saying happy friday and I responded back an hour later saying the same and how I was looking forward to tomorrow and that I will call her later

 

I got no response to my text

When I called tonight at 1030pm I got the voicemail

 

So I am officially making other plans with the money I planned on spending tomorrow.     Unless she calls tonight which I dont see happening.    I was planning on setting my alarm for 10:30am because I was going to meet her at 1pm.        So I wont be setting anything now and will wake up whenever.         

I hate to say it but I think you came across as a bit too attached, too early. You're not the only one with this problem, don't worry, lol. It happened to me a lot when I was younger.

But keep the contact somewhat limited in the beginning. Exactly what is 'limited' is probably harder to determine in the era of online dating, which necessarily begins with some amount of contact. But let's say I meet a woman at a bar/restaurant/whatever...there's conversation for the better part of an hour or two and then maybe you get a phone number at the end. You call a few days to a week later and ask her out to something very casual, like coffee or an outing outdoors. You'd just make contact to set up the encounter, not get into how your/her day was.

The same is probably good advice for online dating. Once she sees that you're witty or whatever, you contact her only to set up and confirm the encounter, not to have more chit chat. If you've set up a meeting for 1 p.m. at wherever, just assume that she'll keep her word. And if she doesn't, well then you know she's not worth your time and move on. You have to accept some unpredictability in dating. Don't try to box them in early.

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