amerikajin Posted October 3, 2021 Posted October 3, 2021 On 10/1/2021 at 12:51 PM, max3732 said: Matched with someone on Hinge where I used a rose (you get 1 per week and have to pay for more) so she must have known I was pretty interested. We sent 5 or so messages and they were getting longer and longer. At that point I felt like it would be good to meet in person especially since she lives close to me so I suggested a place and time. That was a few days ago and nothing back yet. Should I sent another message like "Still thinking about it?", "Did you want to keep chatting here before meeting?" or "Not a fan of that restaurant?" I know I shouldn't get attached to a profile, but I'm genuinely interesting in learning more about her (plus she's really cute!). I'm sure I've been beaten to the punch but no, don't ask twice. You've made your move. Let her make hers, or not. I used to think that this was a 'game' but sometimes, especially with online dating where total strangers are involved, it's all about comfort levels. She might be slow in responding just to give herself more time to think and process whether she wants to go through with any relationship at the moment - I'm only speculating. But don't follow up. And be sure to move on if you've not heard back in a while.
Sun Seeker Posted October 3, 2021 Posted October 3, 2021 22 hours ago, max3732 said: I guess it's a balancing act. As we were exchanging these long paragraphs over text I was thinking it would be so much better to have this conversation in person. Plus I knew the basics about her and thought it would be fun to get to know her in person since she lives close. If she lived like an hour away I'd definitely want to get to know her more first. I see your point though. I wouldn't want to just meet someone based on looks. Also, to follow up she finally replied that she's traveling or else she would have like to meet up and that we can when she comes back. Your only message to her now should be something like enjoy your trip, drop me a message when you are back and we'll arrange something. Then do not contact her until she contacts you. Carry on with life.
Author max3732 Posted October 3, 2021 Author Posted October 3, 2021 3 hours ago, Sun Seeker said: Your only message to her now should be something like enjoy your trip, drop me a message when you are back and we'll arrange something. Then do not contact her until she contacts you. Carry on with life. Since she messaged back about wanting to meet up I started with more messaging. We've been doing long texts and I asked and got her number to get us off the app. Now should I keep with the texting or just wait until she returns? I feel like I have to answer her.
Wiseman2 Posted October 7, 2021 Posted October 7, 2021 On 10/3/2021 at 12:11 PM, max3732 said: Since she messaged back about wanting to meet up I started with more messaging. Meet. Text-tethering is creepy. Stop. Texting is not dating. What's the hold up with meeting? Why won't you date. Is she stalling? You're texting yourself right into the friendzone.
elaine567 Posted October 7, 2021 Posted October 7, 2021 50 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: What's the hold up with meeting? As Max has already said. She is away travelling... she says they will meet up when she gets back... 1
Easter Bunny Posted October 7, 2021 Posted October 7, 2021 if you ask someone out and they don't respond you got your answer. continuing to ask her out after he fact will only make you look desperate, and she will be turned off by it. It is best to suffer your losses and just move on. In order to get the woman you want you can't really want her. showing too much interest will only make her run for the hills. you shouldn't be trying to get her attention, she should be trying to get yours. if this isn't the dynamic then you need to change your game. you are the prize not her.
Author max3732 Posted October 7, 2021 Author Posted October 7, 2021 7 hours ago, elaine567 said: As Max has already said. She is away travelling... she says they will meet up when she gets back... Exactly. That should be in a week or so. Until then do I keep up with the texting or just stay silent until we're able to meet? I'm enjoying the texting and like what I've learned about her so far, but I don't want to text myself into the friend zone.
elaine567 Posted October 7, 2021 Posted October 7, 2021 1 minute ago, max3732 said: Exactly. That should be in a week or so. Until then do I keep up with the texting or just stay silent until we're able to meet? I'm enjoying the texting and like what I've learned about her so far, but I don't want to text myself into the friend zone. You are in a different dynamic. You can't meet, not you won't meet. Women get fed up of guys who they can meet but who never make plans to meet them. Hence why they discount them as viable prospects and put them in the friendzone. 1
dramafreezone Posted October 7, 2021 Posted October 7, 2021 (edited) On 10/1/2021 at 9:51 AM, max3732 said: Matched with someone on Hinge where I used a rose (you get 1 per week and have to pay for more) so she must have known I was pretty interested. We sent 5 or so messages and they were getting longer and longer. At that point I felt like it would be good to meet in person especially since she lives close to me so I suggested a place and time. That was a few days ago and nothing back yet. Should I sent another message like "Still thinking about it?", "Did you want to keep chatting here before meeting?" or "Not a fan of that restaurant?" I know I shouldn't get attached to a profile, but I'm genuinely interesting in learning more about her (plus she's really cute!). Ugh, I hate OLD... There's nothing to do. She's not interested, or at least not interested *enough* to go out. Her reasoning for not being available is irrelevant. Just back off and live your life. Maybe circle back around in a couple of weeks, or maybe she will reach out whenever the thing with the guy she's seeing now fizzles out. Edited October 7, 2021 by dramafreezone
elaine567 Posted October 7, 2021 Posted October 7, 2021 3 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: She's not interested Read the thread. 1
dramafreezone Posted October 7, 2021 Posted October 7, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Read the thread. I did. I still don't think she's interested. When I say interested, I mean enough to go out. Texts are not necessarily tied to romatic interest. To me it sounds like when she's done traveling and if she has nothing else going on, she might go out with this guy. That's fine, I don't see anything wrong with what she said. I'm just telling the OP that there's only minimal investment on her side, so he shouldn't invest anymore than she is. If she contacts him when she's back asking about the date they talked about, then I was wrong about her. Edited October 7, 2021 by dramafreezone
Author max3732 Posted October 7, 2021 Author Posted October 7, 2021 2 hours ago, dramafreezone said: I did. I still don't think she's interested. When I say interested, I mean enough to go out. Texts are not necessarily tied to romatic interest. To me it sounds like when she's done traveling and if she has nothing else going on, she might go out with this guy. That's fine, I don't see anything wrong with what she said. I'm just telling the OP that there's only minimal investment on her side, so he shouldn't invest anymore than she is. If she contacts him when she's back asking about the date they talked about, then I was wrong about her. Isn't texting me every day an investment from her part? I've done enough with OLD to not get too excited over a profile and texts before meeting someone, but I like what she's texted so far. I just wish I could go on an actual date with her. I'm trying to get more info and share about myself through text, but I know it's not the same. Are you saying I should ignore her messages or tell her we'll meet for a date when she gets back?
SumGuy Posted October 7, 2021 Posted October 7, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, max3732 said: Exactly. That should be in a week or so. Until then do I keep up with the texting or just stay silent until we're able to meet? I'm enjoying the texting and like what I've learned about her so far, but I don't want to text myself into the friend zone. If you enjoy it (and so does she) do it. I'd say keep it at the same frequency as before but somewhat less, after all she is traveling and busy...that and be aware of any time difference. "Text yourself into the friend zone" how ridiculous, you only get put in the "friend zone" if you dilly and dally too long to ask to meet. You've asked, you two have a plan to arrange it when she gets back. Like adults. Children get all anxious when their wants are not immediately met, not adults. Edited October 7, 2021 by SumGuy 1
dramafreezone Posted October 7, 2021 Posted October 7, 2021 (edited) 25 minutes ago, max3732 said: Isn't texting me every day an investment from her part? I've done enough with OLD to not get too excited over a profile and texts before meeting someone, but I like what she's texted so far. I just wish I could go on an actual date with her. I'm trying to get more info and share about myself through text, but I know it's not the same. Are you saying I should ignore her messages or tell her we'll meet for a date when she gets back? Yes it's an investment. But why do you need more information? The *dates* are where you're supposed to get to know each other though, not over texts. It's very difficult to develop a mutual connection over text. I've done the text blitzing before actually going out. More often than not we either didn't end up going out with them or it didn't last long. How interested are you in seeing a movie if you read the plot first? Or opening a gift when you know what's inside already? There's a sense of excitement when you're approaching the date, you like what you see so far but you're interested as to what else there is. If that's gone because you've texted each other for weeks before then, then what's there left to be excited about (unless there's intense, mutual physical attraction)? Over-texting can work against you. How about just keeping the texting polite but short? "Good to hear from you today...hope you're enjoying your time with family....looking forward to catching up when you get back." I don't think you have to keep up this daily checking in with texting to keep her interest. Interest grows in your absence not your presence. If you're absent and her interest doesn't grow, then there's not much there to grow. This entire situation is not ideal. You don't want to try to set up dates when the actual date is many days to weeks in the future. The farther out the date, the less likely the date is going to happen. Any number of things can happen in the interim that can derail your plans. That's why I wouldn't invest too much into this. Edited October 7, 2021 by dramafreezone
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