Text Text Text . No Date

[Calmandfocused]

Just now, Calmandfocused said:

1 hour ago, SumGuy said:

Agree and disagree, depends on what it is...some busy consumes most of your waking day and some most of your emotional energy.  For example, those in large companies, the quarter just ended so now it is report out to execs and/or shareholders.   Others, the change of season can add a huge work load on their business.  Children and parental care can also be consuming.

Nevertheless, when I was first dating my GF would make time to see her (even with work and kid demands) would proactively carve out time.  It wasn't hard to do either, it wasn't work as wanted nothing more to see her again.  So bottom line, unless he has some all consuming type thing...what's his deal?  

 

Expand  

Sumguy, he’s moving. In a week. 
 I won’t go into detail but it’s happened quite unexpectedly. 
 

I sound unreasonable now don’t I? 

[ASG]

1 hour ago, Calmandfocused said:

Sumguy, he’s moving. In a week. 
 I won’t go into detail but it’s happened quite unexpectedly. 
 

I sound unreasonable now don’t I? 

Yes. 

If I had to pack up my whole place an move, as well as work full time, I'd not be in the headspace to meet up with anyone. 

Even if I went home and just stared at the stuff I needed to pack, I'd still be too overwhelmed to not at least try/pretend to pack. 

Moving in a week is more than enough reason for him to not be very forthcoming about setting up a date. 

He'll probably also need a day or two to settle down after he moves. 

I'd say next weekend might be more of an option than any time before then! 

[poppyfields]

12 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

I see your point but at the same time I don’t want to be wasting my time Poppy. I’d rather be directing my attention to men who want to date with an ultimate goal to find a relationship like I do. Anything else is a waste of time IMO. 
 

First off, nothing should be a "waste of time" imo.  I enjoy dating, interacting even if/when it doesn't lead to a relationship.  I learn so much from every interaction and take that knowledge with me wherever I go and whatever I am doing. 

I think this is the best attitude to have and I have to say, I attract A LOT of men with this open-minded, carefree attitude, they sense it immediately upon meeting me.  

Second, HE may be seeking a relationship also, but your first date was last weekend, so it's been THREE days.  I mean I almost want to laugh but won't because I sense this is a real issue for you.

That is why I suggested to RELAX.  Chill.   Live your life.  Continue talking to and meeting other men.  Focus on the journey, not the destination.  

The man is moving.  That and beginning a new job are two of the most stressful things in life.

Like I said, you appear to be too invested in the process and the outcome (i.e relationship).  Versus ENJOYING the process and allowing the outcome to be whatever is meant to be, naturally and organically.

This comes off as desperate and no matter how hard you try to hide or disguise, men can sense it.  The man you had your weekend date with may have even sensed it.  Possibly.  

Anyway, I know my take is a lot different from the "norm" wherein people attach rules, expectations and social conditioning to their dating experiences and allow those things to drive their ship.

You asked me once how do I meet so many men in the real world, while out and about.  I do it by enjoying the process. the journey and being outcome independent.  Viewing nothing as a "waste of time" enjoying every interaction no matter where it leads or doesn't lead.

By having a carefree, open and flexible attitude like I did when I was 16, had never dated and non-jaded.

It makes a big difference.

 

Edited October 20, 2021 by poppyfields

[ramen234]

On 10/4/2021 at 4:42 PM, Redpilled said:

Think of it like this, there's a difference between the mindset of the man in present time who is trying to arrange a meeting and the mindset of future man who will go through with the meeting.

• Present man is characterised by ample available time - possibly even boredom, sense of reward whilst pursuing the female and ability to lie with immunity. The date he asks to meet is some abstract concept at present. 
• When the date nears then he is future man, suddenly the opportunity cost of the available date is apparent, he might have work stress, might want to watch sport, have been invited to a film with friends etc. He has already gained some validation because you accepted the meeting but if he goes through with it then he'll be confronted with the reality that he used an old photo, added 4 noticeable inches to his height that won't be there and has added 4 inches to his waist that will be there. It becomes far less stressful to cancel the meet and resume life as present man arranging the next date that he'll also cancel.

A lot of men just like the chase and men don't have a biological clock ticking. In fact our sexual market value is increasing for most our lives so there's rarely any sense of urgency. 

If that is the case women shouldn't have unrealistic expectations.

[dramafreezone]

7 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

Sumguy, he’s moving. In a week. 
 I won’t go into detail but it’s happened quite unexpectedly. 
 

I sound unreasonable now don’t I? 

There's nothing I dread more than moving.  Absolutely hate it.

People sometimes don't even consider that other people have things going on in their lives.  See, you thought it was all about you, and it wasn't.

"so and so didn't call so they must not like me"....or...they have stuff in their life going on that they have to deal with.  You, a person that they don't know that well, are not the center of it and you won't be privy to the details of his life this early on.

You gotta relax, stop internalizing so much.

Edited October 21, 2021 by dramafreezone

[SumGuy]

On 10/20/2021 at 1:20 PM, Calmandfocused said:

Sumguy, he’s moving. In a week. 
 I won’t go into detail but it’s happened quite unexpectedly. 
 

I sound unreasonable now don’t I? 

Hey how could you know.  Yah a move can certainly consume all free time.  Of course great opportunity for him to ask for your "help" to check out a pub/restaurant/park once in the new area etc.

[SumGuy]

On 10/20/2021 at 3:35 PM, poppyfields said:

First off, nothing should be a "waste of time" imo.  I enjoy dating, interacting even if/when it doesn't lead to a relationship.  I learn so much from every interaction and take that knowledge with me wherever I go and whatever I am doing. 

I think this is the best attitude to have and I have to say, I attract A LOT of men with this open-minded, carefree attitude, they sense it immediately upon meeting me.  

Second, HE may be seeking a relationship also, but your first date was last weekend, so it's been THREE days.  I mean I almost want to laugh but won't because I sense this is a real issue for you.

That is why I suggested to RELAX.  Chill.   Live your life.  Continue talking to and meeting other men.  Focus on the journey, not the destination.  

The man is moving.  That and beginning a new job are two of the most stressful things in life.

Like I said, you appear to be too invested in the process and the outcome (i.e relationship).  Versus ENJOYING the process and allowing the outcome to be whatever is meant to be, naturally and organically.

This comes off as desperate and no matter how hard you try to hide or disguise, men can sense it.  The man you had your weekend date with may have even sensed it.  Possibly.  

Anyway, I know my take is a lot different from the "norm" wherein people attach rules, expectations and social conditioning to their dating experiences and allow those things to drive their ship.

You asked me once how do I meet so many men in the real world, while out and about.  I do it by enjoying the process. the journey and being outcome independent.  Viewing nothing as a "waste of time" enjoying every interaction no matter where it leads or doesn't lead.

By having a carefree, open and flexible attitude like I did when I was 16, had never dated and non-jaded.

It makes a big difference.

 

Quoting the whole thing just because it is also good advice for men as well on how to approach it.

[Calmandfocused]

Hi All 

Just wanted to give you another but final update on this. 
 

I did consider all the points you all made- thanks I really appreciate it- but I had to do something; 

 

After countless (and I mean a phenomenal amount) more texts without even a mere hint that he even wants to see me again, I’d had enough. There was no intention, no hint, no nothing.  
 

At the end of the day I don’t want a text buddy. I want to date and eventually find a relationship. Texting is not dating! To me texting is a good supplement to dating/ phone interactions etc but it does not replace. If a guy is not on the same page as me from the get go there is simply no point. Not for me. 
 

No offence but if I want to write/ communicate with people who I have no intention to see in person I come here and talk to you lovely people. With dating, my agenda is different. 
 

So I told him very kindly what I’m looking for and my expectations and I said that if he wants to meet up in the future I’d be open to that .. however I made it clear that I won’t be responding to his texts anymore…

I’m at peace with my decision. I feel like I’ve taken back control and I can move on with my intention to date guys who want to date me.  

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said:

 I said that if he wants to meet up in the future I’d be open to that .. however I made it clear that I won’t be responding to his texts anymore…

Excellent . He needed to hear that and you needed to say it.