He is still active on tinder

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

He's updating his Tinder profile.  Why not assume he's seeing other people?  What's the upside in making that a discussion?

The one answer that presumably would be the one she wants to hear would probably be a lie.  Or he could be telling the truth and she still doesn't believe him.

I give my advice based on what I'd do.  And I try to avoid assuming.

[Alpacalia]

8 hours ago, Horses634 said:

Well his bio had one word and now his bio is ‘call me the polish stallion😉’ 😂😂.

Huh? What does this even mean?

[poppyfields]

>>The one answer that presumably would be the one she wants to hear would probably be a lie.  Or he could be telling the truth and she still doesn't believe him.

Then she has NO BUSINESS dating him in the first place.

I mean if you can't discuss something so fundamental or ask a question without assuming they're lying, what's the point of dating them at all?

Hot sex?  Okay fine, but if that's all you want own it and stop whining that he/she updated a profile (speaking in general terms).

 

 

Edited September 28, 2021 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

What's the upside of not discussing it?  It shouldn't be this big heavy "where are we going talk," but at the very least you can discuss whether or not your having sex with others, I mean why the hell not talk about it?

I don't get your mindset of not communicating, being secretive about it, for what purpose?

It's wrong to assume they are (having sex with others) just because he/she updated a dating profile.  But they might be, so ASK, talk about it.  I don't get what folks are so afraid of.  You're having sex, you should be able to communicate about such things imo.

You don't need to present the discussion in a demanding, accusatory manner, as if to suggest he (or she) is doing something wrong, but rather to gain clarity, that's what people do when building a connection and intimacy, they communicate.

 

Because we're a month in.  5-6 dates?

Who she's dating is none of my business.  If we're not exclusive her life is her life, she's free to date who she wants and I assume that she is doing just that.

But if OP is already thinking relationship then she should get an idea of his timeline, or if there is even a timeline.

[poppyfields]

38 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Because we're a month in.  5-6 dates?

Who she's dating is none of my business.  If we're not exclusive her life is her life, she's free to date who she wants and I assume that she is doing just that.

But if OP is already thinking relationship then she should get an idea of his timeline, or if there is even a timeline.

Bolded, fair enough but wouldn't you want to know if the woman you're banging twice a week is banging other men?

Or is that none of your business too?

If for no other reason than for safety reasons?  Or just to have the information so as to make an informed decision that's best for you?

I realize I'm different but I believe in open and honest communication, even if it's not something I necessarily want to hear.  I am open minded, flexible and don't judge.   

My dates and I talk about this stuff very early in, even before sex!  Nothing heavy or "where are we going" talks, I HATE that, just an open and honest dialogue about what we're both seeking.

I need that, I require it and if a man is uncomfortable talking about it in a non-threatening, non-pressured environment, then I don't wish to date that man.

I used to be a huge avoider of such conversations, and it never served me well, in fact the opposite.

Now, I am getting away from avoidance, it's become toxic to me.

Surprisingly, the men I have been dating are open to such discussions as well, they welcome it, find my open style of communication refreshing.

 

 

 

 

Edited September 28, 2021 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

33 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Bolded, I tend to agree (with respect to dating) but wouldn't you want to know if the woman you're banging twice a week is banging other men?

Or is that none of your business too?

If for no other reason than for safety reasons?  Or just to have the information so as to make an informed decision that's best for you?

I realize I'm different but I believe in open and honest communication, even if it's not something I necessarily want to hear.  I am open minded, flexible and don't judge.   

My dates and I talk about this stuff very early in, even before sex!  Nothing heavy or "where are we going" talks, I HATE that, just an open and honest dialogue about what we're both seeking.

I need that, I require it and if a man is uncomfortable talking about it in a non-threatening, non-pressured environment, then I don't wish to date that man.

I used to be a huge avoider of such conversations, and it never served me well, in fact the opposite.

Now, I am getting away from avoidance, it's become toxic to me.

 

 

 

Completely honest here, I've never asked a woman that I was just casually dating if she was seeing any other guys.  I realize now that I'm an outlier in this respect.

Same with the "how many guys have you been with" question.  It just never occured to me to ask.

Anyways, a month in all I know is that the person is fun to be around.   I've never even seen this person have a bad day.   I'm not investing emotionally until I see she's consistent.

People can be on their best behavior for the first 6 months.  It takes that long to get past the "representative" if you know what I mean.  Last long term relationship I had we never really had those types of conversations, we just naturally ended up spending a lot of time together.   It was easy, early on things should be really easy.

Edited September 28, 2021 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

23 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Completely honest here, I've never asked a woman if she was seeing any other guys.  I realize now that I'm an outlier in this respect.

Same with the "how many guys have you been with" question.  It just never occured to me to ask.

Anyways, a month in all I know is that the person is fun to be around.   I've never even seen this person have a bad day.   I'm not investing emotionally until I see she's consistent.

People can be on their best behavior for the first 6 months.  It takes that long to get past the "representative" if you know what I mean.  Last long term relationship I had we never really had those types of conversations, we just naturally ended up spending a lot of time together.   It was easy, early on things should be really easy.

Bolded, I have never asked these questions either, I don't broach the conversation in that manner.  It's too confrontational which is not my style of communication.

I agree with everything else you posted.  Literally everything, especially last paragraph minus the never having those types of conversations.  Not sure what you mean by "type of conversations" I think you may be misinterpreting what I am saying but I won't dwell on that.

Nevertheless, I still like and need to have open communication.  What you posted above and openly communicating are not mutually exclusive.

Not sure if you saw I modified my post to read "Surprisingly, the men I have been dating are open to such discussions as well, they welcome it, find my open style of communication refreshing."

Such communication does not have to mean heavy or pressured.  They turn out to be fun enjoyable conversations!  We're getting to know each other, what we like, what we don't like, our different styles of dating and relating.  If we disagree about some things, we try and embrace our differences versus debating or arguing about them. 

But heck, to each their own.  If you prefer to avoid, that's certainly your prerogative, I won't judge and would hope you wouldn't judge me for my style or others for their style.

No wrong or right as far as I am concerned.

EDIT:  I hope these posts between you and me dramafree don't get deleted, I think they have the potential to be very helpful and beneficial to the OP to read.

Edited September 28, 2021 by poppyfields

[glows]

26 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Completely honest here, I've never asked a woman that I was just casually dating if she was seeing any other guys.  I realize now that I'm an outlier in this respect.

Same with the "how many guys have you been with" question.  It just never occured to me to ask.

Anyways, a month in all I know is that the person is fun to be around.   I've never even seen this person have a bad day.   I'm not investing emotionally until I see she's consistent.

People can be on their best behavior for the first 6 months.  It takes that long to get past the "representative" if you know what I mean.  Last long term relationship I had we never really had those types of conversations, we just naturally ended up spending a lot of time together.   It was easy, early on things should be really easy.

I don't feel the need to ask either. In this day and age with "multi-dating" proving to be a trend, it may be a necessary question but I have never found it reliable to ask someone point blank as they can easily lie or say whatever they think you want to hear. It's much better seeing a person over time and gauging myself what their character is like and how consistent that person is. 

[d0nnivain]

10 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

What's the upside in making that a discussion?

 

10 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Because we're a month in.  5-6 dates?

Who she's dating is none of my business.  If we're not exclusive her life is her life, she's free to date who she wants and I assume that she is doing just that.

But if OP is already thinking relationship then she should get an idea of his timeline, or if there is even a timeline.

 

You answered your own Q about the upside.  They have to communicate so she knows.  

I only ever dated one man in the age of OLD.  About a month in before we started sleeping together I said something like "I like you & I like where we are but I'm open to moving forward.  I'm not seeing anybody else & I don't want to.  How do you feel about that?"  He said he had not seen anybody except me since our 1st date & he took his profile down a while ago.  I had been seeing others & went out with 2 other men within the 1st 2 weeks of knowing him.  I had also made a fake profile just to read his out of curiosity,  I learned his favorite author but everything else tracked with who he was in real life.  After that conversation I used my fake profile the 2nd time to confirm what he said about deleting his profile.  It was gone.  I deleted mine & never looked back.  

Somebody has to start the conversation.  Since she is the one who is concerned it might as well be @Horses634  

[Noproblem]

21 hours ago, stillafool said:

I don't use dating sites because I'm married; but what does changing his profile and bio have to do with what's going on between you two?

When you start on a dating site, you put photos and bio and wait to get swipes or matches.. right?

But then after a time, if you don't see progress, you decided to update bio and add new photos ( to catch more or new flies/matches/swipes)
that means this girl means zero to him and he wants new girls to swipe on him so he can date/ sleep with other girls

 

So basically OP<

just block him!