Hard to tell who is in the wrong in this situation

[d0nnivain]

Putting aside the antiquated gender roles around paying for things. 

When you said you were short on cash, kindness dictates that she step up.  When her paying didn't work out, she could have quietly & calmly taken you up on your offer to go back to your house to get money.  Instead she pitched a fit.  When you graciously put it on a card that you didn't want to have to, instead of accepting that the issue was resolved she continued to carry on.  Her response was not the response of someone who sees the two of you as a team.  

[Stret]

18 hours ago, Caauug said:

Men value love, women love value. It's part of human nature.

Really? 

Don't even pay attention to this OP. Every woman is different just like every man is different. You will find someone to love you like you love them, but make sure you don't have to pay for their love. Talking to a therapist could reveal why do you choose women that are not good for you and not too good people it seems either. You probably have patterns that you don't see. Once you see the pattern, you will avoid it like a plague. 

[ExpatInItaly]

On 9/29/2021 at 7:08 AM, Caauug said:

Men value love, women love value. It's part of human nature.

No. It is not. 

OP, this woman doesn't treat you right and throws chidish tantrums. You need to forget her. 

[Crazelnut]

So I'm seeing that in 2 different threads, you are involved with women who have specific expectations about money. As in, you earn and they spend it. You should give some thought to this. Why are you initially attracted to this kind of woman? Could you encourage a more equitable situation in the future? 

Also, as an aside, it doesn't sound like your finances are as good as you think they are. You may earn decent money, but if your CC is maxed out, you have issues. You should probably also spend some time working on this.

[spiderowl]

On 9/29/2021 at 12:40 AM, jerrygordon3 said:

So I make ok money, but I just didnt have my wallet on me just my CC. anyways she treated me like the enemy and shunned me and was ice cold. then last night I finally called her out and said in an adult relationship we need to talk about things and that I love her she cant just shun me. she told me she was wrong to choose me and the relatioship is over then blocked me. then today she messaged me saying i hurt her so bad and broke her heart even though i had been begging her to talk to me and work through the problem. shes the love of my life. she refused to say sorry and just kept circling back to the fact that i didnt initially offer to pay. but i did eventually and even offered to give her cash until she got a new card if we could just take a cab to my house. but she just made excuses for blowing up and i finally got tired of arguing and it seemed the problem was over. Then she started asking me about the house I own and how I need to sell it because of the renter situation during covid. the conversation ended at about 10 pm and then she didnt respond, i sent her a message and noticed she blocked me again. and im still blocked on IG. a few days ago i was on top of the world thinking I had met my dream girl now Im starting to think im dating someone with BPD or narcissistic traits. I'm wondering if shes with someone else right now. why would she unblock me talk to me tell me she loved me more than anyone in her life, and then block me again?

Frankly, she sounds like a spoiled brat!  She shouldn't expect you to always pay.

Yes, it's not fair to give her the impression you have no money, you could have said 'I only have my almost maxed CC on me', but she expects too much of you.  I think you would be better off finding someone who will pitch in when you are down on cash.  She is not an adult.

[NorthernGuard]

On 9/28/2021 at 4:40 PM, jerrygordon3 said:

So I make ok money, but I just didnt have my wallet on me just my CC. anyways she treated me like the enemy and shunned me and was ice cold. then last night I finally called her out and said in an adult relationship we need to talk about things and that I love her she cant just shun me. she told me she was wrong to choose me and the relatioship is over then blocked me. then today she messaged me saying i hurt her so bad and broke her heart even though i had been begging her to talk to me and work through the problem. shes the love of my life. she refused to say sorry and just kept circling back to the fact that i didnt initially offer to pay. but i did eventually and even offered to give her cash until she got a new card if we could just take a cab to my house. but she just made excuses for blowing up and i finally got tired of arguing and it seemed the problem was over. Then she started asking me about the house I own and how I need to sell it because of the renter situation during covid. the conversation ended at about 10 pm and then she didnt respond, i sent her a message and noticed she blocked me again. and im still blocked on IG. a few days ago i was on top of the world thinking I had met my dream girl now Im starting to think im dating someone with BPD or narcissistic traits. I'm wondering if shes with someone else right now. why would she unblock me talk to me tell me she loved me more than anyone in her life, and then block me again?

OP, you are being used and abused. Your a "nice guy" and she's taking full advantage of that fact. She sees you as a walking wallet and if you don't keep opening it up for her she'll drop you. As horrible as you feel be glad you found this out for the low, low price of $20.

Please don't sell your house for this woman. You'll probably keep her happy for a while with the proceeds but once that's gone she'll drop that cold shoulder on you again and shun you until you figure out what else you can sell to keep her with you.

As emotionally invested as you are at this point it'll be a lot less painful to get out now than later. Try imaging a couple more years in and how invested you'll be by then. And not just emotionally.

You may end up owning a house with her name on the deed too (with you likely paying for it all) and your finanaces entangled. And all the while, she's holding the gun of emotional blackmail to your head with threats of dropping you like a bad habit if you dare step outta line. And if you have kids with her, she'll own you for life and have you dancing to her tune forever.

Your GF sounds like a spoiled, entitled princess who demands you grovel at her feet. Tell her get lost and go live your best life. There's plenty of kind and loving women out there who'd want to be a true partner and contribute equally in a relationship. You just haven't met her yet.

Please get yourself these two books and read up:

* No More Mr. Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover)

* The Married Man Sex Life Primer (Kay, Athol)

And by the way, I'm a woman saying this to you...

[smackie9]

Lets put the money part aside and look at the behavior..contempt, stonewalling. These are two out of the 4 horseman/ The apocalypse, metaphorically meaning the end.  Your relationship is doomed. You are right, this is unhealthy/toxic. You dodged a bullet sir.