Stood up on 1st date

[max3732]

This is the 2nd time this has happened to me with OLD.

I started chatting with her online and confirmed a date, time and place. Then confirmed with her the morning of the date. Before I left I sent a text I was leaving and was a bit concerned I didn't hear anything back, but considering we'd confirmed it twice I made the 35 minute drive over.

I got there a few minutes early and texted I was there and asked if she was close. Then when she hadn't shown 10 minutes after the time we'd agreed to meet I called and left a voicemail. for the next 20 minutes or so I waited, walked around, texted, called again and then drove the 35 minutes home.

Basically that took up a good chunk of my weekend and made me feel very upset and depressed. She still hasn't responded with anything.

Why would someone do that? Do women get their kicks out of agreeing to a date and then standing the guy up?

If I report her to the dating app is there anything they can do? I just don't understand it.

I don't want to be paranoid and badger someone with questions before meeting her next time, but what else can I do? Should I always confirm right before I leave and then not go if she doesn't respond?

[ItsTheDay]

Could very well be a catfish profile. Even if their profile is "verified", really means nothing. Tinder is one of those apps where it's not so much the photos are verified, but rather that an actually human made the account. Sounds like they just like to play games, and they never actually intended on meeting you.  

[Happy Lemming]

28 minutes ago, max3732 said:

This is the 2nd time this has happened to me with OLD.

There in lies your problem... "On-Line Dating"

Go out into the world and meet women in "real life". 

I've never been "stood up" from women I met in "real life". 

I have been stood up from a woman I met "Speed Dating" and one from when I (briefly) tried OLD. 

If you want more of the same, keep swiping on these OLD apps, if you want to date a quality woman... put down the phone and go out into the real world.

[max3732]

2 hours ago, ItsTheDay said:

Could very well be a catfish profile. Even if their profile is "verified", really means nothing. Tinder is one of those apps where it's not so much the photos are verified, but rather that an actually human made the account. Sounds like they just like to play games, and they never actually intended on meeting you.  

I did a reverse lookup of her phone number before asking her out and her info checks out. Also found a facebook page with the same photos on the Bumble profile. 

Even if she didn't intend to meet. Why not say that? Maybe she didn't like how I asked her to confirm or something? I don't get it.

I sent multiple texts and left a voicemail already. At this point it doesn't seem like it makes sense to send anything else.

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

There in lies your problem... "On-Line Dating"

Go out into the world and meet women in "real life". 

I've never been "stood up" from women I met in "real life". 

I have been stood up from a woman I met "Speed Dating" and one from when I (briefly) tried OLD. 

If you want more of the same, keep swiping on these OLD apps, if you want to date a quality woman... put down the phone and go out into the real world.

I don't know how to meet women in "real life". Covid has made things even harder.

I work from home and my only form of socializing it going out on a sports team or playing sports. All my friends are married and I recently started asking if they know anyone. 

Pre covid I tried going up to women at the grocery store, but I feel so awkward and usually the conversation was like this:

me:  Is that (food) good?

her: yes, I've been buying it for years

me: You like it more than (other brand or item?)

her: Some explanation

Then I don't know what to say to ask her out or for her number or anything. I just say thanks. Sometimes they'd just blow me off completely.

What am I supposed to do? Go to restaurants by myself and look around for an attractive woman? I tried joining photography classes, cooking, exercise, etc and it's either much older women or all men.

I don't know what else to do besides OLD

[Calmandfocused]

This woman is an insult to my womanhood Op. 

I do online dating and I can assure you I’ve never stood up a man. What a disrespectful way to treat another human being! 
 

Not all women are like this Op. sorry it happened but don’t let it get you down.
 

Just be mindful of who you chose to go on a date with.  

[glows]

Shake this off and start over. I see it's the trend and perhaps a good idea to check with the other person the day before or earlier in the day if the meeting or date is still on. I have not been stood up before but this would bother me. I have not stood anyone up either. It's very disrespectful to the other person. 

 

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

I don't know how to meet women in "real life". Covid has made things even harder.

Are there Covid-19 restrictions where you are??

If not, are there any local pubs, sports bars??

If you want to learn how to meet women in pubs/bars, PM me and I'll attempt to help you.

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

I don't know what else to do besides OLD

Here is a short list of some of the places I've met some of the women I've dated:

(1) College

(2) Co-ed Sports

(3) Friend’s Party

(4) Long Bank Line

(5) Used Computer Parts Show

(6) Food Festival / Pub Crawl

(7) Through mutual friends

(8) Worked in same office building – different company

(9) Used book store

(10) Apartment Complex Pool – current girlfriend

For me... Local neighbor hood pubs and bars have yielded the vast majority of the women I have dated.

[smackie9]

Go out with a couple of friends. That's how you meet people.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, max3732 said:

before meeting her next time

Sorry this happened. There should be a next time with a rude flake like this.

[dramafreezone]

8 hours ago, max3732 said:

This is the 2nd time this has happened to me with OLD.

I started chatting with her online and confirmed a date, time and place. Then confirmed with her the morning of the date. Before I left I sent a text I was leaving and was a bit concerned I didn't hear anything back, but considering we'd confirmed it twice I made the 35 minute drive over.

I got there a few minutes early and texted I was there and asked if she was close. Then when she hadn't shown 10 minutes after the time we'd agreed to meet I called and left a voicemail. for the next 20 minutes or so I waited, walked around, texted, called again and then drove the 35 minutes home.

Basically that took up a good chunk of my weekend and made me feel very upset and depressed. She still hasn't responded with anything.

Why would someone do that? Do women get their kicks out of agreeing to a date and then standing the guy up?

If I report her to the dating app is there anything they can do? I just don't understand it.

I don't want to be paranoid and badger someone with questions before meeting her next time, but what else can I do? Should I always confirm right before I leave and then not go if she doesn't respond?

That sucks man, welcome to the club.  We've all been ghosted.

Next time talk to her on the phone for a few minutes.  That'll at least reduce the liklihood that you're being catfished.  I don't think it was a catfish situation though, i just think this was a good old-fashioned ghosting.

How eager was she about the date?  Did she ask about it a lot?  Did she ever text you about the date, how she was looking forward to it?  Or was it you mostly talking about it and getting a bunch of short responses from her?

I'm not letting anyone off the hook for ghosting.  But these days you have to look for clues that a ghosting is more likely.

Edited September 27, 2021 by dramafreezone

[max3732]

59 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

That sucks man, welcome to the club.  We've all been ghosted.

Next time talk to her on the phone for a few minutes.  That'll at least reduce the liklihood that you're being catfished.  I don't think it was a catfish situation though, i just think this was a good old-fashioned ghosting.

How eager was she about the date?  Did she ask about it a lot?  Did she ever text you about the date, how she was looking forward to it?  Or was it you mostly talking about it and getting a bunch of short responses from her?

I'm not letting anyone off the hook for ghosting.  But these days you have to look for clues that a ghosting is more likely.

We had a brief conversation online. Then I asked her out at a specific place and time and she agreed. Later I sent her a confirm saying I was looking forward to it and she said she felt the same way.

The rest you know

 

[tokidoki]

Sounds to me like she got spooked and her anxiety got the better of her. People often act this way on OLD because it feels like there are so many options. Don't take it personally.

In my mind, texting to confirm, and texting when you're leaving is a little much. You agreed a time and a place, take people at their word when they confirm the first time. Constantly seeking reassurance that the date is on CAN come off as a little paranoid/insecure in my mind, and what you fear, you attract. 

I'd've just gone along to the proposed place at the proposed time, and send a message saying 'I'm at the bar, what would you like to drink?'. If she ignores that then you know you're dealing with someone who has naff all manners and you're better off without her. 

[Foxhall]

Yes thats unusual,

typically the ladies are curious at least and even excited about a perspective first date,

I recall going back 10/12 years ago or so and a few of the dating sites I used did not even have pictures,

It was then a case of " how will I know what you look like"

so one could understand the ladies been shy or nervous about meeting,

perhaps there are still some ladies out there who are nervous and apprehensive and this lady just got cold feet,

anyway-  " what is for you will not go by you" as they say (hmmn dont know if I really believe that!)

 

[max3732]

2 hours ago, Foxhall said:

Yes thats unusual,

typically the ladies are curious at least and even excited about a perspective first date,

I recall going back 10/12 years ago or so and a few of the dating sites I used did not even have pictures,

It was then a case of " how will I know what you look like"

so one could understand the ladies been shy or nervous about meeting,

perhaps there are still some ladies out there who are nervous and apprehensive and this lady just got cold feet,

anyway-  " what is for you will not go by you" as they say (hmmn dont know if I really believe that!)

 

I really don't know. It took up most of my day and I was still upset about it yesterday. So in the evening I called her and was planning on leaving a message letting her know how disrespectful that was. I was also curious if she'd blocked me.

As I waited for the beep I decided against the message. Then I get a text back from saying she was in a meeting. 

Then something like "oh, by the way sorry about standing you up. Something came up I don't want to talk about"

[chillii]

Ahhh, just let it go man , enough.

looking like it's not meant to be , that's ok , more fish in the sea.

[poppyfields]

max, let it go. 

She/he/it was most likely a BOT.  

It wasn't about you. 

Edited September 28, 2021 by poppyfields

[SumGuy]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

....Then something like "oh, by the way sorry about standing you up. Something came up I don't want to talk about"

Well kind of explains it.   I wouldn't doubt this is the case.  Now the question of course is why she couldn't drop you a text to let you know she is not going to show etc.  Then again I have been in situations (at least one this year already) where something came up and texting was impossible.   I'd let it go, wouldn't want to be with a person who couldn't figure out how to communicate after an emergency.

You say second time, out of how many?   There is a certain percentage of those who will flake or change their mind.  I don't count them, know it is more than one most likely, but do remember one because it was a 45 min drive (traffic) and ending up have a grand time with the folks at the bar, they bought me a drink and food was good.  All because made sure the place was going to meet was one I'd hang out in anyway.  So not really a waste of time, but an unexpected adventure.

[max3732]

5 hours ago, SumGuy said:

Well kind of explains it.   I wouldn't doubt this is the case.  Now the question of course is why she couldn't drop you a text to let you know she is not going to show etc.  Then again I have been in situations (at least one this year already) where something came up and texting was impossible.   I'd let it go, wouldn't want to be with a person who couldn't figure out how to communicate after an emergency.

You say second time, out of how many?   There is a certain percentage of those who will flake or change their mind.  I don't count them, know it is more than one most likely, but do remember one because it was a 45 min drive (traffic) and ending up have a grand time with the folks at the bar, they bought me a drink and food was good.  All because made sure the place was going to meet was one I'd hang out in anyway.  So not really a waste of time, but an unexpected adventure.

Even if what she said was true you'd think the could send a quick text saying "sorry have to cancel" sometime before I drove there. When she didn't do that an I called/texted her before leaving and while I was there you'd think she'd apologize for standing me up. Nothing until I called her again the next day.

2nd time I've been stood up with OLD. No idea how many times I've gone on first dates. It's been quite a few. Still nothing to show for it

[chillii]

Yeah not denying it'd be as annoying as hell and of course why couldn't she have just sent a message butttt, she didn't.

Do all you experts think some often just get cold feet on date sites, what do ya think ?

Still remember back in the day , l met one girl, late 40s, a really unique lady sort of person l'd go for and very nice looking too so looks wise there'd be no reason at all she wouldn't meet plenty of men.

Well , she told me she hadn't gotten one date in 2yrs. She was very unusual and def' wouldn't be most guys cup of tea in life itself but looks wise alone l'd think she must be running or backing out or something. Low and behold we were discovering that we were very very alike in many one of very weird ways not easily found at any time and we were both getting really exited about meeting. She even said herself in 2yrs this is the first time she'd finally found another her , maybe ever.

Then, be damned , she disappeared, just completely in a puff of smoke , no where, even her profile, no more replies, nothing , up in smoke.

l think she got scared. She'd been living on 10acs on her own 10yrs, and l don't know but later l just got to feeling that she maybe , just couldn't go through with meeting me. She was talking about it and couldn't wait we were both really exited , next minute poof , gone.There's no way in hell she would've just met someone else over night after 2yrs , or them being even 50% of what it was looking like we had. Never heard from her again.

 

 

 

 

Edited September 28, 2021 by chillii

[Nothanks]

Look at this like you dodged a bullet.  Her response was really inconsiderate.  You would have figured that out eventually.  Women are everywhere.  Coffee shops, pubs, etc. Never found the grocery store to be the best place. I don’t know many people who enjoy grocery shopping. Typically it is a mundane task to finish as quickly as possible.  If there is something you like doing (running, visiting art galleries, some hobby), keep an eye out when doing those things or join a club. Much easier to have a conversation about topics of mutual interest. 

[OurLoveTurnsToRust]

Chalk it up to the nature of OLD, just simply a numbers game, if you are getting dates, you're already way ahead of most guys, keep trying and you'll hit on one eventually.

[spiderowl]

On 9/27/2021 at 2:55 PM, max3732 said:

This is the 2nd time this has happened to me with OLD.

I started chatting with her online and confirmed a date, time and place. Then confirmed with her the morning of the date. Before I left I sent a text I was leaving and was a bit concerned I didn't hear anything back, but considering we'd confirmed it twice I made the 35 minute drive over.

I got there a few minutes early and texted I was there and asked if she was close. Then when she hadn't shown 10 minutes after the time we'd agreed to meet I called and left a voicemail. for the next 20 minutes or so I waited, walked around, texted, called again and then drove the 35 minutes home.

Basically that took up a good chunk of my weekend and made me feel very upset and depressed. She still hasn't responded with anything.

Why would someone do that? Do women get their kicks out of agreeing to a date and then standing the guy up?

If I report her to the dating app is there anything they can do? I just don't understand it.

I don't want to be paranoid and badger someone with questions before meeting her next time, but what else can I do? Should I always confirm right before I leave and then not go if she doesn't respond?

I am sorry to hear what happened Max.  Some inconsiderate people do this, for whatever reason.  If it is any consolation, she might have been too nervous to meet you.

You did nothing wrong.  If anything, you need to be careful not to be too pressurising when confirming because that is guaranteed to put a date off.  Other than that, there was nothing else you could do and you have to just write her off as inconsiderate and do your best to move on.

[Trail Blazer]

That happened to me as well.  It was awkward as I had booked a restaurant and ended up having to eat alone.  The waiter was a young guy and he sympathized with me  and I said most women are decent people - I just had a rotten apple this evening.

All I can say is don't put too much effort in on a first date.  It really doesn't matter in the end, because a decent woman is looking for a connection, not to be flattered by effort.  My lovely girlfriend and I just met at a local bar.  When we hit it off, I put a lot more effort into the second date.

All you can do is roll with the punches, bro!

Edited October 2, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[IntBrowser]

On 9/27/2021 at 6:56 PM, max3732 said:

We had a brief conversation online. Then I asked her out at a specific place and time and she agreed. Later I sent her a confirm saying I was looking forward to it and she said she felt the same way.

The rest you know

 

next time talk on the phone to confirm you are talking to a real person