Already arranged 4th date, then she disappeared

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Dio9366 said:

So I did mess this up, so all I can do is wait until how is plays out?

No, where did I say that?

It might have nothing to do with you personally. There could be someone else, an ex, who knows. Why are you so quick to assume eveything is all your fault?

Edited October 4, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language in quote

[Dio9366]

14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No, where did I say that?

It might have nothing to do with you personally. There could be someone else, an ex, who knows. Why are you so quick to assume eveything is all your fault?

Because I am sure she was admiring me during our second date, and we were still constantly chatting right before 3rd date, then She gone cold after 3rd date, so all I can assume is that something went wrong during 3rd, the admiration was gone. I am pretty much sure she is single for a year now.

[ExpatInItaly]

None of that means you necessarily did something wrong, Dio. 

It's too early on to really guess who she is or what her deal is. But you need to gain some confidence in yourself and not immediately assume you are screwing up. 

[Dio9366]

27 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

None of that means you necessarily did something wrong, Dio. 

It's too early on to really guess who she is or what her deal is. But you need to gain some confidence in yourself and not immediately assume you are screwing up. 

Thank you, I am a confidence man, and I always will. No matter how bad the situation is. And you are right. It’s probably because I was educated in western society, so I tend to be confidence and bold. Also more self centered, I find it hard to deal women here in my home country, sometimes  just small little things and god knows what that is will turner them off quickly.

[basil67]

I don't know if your confidence was the problem here, but be careful - even in Western society, poorly delivered confidence can sometimes be interpreted as arrogance or delusion (both negative).   And I can't think of a single example where being self centered is ever viewed as a positive.   

I'm not saying that you necessarily did anything wrong, but confidence is best displayed when underpinned by humility.   And certainly rethink the self-centered attitude. 

[Dio9366]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

I don't know if your confidence was the problem here, but be careful - even in Western society, poorly delivered confidence can sometimes be interpreted as arrogance or delusion (both negative).   And I can't think of a single example where being self centered is ever viewed as a positive.   

I'm not saying that you necessarily did anything wrong, but confidence is best displayed when underpinned by humility.   And certainly rethink the self-centered attitude. 

I understand what you mean, what I mean self centered is that I tend to be myself a lot. I speak when I have point to make, but sometimes others mistook my intention as trying to change them rather than view it as my opinion. so maybe self centered is not the right word, I am not narcissistic or anything. 

I think maybe they just read only the surface of me and make decision without knowing who I really am.

[smackie9]

You can let this play out BUT in the meantime, go out with other women. Never put yourself on hold. Remember you could be missing out on a better opportunity. If this was happening to me, I wouldn't hold my breath and move on. An interested woman, no matter how busy would make time. I think she's just stringing ya along so you will finally just give up. People do that, it dumb, but it is what it is.

Edited October 4, 2021 by smackie9

[Dio9366]

7 hours ago, smackie9 said:

You can let this play out BUT in the meantime, go out with other women. Never put yourself on hold. Remember you could be missing out on a better opportunity. If this was happening to me, I wouldn't hold my breath and move on. An interested woman, no matter how busy would make time. I think she's just stringing ya along so you will finally just give up. People do that, it dumb, but it is what it is.

I am already doing that, I know i have to move on. 

[Herkamer]

I don't think it's so much that she's losing interest in you, nor do I think it has anything to do with you as a person. You sound like you want this to work, obviously. The only mistake, I think, you made is coming in too fast. You're just getting to know and have fun with the girl, not marry her nor an instant relationship. That's a mistake a lot of men AND women make. It's not a deal breaker, but you need to give them time to catch their breath. So if you do go on the fourth date, make it simple. Go out to the park for a walk, grab a coffee, a small lunch, just easy stuff where you guys can sit down getting to know each other without much distraction. You throw big fancy dinner, shopping spree, or even going to an aquarium, she may think that it's too much too soon. So keep that in mind.

Overall, though, you mean well and it's obvious you're not trying to take advantage of her. This other stuff that was mentioned can be slowed down and you guys can laugh about it later, assuming you're together after the wait period. With all this said, this isn't you that's the sole cause of the hold up. I can't even say it's necessarily her. There isn't enough to go off of to say one way or the other. Although, I would guess (and I can be totally wrong) that you guys haven't been out much on dates in general, let alone just hanging out with the opposite sex. Not saying that's a bad thing at all. Honestly, it's better to have more friends that are the same sex rather than the opposite. However, it's good to get an idea of where the opposite sex stands so when you do go out on dates, you know what you're getting into. I would advise NOT getting dating advice from the opposite sex, both men and women, but getting to understand how they operate makes things easier.

A good example, I do ballroom dancing. Personally, I love it. Good exercise, builds discipline, and, for me as a guy, lots of beautiful women. I'm not hooked up with any of them, but I'm getting a better idea on how they think. It's easier to communicate with them and it builds confidence, especially when there's physical contact because, let's face it, that can be nerve wrecking or even being touched by them in a more intimate way. Plus you can get a better idea on what you're looking for in a woman and what THEY are wanting. From what I notice, they want a good dancer, someone approachable, and someone that can is confident in their physicality. Well, I'm doing group and private lessons, and my instructors are saying I'm a fast learner and a good lead dancer. Women even mention it. One says I'm the guy she wants as a partner. I'm dressing better and I try to smell good, too. Sounds odd to mention smell, but women love a guy that has a good aroma. They actually want to cling to you closer, especially when you're dressing sharp. Lastly, they respect guys that are physically strong. I've been working out, building my upper body strength more than I did before. My chest feels stronger, and I can tell as I'm leading them because women respond better to it. When I'm out dancing at other places, I pick up the same vibes.

I'm trying not to brag about any of it, so please don't misunderstand. I just know, from experience, that it makes it easier when dealing, in my case, women. Even if it doesn't work out between the two of you or if I'm wrong, keep this in mind. I hope things do work out. Just remember, if you two are back together, to have a good time, be fun and engaging, but don't over do it. You WILL lose her if you do that, even with the best of intentions. Keep it simple. Good luck!

[Dio9366]

4 hours ago, Herkamer said:

I don't think it's so much that she's losing interest in you, nor do I think it has anything to do with you as a person. You sound like you want this to work, obviously. The only mistake, I think, you made is coming in too fast. You're just getting to know and have fun with the girl, not marry her nor an instant relationship. That's a mistake a lot of men AND women make. It's not a deal breaker, but you need to give them time to catch their breath. So if you do go on the fourth date, make it simple. Go out to the park for a walk, grab a coffee, a small lunch, just easy stuff where you guys can sit down getting to know each other without much distraction. You throw big fancy dinner, shopping spree, or even going to an aquarium, she may think that it's too much too soon. So keep that in mind.

Overall, though, you mean well and it's obvious you're not trying to take advantage of her. This other stuff that was mentioned can be slowed down and you guys can laugh about it later, assuming you're together after the wait period. With all this said, this isn't you that's the sole cause of the hold up. I can't even say it's necessarily her. There isn't enough to go off of to say one way or the other. Although, I would guess (and I can be totally wrong) that you guys haven't been out much on dates in general, let alone just hanging out with the opposite sex. Not saying that's a bad thing at all. Honestly, it's better to have more friends that are the same sex rather than the opposite. However, it's good to get an idea of where the opposite sex stands so when you do go out on dates, you know what you're getting into. I would advise NOT getting dating advice from the opposite sex, both men and women, but getting to understand how they operate makes things easier.

A good example, I do ballroom dancing. Personally, I love it. Good exercise, builds discipline, and, for me as a guy, lots of beautiful women. I'm not hooked up with any of them, but I'm getting a better idea on how they think. It's easier to communicate with them and it builds confidence, especially when there's physical contact because, let's face it, that can be nerve wrecking or even being touched by them in a more intimate way. Plus you can get a better idea on what you're looking for in a woman and what THEY are wanting. From what I notice, they want a good dancer, someone approachable, and someone that can is confident in their physicality. Well, I'm doing group and private lessons, and my instructors are saying I'm a fast learner and a good lead dancer. Women even mention it. One says I'm the guy she wants as a partner. I'm dressing better and I try to smell good, too. Sounds odd to mention smell, but women love a guy that has a good aroma. They actually want to cling to you closer, especially when you're dressing sharp. Lastly, they respect guys that are physically strong. I've been working out, building my upper body strength more than I did before. My chest feels stronger, and I can tell as I'm leading them because women respond better to it. When I'm out dancing at other places, I pick up the same vibes.

I'm trying not to brag about any of it, so please don't misunderstand. I just know, from experience, that it makes it easier when dealing, in my case, women. Even if it doesn't work out between the two of you or if I'm wrong, keep this in mind. I hope things do work out. Just remember, if you two are back together, to have a good time, be fun and engaging, but don't over do it. You WILL lose her if you do that, even with the best of intentions. Keep it simple. Good luck!

Thank you, but I think I am already lose her, a week without contact. I don’t think she cares anymore.

I think I didn’t create enough rapport during 3rd date. So she didn’t think that we are the same type of person.

I don’t know if there is any way I can do to save this.

Edited October 6, 2021 by Dio9366

[Wiseman2]

Try not to take it personally. After 3 dates you're both still talking to and meeting others. There's no real investment at that stage.

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, Dio9366 said:

I think I didn’t create enough rapport during 3rd date. So she didn’t think that we are the same type of person.

Stop trying to mind-read. 

You don't know her well enough to assume anything about how she thinks. All you can do is chalk it up to a mismatch and keep moving. 

[Dio9366]

26 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Stop trying to mind-read. 

You don't know her well enough to assume anything about how she thinks. All you can do is chalk it up to a mismatch and keep moving. 

Do you suggest I call her &ask her the reason?

[ExpatInItaly]

7 minutes ago, Dio9366 said:

Do you suggest I call her &ask her the reason?

No, because you have no idea if you're going to get the truth anyway. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Dio9366 said:

Do you suggest I call her &ask her the reason?

No. There's no need for a relationship talk. No one owes anyone anything after 3 dates.

Try not to burn out from dating. That means let things go.

If someone loses interest, just move forward.

[Dio9366]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

No. There's no need for a relationship talk. No one owes anyone anything after 3 dates.

Try not to burn out from dating. That means let things go.

If someone loses interest, just move forward.

Then do you think should I call her again chat with her for a bit? To get to know how she feel about me?

Edited October 6, 2021 by Dio9366

[ExpatInItaly]

49 minutes ago, Dio9366 said:

Then do you think should I call her again chat with her for a bit? To get to know how she feel about me?

There's no harm in this. 

Calling for a friendly chat is okay, but keep all relationship-type talk off the table. Just see how she is, what she's been up to this week, that sort of thing. 

[dramafreezone]

 

On 10/5/2021 at 5:49 PM, Dio9366 said:

Thank you, but I think I am already lose her, a week without contact. I don’t think she cares anymore.

I think I didn’t create enough rapport during 3rd date. So she didn’t think that we are the same type of person.

I don’t know if there is any way I can do to save this.

Why assume that there's something wrong with you?

This woman had an entire life before she met you.  You don't have any idea of the hundreds of different factors that influence her decision making on a daily basis.  Most of all, we guys frequently don't consider that maybe there's another guy in the picture.  This guy could be an old ex, or someone she's been pining for a while.  You could be great on paper but you can't compete with a guy that she's known for so much longer and who's built an emotional attachment with her.  She could've been trying to move on, then BAM he's back in the picture and interest in you fizzles out because you can't compete with that investment/attachment she has with him.

Dating success is about timing more than anything else.  So stop thinking it's you, it's just not the right time.

[Herkamer]

On 10/5/2021 at 8:49 PM, Dio9366 said:

Thank you, but I think I am already lose her, a week without contact. I don’t think she cares anymore.

I think I didn’t create enough rapport during 3rd date. So she didn’t think that we are the same type of person.

I don’t know if there is any way I can do to save this.

Honestly, just move on. Give yourself something to do. You'll feel a whole lot better when you're preoccupied with something else. I know how it feels when you're into someone you really like. Truth is she may not have been that interested to begin with. When you're just doing the things she enjoys doing, to her, it's just another day with a guy that likes me. She may have had other guys do something similar and she just may have expected it. You fulfilled the expectation and now she's bored. It's really sad because that happens to a lot of guys today, the women they were seeing just tossing them aside as if they're a water bottle. It might be in a different bottle, but, in the end, it's still just water.

I've been through something similar. I went on a few dates with a woman last year. We had fun, shared laughs, stories, and personal thoughts. I stayed over at her place a few times when it got late and we stayed up to talk. In the end, though, I wasn't her dead ex fiance that she had wanted back. Never met him, but from what I've been told by her and her sister, horrible person. But it wasn't a never a dull moment, even though the experience he had with him was extremely unpleasant. As odd as it sounds, many women like these bad things to happen to them by those type of men because, in their minds (possibly), it gives them a challenge to overcome. There's no logic nor good reason for it, since they just end up hurt emotionally, in addition to them never gaining anything positive from it, but that's what many women want.

I'm sorry that it didn't work out for ya. Catching the interest of many women today is very difficult for normal men in today's world. I don't like it anymore than you do. However, keep your chin up because, in the end, it wasn't you. I mean coming in a little too fast wasn't a good idea, but it's forgivable if you slowed down. Granted, I'm sure she had a good time while it lasted, but too quick too soon. However, it's good learning experience. If there's a next time with a woman, just remember, start slow. As mentioned in my last post, simple stuff: coffee, a small lunch/brunch, walk in the park, etc. Don't go overboard with taking her out shopping, the aquarium, the movies, dinner at a fancy restaurant. You two need to focus on and get to know each other first. I would even say no sex, but I'm someone who believes sex before marriage is an extremely bad idea (that's a whole other topic).

If you don't take the time to actually know who it is you're interested in, you will lose them. Moving in with them won't help, either (it'll make things worse). They need to miss you a little in order to keep their interest on you. The more they miss you, the more you'll be desired. Don't make it look like you're pursuing. That'll make you come off as desperate and they'll pick up on that quickly. They need to come to you, and there are honest ways of doing that. Yes, us normal guys have our work cut out for us if we're looking to start a relationship with women, but if you're willing to put in the effort, you'll find the right woman that will like you for you. That's what you want. For now, find some good hobbies. Your time is valuable and needs to be spent on things you enjoy. It'll help ease your mind and get you back on track with things. Plus it'll help you figure out what you're looking for in a woman, if you're planning to get back out there. It gets easier, too, as time moves on. Take care!

[Easter Bunny]

On 10/4/2021 at 12:46 AM, Dio9366 said:

We already set up a date on 10/16, we just haven’t  spoke to each other for more than 4days. Like I wrote on my previous posts

maintain radio silence. ghost her until she reaches out to you. right now you could seem desperate which is a turn off. I know this will be hard for you, but it is for the best. do not contact her until she reaches out to you. if she doesn't then move on. 

when she texts you or calls you and asks you what you have been doing, make it sound like you have been very active with other people doing fun things. don't tell her you missed her or anything. she needs to feel like you can take her or leave her. this will make her want you more. 

if she cancels again, or doesn't call you as a reminder for the 16th  then suffer your losses and move on. at that point she is more than likely postponing for reasons other than what she is telling you. when someone likes you they find time to see you. never forget that. 

[dramafreezone]

10 hours ago, Easter Bunny said:

when someone likes you they find time to see you. never forget that. 

It's as simple as this, let's not overthink this.  I think there's a good chance there was just a guy that had more time invested and she wants to see it through with that guy.

OP just don't be bitter, don't delete her number or erase her from social media, keep the lines of communication open but leave her be.  Maybe six months from now you get a text from her saying "hey!"  It's happened to me.

Edited October 8, 2021 by dramafreezone