Author Classicfiction Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: Hot is subjective, a woman can be so-called "hot" without all that editing, lighting, makeup, the right angle. In fact, the men I meet, date (are attracted to) can't stand that, like chilli (men like chillii). Its phony, fake. I don't do on line anymore but I actually get hit on in real life when NOT all dolled up, heavy make up, and hair styled just perfectly, etc. Natural, understated. REAL. The best men imo are attracted to that look and style. Not the woman with tons of perfectly coiffed and self-edited selfies on IG. And I am too, in men! GQ and model types, no thanks! When I did on line, those went straight to trash. 100% truth. And I used to model myself! Way back when, lol. But I don't care for it. It's a certain mentality that draws men (and women) to that, all that fakeness. Apologies if that sounds judgy but it's how I feel My opinion. . Well I'm definitely not a model and I think normal, average looking people do get caught up in the aspirational dating. Unfortunately there are a gazillion men on those sites who will tell you you're beautiful just to get you in bed with no intention of any kind of long term relationship. So an average looking woman can be confused by this and start to believe that she is model material do to all the hot air they spout. I think normal looking people have to stay very grounded in order to find the right person. And, yes.. I think this applies to both men and women. There are plenty of women out there who absolutely enjoy the attention and gifts etc. that they get from average looking orbiters. So they will pass up an actual match in order to keep the fantasy alive. I've started to take pictures of myself in every lighting without makeup, first thing in the morning before coffee... late at night when I'm exhausted etc. and I do this to keep myself grounded and based in reality. It has actually helped me a lot. The guys I was passing up... they are beginning to look attractive to me. One man in particular that I wished I'd given a chance had the most kind eyes I've seen in a long time. I want a guy who's been through the rejection like me and is ready for reality.
smackie9 Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 It's a fact that most men actually prefer the natural (healthy) look. Guys I have talked to hate the globs of makeup fake nails fake boobs fake eyelashes, etc. nice eyes and a smile is what they see first. Gosh I remember going into the store wearing sweat pants, no makeup with my greasy hair up in a ponytail, and guys hitting on me. My GFs have mentioned the same thing. But I do believe it's a different animal in person rather than a photo. I think the general public being exposed to TV, magazines, and now internet, has changed attitudes more, and expectations on appearance. It's like a runaway train. best way to approach this is to just take it with a grain of salt and not focus on it. 1
Author Classicfiction Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 53 minutes ago, smackie9 said: It's a fact that most men actually prefer the natural (healthy) look. Guys I have talked to hate the globs of makeup fake nails fake boobs fake eyelashes, etc. nice eyes and a smile is what they see first. Gosh I remember going into the store wearing sweat pants, no makeup with my greasy hair up in a ponytail, and guys hitting on me. My GFs have mentioned the same thing. But I do believe it's a different animal in person rather than a photo. I think the general public being exposed to TV, magazines, and now internet, has changed attitudes more, and expectations on appearance. It's like a runaway train. best way to approach this is to just take it with a grain of salt and not focus on it. I do not get hit on in real life and there are a lot of women like me. I think you ladies are in a percentage of women who are above average looking. I mean no offense, but you are speaking from a different perspective than me.
Author Classicfiction Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 Of course men find naturally beautiful women attractive when they have no makeup on! Lol. And I am by no means ugly, but I am not part of that crowd of people who can walk into walmart on a sunday and turn heads in their sweats.
Author Classicfiction Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 I'll say this though... there are guys who I've met online who have told me they find me beautiful. Attractive men. They come across as genuine enough and continue to express that sentiment to me even after meeting. I've encountered enough of them to know that its bs. But they are VERY good at making me believe they are truly attracted to me. This usually lasts for about 3 months, so they see me without makeup, sleep with me, plan futures with me and then promptly ghost when I express the same sentiment and relax into relationship mode. So what is going on there? I'm an in the meantime girl for these ken dolls and thats freaking sad. I've had enough of that though. Attractive men are starting to look ugly to me.
glows Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 On 9/26/2021 at 2:57 PM, Classicfiction said: How much do you think we're fooling ourselves with the camera and social media? I like being behind the camera, not infront of it so generally avoid any photo-taking. I also have no social media (prefer not to). I like my life private. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting or liking the opposite as long as you know when to step away from the bright lights and be more in tune with others or grounded. Your dates might appreciate that too. If someone you're dating is caught up on looks only, you know your picker is off. 1
Author Classicfiction Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 2 minutes ago, glows said: I like being behind the camera, not infront of it so generally avoid any photo-taking. I also have no social media (prefer not to). I like my life private. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting or liking the opposite as long as you know when to step away from the bright lights and be more in tune with others or grounded. Your dates might appreciate that too. If someone you're dating is caught up on looks only, you know your picker is off. Oh my picker has been way off lol 1
Calmandfocused Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 Im in the camp of ensuring that you use pics to represent you exactly as you are. Do this and you can’t go wrong. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve met men who look 100% better in their pics than they do in real life. In theses instances I’ve felt mislead and very disappointed. I also felt annoyed that they’ve wasted my time (and theirs). I’ve never known of a OLD misrepresentation that has ever worked out. It’s therefore best just to show your true appearance from the start IMO. 2
chillii Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 (edited) Yeah , to glam right up or turning herself into whomever to go out somewhere special or fun , or an occasion is different, women do it all the time , fun things about being female l'd imagine. Date site though , l just found it all very misleading and pointless l mean that isn't who he'll meet, it was as annoying as hell. Even as a guy 50s, l am good for my age but now and then there'll be a pic where l'll just look ridiculously young for my age, early 30s or something. lt's not real though, just some weird light or angle hit, got lucky haha, it's not me l look nothing like that. So lf l was on a date site l would purposely not use any of those lucky snaps bc really they just weren't the real me. Wouldn't wanna look 20yrs older in a shot haha, but eh , 20yrs younger is the other extreme and just not legit. Edited September 28, 2021 by chillii
Author Classicfiction Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 56 minutes ago, chillii said: Yeah , to glam right up or turning herself into whomever to go out somewhere special or fun , or an occasion is different, women do it all the time , fun things about being female l'd imagine. Date site though , l just found it all very misleading and pointless l mean that isn't who he'll meet, it was as annoying as hell. Even as a guy 50s, l am good for my age but now and then there'll be a pic where l'll just look ridiculously young for my age, early 30s or something. lt's not real though, just some weird light or angle hit, got lucky haha, it's not me l look nothing like that. So lf l was on a date site l would purposely not use any of those lucky snaps bc really they just weren't the real me. Wouldn't wanna look 20yrs older in a shot haha, but eh , 20yrs younger is the other extreme and just not legit. Good advice. I need to stop frustrating myself with those lucky shots I think. It just ends up making me feel like crap when a guy ghosts. I actually feel a sense of relief about it... like now I can actually relax and accept myself along with the guys that are on a similar level. The pretty people can have other pretty people and it will no longer bother me because there will still be a guy somewhere out there who will think Im just right for him. 1
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