Makeup, Lighting and Angles

[Classicfiction]

How much do you think we're fooling ourselves with the camera and social media?

I mean most women who post pictures of themselves online or take selfies for any purpose, take more than one shot in order to get the right angle for the image.. I'm sure there are a percentage of guys who do this too.  But I'm wondering how much this plays into wasted time and failed relationships these days.

Personally, I'd say I had my own self fairly blinded up until recently.  How could it not affect self perception to some degree??  

If the "bad shots" are promptly discarded and the only images kept and shared are the ones that took some finagling to create... then we look at these best versions of ourselves and say "yes, this is me,"  when in all actuality it is not.

So then when a guy we meet doesn't "see" this glamour shot version, it can be confusing!!  

And then of course most first meets are at dinner with mood lighting and all kinds of effort put into makeup and hair.  Rinse and repeat however many times.... When finally you sleep with a guy and he wakes up to cellulite and chest wrinkles that he couldn't see through the photo-blur makeup and spanx... 

[ ]

I'm interested in perspectives from both sides.

Edited September 26, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[basil67]

I've been dabbling with Photoshop since before all these photo editing apps were cheap and easily available, so I instinctively see editing.   And magazines have been doing it way before i was dabbling.  And before that, we'd just throw out bad photos.   And before that, painters would paint us in a flattering way. 

I think that men and women who have an ounce of critical thinking will recognise that we choose photos which are kind to us and they will keep this in mind when meeting up. 

[d0nnivain]

Any good photographer will take multiple shots hoping to get that one perfect shot.  So I won't criticize taking multiple pictures to chose the best one. 

If you are judging people based on the photographs shown to you remember two things:  

1.  A dating profile is a commercial.  It's designed to show the individual in the very best light so you have to take some of it with a grain of salt.  Look at your favorite beer commercial.  Just because you drink X doesn't mean your life is suddenly going to be filled with glamorous friends & exotic locations; you won't suddenly be rich. It's kind of the same thing.  

2 .  If every photograph shows heavy make up-glamour shots & there are no candid pictures at all with natural make up or at least less, assume the person who shows up will look very different from the person in the pictures.  

[Classicfiction]

9 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Any good photographer will take multiple shots hoping to get that one perfect shot.  So I won't criticize taking multiple pictures to chose the best one. 

If you are judging people based on the photographs shown to you remember two things:  

1.  A dating profile is a commercial.  It's designed to show the individual in the very best light so you have to take some of it with a grain of salt.  Look at your favorite beer commercial.  Just because you drink X doesn't mean your life is suddenly going to be filled with glamorous friends & exotic locations; you won't suddenly be rich. It's kind of the same thing.  

2 .  If every photograph shows heavy make up-glamour shots & there are no candid pictures at all with natural make up or at least less, assume the person who shows up will look very different from the person in the pictures.  

Right.  But why are we even doing this at all?  Its just so freakin weird when you look at how things are now vs. before the internet.  And I don't see how it can not be affecting people..

Clearly men use less technique in presenting images of themselves than women do.  But don't people want to be equally yoked?

I sure don't want to have to always be made up around a guy just so we look normal next to one another.

[Classicfiction]

14 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I've been dabbling with Photoshop since before all these photo editing apps were cheap and easily available, so I instinctively see editing.   And magazines have been doing it way before i was dabbling.  And before that, we'd just throw out bad photos.   And before that, painters would paint us in a flattering way. 

I think that men and women who have an ounce of critical thinking will recognise that we choose photos which are kind to us and they will keep this in mind when meeting up. 

Don't you think social media is why a bunch of women have to have fake eyelashes sewn onto their faces now?  Its becoming the norm.  Which is weird.  

[basil67]

Yes, I think social media has a lot to answer for.  But the topic is dating apps.

More broadly though, your comments about not wanting to wear makeup are making it sound like we didn't wear makeup, foundation garments and flattering clothes prior to the internet.  Heck, my mother went to classes which taught presentation in the early 60's.   We've been presenting our best selves since forever.

[Classicfiction]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yes, I think social media has a lot to answer for.  But the topic is dating apps.

More broadly though, your comments about not wanting to wear makeup are making it sound like we didn't wear makeup, foundation garments and flattering clothes prior to the internet.  Heck, my mother went to classes which taught presentation in the early 60's.   We've been presenting our best selves since forever.

This is true.  I guess I should be grateful that we aren't all wearing powdered wigs and having to stand around fainting couches.  But I still think guys are more likely to p&d if a woman presents herself as far different than what she looks like in real life.

[d0nnivain]

I do not think a man decides to pump & dump because the woman he is out with looks different than the pictures on social media. I think people who do this will do this because that is who they are.  I think that people who ghost either do so because they are non-confrontational or impolite but the decision to ghost is based on something negative they experienced on the date.  Maybe that was false advertising -- looking better in the photos then in real life -- but it may have been how the other person behaved on the date. 

There used to be a show on the radio around here called "Blown Off".  People could call & explain they had been a great 1st date then never heard from the other person again.  All claimed to be clueless about why.  The radio station would call & talk to the ghoster.  Granted it was an entertainment show but the reasons were always over the top: 

* guy made a pass at her 15 year old daughter

* guy used to date her mother 10 years ago

* date offered heroin 

* date rummaged in her gym bag & she caught him sniffing her panties.

* date got in a car accident & screamed at the cop

* date kissed a sibling on the mouth in greeting 

* date got sloppy messy totally drunk 

* date showed up 8 months pregnant 

Only once in the year so I listened to this show on my commute to work did the couple go on a 2nd date.  In that case, the woman bolted out of the restaurant & the guy had no idea why.  Turns out she liked the guy but saw her father in the restaurant making out with a younger woman who was not her mom which freaked her out.  

My point is that there are probably reasons somebody disappeared  & those reasons are probably not driven by looks / photos

[Classicfiction]

3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I do not think a man decides to pump & dump because the woman he is out with looks different than the pictures on social media. I think people who do this will do this because that is who they are.  I think that people who ghost either do so because they are non-confrontational or impolite but the decision to ghost is based on something negative they experienced on the date.  Maybe that was false advertising -- looking better in the photos then in real life -- but it may have been how the other person behaved on the date. 

There used to be a show on the radio around here called "Blown Off".  People could call & explain they had been a great 1st date then never heard from the other person again.  All claimed to be clueless about why.  The radio station would call & talk to the ghoster.  Granted it was an entertainment show but the reasons were always over the top: 

* guy made a pass at her 15 year old daughter

* guy used to date her mother 10 years ago

* date offered heroin 

* date rummaged in her gym bag & she caught him sniffing her panties.

* date got in a car accident & screamed at the cop

* date kissed a sibling on the mouth in greeting 

* date got sloppy messy totally drunk 

* date showed up 8 months pregnant 

Only once in the year so I listened to this show on my commute to work did the couple go on a 2nd date.  In that case, the woman bolted out of the restaurant & the guy had no idea why.  Turns out she liked the guy but saw her father in the restaurant making out with a younger woman who was not her mom which freaked her out.  

My point is that there are probably reasons somebody disappeared  & those reasons are probably not driven by looks / photos

I'm certain that there are other reasons too but there probably are physical attraction reasons as well, don't you think?  

Honestly, men are pretty visual creatures and to deny that they are physically driven is probably not helping anyone.

If the physical has nothing to do with it, then we could forgo the pictures completely and just post descriptions of ourselves.

 

[basil67]

40 minutes ago, Classicfiction said:

This is true.  I guess I should be grateful that we aren't all wearing powdered wigs and having to stand around fainting couches.  But I still think guys are more likely to p&d if a woman presents herself as far different than what she looks like in real life.

Or binding our breasts flat to be flappers

If she has seriously misrepresented herself, he also may well call the date short and go home.   Either way, no harm, no foul. 

[Classicfiction]

And if that attraction wasn't such an important part of the whole thing.. women wouldn't go to such great lengths to impress physically.  Im just speculating here..

[Classicfiction]

Just now, basil67 said:

Or binding our breasts flat to be flappers

If she has seriously misrepresented herself, he also may well call the date short and go home.   Either way, no harm, no foul. 

Oooor he may decide to go ahead and get his rocks off and then ghost which really freaking sucks but does happen.

yeah lets hope the flapper look doesn't ever come back in style either lol

[basil67]

The woman is not a victim here.   You're forgetting that she consented to the sex, knowing that there are no guarantees of a future.   If she's going to get upset about him disappearing afterwards, she's best to hold back for a bit and see if he's properly interested.    Further, a casual encounter can happen even if a woman doesn't misrepresent herself.  

(I'm not judging, I has sex with my husband of nearly 30 years on the day we met - but I did so with the knowledge that a future may not be in the cards).

[Versacehottie]

Interesting phenomena going on that you are pointing out, OP...I don't really know if there's an answer or even a question or it's just a discussion. I will say that when I started noticing it, i ALSO noticed that it wasn't reflected in the people you see on the street, in restaurants, stores and bars, etc.  Lol, I took note of the fact that the same gorgeous looking people I saw on social media are not really walking around in person--didn't take much to figure out that's because they don't exist to the extent that they do in that medium and that the photos are manipulated.

 I think it's equalizes things in a way.  If a 5 turns herself into an 8 with a certain filter but then at a bar is back to being how she looks, aka more of a 5--that same thing is happening to everyone else who has done the same so it gets equalized. 

The stupid thing is to manipulate photos so much on a dating app that the person is disappointed when they meet up with the real version of who one is.  That said, I doubt it's going away anytime soon  

Edited September 27, 2021 by Versacehottie

[Classicfiction]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

The woman is not a victim here.   You're forgetting that she consented to the sex, knowing that there are no guarantees of a future.   If she's going to get upset about him disappearing afterwards, she's best to hold back for a bit and see if he's properly interested.    Further, a

1 minute ago, Versacehottie said:

Interesting phenomena going on that you are pointing out, OP...I don't really know if there's an answer or even a question or it's just a discussion. I will say that when I started noticing it, i ALSO noticed that it wasn't reflected in the people you see on the street, in restaurants, stores and bars, etc.  Lol, I took note of the fact that the same gorgeous looking people I saw on social media are not really walking around in person--didn't take much to figure out that's because they don't exist to the extent that they do in that medium and that the photos are manipulated.

 I think it's equalizes things in a way.  If a 5 turns herself into an 8 with a certain filter but then at a bar is back to being how she looks, aka more of a 5--that same thing is happening to everyone else who has done the same so it gets equalized. 

The stupid thing is to manipulate photos so much on a dating app that the person is disappointed when they meet up with the real version of who one is.  That said, I doubt it's going away anytime soon  

Yeah thats funny isn't it.. how the internet is full of absolutely stunning people that you don't see on the daily lol.  I think at one point I got caught up in the photo filter stuff and I did notice that my perspective was altered by it.

I got off of social media entirely several years back and have noticed a sensation almost like taking off some foggy glasses.  Like oh daang so this is reality.  Could just be me but thats been my experience.

As far as dating apps, Ive recently gotten off of them as well in order to ground myself.  But if I get back on them I intend to date guys who would match to the real me... the non made up version.  Its just a choice I'm making after experiencing enough failed r's.  Worth a try imo.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

your comments about not wanting to wear makeup are making it sound like we didn't wear makeup, foundation garments and flattering clothes prior to the internet. 

Exactly this. Putting our best face forward, so to speak, has been going on since time immemorial. It has simply taken different forms as technology has evolved, but we have always done it. This isn't a pre-and post-internet age thing. It just means trends start and spread differently and we have a different platform for showing the results (ie. over-the-top fake lashes, Insta-brows, weirdly glimmery highlighted noses, and so on) 

OP, to be clear, I do see your point about misrepresenting ourselves altogether online. Some people heavily filter and edit nearly everything they post, and yes, they will have to deal with the consequences when they show up and surprise their dates because they look so different in real life. But anyone with reasonable intelligence and critical thinking skills is going to know that people choose their best pics to post on dating apps (includig themselves), and most folks probably aren't going too over-the-top with editing tools. 

All in all, I don't think it's as big a problem as you're worried it might be. 

[chillii]

Back in the day l was on a date site for a stint , the whole photo thing drove me crazy. Yaknow ,  of course l could understand women finding nice shots that do her justice and it's really nice to see them. But there was a massive difference between that and some totally messed with or the glam up professional pics. And it was all that damn annoying .

So often they'd have 5 or 10 pics and she looked so different in ea one you wouldn't even know it was the same woman and had no idea wth she really looked. And often too among them there was just this one pic that was just a natural everyday pic and again you wouldn't even know it's the same girl . l dunno l love a little bit of make up but the rest , l always thought God almighty will you just show a few just natural everyday damn pics that are really you.

Edited September 27, 2021 by chillii

[Weezy1973]

Women have been going through hoops to attract the “highest tier” men for all of human history I suspect. It’s in our sexually reproducing DNA. But people in relationships tend to match up in terms of looks. Naked out of the shower that is.  If they go out, the woman often looks better due to the extra effort. 
 

But if a woman is hoping to find a man that is equally as attractive to her when she’s fully done up (as opposed to naked out of the shower), she’s likely to fail. He’ll have better options.

[Shining One]

At this point, I just accept that deception (photo editing, makeup, shapewear, selective angles, etc.) are part of dating. I simply reserve "final judgement" until I've seen her naked out of the shower. This has lead to a handful of women being moved from relationship-potential to the casual-only pile, but that was very rare.

[poppyfields]

8 hours ago, chillii said:

I always thought God almighty will you just show a few just natural everyday damn pics that are really you.

Amen brother.  That's what I did, but that entails being happy with your look, your style and yourself AS IS.

Not many people are, sad to say.  Which is why they hide behind the safety of a computer in the first place.

And why so many flake right before the meet or flat out stand you up as what just happened to max on his recent thread. 

I am happy with my style and looks but I always felt so judged when I did OLD, like I was bring qualified. 

Of course it's true, you are.   Not a good feeling no matter how beautiful and secure you are.

Much rather meet in real life where they can see your look and style, feel your vibe in REAL right there and then. 

Either they like or don't, there is no guessing or anxiously wondering, or spending hours taking selfies and finding the right pic with right lighting, right angle, which I've known some people to do!  Even men.

Edited September 27, 2021 by poppyfields

[Classicfiction]

20 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Amen brother.  That's what I did, but that entails being happy with your look, your style and yourself AS IS.

Not many people are, sad to say.  Which is why they hide behind the safety of a computer in the first place.

And why so many flake right before the meet or flat out stand you up as what just happened to max on his recent thread. 

I am happy with my style and looks but I always felt so judged when I did OLD, like I was bring qualified. 

Of course it's true, you are.   Not a good feeling no matter how beautiful and secure you are.

Much rather meet in real life where they can see your look and style, feel your vibe in REAL right there and then. 

Either they like or don't, there is no guessing or anxiously wondering, or spending hours taking selfies and finding the right pic with right lighting, right angle, which I've known some people to do!  Even men.

Yep.  This is why I got off of it most recently.  I had some non edited pics on there and felt like I was swimming in a sea of mega hot women.  When I had only edited pics on there, I actually had guys say some pretty rude things to me in person.  

But there were still guys who talked to me and showed interest even with the non edited pics.  They were just not as attractive as I usually go for and its been kind of a wake-up call.  I suppose I was fishing out of my league.

[poppyfields]

59 minutes ago, Classicfiction said:

had some non edited pics on there and felt like I was swimming in a sea of mega hot women.

Hot is subjective, a woman can be so-called "hot" without all that editing, lighting, makeup, the right angle. 

In fact, the men I meet, date (are attracted to) can't stand that, like chilli (men like chillii).  Its phony, fake. 

I don't do on line anymore but I actually get hit on in real life when NOT all dolled up, heavy make up, and hair styled just perfectly, etc. 

Natural, understated. REAL.  The best men imo are attracted to that look and style.  Not the woman with tons of perfectly coiffed and self-edited selfies on IG.

And I am too, in men!  GQ and model types, no thanks!  When I did on line, those went straight to trash. 100% truth.

And I used to model myself! Way back when, lol.   But I don't care for it. 

It's a certain mentality that draws men (and women) to that, all that fakeness.

Apologies if that sounds judgy but it's how I feel

My opinion.

. 

 

Edited September 28, 2021 by poppyfields

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Classicfiction said:

 They were just not as attractive as I usually go for and its been kind of a wake-up call.  I suppose I was fishing out of my league.

Google the term “aspirational dating”. This is very common with online dating. 

[Weezy1973]

10 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Hot is subjective, a woman can be so-called "hot" without all that editing, lighting, makeup, the right angle. 

 

I’d say one of the keys to being “hot” is having a good, fit body and being able to dress in such a way that shows it off. Exactly what style one chooses is irrelevant. A genetically beautiful person will look good no matter what style they go with. 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

I’d say one of the keys to being “hot” is having a good, fit body and being able to dress in such a way that shows it off. Exactly what style one chooses is irrelevant. A genetically beautiful person will look good no matter what style they go with. 

Absolutely 100% agree! 

But it's also mentality imo.  When you feel good about yourself, happy with your own look and style, that radiates beauty as well.

Internal beauty, and others are attracted to that. 

It's all related. Natural beauty inside and out.

Killer combo! 

Edited September 28, 2021 by poppyfields