chicken_and_quaffles Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 (edited) Apologies in advance because this is long. Last night was my birthday celebration. My friends planned a fun bar crawl and the theme was to dress as something that begins with the first letter of your name. Some people went all out, and others were more subtle. My boyfriend doesn’t like dressing up and I told him from the beginning it wasn’t a big deal if he didn’t want to. But he insisted and got a costume. It was a race car driver jumpsuit. Yesterday morning he texted me that he kind of hoped it rain so we didn’t have to go out and could have the party at my house. The weather was gorgeous though. All my friends and I are gathered in my kitchen and he’s just nonstop making comments about how he feels [ ] , he’s so uncomfortable, he feels ridiculous, “joking” about how he’ll just stay home when we leave. At the first bar, he starts up again about how we all look so stupid and dumb. He ends up sitting by himself and won’t come join us until I ask him to. We move to the next bar and he does the same thing. At that point, I’m feeling annoyed so I just leave him be and try to have fun with my friends. I don’t know when it happened, but when we left he was so drunk he could barely stand. Swaying, and unsteady. We’re outside waiting for everyone else and he starts up again with how dumb it is and how much he hates it. I lose it on him and tell him if he’s that miserable, he can go home. We got in an argument needless to say and I started to walk home. Behind me he’s still yelling and making a scene. I just went into my house and sat on the couch and cried. When everyone else got back, I learned my brother and his wife (who weren’t drinking) called my boyfriend an Uber and sent him home. This morning he was obviously pissed. And told me he drank a lot to cope with being uncomfortable and that he was just nervous around my friends. And then he started saying I abandoned him and left him alone all night and he didn’t really know anyone. And that he didn’t think it was necessary to send him home and not let him come back to my house. We ended up deciding to talk in person. And though neither of us wanted to, we decided to break up. Not sure how to go back from that…all my friends have a super negative opinion about him now but I feel like what happened was partially my fault and it got out of hand. I’m struggling and really upset because I love him. I don’t know if we did the right thing or if we jumped the gun. I guess I just need outside perspective from people who don’t know either of us on if I’m in the wrong here and if I should try to make amends if it’s not too late. Edited September 27, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator langauge
Ami1uwant Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 Take a step back… why didn’t he lime thus concept of a party? Was it the concept of dressing up kris it not going out?
Wiseman2 Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 1 hour ago, chicken_and_quaffles said: he was so drunk he could barely stand. We’re outside waiting for everyone else and he starts up again with how dumb it is and how much he hates it. he’s still yelling and making a scene. we decided to break up. Not sure how to go back from that…all my friends have a super negative opinion about him now but I feel like what happened was partially my fault and it got out of hand. Happy bday. Sorry this happened. It's no accident he deliberately ruined your bday. Good call to end it. Your friends are correct about him. Is this the same man?:
Caauug Posted September 27, 2021 Posted September 27, 2021 (edited) 10 hours ago, chicken_and_quaffles said: My boyfriend doesn’t like dressing up and I told him from the beginning it wasn’t a big deal if he didn’t want to. But he insisted and got a costume. It was a race car driver jumpsuit I see this as a red flag. He doesn't like dressing up but does it anyway, he has over stepped his own boundaries and feeling uncomfortable... You lost admiration for him for doing that. He should of had more back bone and just said no, and mean it. Getting that drunk is another red flag.... 10 hours ago, chicken_and_quaffles said: all my friends have a super negative opinion about him now There is your outside opinion, they were there and seen him in action. We at LS can only go off what you tell us, but your friends and family were eye witnesses. 10 hours ago, chicken_and_quaffles said: I feel like what happened was partially my fault and it got out of hand. I don’t know if we did the right thing or if we jumped the gun. [ ] Yes, you could be somewhat at fault, but that doesn't change what happened. That doesn't change him letting you down and getting drunk in a public place on your birthday. Good thing your brother and his wife was there to "Babysit" him. You broke up for a reason(s), taking ownership of those reasons have nothing to do with it. The reasons have merit and stand alone themselves. Go NC and heal yourself. Edited September 27, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
glows Posted September 27, 2021 Posted September 27, 2021 Go over the reasons for breaking up again. It's not because of that one night or what your friends think. It's who he is as a person and his mishandling of situations, being an abusive drunk and insulting person in general. Deep down you probably already know why he's like this. Not happy with himself, afraid of judgment from others, being perceived as "dumb". He seems to have a lot of brokenness about himself and insecurities that will always resurface. You know him best (none of us here do) so dig deep and be clear with yourself the reasons for breaking up. That evening was just scratching the surface. There's much more beyond that. Now's also a good time to ask yourself what you're looking for in a partner. If you're looking to put down roots with someone, is he the man for you? Would he be someone you can rely on in good times and bad? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 27, 2021 Posted September 27, 2021 8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Is this the same man?: Given that it's the same guy as your previous thread, it is high time to let this guy go. He's rude, immature and disrespectful. Everyone apparently sees that, yet you doubt yourself. Why is that? In the future, work on strengthening your boundaries and trusting your insincts. You need to figure out why you have little confidence in your own ability to judge a situation and weed out the bad apples.
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