Amanda141 Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 Lately, I've felt like living in a soap opera. First, the Spanish guy I am currently seeing (and with whom all was going wonderfully) had to suddenly go back to his country for three weeks without even wanting to tell me why. Then, the Indian guy I was dating this summer (who I was head over hills for) comes back saying he has missed me and wants to see if I am still available... Let me explain... In July I went to a party, I met this Indian guy (32 y/o), we immediately clicked, dated for around two weeks, he said he had butterflies in the stomach, that he liked me too much... and then, all at once, he steps back and says that it's better if we stop seeing each other because even if he has a major crush on me, I am too young (24 y/o) and while he wants to settle down soon, I am not ready yet for a family and children. It was the end of July, and he told me that we could have stayed "friends" and we could have gone for a coffee in September (as in August we both were on holiday). I honestly thought this was one of those sentences that you say but you don't really mean, and he only said it to sugar-coat the break-up... I cried and I was sad for a few days, but then I accepted it and went on with my life. At the beginning of August, I matched this Spanish guy (29 y/o) on Tinder, we live in the same city but we were both on vacation, so we met after three weeks. The first date went great, so we kept seeing each other. I saw him a total of 5 times, he gave me the hint that he was looking for something serious (e.g. he just moved to a new flat and asked me to help him decorate it, he initiated the texts 80% of the time, out of the 5 times we saw each other he asked me out 4 and was making future plans...) but then, the day after our 5th date, he suddenly had to go back to Spain because of an unspecified serious matter. In the beginning, he didn't want to tell me, because I was spending the weekend away for a wedding and he didn't want to ruin it, but after having kept me in a cliff-hanger for a few days, he tells me his mother had passed away and he would have come back to Germany at the end of September. I was shocked and sorry for him... I gave him my condolences... but even if this happened, he has texted me regularly and I am seeing him on Thursday, upon his return. But a week ago... the Indian guy texts me "Hey Amanda, how are you? How was your summer?" and after some chit chat he asks me out for a drink. I accepted, imagining that he really wanted to see me in a friendly way. Turns out, he says that he misses me, that he regrets what he told me because he was too rational and he was putting too much pressure on himself to find a wife, and it's more efficient to live day by day and see what the future holds rather than forcing things to happen. He told me he met another Italian girl this summer, she was 32 y/o and really liked him, but even if the circumstances were all in favour, he just didn't feel it... the last girl he kissed was me. He told me he thought about me a lot... that many times he grabbed his phone, opened our chat and started to text me but then deleted everything. He said that he felt a special connection with me... that even if it was only two weeks, it was all very intense... that he was hoping to be able to kiss me again and pick up things where we left them. I was SHOCKED. I told him the truth: I am single, but I am seeing another guy that I am interested in... however... I don't know why and I am not sure I did the right thing... but I followed my heart and told me that I am not indifferent to what he had just told me and I would honestly like to kiss him as well... He holds my hand, takes me out of the bar and we kiss under the rain... M-A-G-I-C!!! I had missed him so much. It felt like being in a movie! He invited me to his place on Wednesday, we had dinner together and then we were intimate. I stayed over to sleep and he was so affectionate, caring, loving...I would lie if I said I didn't enjoy it. Of course, we talked about the situation with the Spanish guy... The Indian told me "Amanda, you are a wonderful woman. Knowing you are dating another man stung me. Just a fool would let someone like you go. I did it once and I regret it so much... It was my mistake and I could have imagined that you would have found another guy. He deserves you more than I deserve you...I hope to have the opportunity to keep seeing you, but whatever decision you make, I will accept it. I just want you to be happy... if things go well with the Spanish, then I am happy for you. But if for whatever reason it doesn't work, then I would be here for you". Yesterday we had lunch together. He likes me but at this point, I don't know what to do... These are my questions: - I will probably see the Spanish on Thursday, and I honestly can't wait to see him! Should I ask him in which directions our "relationship" is going? Or is it too soon? I see "potential" for the long-term based on how he behaved with me and on how I felt while with him... Of course, a lot of things can happen in three weeks, therefore I am curious to hear what he thinks... but I don't want to pressure him, also taking into consideration that he has just lost his mother. - I like the Indian, when I see him my heart races, we are very similar on multiple aspects but our cultures and religions aren't... If I have to be completely frank, I'd say I felt a better connection with him, however, I think we are at two different stages of our life. I think it would be a love story with an expiration date, as he wants a family way sooner than me. On the one hand, I'd like to see him again tomorrow or Tuesday, but on the other hand, I don't know if it's the smartest thing to do... Maybe I should take a step back and take time to think. He also told me "You will see me again, but think and don't get distracted with me". How would you approach this situation?
introverted1 Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 I don't know which guy you should pick but I do know that you need to tell the Spanish guy that you are seeing and having sex with someone else. He may make the decision for you at that point, but it is unfair to withhold this information from him. 1
Wiseman2 Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 32 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: I am seeing him on Thursday, upon his return. He invited me to his place on Wednesday, we had dinner together and then we were intimate. He deserves you more than I deserve you. Take your time to reflect. It seems like the Indian man wanted a hookup. He may have struck out with more conservative women in his culture who have he will eventually be scheduled to marry. He made it clear that he's not afraid to lose you and that you're free to pursue the the Spanish man. When the Spanish man returns see what is happening with him. Both of them unfortunately seem rather uninterested in long term.
Author Amanda141 Posted September 26, 2021 Author Posted September 26, 2021 @Wiseman2 do you think I should tell him even if he’s not my boyfriend? We’ve only been out 5 times
lonelyplanetmoon Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 You are pursuing a relationship with one person while having strong feelings for another? Seems like self created turmoil. I am sure it feels good to have 2 men after you but you went back to your ex. Does Spanish guy need to know? Well if you were in his place would you want to know? That his heart belongs to another? Sure you can continue with him and fake it until you make it but you will never be 100% his knowing you have this other “what if” option. Either end it with your ex or end it with Spanish guy. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 I would be careful here. I get that you have only been out with the Spanish man a few tiems But you don't know the first guy well, either. Two weeks of intensity and a hot make-out session don't mean you two are right for each other. You're still just getting to know each other and you've only seen the honeymoon bits so far. So ask yourself this: if you stop seeing the Spanish guy, and things go south again with the first man, are you still going to be comfortable with your choice to let Spanish Man go? 1
GuitarGuy7 Posted September 29, 2021 Posted September 29, 2021 Man, you don't even realize how lucky you are. You're able to meet and date multiple people within a short period of time and could probably find a new boyfriend or a new sex partner with the snap of a finger. There's many people out there who would kill to have the privileges that you have. I know several guys, myself included, who have tried dating for years and years and have never gotten anywhere with dating. Women like to say that men have all the privileges, that's a load of horse crap. The privilege of being a woman is that dating is always going to be easier for you.
chillii Posted September 29, 2021 Posted September 29, 2021 No it's not buddy , matter of fact l'd say it's easier for men myself . Women can only do so much if there's no interest and l've heard of or known many been single for yrs and yrs and not by choice. Anyway op , of course , like so many , for start you just rushed out there and into something else within wks . No wonder your confused. The indian was suppose be all this stuff, yet you didn't even give yourself 5mins to work through him and your thing and what had happened. As for the other one l agree with some others if your gonna go on seeing him he needs and deserves to know what's been going on with the first one. 1
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