Can Any Ladies (or Men) Relate to This?

[poppyfields]

So feeling badly, slightly depressed at the moment and not sure why. 

Was dating a man for awhile (after lawyer guy and while dating supermarket guy/the marine biologist/fisherman guy).

I stopped dating him to focus solely on fisherman guy.

Guy started chasing me, not overtly but he'd pop up, make his presence known in various ways and made it clear he was very attracted to me and not giving up!

I became slightly turned off by it, found it a bit desperate, while at the same time intrigued by his supreme confidence!  

I would respond to messages but finally told him I'm focusing on another man, only dating him.

He'd still message but not as much.  He gradually distanced himself and I could feel it!  It wasn't sudden, it was gradual.

So now it appears he has completely stopped pursuing me (ok chasing me), and something odd is happening. 

I miss it!  I miss him!   I don't think I appreciated his presence in my life because he was always around, making it clear how into me he was, etc.  He never allowed me a moment to wonder about him, miss him, long for him!   

As screwed up as that sounds.

Unlike marine biologist, who is always a bit distant emotionally even though I know he's into me through actions when we see each other.

Which isn't often because he's either working with the fish or out catching them.  He is gone this entire weekend for example, out catching fish (tuna).

This is not my proudest moment lemmeetellya.  I'm disappointed with myself for missing the guy chasing me, ugh.  I thought I was beyond all that BS.

I'm feeling pretty blue about it now though, and for once not sure what to do! 

Have any of you ladies experienced this?  

I'm once again questioning my values and what's important to me.  What I value in a man and what I value and perhaps even need (gasp) within the context of a relationship.

Any advice would be appreciated.  I'm not a snowflake so feel free to be harsh if necessary.

I'm already being pretty harsh with myself actually.

Thanks a bunch in advance guys. 

 

Edited September 25, 2021 by poppyfields

[Pumpernickel]

 

Yes - I have experienced it. Often. I am sure almost everybody has experienced it. It is called “wanting what you cannot have”. 

 

For me it goes like this (that’s how it prob goes for everybody, as I’m not unique):

1) Man chases, we date, man is very enthusiastic; I’m meh ….. (it can even happen that I end up in a “real” relationship with that guy because he’s so persistent; but still meh)

2) Guy loses interest gradually because I am not as enthusiastic as he is (I get that a lot by the way; you’re cold, you’re too busy, blasé, blah blah), OR bc I tell him I’m done

3) We are done

4) I start wondering. 

5) We start talking again, bc he starts texting (random stuff; nothing relationshippy) ——> I make an effort and step up my texting game (because I really have been wondering what he’s been up to; a new love interest maybe?? That would be outrageous!!)

6) we go out again and start dating.

7) I lose interest again. Rinse & repeat steps 1-3 (or 1-5/6; depends)

 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 25, 2021 by Pumpernickel

[Woggle]

I mean no disrespect but this sounds like classic want what you can't have syndrome. I have never had this but I dated a woman who had this and I knew the minute I showed some real reciprocation she would run the other way which is why I broke it off.

[poppyfields]

Woggle and Pumpernickel, thanks for responding.

I actually posted a kind response to Woggle but it was deleted.  

I have requested the thread be closed, I will be leaving the forum for a bit; I will figure this out. 

Thanks again.

 

 

Edited September 26, 2021 by poppyfields

[Ami1uwant]

2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

So feeling badly, slightly depressed at the moment and not sure why. 

Was dating a man for awhile (after lawyer guy and while dating supermarket guy/the marine biologist/fisherman guy).

I stopped dating him to focus solely on fisherman guy.

Guy started chasing me, not overtly but he'd pop up, make his presence known in various ways and made it clear he was very attracted to me and not giving up!

I became slightly turned off by it, found it a bit desperate, while at the same time intrigued by his supreme confidence!  

I would respond to messages but finally told him I'm focusing on another man, only dating him.

He'd still message but not as much.  He gradually distanced himself and I could feel it!  It wasn't sudden, it was gradual.

So now it appears he has completely stopped pursuing me (ok chasing me), and something odd is happening. 

I miss it!  I miss him!   I don't think I appreciated his presence in my life because he was always around, making it clear how into me he was, etc.  He never allowed me a moment to wonder about him, miss him, long for him!   

As screwed up as that sounds.

Unlike marine biologist, who is always a bit distant emotionally even though I know he's into me through actions when we see each other.

Which isn't often because he's either working with the fish or out catching them.  He is gone this entire weekend for example, out catching fish (tuna).

This is not my proudest moment lemmeetellya.  I'm disappointed with myself for missing the guy chasing me, ugh.  I thought I was beyond all that BS.

I'm feeling pretty blue about it now though, and for once not sure what to do! 

Have any of you ladies experienced this?  

I'm once again questioning my values and what's important to me.  What I value in a man and what I value and perhaps even need (gasp) within the context of a relationship.

Any advice would be appreciated.  I'm not a snowflake so feel free to be harsh if necessary.

I'm already being pretty harsh with myself actually.

Thanks a bunch in advance guys. 

 

you like the attention and being chased after and playing hard to get.

[Gaeta]

It's a bit like when l picked Romeo over Teacher. Romeo made my knees weak but Teacher was intellectually stimulating and l missed that and l thought almost each day l had picked wrong.

Teacher and l started talking again but the connection was gone.

It's part of dating and sometimes we will pick wrong and we have to accept the consequences. 

It will pass.

[Alpacalia]

I'm trying to remember a comparable incident, and one that comes to mind is when more than one man expressed interest in me at the same time, but I told them I didn't want to talk to them further since I had grown to enjoy the person I was dating at the time.

But it wasn't a circumstance in which I was going on dates with any of them. So the fact that I was no longer speaking with them had little effect on me.

I realize this isn't really advice, but I guess you have to go inward to see if it's the lack of attention or the actual person and connection you shared that's missed.

At the end of that, everyone likes feeling wanted and/or needed. So, I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing to want that.

Edited September 26, 2021 by Alpaca

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

It's a bit like when l picked Romeo over Teacher. Romeo made my knees weak but Teacher was intellectually stimulating and l missed that and l thought almost each day l had picked wrong.

Teacher and l started talking again but the connection was gone.

It's part of dating and sometimes we will pick wrong and we have to accept the consequences. 

It will pass.

 

it’s not about picking wrong…it’s about how you weight the factors in your decisions.

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

I'm trying to remember a comparable incident, and one that comes to mind is when more than one man expressed interest in me at the same time, but I told them I didn't want to talk to them further since I had grown to enjoy the person I was dating at the time.

But it wasn't a circumstance in which I was going on dates with any of them. So the fact that I was no longer speaking with them had little effect on me.

I realize this isn't really advice, but I guess you have to go inward to see if it's the lack of attention or the actual person and connection you shared that's missed.

At the end of that, everyone likes feeling wanted and/or needed. So, I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing to want that.

A corollary to this is the what would have happened if…

 

weren’t there ti es you might have missed out on meeting someone like you had a bad day, Dave a bad impression.  You had someone who might gave bern interested in you but you didn’t reciprocate thus nothing happened. Or you just started to see someone when someone else shows up.

[ExpatInItaly]

It's generally flattering when someone pays attention to us. 

Now that he's not paying attention to you anymore and has likely moved on to someone else, perhaps your ego is a bit bruised. That's all. 

[Lisa]

Thread closed at OP's request