stillafool Posted October 4, 2021 Posted October 4, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, LittlePickle said: I'm in trouble at work for going back home to work. My boyfriend said he would sort it. But I feel so rubbish about having to rely on him Then why are you relying on him instead of being independent and taking care of your own affairs? Sorry about your Gran but you do get 3 days bereavement for the death of a close family member. This new guy should not be involved in your work business nor paying for your trip. You just met him. Sort out your own problems. Edited October 4, 2021 by stillafool 4
d0nnivain Posted October 4, 2021 Posted October 4, 2021 Not to pile on but while I am also sorry about your grandmother, you are dumping too much of your life obligations on a guy who has been your BF for the weekend. It was nice of him to book your tickets home but I hope you paid. I really hope you did NOT take his credit card. It's absolutely ridiculous for him to be talking to your boss about your job. You need way better boundaries. This relationship is going to crash & burn if you don't stop. There are soooooo many red flag here: 1. At home date 2. You being too emotionally invested before the date 3. You getting cold feet & wanting to bail 4. Him being over the top with how much stuff he brought for dinner -- champagne. flowers etc. 5. You butting into his cancer treatments. You were his GF for what not even 24 hours before you tried to insert yourself into his medical care. Yikes. I thought you were in HR. Does confidentiality mean nothing to you? 6. The ill-advised no sex sleep over. If you are not having sex with somebody stay the <bleep> out of their bed! If you don't you are basically a c 0 c k tease. Don't be that. 7. Taking too much money / help from him in your time of need. Do it yourself. It's way too early to dump this much on somebody else. One month into dating my DH, somebody important died in my life. I let DH hug me in the immediate aftermath (hours after I found out), then I kept him away but talked to him every few days while I sorted things out. You are expecting way too much from an hours old BF. Stop it. Stand on your own two feet. You seem to be heading a 100 mph right into a brick way. Slow down. 2
poppyfields Posted October 4, 2021 Posted October 4, 2021 (edited) 22 hours ago, LittlePickle said: Boyfriends booked me a ticket to get home (Other side of the country) and he has given me his credit card. I'm not surprised by this^ at all. I mean even before he became your 'boyfriend,' he was rushing to yours to kill spiders and whatnot. Which imo was a bit much, you can't kill a damn spider? Lol Anyway, no judgment (well perhaps a little if I'm honest), you are obviously liking (and needing) this co-dependent type dynamic. You "damsel in distress," HE your "white knight" dashing in for the rescue. Whatever works. Wouldn't work for me in my relationships, but hey to each their own. Hugs about your grandma, may she RIP. All the best. Edited October 4, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author LittlePickle Posted October 4, 2021 Author Posted October 4, 2021 I was meant to be at a recruitment fair today and they had to send someone else. As for the ticket. He booked it (I've repaid him) and he gave me his credit card to pick it up at the train station. I am not using it nor would I. 4
poppyfields Posted October 4, 2021 Posted October 4, 2021 (edited) 20 minutes ago, LittlePickle said: I was meant to be at a recruitment fair today and they had to send someone else. As for the ticket. He booked it (I've repaid him) and he gave me his credit card to pick it up at the train station. I am not using it nor would I. Ok fair enough. Which begs the question, why mention it at all? What purpose did it serve to tell us he booked you a ticket and gave you his credit card? Surely you must have known how that would appear to an outside person (us) without more detail? Hence the responses you received about it. To me, it seemed like it turned you on in a way, him dashing in to save the day. Same with the spiders. Which is OK! Just own it. Just my opinion/perception. Apologies if I offended in any way. Anyway, I hope all is well and wish both of you the best, good luck. Edited October 4, 2021 by poppyfields 4
princessaurora Posted October 4, 2021 Posted October 4, 2021 3 hours ago, d0nnivain said: The ill-advised no sex sleep over. If you are not having sex with somebody stay the <bleep> out of their bed! If you don't you are basically a c 0 c k tease. Don't be that. With all due respect @d0nnivain, I think in this situation it may not be the case. They've been around each other alot and he probably enjoys her company since he's been wanting to date her for some time. This isn't your run of the mill OLD story where the girl gets in the bed with a guy and is surprised when he expects sex. But I agree with all your other points. She does need to slow down if she wants so mething long term with this guy.
Els Posted October 4, 2021 Posted October 4, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, d0nnivain said: 6. The ill-advised no sex sleep over. If you are not having sex with somebody stay the <bleep> out of their bed! If you don't you are basically a c 0 c k tease. Don't be that. Eh, I know this is a common trope, but I never really agreed with it. He's a grown man who can make his own decisions, and the OP explicitly told him she wasn't comfortable having sex at that stage. If it bothers him to sleep over without sex, he can very well decline the sleepover himself. The onus is NOT on the woman to assume and make decisions on his behalf. Edited October 4, 2021 by Elswyth
d0nnivain Posted October 4, 2021 Posted October 4, 2021 2 hours ago, Elswyth said: Eh, I know this is a common trope, but I never really agreed with it. He's a grown man who can make his own decisions, and the OP explicitly told him she wasn't comfortable having sex at that stage. If it bothers him to sleep over without sex, he can very well decline the sleepover himself. The onus is NOT on the woman to assume and make decisions on his behalf. My advice runs all ways. Men shouldn't climb into be with women who already said no just to cuddle. If she's not DTF she shouldn't invite him in just to cuddle all night. Same goes for same sex relationships. If one wants sex or is at least open to it & the other is not there yet, IMO they need to not get horizontal. People can run their relationships any way they like but I prefer bright line rules none of this fuzzy, soft boundary stuff. Also IMO this is where we get into grey areas about nebulous consent & morning after regret.
Els Posted October 4, 2021 Posted October 4, 2021 1 minute ago, d0nnivain said: My advice runs all ways. Men shouldn't climb into be with women who already said no just to cuddle. If she's not DTF she shouldn't invite him in just to cuddle all night. Same goes for same sex relationships. If one wants sex or is at least open to it & the other is not there yet, IMO they need to not get horizontal. People can run their relationships any way they like but I prefer bright line rules none of this fuzzy, soft boundary stuff. Also IMO this is where we get into grey areas about nebulous consent & morning after regret. Do you truly believe it's impossible that two people can genuinely enjoy cuddling all night without sex? Some don't, but some do. I don't think anyone should be making assumptions for their partner on what their partner's preference is. I don't see what this has to do with "nebulous consent". She is very clear that she doesn't want sex. Cuddling doesn't mean that she wants sex. There is nothing nebulous about it.
d0nnivain Posted October 4, 2021 Posted October 4, 2021 I think people can cuddle but as that 1st overnight it's dicey IMO. Too many times the person who is open to sex will push the boundaries. If one person says no but the other person tries to talk them into it & they go so far. . . then they have sex. A lot of people wake up with regrets. Clearly OP & her new guy are happy about what went on so no harm no foul. There are also exceptions to every rule. Me, personally, I like clearer boundaries & learned decades ago to stay out of beds & even being flat on couches if I am not ready to go all the way. YMMV
Author LittlePickle Posted October 6, 2021 Author Posted October 6, 2021 Wow it seems I've offended some people here. I am very sorry
poppyfields Posted October 6, 2021 Posted October 6, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, LittlePickle said: Wow it seems I've offended some people here. I am very sorry Why do you think you have offended anyone? Because we questioned you about some things you've posted that weren't clear and somewhat ambiguous? Anyway, no need to be sorry, you haven't offended me (and I doubt anyone else), but thank you, and hopefully things will continue to work out with you and your new fella. Edited October 6, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Recommended Posts