stillafool Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 13 minutes ago, LittlePickle said: He knows sex isn't on the cards, What do you think his intentions are? To eat a good dinner, drink some wine and go home. 1
princessaurora Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 (edited) I presume he's telling you sex isn't in the cards or you told him, but that doesn't mean it won't happen and he knows it. He's not going to tell you it is because he knows that may freak you out at this early stage. I don't doubt he likes you. I'm just saying don't be foolish enough to believe that you won't 100% have sex because sometimes it happens when you least expect it. It would be in your best interest to have some protection handy just in case. And if you guys just eat, drink, and talk that's ok, too. It is possible to have a home date without sex. I've done it before. But I've also had them unexpectedly escalate too. And I was not promiscuous when I was single. I was very selective when it came to sex, but sometimes the attraction is just there and things just happen. Edited September 26, 2021 by princessaurora spelling
Alpacalia Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 Having someone in one's home requires a certain level of comfort. And yeah, obviously it can be a good place to get physical. So, just keep that in mind. Have fun on your date!
Author LittlePickle Posted September 26, 2021 Author Posted September 26, 2021 I feel very comfortable with him, he has been to my apartment to get spiders and fix things for me. Since moving from my home city for uni and then to work, I've always had protection handy, My sister when she went uni a few years before me always warned me to. 1
princessaurora Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 Ok, so you're all set. Just wanted to make sure you were aware of the possibilities. I'm excited for you. It's always a great feeling to like someone and have them reciprocate. Have a nice time!
Wiseman2 Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 33 minutes ago, LittlePickle said: I feel very comfortable with him, he has been to my apartment to get spiders and fix things for me. No need to fear anything. Nothing is going to happen that you don't want happening.
DividedTrail Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 So you asked him over for dinner. That is cool! Sounds like big step for you given you said you haven't really had a steady relationship. Also the guys that did take you out seemed to have no clue... Other posters have mentioned this is a date and I agree even though earlier I suggested using that word specifically. I wouldn't worry about it at this point. Now you asked what his intentions are. You both know each other to some degree already and you feel comfortable around him. He said he can't have a late one and that seems to be a clue that he was saying he is comfortable with dinner and a couple drinks while spending time with you and that is good enough. Between two adults agreeing to have dinner and drinks on a Friday night and unless he does something to change that, don't fret over the thought he is really or only there expecting sex. If two people are attracted to each other, sex should be hovering in the background, that is just the laws of attraction. I mean be prepared to shut it down if you aren't ready and it sounds like you are prepared with protection in the event it heads that way and you both want to. Contrary to popular belief, not every guy is going to have dinner and drinks with you and then clap his hands proclaiming "let the sex begin". I'm being silly but there are still gentlemen out there. Also, some guys do wait for the green light from the woman before they turn into Casanova. Other are more forward and aggressive. Good luck and enjoy yourself. 2
Author LittlePickle Posted September 26, 2021 Author Posted September 26, 2021 He is one of the most respectful guys I know and if we kiss and thats it, I'm happy. I want to be long term with him, not his one night fling. I'm getting really nervous now 3
DividedTrail Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 Sounds good. You made your move and you have all week to fine tune the menu and decide what you want to wear. But above all else, try to chill 1
princessaurora Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 Don't be. You know him better than any of us do. You can set the tone. I've done it plenty of times. And he's been in your house before, so it should be pretty comfortable. Just enjoy getting to know him and have a nice time. 2
Author LittlePickle Posted September 26, 2021 Author Posted September 26, 2021 I plan on having a nice time, we've had a lovely chat this evening, found out we are both in the office tomorrow! He asked if I'd like to go for lunch tomorrow, Can talk about food get ideas for friday 2
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 4 hours ago, LittlePickle said: He knows sex isn't on the cards, What do you think his intentions are? How does he know that? Even if you said the words, the fact that you are inviting him to your home for dinner & alcoholic beverages send the message that sex IS in the cards. 2
poppyfields Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 (edited) @LittlePickleI disagree, I think saying he knows sex IS in the cards is an incorrect assumption. He may "hope" sex is in the cards, possibly, OR his intention is to share space and time with you; you invited him after all. It's not like he pushed to come over or invited himself. I wish folks would stop with these preconceived notions and assumptions re men expecting sex in certain situations. They're so outdated not to mention presumptuous, yawn. I have invited men for dinner, and it did not lead to sex, they never even pushed for it. Some kissing to indicate romantic attraction, yes. But sex was not even mentioned. It happened that way with my last long term ex who I broke up with last January. We dated 3 years. I invited him for dinner at mine on third date (wherein we kissed and cuddled) but we did not have sex until our ninth date. I think to automatically assume a man expects sex just cause you invited him to share a nice meal at your home is an insult to men. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. Nothing bad or wrong however it goes imo. Edited September 26, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author LittlePickle Posted September 26, 2021 Author Posted September 26, 2021 I'll be honest. If he does kiss me I'd be happy. I am kinda expecting kissing. He isn't the sort of guy to demand sex. But now I'm getting worried with everyone saying to expect it.
Sun Seeker Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 Invite at your home for a dinner = expecting sex, for most guys anyway including me. Saying that, the fact you had to ask him to meet for a dinner date, instead of him asking you, leading like he should have been considering he is the man, makes me think he is inexperienced. So will probably be happy/excited just to get a kiss.
princessaurora Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 I wouldn't worry and don't bring your concern up to him, please! Just go have lunch with him, tomorrow and keep things lighthearted and fun.. Like i said before, you know him, we don't. if your gut is telling you he's a classy respectable man, go with that. This isn't some random dude you met online and he's been to your place before. Just let things flow and see where they take you. 2
poppyfields Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, LittlePickle said: I'll be honest. If he does kiss me I'd be happy. I am kinda expecting kissing. He isn't the sort of guy to demand sex. But now I'm getting worried with everyone saying to expect it. LittlePickle, I find most men to be respectful. Like I said they may "hope" for it it, but to expect it? That's quite arrogant and presumptuous imho. In my experience, a man will wait for a green light from me before proceeding further. That said I have had men push hard for sex but they don't necessarily need be invited back to mine. We can be out at a club or restaurant and they will push hard. It depends on the type of man he is, not where you are. If you don't want sex, stay out of the bedroom or otherwise give a green light. Kissing to indicate attraction is fine but no heavy make out sessions, that would be sending him a green light. Most men will respect your boundaries imho. Good luck and enjoy! Edited September 26, 2021 by poppyfields 2
DividedTrail Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 FWIW, I'm a guy, been married for a number of years but I think back on my dating experience when younger. I would listen to princessaurora and poppyfields especially their latest posts. I think Sun Seeker has a point too about him possibly being inexperienced. This guy isn't a stranger and you two have built up some rapport over time. Tomorrow sounds like a mini-date in and of itself assuming he is on the same page as you. You seem to have a pretty good handle on the situation, what you want and what your boundaries are. I would follow your gut and try not to pollute your mind that he is some Lothario in disguise unless he give you a reason to think that. 4
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, LittlePickle said: I'll be honest. If he does kiss me I'd be happy. I am kinda expecting kissing. He isn't the sort of guy to demand sex. But now I'm getting worried with everyone saying to expect it. I am not saying you are required to sleep with him. The choice about when or if to have sex is solely yours. He is a work colleague not a stranger so you probably don't have to fear being forced but this is a date. Since you are expecting kissing, admit this crossed out of professional only. A one on one dinner with an opposite sex colleague in a well lit, non-romantic, restaurant can be business only. In the privacy of your own home. . . not in a million years. this is the type of situation where people later use the excuse "It just happened." No it didn't. You set the stage. Edited September 26, 2021 by d0nnivain 4
Alpacalia Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 7 hours ago, LittlePickle said: I feel very comfortable with him, he has been to my apartment to get spiders and fix things for me. Since moving from my home city for uni and then to work, I've always had protection handy, My sister when she went uni a few years before me always warned me to. Well, in that case, sounds like you're all set.
spiderowl Posted September 27, 2021 Posted September 27, 2021 (edited) I don't see why you two can't meet up to do something social, like going for a walk or to a film or concert. Of course, check that your company does not have a 'no-dating colleagues' policy first. You have got on well naturally so it sounds good. He likes you, you like him, the boss has noticed. Despite what people say about not dating colleagues, many people do meet their life partners at work. Some of my colleagues were actually married couples who met at work. We spend so much time at work, when is there time to meet anyone outside of it? In the past, it was accepted that nurses would meet doctors at work, etc. Meeting someone through work has a lot going for it - similar interests for example, an understanding of what each does at work, the person's personality and reputation is usually known if you have worked with them for a while. The main reason you should be wary of dating someone from work is if things go wrong, then you have to work with the guy who broke your heart. If that is a risk you are willing to take, then it is up to you if you want to go forward. Good luck! Edited September 27, 2021 by spiderowl 2
Alpacalia Posted September 27, 2021 Posted September 27, 2021 I kind of agree with @spiderowl. You wanted to know if he "likes you." Then, you mention this: On 9/25/2021 at 6:29 AM, LittlePickle said: I am 28F based in the UK and never really had a steady relationship. Decided to concentrate on work, and the lads that were asking me out were only interested in one thing and they usually take me out for dinner (If you can call Nando's or KFC that!) and expect more. I turn then down, It has knocked my confidence. It seems like you're going from one extreme to the other.
spiderowl Posted September 27, 2021 Posted September 27, 2021 3 hours ago, Sun Seeker said: Invite at your home for a dinner = expecting sex, for most guys anyway including me. Saying that, the fact you had to ask him to meet for a dinner date, instead of him asking you, leading like he should have been considering he is the man, makes me think he is inexperienced. So will probably be happy/excited just to get a kiss. I don't agree that it does mean that sex is on the cards. At this stage, it means they are becoming good friends and might be more, but OP can leave things where she likes. It is possible he is inexperienced but it is also possible he has not dared to take anything further for fear of being accused of sexual harassment. It is a very real fear in workplaces in the UK, though I don't know what the situation is in other countries. From the sound of it, OP, you have both been getting on well for some time and he has probably been wondering how to ask you out without you taking it the wrong way. He has to be all the more careful if the woman he likes is a work colleague.
Author LittlePickle Posted September 27, 2021 Author Posted September 27, 2021 Thank you all for replying. He isn't inexperienced. I know he has had partners in the past. Our company has no policy preventing us from dating. We are not on the same team. We are both professional in work. We don't make out in the office or be all sexual. I know dating isn't professional. I am really excited for lunch today. 5
smackie9 Posted September 27, 2021 Posted September 27, 2021 He'll know it's a date when you don't discuss work. Make his fav, get to know him, kiss him as he goes out the door.
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