LittlePickle Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 I am 28F based in the UK and never really had a steady relationship. Decided to concentrate on work, and the lads that were asking me out were only interested in one thing and they usually take me out for dinner (If you can call Nando's or KFC that!) and expect more. I turn then down, It has knocked my confidence. I started a new job working for a travel company based in recruitment, I got talking to an IT guy there and we talk alot through the instant messenger we have, When he is on my floor we always speak and he brings me coffee and in the morning we are both in the office I bring him a coffee and a cake. We have been out to lunch loads of times together I have a few times rang him up when my flat has had issues, like the electrics cut out or there was a massive spider and he has come. I feel so happy round him and really enjoy his company. I really want to take this further with him, but I don't know what signs to look for and I really want to meet him tomorrow (sunday) afternoon for coffee but scared he will say no Help me! 1
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 You work with him. There is a reason people are advised not to fish off the company peer. Stop looking for signs he likes you & keep it professional. 2
Author LittlePickle Posted September 25, 2021 Author Posted September 25, 2021 51 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You work with him. There is a reason people are advised not to fish off the company peer. Stop looking for signs he likes you & keep it professional. I am keeping it professional. 1
glows Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 If you were less romantically involved and you knew your work or were established there, I'd say it'd be no harm but you are far too emotionally involved with him at work to turn this back. It's best not to meet up for coffee on Sunday. If someone suggests to take you KFC on a date, suggest another place instead.
Author LittlePickle Posted September 25, 2021 Author Posted September 25, 2021 2 minutes ago, glows said: If you were less romantically involved and you knew your work or were established there, I'd say it'd be no harm but you are far too emotionally involved with him at work to turn this back. It's best not to meet up for coffee on Sunday. If someone suggests to take you KFC on a date, suggest another place instead. Ive been there 2 months, My boss said we make a cute couple
glows Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 7 minutes ago, LittlePickle said: Ive been there 2 months, My boss said we make a cute couple Ignore your boss as a comment like that is inappropriate. I can see you are looking for reasons to date your coworker no matter what anyone else says. This ultimately is up to you and how much you value your position there or your job. If it is a crappy job that you are not too fazed about walking out on should the romance fall flat, then by all means. You will also be fodder for office gossip should details of any romance leak out. So be prepared and potentially find yourself leaving the position if this ends badly. It's better to remain cautious and date outside of your workplace. 1
Wiseman2 Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 2 hours ago, LittlePickle said: When he is on my floor we always speak and he brings me coffee. I have a few times rang him up when my flat has had issues, like the electrics cut out or there was a massive spider and he has come. It sounds like he likes you. However, invite him for dinner and try to make it more date-like. Don't just call him for spiders.🕷 1
Happy Lemming Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 26 minutes ago, LittlePickle said: My boss said we make a cute couple Based on this statement, I am assuming there are no company policies against co-workers dating. As @glows pointed out, it appears you really want to pursue this possible relationship. Personally, I don't date co-workers as I don't like the possible mess it creates, but if you are willing to deal with the possible fall out (if it fails), then go for it. Invite him to lunch (outside your building away from prying eyes) lay your cards on the table and tell him you want to go out on a real date (as suggested by @Wiseman2) and see if he is up for dating you. 4
Author LittlePickle Posted September 25, 2021 Author Posted September 25, 2021 Thank you, Its encouraged at work and if it fails it fails. I don't have to work in the office. 1
smackie9 Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 I say just invite him over for a nice dinner. He’s had np coming over before so I doubt he would refuse a home cooked meal. As they say, a way to a man’s heart…… 1
Author LittlePickle Posted September 25, 2021 Author Posted September 25, 2021 I will text him and ask if he has plans tomorrow 2
Wiseman2 Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 7 minutes ago, LittlePickle said: I will text him and ask if he has plans tomorrow Ask him if he would like to come for dinner and what day would be good for him. This is too vague and meaningless. Say what you mean, mean what you say. 2
DividedTrail Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 Did you text him yet? What did he say? I agree with being direct. At some point sooner than later you need to use the word date. It removes all ambiguity. Otherwise you are just torturing yourself trying to interpret every word, statement and action he makes. 1
Author LittlePickle Posted September 26, 2021 Author Posted September 26, 2021 I did text him. I asked him what his plans were next week and if he wanted to come over for dinner. He replied saying yes he would love to and suggested Friday as we have no work the next day, we can have a drink and he isn't on call from friday I'm really good at spag bol so will probably make that as its safe and he won't run at my cooking. Now do I ask him if he wants it to be a date? 1
Wiseman2 Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 12 minutes ago, LittlePickle said: if he wanted to come over for dinner. He replied saying yes he would love to and suggested Friday Excellent. Good job . Just relax and play it by ear. Don't put any pressure or label on it.
Caauug Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 26 minutes ago, LittlePickle said: Now do I ask him if he wants it to be a date? ??? You have him coming over for dinner and you are cooking for him, that is a date. Is he bringing the wine? Or what ever you are planning to get lubricated on as you don't have to work the next day. 1
introverted1 Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 36 minutes ago, Caauug said: ??? You have him coming over for dinner and you are cooking for him, that is a date. Is he bringing the wine? Or what ever you are planning to get lubricated on as you don't have to work the next day. That is a date and an invitation for sex! OP, when you say your job is in "recruitment," do you mean HR? Not sure about the laws where you are, but in the US, it would be a huge misstep for someone in HR to carry on with another employee.
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, LittlePickle said: Now do I ask him if he wants it to be a date? It already is a date. Because it's at your house he also thinks sex with you is on the menu for dessert. Spaghetti bolognaise (which is what I think you meant when you said you were making spag bol) for dinner is not the best choice. Eating spaghetti in front of a new date can be complicated, especially if anybody is nervous. A red sauce makes a mess if you drip etc. You will be better off making something that is much easier to eat cleanly with a knife & fork. I recommend boneless chicken breast or plain broiled fish, potatoes and a vegetable. You have crossed out of professional into a very . . . precarious place. I hope it works out the way you want but I have meaningful doubts. Edited September 26, 2021 by d0nnivain
Author LittlePickle Posted September 26, 2021 Author Posted September 26, 2021 1 hour ago, Caauug said: ??? You have him coming over for dinner and you are cooking for him, that is a date. Is he bringing the wine? Or what ever you are planning to get lubricated on as you don't have to work the next day. Yes he said he is bringing the wine. 1 hour ago, introverted1 said: That is a date and an invitation for sex! OP, when you say your job is in "recruitment," do you mean HR? Not sure about the laws where you are, but in the US, it would be a huge misstep for someone in HR to carry on with another employee. He has already said he can't have a late one, I don't think he will want sex on a first date, It is a HR function yes and in the UK it is only company policy and the company are open to relationships, as long as it is not the same team. 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: It already is a date. Because it's at your house he also thinks sex with you is on the menu for dessert. Spaghetti bolognaise (which is what I think you meant when you said you were making spag bol) for dinner is not the best choice. Eating spaghetti in front of a new date can be complicated, especially if anybody is nervous. A red sauce makes a mess if you drip etc. You will be better off making something that is much easier to eat cleanly with a knife & fork. I recommend boneless chicken breast or plain broiled fish, potatoes and a vegetable. You have crossed out of professional into a very . . . precarious place. I hope it works out the way you want but I have meaningful doubts. Good point, I might make his favourite, like a NY strip or fillet or rump. We can both be professional! 1
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 5 minutes ago, LittlePickle said: We can both be professional! If it is a date -- and this is -- a date is NOT professional. It's social. 4
introverted1 Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 55 minutes ago, LittlePickle said: It is a HR function yes and in the UK it is only company policy and the company are open to relationships, as long as it is not the same team. This sounds completely unprofessional to me. How on earth can you do your job properly if you are carrying on with a fellow employee? Are your job functions so narrow that you only deal with external recruitment and you have no say in internal transfers or promotions or raises? What if things go south with this man and he lodges a complaint? 1
Wiseman2 Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 59 minutes ago, LittlePickle said: Yes he said he is bringing the wine. He has already said he can't have a late one, I don't think he will want sex on a first date, Enjoy your dinner with him. It's just dinner. Of course it's not a "lubricated" hookup or "unprofessional".
Author LittlePickle Posted September 26, 2021 Author Posted September 26, 2021 7 minutes ago, introverted1 said: This sounds completely unprofessional to me. How on earth can you do your job properly if you are carrying on with a fellow employee? Are your job functions so narrow that you only deal with external recruitment and you have no say in internal transfers or promotions or raises? What if things go south with this man and he lodges a complaint? I do not deal with anything internal. I only deal with external candidates. 1
princessaurora Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 3 hours ago, LittlePickle said: He replied saying yes he would love to and suggested Friday as we have no work the next day, we can have a drink and he isn't on call from friday This is definitely a potential environment for sex. No work the next day, so he could stay very late or possibly over night. I'm not saying it will definitely happen, but it could possibly so be prepared. My friend had a first date the other night and she went to his place after dinner so they could drink. They had both said ahead of time sex was not on the table since they were just meeting for the first time. As soon as they got back to his place for "drinking" , he made a move and it was on like donkey kong. Just be prepared because even though neither of you may be preplanning it (though I have my doubts about his intentions) , things could still happen if ya'll really hit it off. Glad he accepted your invitation. Enjoy your time with him:)
Author LittlePickle Posted September 26, 2021 Author Posted September 26, 2021 54 minutes ago, princessaurora said: This is definitely a potential environment for sex. No work the next day, so he could stay very late or possibly over night. I'm not saying it will definitely happen, but it could possibly so be prepared. My friend had a first date the other night and she went to his place after dinner so they could drink. They had both said ahead of time sex was not on the table since they were just meeting for the first time. As soon as they got back to his place for "drinking" , he made a move and it was on like donkey kong. Just be prepared because even though neither of you may be preplanning it (though I have my doubts about his intentions) , things could still happen if ya'll really hit it off. Glad he accepted your invitation. Enjoy your time with him:) He knows sex isn't on the cards, What do you think his intentions are?
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