Complete craziness

[falxmanolo]

Hey guys,

I posted this thread in June 

Current situation- I was engaged to be married to this man, who had a v odd boundary-less friendship with his best friend & best friend's gf. She seemed off, I found her strange & asked bf to pls get serious (without any ultimatums), he agreed to distance himself from this chick.

So I had a pre-engagement party at my parent's house & this chick was not invited. She crashed it at around 3 am, drunk out of her mind & claimed to be in love with my bf. My bf was shocked and asked her to leave immediately. She refused to leave & created so much ruckus causing my parents to wake up & ask her to leave. She then told my PARENTS that my bf was not at all in love with me & he was only marrying me because he was socially conditioned to be with someone like me. (bf & i are from similar socioeconomic backgrounds). My parents then sat my bf down and asked him what has happened & he then tells all of us about how she has been calling him for the past 2 months and telling him that she has deep feelings for him & she feels SUICIDAL at the thought of him marrying me. She has threatened suicide TWICE, LEADING MY FIANCE TO ACTUALLY GO SEE HER IN PERSON & make sure she was ok. 

He swears that he never saw her in any capacity besides his best friend's gf. 

He also claims he has never reciprocated feelings for her ( she agrees)

My heartache:- he told me he was distancing himself from her but he really wasn't. He lied to me about meeting her. He completely concealed the fact that she professed feelings for him. He tells me that he didn't tell me because he was scared this might put me off or jeopardise our relationship. He claims he didn't  tell this woman's bf (his actual best friend) because he wanted both of them to work out. 

I am so ANGRY and heartbroken! /my fiance is profusely apologetic but what the hell! how could he not tell me about something so huge?!! 

Edited September 25, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, falxmanolo said:

 I had a pre-engagement party at my parent's house.. She crashed it at around 3 am, drunk out of her mind & claimed to be in love with my bf. !! 

Unfortunately your BF continues to be a problem. Why didn't you call the police?

How does she know where your parents live and how did she know to come there at 3am knowing your BF would be there?

Your BF sounds like a cheating snake who thrives on drama. He's the problem, not his collection of suicidal "friends".

Please rethink marrying someone who invites drama and chaos into your life.:

Rethink this relationship.

[falxmanolo]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately your BF continues to be a problem. Why didn't you call the police?

How does she know where your parents live and how did she know to come there at 3am knowing your BF would be there?

Your BF sounds like a cheating snake who thrives on drama. He's the problem, not his collection of suicidal "friends".

Please rethink marrying someone who invites drama and chaos into your life.:

Rethink this relationship.

The event invite was sent on a whatsapp group with unfortunately all our friends. And it is our pre-engagement party so most of our friends & fiance were there. 

 

Is this cheating? I'm so confused. I spoke to her after she calmed down and she tells me that she was never told. by my fiance that he had feelings for her or reciprocated her love for her but she knows in her bones that they are soulmates. Her bf is equally confused & can't understand why his gf is behaving this way, he feels heartbroken too?

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, falxmanolo said:

. And it is our pre-engagement party.

Why aren't you distancing yourselves from these people? 

Why are you allowing his drunk crazy friends to crash your party?

Why didn't anyone call the police if she was drunk, belligerent and suicidal?

This will continue because your BF invites it and thrives on the drama.

Stop talking to her. Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and ALL your messaging apps.

If your BF wants to play hero for his ego, let her go to his house drunk and crazy.

Get a restraining order against her.

 

[Maldives]

He was caught in an akward position. Ultimately he was trying to protect you from her however he was concerned for her wellfare. 

[ExpatInItaly]

This woman is either completely loony (possible), or your fiancé is lying to you about their history (also possible) It could be a combination of both. 

My suspicion? They’ve been involved romantically, and now neither of them wants to come out an admit it because they both risk losing their partners over it. 

The fact that he continues to engage with her and hides things from you is a serious red flag, regardless of the true story behind all of this. He’s as much a part of the problem as she is.
 

[falxmanolo]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why aren't you distancing yourselves from these people? 

Why are you allowing his drunk crazy friends to crash your party?

Why didn't anyone call the police if she was drunk, belligerent and suicidal?

This will continue because your BF invites it and thrives on the drama.

Stop talking to her. Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and ALL your messaging apps.

If your BF wants to play hero for his ego, let her go to his house drunk and crazy.

Get a restraining order against her.

 

Lol how am i allowing someone to crash a party? Thats not how crashing works usually haha

I have a RO against her now, bf immediately blocked her phone number & showed me the string of messages she has sent asking him to call her & other pleas. I have blocked, she is out of our life. 

My question and heartache is to do with how bf concealed something so significant! I'm not even speaking to bf rn because im so livid! Her bf apologises to me for her behaviour too & feels she has misconstrued my bf's friendship and not-so-assertive nature. But that doesn't minimise how livid i am!

[falxmanolo]

7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This woman is either completely loony (possible), or your fiancé is lying to you about their history (also possible) It could be a combination of both. 

My suspicion? They’ve been involved romantically, and now neither of them wants to come out an admit it because they both risk losing their partners over it. 

The fact that he continues to engage with her and hides things from you is a serious red flag, regardless of the true story behind all of this. He’s as much a part of the problem as she is.
 

They both claim that it's one sided & nothing ever transpired romantically. She literally pointed her finger at me said "he can't be with me because of you". it was crazy! 

I know! I'm so angry with him, how could he hide something like this. He claims he never thought we would bump paths again & he didn't want to bring this psychotic issue & jeopardise our relationship in anyway! what the hell even! 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, falxmanolo said:

They both claim that it's one sided & nothing ever transpired romantically. 

I realize they both claim that. 

But I very much doubt their claims, I’m afraid to say. She’s emotionally unstable, without question, but I don’t think you have the whole story here at all.

[falxmanolo]

14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I realize they both claim that. 

But I very much doubt their claims, I’m afraid to say. She’s emotionally unstable, without question, but I don’t think you have the whole story here at all.

So FYI; i've actually paused/stopped engagement/wedding prep. 

The backstory seems to be; this chick & her bf have a very strange dynamic (she was previously married, left her husband for current bf/ Her bf left her in the past for another woman & then had a revelation & came back to her// extreme dysfunctional drama). My bf and her bf have been best friends for eons. She would start hanging out with the boys. She slowly became v close to my bf. My bf has always said that they both are like his best friends. Somewhere down the line, she claims to have fallen out of love with her bf and fallen in love with my bf. My bf & I had already met & started dating by the time she arrived at this conclusion. Hence her hostile behaviour towards me. She had not expected us to last & go from strength to strength. She had to stop this arrangement by making her intentions clear. She tried to do it on a one-on-one basis with my bf, but he did not reciprocate & instead said SORRY, I'm engaged to xyz. Having no other way to make her feelings heard, she came to my house. This is her story. 

[d0nnivain]

It's good that you put the engagement on hold.  But there are a few things  that you both did wrong here. 

1).  When this girl started calling him, your BF/FI needed to tell you about it even though he knew you would rightly blow up about it. 

2).  the minute she said the word "suicide" instead of going to see her without you, he needed to call 9-11 & have the authorities investigate / possibly put her ona  72 hour psych hold 

3). when she showed up at your parents' house drunk at 3 a.m. the police needed to be called.  She should not have been allowed to crash. 

I do need to ask what a pre-engagement party is?  Also if it was still going strong at 3 a.m. for this woman to crash it drunk it sounds more like a kegger than a dignified celebration of your upcoming commitment.   

You have a RO against her.  I'm shocked the authorities granted one over just this.  What about your BF?  If he doesn't have one against her there is no point in you going forward with him.  

Edited September 25, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, falxmanolo said:

My question and heartache is to do with how bf concealed something so significant

Yes. Block and delete her and ALL her people from ALL your messaging apps and social media. Stop talking to her BF.

Reflect and reconsider if you would like to be with someone who does this to you so he can protect his "friend".

Ask your BF why he is claiming he's playing on-call psychiatrist for a supposedly suicidal woman.  Ask why isn't her BF attending to it instead of your BF?

At some level you realize there's a lot wrong here and that your BF is untrustworthy and has poor judgement, if his on-call psychiatrist story is even true.

Edited September 25, 2021 by Wiseman2

[falxmanolo]

5 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

It's good that you put the engagement on hold.  But there are a few things  that you both did wrong here. 

1).  When this girl started calling him, your BF/FI needed to tell you about it even though he knew you would rightly blow up about it. 

2).  the minute she said the word "suicide" instead of going to see her without you, he needed to call 9-11 & have the authorities investigate / possibly put her ona  72 hour psych hold 

3). when she showed up at your parents' house drunk at 3 a.m. the police needed to be called.  She should not have been allowed to crash. 

I do need to ask what a pre-engagement party is?  Also if it was still going strong at 3 a.m. for this woman to crash it drunk it sounds more like a kegger than a dignified celebration of your upcoming commitment.   

You have a RO against her.  I'm shocked the authorities granted one over just this.  What about your BF?  If he doesn't have one against her there is no point in you going forward with him.  

You are absolutely right! 

I did not call the police because she is a social media "influencer" of sorts & frankly I didn't want to become tabloid material. Plus I honestly found it hard to accept my bf's innocence. What if he did indeed lead her on? 

A pre-engagement party is almost a cultural thing; its similar to a bridal shower but for the groom, where the bride's mother's welcomes the son-in-law to be with a big dinner. We stayed up playing poker & drinking with our friends & cousins & other family. 

So, she tried to jump/climb the gate to my parent's house, which was caught on security cam & she was pretty aggressive when we had to send her out (again caught on security cam). 

My bf can't unfortunately claim RO against her because she didn't physically breach any of his boundaries, just old school harassment. 

[IrinaM]

Personally, if someone brings drama and chaos into my life, I don't bother trying to play Judge Judy and listening to different versions of what happened so I can figure out who is really at fault. I just cut all the drama out of my life.

I remember your last thread, and I'm not surprised at the recent developments at all. Your bf is not innocent in all this, nor is he a great guy who is being pursued by some psycho. Not at all. It's his fault that you had to take out a restraining order against someone. He would rather feel important and sought-after than protect you.

I predict you will try to navigate past this (rather substantial) relationship hurdle. He will talk and apologize and convince you that he is a good guy and she is bad, and you will decide to believe him. Not because what he is spinning is believable, but because you want this relationship so intensely. You don't want to have to scrap this relationship and start again. This woman will be "cut out" of his life for maybe a few months, then she will resurface, and he will have excuse after excuse for engaging with her. You will cry and doubt yourself, constantly wondering it you are just unreasonable or insecure. She will "unexpectedly" show up at events, and he will tell you not to make a big deal about it. You will feel humiliated having to share special milestones with a woman who wants nothing more than to replace you. He won't care about any of that though, just like he doesn't care now. He will guilt you for coming between him and his best friend.

That is how these situations play out^^^. Your boyfriend is incredibly selfish. How he has treated you is selfish, and also how he has treated this other woman. Let's face it, she has severe mental illness, and so it's cruel to play games with her heart. I know, I know, he did nothing wrong, nothing at all, she's just soooooo crazy about him for no reason. "There is none so blind as those who will not see."

eta: I'm sorry I just saw this:

Quote

I did not call the police because she is a social media "influencer" of sorts

lollll!!! for some reason, when I saw this whole crazy scene in my mind, i completely pictured her looking like a typical sm "influencer."

Edited September 25, 2021 by IrinaM
add something

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, falxmanolo said:

I honestly found it hard to accept my bf's innocence. What if he did indeed lead her on? 

Agree. Your BF is at the center of all this nonsense, as he has been before:

 

[d0nnivain]

Her "influence" can't be that great.  Plus you were the victim.  By not calling the police you enabled her too.  

[IrinaM]

Just now, d0nnivain said:

Her "influence" can't be that great.  Plus you were the victim.  By not calling the police you enabled her too.  

ita. seriously, idc if it was Beyonce, you should have called the police. For your own safety.

[falxmanolo]

7 minutes ago, IrinaM said:

Personally, if someone brings drama and chaos into my life, I don't bother trying to play Judge Judy and listening to different versions of what happened so I can figure out who is really at fault. I just cut all the drama out of my life.

I remember your last thread, and I'm not surprised at the recent developments at all. Your bf is not innocent in all this, nor is he a great guy who is being pursued by some psycho. Not at all. It's his fault that you had to take out a restraining order against someone. He would rather feel important and sought-after than protect you.

I predict you will try to navigate past this (rather substantial) relationship hurdle. He will talk and apologize and convince you that he is a good guy and she is bad, and you will decide to believe him. Not because what he is spinning is believable, but because you want this relationship so intensely. You don't want to have to scrap this relationship and start again. This woman will be "cut out" of his life for maybe a few months, then she will resurface, and he will have excuse after excuse for engaging with her. You will cry and doubt yourself, constantly wondering it you are just unreasonable or insecure. She will "unexpectedly" show up at events, and he will tell you not to make a big deal about it. You will feel humiliated having to share special milestones with a woman who wants nothing more than to replace you. He won't care about any of that though, just like he doesn't care now. He will guilt you for coming between him and his best friend.

That is how these situations play out^^^. Your boyfriend is incredibly selfish. How he has treated you is selfish, and also how he has treated this other woman. Let's face it, she has severe mental illness, and so it's cruel to play games with her heart. I know, I know, he did nothing wrong, nothing at all, she's just soooooo crazy about him for no reason. "There is none so blind as those who will not see."

eta: I'm sorry I just saw this:

lollll!!! for some reason, when I saw this whole crazy scene in my mind, i completely pictured her looking like a typical sm "influencer."

Honestly, you speak my mind. I find it hard to believe my bf is completely innocent too; i am a woman too. I would not behave like that unless a)I am butt hurt b)I am a lunatic. 

At the same time, I saw in him qualities that made him an incredible partner, hence why I took a complete break from this madness (stopped communicating with him) for the past month. I am grateful for your perspective; perhaps you are right.. perhaps he is a little selfish, immature snake. 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, falxmanolo said:

a lunatic. .. perhaps he is a little selfish, immature snake. 

Agree. Even people who boil bunnies have a history behind that action that is not one sided. 

Edited September 25, 2021 by Wiseman2

[falxmanolo]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. Even people who boil bunnies have a history behind that action that is not one sided. 

See this is the natural conclusion.

They both claim it was one-sided. I understand why he would lie about it. Why must she lie about it? I've seen the texts/the call records. I've heard the back story. Wouldn't she gain more by saying my bf reciprocated feelings for her? Isn't that ideal? I wouldn't even be on the forum if she claimed he loved her too. She feels that he doesn't realise she is his soulmate. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, falxmanolo said:

She feels that he doesn't realise she is his soulmate. 

Well yes. He's leading her on with his attention. She no doubt has mental health issues. But that's not your problem.

Your issue is why your BF is not forthcoming about ongoing visits, calls and contact with her.

 

[falxmanolo]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Well yes. He's leading her on with his attention. She no doubt has mental health issues. But that's not your problem.

Your issue is why your BF is not forthcoming about ongoing visits, calls and contact with her.

 

YES!

I am livid & frankly I feel betrayed that he didn't tell me. And why? He didn't want to drive me away =/ 

Thats what it eventually led to anyway! 

[falxmanolo]

20 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Her "influence" can't be that great.  Plus you were the victim.  By not calling the police you enabled her too.  

I know.. in retrospect I know. Frankly, I was so embarrassed, shocked and honestly guessing my reality. I didn't know who to believe. I didn't know what was my reality until a few weeks ago. I guess I was in a state of shock too. 

[d0nnivain]

You believe your own eyes.  The woman hopped the gate at your parents' house to trespass.  That is a crime.  It wasn't about the tawdry details of her interactions with your BF/FI.  It was about her being in a place she didn't belong & being publicly intoxicated.  

[falxmanolo]

4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

You believe your own eyes.  The woman hopped the gate at your parents' house to trespass.  That is a crime.  It wasn't about the tawdry details of her interactions with your BF/FI.  It was about her being in a place she didn't belong & being publicly intoxicated.  

Honestly, I was just shocked by her allegations & her demeanour. And you know i was always wary about her existence hence my natural inclination was to wonder if my bf actively reciprocated feelings for her etc.