How does dating a consultant work ? Any hope ?

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, CompassRose said:

We’ve been dating for circa 3 months. We manage to see each other every 2 weeks. 

Ok, see how it goes. Perhaps his work demands will be too much, perhaps not. Only time will tell.

[CompassRose]

On 9/26/2021 at 5:06 AM, Mrin said:

And it's good that he is so upfront about it. I wasn't and it caused problems until I got out in front of it.

Hi, Mrin !
He wasn’t in his former relationships and has chosen to be upfront about it from the very beginning with me. 

Thank you so much !

I very much understand now thanks to your answer and example that he is an intellectual mercenary  and has to always deliver value while working. Talking about delivering value, I smiled while reading it because I noticed that every moment spent with him he makes sure that I do not feel losing my time and we have super quality time. Must be that value thing lol.

On 9/26/2021 at 5:06 AM, Mrin said:

Here's the thing - his job does not allow for normal communication and dating like you would with a 9 to 5er. You will just never get that dating a consultant like this. But what you can get is his commitment for quality time in between projects or big pushes. Insist that he carve out those blocks of time. And hold him accountable. Have him protect those blocks of time fiercely. Tell him you're the client during those blocks of time. Ha.

Thank you for all of those advices. They are very valuable to me for sure, especially as we are at the first stage of our relationship.

 

 

[CompassRose]

On 9/26/2021 at 5:06 AM, Mrin said:

Consultants often need a reason to say "no". I'll give you another story - prior to my divorce I traveled 75 to 85 percent of the time. Sometimes I would be gone for an entire month not even coming back on weekends. As soon as I got divorced I had 50/50 custody (week on week off). I was terrified to tell my clients that I couldn't travel every other week. But I had to. You know what? They had zero problem with it. I could have been doing that prior to my divorce but my custody schedule forced me to say no. 

I understand. I guess consultants are trained to be that dedicated to the client that it has become somehow unthinkable to say « no ». Your example helps me understand many things again, thank you ! 
 

 

On 9/26/2021 at 5:06 AM, Mrin said:

Look it's not easy dating a consultant. But it can be workable as long as you adjust your expectations and keep the lines of communication clear.

Best of luck!

That is totally the point : we are at the first stage of our relationship and it’s all new for me although I also have to work on projects in my job. I guess that by looking for advices and insights, I am trying to adjust my pace to his ... thank you for those advices.

You helped me figure out what to expect and how it works. So again : thank you so much !

[CompassRose]

On 9/25/2021 at 12:55 PM, elaine567 said:

It is not only the nature of the work he does, it is also a lot about him and how he responds to his work schedule.
Is he just a very ambitious conscientious guy trying to do his best to build a business or is he at heart a workaholic who no matter how successful he becomes nor how many staff he employs will be working as hard as ever, travelling the world and never at home.

I don't know how old you are but if you want kids then you will likely have to accept if you marry this guy you will be like a single Mom bringing up the kids and taking all the responsibility, as Daddy will always be away working...
Living with a workaholic, can be a bonus to some women, others will hate it and will always be railing against it as it can be a very lonely life...

Thank you Elaine567 !

[CompassRose]

On 9/25/2021 at 2:48 PM, d0nnivain said:

It sounds like he's doing the best he can but he is making it clear that business is his priority.  Be grateful for the candor but understand he's not going to put you 1st, maybe not ever.  As @elaine567 pointed out, some women can handle it.  Others not so much.  

I remember being at a lavish 30th birthday party in NYC one Friday night when 3 dozen long stemmed red roses arrived in a Waterford crystal vase.  They were stunning.  They were apology flowers for the birthday girl from her BF.  He was ditching her at her own birthday party because he was a high & powerful criminal defense lawyer who's client had just been arrested in another state & he had to fly out to deal with that immediately.  Many women guests were highly offended.  My cousin put it in perspective for me.  This guy was never gonna be father of the year who makes every little league event but he would probably send the kid to the game in a limo, pay for pizza for the team & maybe send a videographer to the game so he could see some of it (this was before everybody had a camera in the phone).  

In the end it's a trade off.  If you want more of him -- his presence & you coming 1st -- he's not your guy.  

Thank you for your answer ! It possibly will help me going further into my « what to expect » quest. 
 

[CompassRose]

On 9/25/2021 at 2:02 PM, Blind-Sided said:

At first, she would get upset that I wouldn't txt right away... but I told her I may not be able to txt/talk if I'm in meeting, working, or simply deep in a building with no cel service. 

I understand that you may want to spend more time with him... but he wants things to be successful... he will put time into his company. 

I am at the « at first » stage and had questions you helped me answer. Thank you !