HopelessNick Posted September 24, 2021 Posted September 24, 2021 (edited) There's this girl I like. We message a lot of nights, talking about tv shows that are on. There's a lot of banter involved. When we're in a group setting of 5/6 people, every now and then, she'll say to the group "Nick did this," "Nick said that" "etc. For example, she'd say "Nick was really surprised that I used to do gymnastics." or "Nick reckons I'm a peasant because I don't watch (insert tv show)". I'll respond in a cheeky way. I do that a bit too. Like I'll say "Did you know that she ..." When everyone's talking and there's a bit of silence, she'll say "What about you Nick? What do you think?" Does it show interest or disinterest or neither? . Edited September 24, 2021 by HopelessNick
Alvi Posted September 24, 2021 Posted September 24, 2021 Let's just say if she wasn't interested she would not care about your opinion that much. She would not be messaging you at night if she wasn't. She sounds interested in you, I am sure. But are you interested in her? If so, why not ask her out. Provided the both of you are single that is. 1
Wiseman2 Posted September 24, 2021 Posted September 24, 2021 1 hour ago, HopelessNick said: Does it show interest or disinterest or neither? . Ask her out one-on-one. Stalling, busy, maybe = no. Anything but a yes = no. Only way to tell if it's just friends out drinking, talking, flirting etc. 2
DividedTrail Posted September 24, 2021 Posted September 24, 2021 Do you ever talk on the phone or just texting? Ever hang out one on one? It sure sounds like she likes and is interested in you, but whether romantically or as just a friend, only way to know is ask her out. Don’t beat around the bush or go on for 10 minutes. Just say something like, I really enjoy our conversations and I would like to take you out on a date Friday night to wherever at 7:00. If she just wants to be friends, then you will have to decide how to proceed. If you can be her friend, great, but don’t be her friend holding out hope she will change her mind and miss out on other dating opportunities.
Author HopelessNick Posted September 25, 2021 Author Posted September 25, 2021 5 hours ago, DividedTrail said: Do you ever talk on the phone or just texting? Ever hang out one on one? It sure sounds like she likes and is interested in you, but whether romantically or as just a friend, only way to know is ask her out. Just say something like, I really enjoy our conversations and I would like to take you out on a date Friday night to wherever at 7:00. Only Facebook messenger. Also by group setting, I mean on Zoom due to COVID I cant ask her out yet as we're both in lockdown.
DividedTrail Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, HopelessNick said: Only Facebook messenger. Also by group setting, I mean on Zoom due to COVID I cant ask her out yet as we're both in lockdown. So you guys have never met in person? The COVID thing makes it tough. I'm in the US and things are pretty much open and it's up to the individual for the most part to decide what is right for them regarding COVID and going out. I've been reading about Australia's lock-downs for example and it sounds like things aren't going to change anytime soon. Modern problems require modern solutions. I mean, thinking outside the box maybe you could ask her out on a Zoom date? So like hey, I really enjoy our conversations over Messenger and I know we have to stay inside but I would like to have a Zoom date with you on Friday at 7:00. We could both order from whatever place or make the same food. I don't know, something like that. Be creative and light some candles or something. Be silly given the situation is bonkers... Edited September 25, 2021 by DividedTrail 1
Nothanks Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 If she is not mentioning other guys in the group but is always talking with or about you, yes she is interested. If you can’t see her in person, why not suggest a Zoom call with just you two to talk? 2
Haydn Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 How do you respond when she says `Nick says he has a new fridge or has hand crafted a four poster bed from discarded swimwear...` Are you modest to the point of aloofness or do you nod vigorously? Only joking, i suspect she likes you and puts a lot of importance into what you say. Ask her. Good luck. 1
Author HopelessNick Posted September 25, 2021 Author Posted September 25, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, DividedTrail said: So you guys have never met in person? I've been reading about Australia's lock-downs. 2 hours ago, Nothanks said: If she is not mentioning other guys in the group but is always talking with or about you, yes she is interested. If you can’t see her in person, why not suggest a Zoom call with just you two to talk? We've met in person once before (few months ago). I'm in Australia haha. Lockdown ends in less than a month, so I was gonna ask her for coffee then. Can I just stall and keep chatting on messenger for now. Edited September 25, 2021 by HopelessNick
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 6 minutes ago, HopelessNick said: We've met in person once before (few months ago). I'm in Australia haha. Lockdown ends in less than a month, so I was gonna ask her for coffee then. Can I just stall and keep chatting on messenger for now. Why not see if she wants to have a one-on-one Zoom chat first? Build a little rapport and show your interest a bit more directly. And Nick, whatever you do, don’t start up with any silly jokes or caustic remarks. I’m sure you know what I’m referring to! Avoid those from now on when you like a woman and are just getting to know her. 3
Wiseman2 Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 Are these work zoom meetings? If so act professional. If she has never offered private contact info including inviting you on social media or offering her personal contact info, leave her alone. Why aren't you on dating apps talking to women you don't work with? Lockdown is ending soon and talking to and meeting women is a real option now, so get to it and leave co-workers alone.
Author HopelessNick Posted September 25, 2021 Author Posted September 25, 2021 One other thing I noticed is she says things involving the both of us. "We should be judges on this tv show" When I said maybe I should be a comedian, she said "If you do a show, I'll go and be the person at the back of the room laughing the whole time." Does that mean anything?
DividedTrail Posted September 25, 2021 Posted September 25, 2021 (edited) So if you want an opinion on whether she like, likes you, I’m going to go in the camp of, odds are in your favor. But what do I know... The things you mentioned could also be something you say to a friend. But again, you are trying to read the tea leaves. What did she mean by this or by that. The only way to know for sure is to ask her out. I get what you are saying about the lock-down ending soon and you would rather ask her out to meet in person. You will have to make that judgement call around the timing or if you want to try the Zoom thing one on one. When you guys are messaging each other, have you talked about what you each want to do in general? Like hey, lockdown is ending soon, have you thought about the first thing you want to do? Could create an opening. Here's the thing. It sounds like you two enjoy chatting, BSing and stuff. She seems to be a very active participant in including you in group conversations, saying things like she would support you in the audience and stuff. So at the very least, she sounds like the makings of a good friend. And if she likes you, as in would like to date you, unless you deviate from what you have been doing and come across like a jerk, I don't think you can really mess it up. Now if she just wants to be friends and she is really a kind person and a friend, she will let you down easy in my experience. So if you're worried about rejection, I think you need to let that go as best you can. Two stories from the younger me: Went ice skating with some friends and a friend of a friend was there, a girl. I thought she was cute and we ended up hanging out all evening. She had an issue with her skate and I was helping her and somehow I ended up cutting her leg open with the skate! I thought I blew it. Right before we all had to leave I went over and mumbled to her, can i have your number? I mean not very smooth. She was like, I was wondering when you were going to ask... Point is, if a girl likes you, you're like 90% there... Was friends with a girl in school. Over time started having bigtime feelings for her. She would say things like, no guys want to date her and stuff. Well finally I couldn't take it anymore and went home and wrote her a letter about how I felt and gave it to her the next day right as lunch was ending. The next day we talked and she said how sweet the letter was and thanked me for telling her how I felt but she only saw me as a friend. I took it kinda hard for awhile but eventually got over it and we stayed good friends through the rest of school. Point is, if she is a good friend, and isn't interested in more, she will let you down easy. ETA: If you want to ask her out on a date, make sure you use the word date or you will be questioning what you think she thinks the nature of the meetup is. If you want to play it safe and just ask her to hang out with the idea you will asker her out on a date towards the end of that meetup, don't chicken out unless the vibe is totally not there... Edited September 25, 2021 by DividedTrail 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 16 hours ago, HopelessNick said: she said "If you do a show, I'll go and be the person at the back of the room laughing the whole time." Does that mean anything? It's no more or less remarkable than any of the other comments she's made. Ask if you can give her a call so you can chat one-on-one.
Wiseman2 Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 16 hours ago, HopelessNick said: Does that mean anything? Not really. Sounds like banter. Are these sessions supposed to be work zooms? Because you all seem to waste a lot of time on personal chitchatting. Step back from all this. Nothing is stopping you from getting on dating apps and start talking to and setting up meeting women.
Author HopelessNick Posted September 27, 2021 Author Posted September 27, 2021 I want to ask her out, but I feel like I'm not getting the opportunity and I don't think I've got any signs except friendly ones.
ASG Posted September 27, 2021 Posted September 27, 2021 On 9/25/2021 at 8:28 AM, Wiseman2 said: Are these work zoom meetings? If so act professional. If she has never offered private contact info including inviting you on social media or offering her personal contact info, leave her alone. Why aren't you on dating apps talking to women you don't work with? Lockdown is ending soon and talking to and meeting women is a real option now, so get to it and leave co-workers alone. Why would you assume these zoom meetings are for work?!? Most companies don't use zoom, as it's not particularly secure. Zoom is mostly used in a non work way! I'm on zoom with friends WEEKLY and when we were in lockdown, sometimes more often than that! Most people I know use zoom to socialise with friends, and that's what it sounded like to me when Nick was talking about it. She HAS invited him on social media, since they text on FB messenger! So it stands to reason they're FB friends! I do agree that Nick needs to ask her out and be done with it. Even if it is a Zoom date.
Nothanks Posted September 27, 2021 Posted September 27, 2021 I assumed based on her personal comments these were NOT work related group calls. If I’m wrong and you are work colleagues, that adds some complexity to the situation. As a general rule, I think dating someone at work is a bad idea. Employers don’t like getting dragged in to messy situations and working with an ex is a special kind of hell. I assumed you were interacting with her in a personal group chat. If so, then just ask her out for coffee when the restrictions are lifted. You will then have definitive proof and can stop guessing. If you work with her, consider the worst case scenario and decide if it is worth it to you.
Author HopelessNick Posted October 1, 2021 Author Posted October 1, 2021 THE ENDING: I set her nickname as Sass Queen a while back. Tonight I changed it to loser. Then she said "Oh, I liked sass queen" Then I said "I can change it back if you let me take you out to coffee" Then she read the message and didn't respond for 10 mins. She then just changed her nickname back to sass queen without say anything. I said "Cool! That's a coffee date for sure! I'll be in touch about it soon" and changed her nickname back to loser. Then she said "you denoted me again" I said " Um, that wasn't the deal we had". She saw it and didn't respond. I think she went to bed after that. So she'll see the following when she wakes up. I said "I'm just toyin with ya! I'll change it back to Sass for ya! (changed her nickname back to Sass Queen) And I said Coffee date offers still stands though! And you can say no I don't bite ... 99% of the time anyway Done and dusted!
Nothanks Posted October 1, 2021 Posted October 1, 2021 Omg you negged her? You called her a loser? Are you really surprised she didn’t take you up on your offer for coffee? I understand you were teasing but you can tease but be flattering, positive and respectful at the same time. That was none of those things. 3
Wiseman2 Posted October 1, 2021 Posted October 1, 2021 2 hours ago, HopelessNick said: Done and dusted! Replied in your identical post:
spiderowl Posted October 2, 2021 Posted October 2, 2021 (edited) On 9/24/2021 at 7:53 PM, HopelessNick said: There's this girl I like. We message a lot of nights, talking about tv shows that are on. There's a lot of banter involved. When we're in a group setting of 5/6 people, every now and then, she'll say to the group "Nick did this," "Nick said that" "etc. For example, she'd say "Nick was really surprised that I used to do gymnastics." or "Nick reckons I'm a peasant because I don't watch (insert tv show)". I'll respond in a cheeky way. I do that a bit too. Like I'll say "Did you know that she ..." When everyone's talking and there's a bit of silence, she'll say "What about you Nick? What do you think?" Does it show interest or disinterest or neither? . She obviously values you as a friend. As she tries to draw you into the conversation, I think it could be that she likes you as more than a friend - hard to tell. Does she do the same with other friends? You and she seem to have a happy bantering relationship. See if she will meet up with you alone for a drink, coffee, meal, film, whatever. If she is happy to spend time with you alone and seems at ease with you, then there is potential here. Don't try and make any 'deals' with her where she has to date you or lose in some way. Women do not appreciate feeling coerced, even if it is done in a humorous way. Edited October 2, 2021 by spiderowl
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