He pushed for early sex and I said no

[Emilyinroses]

11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Emily, after him announcing he wants to abuse you and is abusive (even in a "joking" context - giving him A LOT of leeway there), no disrespect to you, but the fact you are even considering seeing him again (as evidenced by the creation of this thread) suggests that your thought processes aren't functioning as well as they should be, and that you probably shouldn't be dating right now.

You claim you were scared of him, well I am scared for you that you are spending one nanosecond thinking about this jerk, let alone wondering why he views your stories or considering seeing him again.

THAT's what scary.

GET RID.  I am not one to block, but in this case definitely block.

 

 

Well I did tell him my boundaries seriously and would only consider seeing him again if we had a proper conversation. 

Him saying he is ‘abusive’ is basically him letting me know that if I go out with him he’ll try to touch me and try for sex. He was testing my reactions right and left. He did stop when things were heating up in his car when I told him to.

I gave him a chance to see him the third time because I was very attracted to him, but those things he said and the way he is no I won’t be seeing him again.

This just made me miss going out with a nice guy who know how to treat a woman properly.

[Emilyinroses]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I wrote that BEFORE I read he wanted to abuse her and was abusive, etc.

I wonder what the "etc." is, I shudder to think!

 

 

 

The etc was him saying I’ll do what he wants, but that he’ll stop if I told him to. I think he just thinks he’s all the sorts and irresistible.

[Emilyinroses]

9 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

He likely thinks he has found a victim and is just waiting to see if she will cave and get in touch with him...

I do not initiate contact with a man who I just dated briefly. So he can get a chair to wait because he will get tired.

[Alpacalia]

Okay so the guy admitted he's abusive and wants to abuse you.

Now you know not to go out with him again.

Sorry this happened to you, do not contact him again.

Edited September 24, 2021 by Alpaca

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

Well I did tell him my boundaries seriously and would only consider seeing him again if we had a proper conversation. 

No Emily, there is no having a "proper conversation" after a man flat out tells you he is abusive.  He might have given you some song and dance about what it meant, it's YOUR job to be smart and use good judgment and walk away, not to consider seeing him again.

He was definitely testing your boundaries when he made that comment, testing to see your reaction, IF you would in fact walk away, or do exactly what you did.  Consider seeing him again.

Now he knows your weaknesses and that you can be swayed and manipulated.  

Edited September 24, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Okay so the guy admitted he's abusive and wants to abuse you.

Now you know not to go out with him again.

 

Of course, that should be a no brainer.

Problem is Emily was considering going out with him again (hence the creation of this thread).  She told him she would consider going out with him again.

That's what's scary.

 

Edited September 24, 2021 by poppyfields

[Emilyinroses]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

No Emily, there is no having a "proper conversation" after a man flat out tells you he is abusive.  He might have given you some song and dance about what it meant, it's YOUR job to be smart and use good judgment and walk away, not to consider seeing him again.

He was definitely testing your boundaries when he made that comment, testing to see your reaction, IF you would in fact walk away, or do exactly what you did.  Consider seeing him again.

Now he knows your weaknesses and that you can be swayed and manipulated.  

I didn’t tell him I’ll see him again, our last conversation was me saying I am not ready to take things further, I like to know each other first and take things slow, so it’s the contrary, he stopped contacting me because he realised I cannot be swayed and manipulated.

[poppyfields]

14 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

This just made me miss going out with a nice guy who know how to treat a woman properly.

I am curious why you created this thread Emily.  Was it simply to vent, like a journal or blog?

[Emilyinroses]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Of course, that should be a no brainer.

Problem is Emily was considering going out with him again (hence the creation of this thread).  She told him she would consider going out with him again.

That's what's scary.

 

I did not tell him that after he said those things.

[Emilyinroses]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

I am curious why you created this thread Emily.  Was it simply to vent, like a journal or blog?

I created this thread to ask for your opinion, as I was a bit shaken by the whole thing.

Edited September 24, 2021 by Emilyinroses

[poppyfields]

Just now, Emilyinroses said:

I didn’t tell him I’ll see him again, our last conversation was me saying I am not ready to take things further, I like to know each other first and take things slow, so it’s the contrary, he stopped contacting me because he realised I cannot be swayed and manipulated.

I am not so sure, I think it's what's elaine said, he believes it's only a matter of time before you will reach out.

Anyway, I am happy to hear you are no longer entertaining this and in your mind, it should be good riddance.

Have you blocked him yet?  If not, why haven't you?

Are you still hoping in some small way he will contact you and agree to go slower or something?

 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Emilyinroses said:

Now I am in my feminine energy, let the men be men, and my priority is being busy with my life and only give attention to guys who are nice, ask you out properly, etc.

This guy will bounce back and try his luck with you again. I suggested you read my thread to see they don't change. Don't let this guy back in. 

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

I did not tell him that after he said those things.

Okay then I misunderstood, apologies.   I asked you what happened after he told you he would abuse you (and was abusive) and you posted:

>>Well I did tell him my boundaries seriously and would only consider seeing him again if we had a proper conversation. 

Edited September 24, 2021 by poppyfields

[Emilyinroses]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I am not so sure, I think it's what's elaine said, he believes it's only a matter of time before you will reach out.

Anyway, I am happy to hear you are no longer entertaining this and in your mind, it should be good riddance.

Have you blocked him yet?  If not, why haven't you?

Are you still hoping in some small way he will contact you and agree to go slower or something?

 

I guess I was deep down waiting for him to reach out and agree to go slower.  

Which I know makes no sense because he already showed how he is. 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Emilyinroses said:

After reading your thread, I would like to tell you to read the books and the rules too.

I only get interested in men that strongly pursue me. I don't wait on a man that doesn't show interest, it comes naturally to me to date like that. The problem is not how we act, the problem is there are no more gentlemen online Emily. At every corner I am reminded that men have less respect for me 'because's I am on a dating site. Only this week, at 3 different times, I was told by men they speak disrespectful because I am on a dating site and I should expect it. 

Now, the book 'The Rules' was written in 1995 when Internet, social media, and online dating did not exist. You're taking a book written 26 years ago and trying to apply it on 2021. Think about it. 

[poppyfields]

Emily, just want to say I've been hard on you, and I apologize, I was just worried for you, that's all.

And I have to admit, I tend to like men who are bold and brash myself, who push boundaries without shame but who in the end ultimately respect mine and we proceed from there.

BUT when a man flat out tells you, unabashedly that he plans to abuse you, and that he is abusive, that is where I draw the line, it's where any woman should draw the line.

That's an immediate dealbreaker, an immediate next.

What if is he does what you're hoping, contacts you and agrees to go slower?

Does that suddenly negate his comment about being abusive?  It shouldn't.  He made the comment, and he made it for a reason.

The fact he is acquiescing to what you want shouldn't mean a damn thing, it's just another form of manipulation.

 

Edited September 24, 2021 by poppyfields

[Emilyinroses]

5 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I only get interested in men that strongly pursue me. I don't wait on a man that doesn't show interest, it comes naturally to me to date like that. The problem is not how we act, the problem is there are no more gentlemen online Emily. At every corner I am reminded that men have less respect for me 'because's I am on a dating site. Only this week, at 3 different times, I was told by men they speak disrespectful because I am on a dating site and I should expect it. 

Now, the book 'The Rules' was written in 1995 when Internet, social media, and online dating did not exist. You're taking a book written 26 years ago and trying to apply it on 2021. Think about it. 

There are recent books by the same authors written for this time and age, like ‘ The Rules For Online Dating’. 

[Emilyinroses]

10 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Emily, just want to say I've been hard on you, and I apologize, I was just worried for you, that's all.

And I have to admit, I tend to like men who are bold and brash myself, who push boundaries without shame but who in the end ultimately respect mine and we proceed from there.

BUT when a man flat out tells you, unabashedly that he plans to abuse you, and that he is abusive, that is where I draw the line, it's where any woman should draw the line.

That's an immediate dealbreaker, an immediate next.

What if is he does what you're hoping, contacts you and agrees to go slower?

Does that suddenly negate his comment about being abusive?  It shouldn't.  He made the comment, and he made it for a reason.

The fact he is acquiescing to what you want shouldn't mean a damn thing, it's just another form of manipulation.

 

That’s all right, I need to see things for what they are.

Yes I agree that would be another form of manipulation and wouldn’t be real.

I know he said that about being abusive as in ‘I’ll keep pushing for sex’, but the truth is he did stop when I told him to in his car. 

He doesn’t seem the abusive type in a bad way, he is just a moron.

I liked him and physically he is my type, so I guess I saw him romantically and was hoping for some miracle to happen, but I better move on and meet other guys.

Edited September 24, 2021 by Emilyinroses

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

He doesn’t seem the abusive type in a bad way, he is just a moron.

I liked him and physically he is my type, so I guess I saw him romantically and was hoping for some miracle to happen, but I better move on and meet other guys.

Bolded, is there an abusive type in a good way?  lol

Best stay away from the words "he doesn't seem like," or "he seems like," you have no idea who he is, you've had one date.

A man can actually be the nicest, most polite, respectful man you've ever met but turn out to be an abuser.

Or some men will straight out tell you but present it like it's a joke or like this guy did, spun a story that sounds plausible to justify the comment.

Anyway, nuff said; I am glad you have decided to move on and meet other men, best of luck moving forward! 

 

Edited September 24, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

11 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

so I guess I saw him romantically and was hoping for some miracle to happen

We waste a lot of time thinking like that, 'we' including myself. 

[Emilyinroses]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Bolded, is there an abusive type in a good way?  lol

Best stay away from the words "he doesn't seem like," or "he seems like," you have no idea who he is, you've had one date.

A man can actually be the nicest, most polite, respectful man you've ever met but turn out to be an abuser.

Or some men will straight out tell you but present it like it's a joke or like this guy did, spun a story that sounds plausible to justify the comment.

Anyway, nuff said; I am glad you have decided to move on and meet other men, best of luck moving forward! 

 

There is no being abusive in a good way, what I meant is that this guy doesn’t seem abusive, it just seems he said that to tell me he’ll keep trying.

To be honest I’ve had guys before who tried for sex but I never met a guy who would TRY like this one! 

Yes I think the only thing to do is to move on. Thank you!

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

he is just a moron.

Yes. And stupid + pushy = danger.

[Emilyinroses]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

We waste a lot of time thinking like that, 'we' including myself. 

Yeap, and that kind of thinking together with him being a gorgeous man is a recipe for disaster.

I am glad I didn’t have sex with him otherwise I would be here with the ocytoxin kicking in and feeling much much worse.

 

[d0nnivain]

42 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

I guess I was deep down waiting for him to reach out and agree to go slower.  

Which I know makes no sense because he already showed how he is. 

Yeah. . . best get yourself that chair.  You will be waiting for a long time if you expect him to go slow.  

 

5 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

There is no being abusive in a good way, what I meant is that this guy doesn’t seem abusive, it just seems he said that to tell me he’ll keep trying.

I agree with your assessment. I think his word choice was terrible but he most likely meant it in a "teasing" way letting you know he won't take no for an answer & will always keep trying, like a pushy sales person.  I doubt he's an actual criminal but you never know.  

Be done unless you want to fend this off all the time.  I genuinely think you & him are on difference pages.  

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I agree with your assessment. I think his word choice was terrible but he most likely meant it in a "teasing" way letting you know he won't take no for an answer & will always keep trying, like a pushy sales person.  I doubt he's an actual criminal but you never know.  

Bolded, that is troubling.  To encourage this line of thinking.  I am not saying he wasn't teasing, he may have been.

The fact is we don't know, there is no "he doesn't seem like the type," they had ONE date.

But I've said my piece, nuff said from me.

Emily, again happy you are moving on, there is a lesson somewhere to be learned from this.

Edited September 24, 2021 by poppyfields