MDT Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 I have a long distance girlfriend and it was her birthday recently so I sent her one of those Build-a-Bears (basically a fancy teddy bear). It was dressed up as her favorite Disney character so I thought she'd like it. It turned out that she didn't like the gift and told me she was disappointed because she expected me to put more thought into the gift. I had gotten one of them for my sister's birthday a couple years back and my GF's argument is that I should be getting her something more special than something I might get my sister. She said she felt badly when her friends asked her what I got her for her birthday and she had to tell them all she got was a bear. She said she would have liked to have gotten something that she could "brag to them about." She also happens to be coming down soon for our 1 year anniversary and I'm worried that whatever I get her/do for her won't be good enough. Any advice? I'm a graduate student and really broke so I can't afford anything too expensive. Thanks. MDT
impuls3 Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 ahaha screw her, build-a-bears are great gifts... and u did put alot of thought into it because you got her a present that represents her and her likes... thats pretty tough to do alot of the time... and as for being broke... those things are like $80 for a bear, tell her she needs to be appreciative of what you do for her. cheers and good luck
laRubiaBonita Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 are you kidding me? how old is she? if someone got me any type of stuffed animal....i would die. Ugh. i am not 10. give me a card if nothing else.
Outcast Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 She clearly hasn't learned the fine art of gratitude. You thought it would be a nice gift. Maybe you mistook her taste but you meant well - but rather than assuming that your gift was well-meaning, she complains. Sounds like a great gal, she does. She seems more interested in prestige than in you. Never a good sign, IMHO.
littlekitty Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 She seems more interested in prestige than in you. Never a good sign, IMHO. Agreed. Sounds like her priorities are wrong. She shouldn't just be bothered about whether she can brag about her gift to her mates.
HokeyReligions Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 IMHO anyone who measures a person by what they give them or can do for them isn't interested in the person and therefore not worth their time. My husband has given me some gifts that I didn't really want (or sometimes like) but I have never not appreciated them or not appreciated the effort he put into them. Don't allow yourself to feel like what you do for her might not be good enough. If she thinks that then let her go--- you are not right for each other.
Skeered Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 OMG I can't believe anyone could be that hateful...you put thought into something for her b-day..and I'm sorry it's the thought that counts...what was she expecting diamonds...this is ridiculous I would have said fine send it back and don't bother coming for our anniversary because there won't be one. I'm sorry that was a total insult to you and she held no regard for your feelings in the matter. She maybe needs to learn the art of being thoughtful before she starts telling others how to do it. I'm totally irked by this..some people need to be thankful that they have someone that even thinks of them at all...my ex forgot every b-day, christmas, anniversary (we had 10 years together) so if he got me anything before the actual date it could be a flower he picked in the yard I cherished it. I'm so sorry she was so hateful...
Art_Critic Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 I'm with everyone on this.. Nothing wrong with a build a bear ... It does take thought.. you have to pick out all the stuff and build your bear.. She was looking for something like jewelry..my guess ..She is selfish
HokeyReligions Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 I keep thinking about this and I wonder what her version would be? Maybe there is more history here than we know. I wish we could hear both sides of stories here.
CarmenIbanez Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 I'm not sure that both sides matter. I am trying to think of an instance that would warrant this kind of ungrateful and rude behavior? This is yet another example of women expecting men to read their minds and being constantly disappointed instead of just asking for what they want.
laRubiaBonita Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 This is yet another example of women expecting men to read their minds and being constantly disappointed instead of just asking for what they want. eww.....no. Not all women do this, only some of the ungreatful ones, and some younger ones.
whichwayisup Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 Her expectation level is probably set high. I'm agreeing with everybody else here, it's the thought that counts! My husband (like Hokey) has gotten me some "interesting" presents over the years, I know he loves me and he has put thought into it. Doesn't take much to please me and he knows this. When I was younger a guy I was dating gave me a necklace (fake plated gold, lol) that had my name spelt out on it. Really old fashioned lettering and all! OH god, I hated that thing, it was UGLY but he thought I would love it and took the time to find it! I had to wear it too ...
tanbark813 Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 For Christmas go buy some really fancy diamond bracelet. Then have a friend take a video of you returning the bracelet. Then send her the video as her present.
crazy_grl Posted October 20, 2005 Posted October 20, 2005 I can't believe your gf. One of her top priorities is that she can brag to her friends? wtf is that about? Give her what Tan suggested...
SuperMonk Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 She's no good bro, let her go. Besides she's long distance, like what she says matters, lol. Oh ladies, come on you are competitive little beasts - all of you brag and compare each other to see who'll top each other. You're worse than men.
kitkat826 Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 I have a feeling that because ya'll are long distance, she is placing extra importance on the gift thing. It's like a replacement for you. That being said, no matter how much one might be disappointed in your choice of gift, it is TACKY to be that rude about a present and claim that you want something you can "brag about". I wouldn't trust that level of shallowness.
Outcast Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 Oh ladies, come on you are competitive little beasts - all of you brag and compare each other to see who'll top each other. You're worse than men. Sometimes I think LoveShack should be renamed 'BogusMythsAboutWomenShack'
laRubiaBonita Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 Sometimes I think LoveShack should be renamed 'BogusMythsAboutWomenShack' Amen to that!
Mary3 Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 I think she sounds selfish and just wanted to brag about what you might have gotten her. I would not take to kindly to her lack of appreciation of your gift giving. Next year ( if there is one ) I would get her absolutely nothing and send her a birthday card and say something to the effect " Well you know I was soooooooooo awful last year so this year just my sentiments for you ". How long have you had this long distance relationship ?
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 What a sweetheart you are for even caring and worrying about your upcoming anniversary gift to her. I think if I were in your shoes, and that level of ungratefulness had been shown to me, I wouldn't really give a crap about the next gift I gave that person, (if there even was a next gift). Just the fact that you remembered her birthday should make her smile. I know it's easy for us to all pass judgement and say, "Leave her... she's not worth it..... how ungrateful.... blah, blah, blah" but in actuality you probably will not leave her over this, and so hopefully here's some advice you'll actually use. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you are hurt by her reaction to what you thought was a very thoughtful gift and see what she says. Perhaps you two can swap lists like my ex and I always did at Christmas. It takes the guess work out of it. I never really got romantic gifts (a Warren Kimble cutting board, cast iron dutch oven, a "Beware of Attack Rabbit" sign....) but they were all things I wanted and still enjoy to this day.
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