Would you go out with someone who ignored you on a dating sites earlier

[Alvi]

I wouldn't call it ghosting since we never actually met in person.

We texted for a few days back in April. I thought we were looking for the same thing and might have stuff in common but he never asked me out. And after few days, he ignored my text. A week or so later I sent him another text asking how he was doing. He claimed to be busy at work, renovating his place, blah, blah, blah. And yet, I saw, that he was on-line quite a bit. Anyway, I took a hint that he wasn't interested and so that was it. Till today.

He messaged me on a dating site. He claims not remembering us talking before. OK, whatever. Guessing he has way too many options.

We chatted for a bit and he asked me out this time.

I don't know what to tell him since he didn't find me all that, obviously, back in April. I know, nothing is real till you actually meet but is there a point meeting a person who casted you aside before? I really don't want to be a second best or for a guy to think that I am a second best option.

[Sun Seeker]

He never asked you out before because his attention was elsewhere on someone else. That didn't work out for whatever reason so now he's back. Whatever way you look at it, you are the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, who knows what choice.

Is it really that important though, especially with OLD? As it's literally impossible to pick everyone at the same time to go out with, so only one person can ever be 1st choice.

You two don't even really know each other. If you want to get to know him, go on the date.

[Alvi]

1 minute ago, Sun Seeker said:

You two don't even really know each other. If you want to get to know him, go on the date.

That's the thing. Back in April, I fell that there might've been some sort of a connection. Now, I am not so sure. I am not feeling it. Maybe because I felt like he let me down before. I know, it is silly since we never actually met. 

2 minutes ago, Sun Seeker said:

Is it really that important though, especially with OLD?

That's what he told me too actually.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

In life timing is everything. Circumstances are always changing.  So are feelings.  
If you can date him without baggage and attitude then do it.  If you are going to go with a “Feeling” then might as well not bother.  
I cannot say enough about being open and positive when dating.

[Maldives]

Nope

[Alpacalia]

I'm not sure which is worse: his bogus explanation of not remembering chatting to you or the likelihood that he doesn't remember you.

Still, you're both meeting and talking to new people.

Maybe because prospect number 3.295 did not materialize, he may have decided to approach you again.

Or, perhaps he got locked in the restroom while playing Candy Crush.

[glows]

I usually interpret it as the well drying and it happens. Don't take it personally. Unfortunately people do come out from the woodwork at odd times or rise from the dead, as I like to call it. He was being gracious asking you out on a date if you pointedly reminded him that he did not the first time around or ignored you. 

Why not meet if you are free to clear the air and have a few good laughs and go your separate ways if you are not feeling it? Try not to take things too seriously at this point as you hardly know one another. 

[Dis]

You were plan B, C, or D 

 

Now Plan A has run it's course so you're next in line

 

No I would not entertain this...I like to be someone's A game from the start 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, Alvi said:

but is there a point meeting a person who casted you aside before?

Nope, zero point. 

Don't waste your time with this. 

[Andy_K]

Responses here are way too harsh. It's ridiculous to expect to be someone's #1 choice just from messaging for a couple days, given that he might already have arranged a date or met with someone else in person at the time. Someone you've already made plans with is always a priority over someone you haven't. Someone you've met and had a good time with is always a better prospect than someone you haven't. That's still true even if you would've been the clear first choice had the tables been the other way around. If he's not multi-dating, then fading or ghosting at this point hardly means you were the 'plan B'.

TLDR - Get over your ego, if you haven't actually met and he faded after a couple days, it's more about timing/circumstance than it is about you.

Edited September 24, 2021 by Andy_K

[CalipsoRose]

Unless you can live with the fact that you were probably not the first choice and whoever was the first choice, he's no longer entertaining...personally I wouldn't.

If someone is really into you, it doesn't matter how busy or unavailable they are, truly. Because if the right one walks by you on the street and you're having a horrible day, or week, or year - arent you still going to say WOW and turn your head in his direction? Meaning, it doesn't really matter what the excuse is. What matters is the level of interest. Always.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Alvi said:

We chatted for a bit and he asked me out this time.

Are you interested in him?  Or just curious?

If you are still interested, a cup of coffee won't hurt. If you already have a bad feeling about this, then decline meeting.

[Blind-Sided]

He didn't "Ghost" you, because you didn't have a relationship.... AT ALL.   He was on a dating site... so he was probably dating someone.

Get over whatever you think may be wrong, and go out with him.  He may be the person of your dreams. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Absolutely go meet the person. 

Remember, the point of meeting someone is just to see how you feel and to start evaluating them and your connection with them.

Yes, he might have had other options or some other life happening that distracted him.

But forget about that. Your job is to get your numbers up--your number of meetings-dates up. That's the strategy of online dating.

Now, if you have a problem of attaching to people too quickly or too soon or without really being yourself, then that's a separate issue. (Lots of us have this issue--I've struggled with it.) But as long as you stay in your own skin and relax and see if there's chemistry and take things step by step--incrementally--your heart will be protected. Your goal on the date is NOT to impress him. Your goal is to relax and just be yourself--impress yourself if you want someone to impress. Your job is to evaluate him. 

You have no idea what happened with him and his life and memory. BTW you could look at this in a different way: that twice (let's assume he did forget the first contact) this guy has found you worthy of contacting. Go and remember that your goal is not to win him over--so if that doesn't happen you haven't been rejected. Your goal is to be enough of yourself such that you are not seeking anyone's approval. 

Dates are exploratory-information meetings. They are not job interviews where you are trying to impress a company to hire you. Dates are meetings where you are trying to see what kind of company this other person is and if this company is one that would really appreciate your personality and skills and way of being. Make sure you understand that you are evaluating him when you meet. 

 

 

Edited September 24, 2021 by Lotsgoingon

[Gaeta]

There is no such a thing of plan A, B , or Z. 

My ex was my 200 meeting, that would make him my plan ZZZZZZZ-7. I still fell in love for 5 years with him. 

It's just a meeting, go. 

[poppyfields]

I'm with the camp that says GO! 

>>When someone is really into you, it doesn't matter how busy or unavailable they are, truly. 

Ok but how "into her" should he be, they had never even met, and had only a few message exchanges?!

Alvi, I could understand the negative reaction had you actually met and had several dates and felt a mutual connection but again only a few message exchanges?

So what if he met someone else first and liked her (assuming that's the reason you haven't heard from him), there is no reason to take that personally.

In fact it shows that he's not the type to juggle women, have a rotation, he focuses on one at a time after he meets and likes a woman. 

Or would you rather he met you too and had you as part of his rotation?

Your ego is bruised because he met another woman first, and didn't cast her aside to capture you, having NEVER met you and texting for only a few days. 

That's an unreasonable expectation. That's ego.  That's entitlement. 

My advice is step back from all that BS, meet him and enjoy the possibilities!  

EDIT:  Or maybe there was no other woman or women, could be something else entirely - an illness, death in the family. Anything. 

 

Edited September 24, 2021 by poppyfields

[smackie9]

The internet IS all about options. There is such an over whelming amount of options on dating sites, the likelihood of anyone remembering you in a sea of faces/profiles is pretty small. Picker's can't be choosers. The guy messaged you, now just roll the dice.

Edited September 24, 2021 by smackie9

[Allupinnit]

This happened to me more than once.  

Only, I DID actually meet the man in person and 6 months later they would message me as if they had zero recollection of our date.  

I was so turned off by that - clearly I was unforgettable in the sea of women he was wading through online.

Look, you remember HIM without a doubt, right?  He didn't forget you.  Don't fall for that garbage.  Edit:  He also ignored your texts, so he WAS trying to send a hint back then.

Edited September 24, 2021 by Allupinnit

[poppyfields]

I think he DID remember her, he just didn't want to admit it cause then he'd have to explain why he stopped texting (he met someone else he liked first).  Which can be an awkward conversation.

Alvi, if you're uncomfortable about it, don't meet him, however with on line, before meet, it's best to take it all with a grain of salt, honestly.   

It's on line after all, people are talking and texting with many people (as they should be including you).

Had you had other options, talking to and meeting other guys, his disappearance would not have been such a disappointment, thus if/when he circled back later, you would be open to meeting him.

As I said, had you met in person and had a couple of dates, I could understand why him suddenly dropping off (ghosting) would be disheartening.  In that case, I would take a pass myself.

But you didn't meet, it was only a few message exchanges.  No investment at that point.

The ability to be flexible and open-minded is so important when dating, especially on line. I am and I don't experience any of the issues I read about here. 

I would meet him if I still had an interest.  If you no longer have interest that's fine, but don't NOT meet him because you feel slighted or insulted that he didn't choose you first. 

Again, that's your ego talking and a bit of entitlement imho.

Try to keep it all in proper perspective - you had never met, and had only a few message exchanges.  

Anyway, all the best whatever you decide.

 

 

 

Edited September 24, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alvi]

Thanks everybody for your input!

I am going out with him tomorrow for a coffee. After all, we all been someone's second, third or a fiftieth choice. Sometimes we may not even realize that. I am going to try to enjoy our meeting and will keep my eyes and ears open for any red flags. After all, a cup of coffee is not like a marriage proposal, lol. Kidding!

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

The ability to be flexible and open-minded is so important when dating, especially on line.

You are right about that. I am learning to be more flexible and open-minded. A year ago, I would say no to him, but I am keeping an open mind.

[ShyViolet]

You're way overthinking this.  He didn't "cast you aside", you had NEVER MET IN PERSON at the time.  Not replying to someone who you've been chatting with for a couple days, but have never met in person, really doesn't mean anything.  He didn't owe you anything at the time; you were strangers.

There's no reason why you can't give it a chance now and see if you actually have chemistry once you meet in person.

[Wiseman2]

54 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I am going out with him tomorrow for a coffee.

Excellent. Enjoy the meeting. It doesn't mean second choice, it means he ruled out a lot of women he didn't care for.

[spiderowl]

I think I would feel like you, OP, concerned that he didn't take it further earlier when we chatted.

I agree he probably got diverted onto someone else, but if he didn't reply to your message then that's different, that is ignoring and not respectful.

Personally, I don't think I'd give him a second chance.  He would have to be very convincingly interested in me for me to forget he dropped me online before.

[Alvi]

Update:

So we went out for a coffee. It was nice and relaxing. The convo flew well. The topic of him stopping messaging me in the April never came up. Or rather, I didn't bring it up. He asked to see me again at the end but didn't come up with anything yet. We exchanged few texts yesterday but he hasn't said anything about any further plans. Anyway, I'll see how it goes. I have a feeling that he and goes on dates with many different women. He is sort of a person who weights his options very carefully before committing into anything. Not that he shouldn't, lol. He is a very good looking guy with a good career, so I can't imagine him staying single for too long. But anyway, I am talking to him and have a date planned with another guy later on today.

[dramafreezone]

Why not?

When you're meeting someone on a site they have a life before you, with a bunch of moving parts.  Can you really take it personally if you're not the #1 priority?   You don't know what's going on in their life.

To me, feeling slighted or taking it personally before you've even talked or gone out isn't a good sign on your part.  Why not presuppose that he genuinely did not remember you, instead of thinking that he did something intentionally to offend you?  That's looking for the worst possible scenario, when you really don't know the truth.